UPJOKE
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My German sausage didn't come with a bun...

It was just the wurst.

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magi...

What did one hamburger bun say to the other hamburger bun?

Nothing. They had beef between them.

What kind of bun always goes to hell?

A cinnabun!

What's the difference between a riddle and an elephant sitting on a bun?

One is conundrum and the other is a bununderhim.

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

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Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

Why couldn't the hot dog impregnate the bun?

Too many condoments.

An Irishman and his son went to the zoo...

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”

The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.

“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”

The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...

A moment later the elephant farts and ...

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

My sister told me she just baked some synonym buns...

I replied “you mean, just like the ones grammar used to make?”

Got into a fight at Bunnings once

It was a close one, but I beat them by 10%.

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What do you call it when you put your meat between two buns?

A sandwich, you sick fuck.

Man Bun? or Douche Knot?

neither, it's a fairy tail.

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t Hang Solow

Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun?

They say it's rock and roll.

I was working in a bakery and fell onto a bun

I guess you could say I'm on a roll

What is the difference between a sausage in a bun and Pacman?

One's a hotdog and the other's a dot hog.

One day, Hot Dog Bun Boy came home from school...

His mother saw him come in looking pretty glum and asked, "What's the matter Hot Dog Bun Boy? Did something happen?"

Hot Dog Bun Boy replied, "I was in my history class and it's so frustrating that there are no lessons at all about Hot Dog Buns like us! It's so unfair!"

The mother cam...

An indecisive hot dog got a bun pregnant.

He didn't know what condoment

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

What do you call man in a hotdog bun?

An inbread.

I just put my hair in a bun.

It wasn't very nice, I think I'll try it with a croissant next time.

What do you call a brat without the bun?

The wurst

Mich grabbed his Meat. Sam grabbed her buns...

The made little sam'miches together. <3

Ketchup and rubber buns

DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".

KID: Gotcha.

DAD: what did you buy at the store?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What did you have for dinner?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What do you do when an ol...

I'm having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today

That's Hawaii roll.

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank

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There's a little-known legend about Attila the Hun...

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.


But his snake lost its a...

What did the bun say to the hot dog?

I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!

A guy goes into a luncheonette and orders a hamburger and a hot dog. A few minutes later, the waitress puts a plate in front of him with an open bun on it, pulls a hamburger out of her armpit, and tosses it on the bun.

The guy says, “What the hell was that all about?”
She says, “I was just keeping it warm for you.”
He says, “Cancel my hot dog.”

What do you call two burger buns that came out of the oven stuck to each other?

Sesamese twins.

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

Went to the zoo and one of the enclosures just had a load of burger buns on the floor.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner....

Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean...

Where do all the bad hamburger buns live?

In the seedy part of town

Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons?

They're made out of dill dough.

I had just stuck my wiener into some golden buns when I realized...

I forgot a condiment.

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

What do you call an antique comb used to make braids, buns, and Celtic knots passed from generation to generation

Hair loom.

I just saw an amazing episode of Bake-Off!

They went in with all buns glazing!

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.

It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

What does a baker says after cracking a wordplay joke?

Bun intended

My Grandad, who died in the war, could only be a chef due to his dyslexia.

He went out all buns glazing.

A tourist from France visits the US

He goes to his hotel's restaurant and orders a salad and a hot dog

The waiter first comes back with an enormous bowl. With a smile on his face, he tells the tourist "In America, everything is giant!"

The tourist manages to finish the salad. The waiter comes back again with the hot dog....

Why do anacondas like hamburgers?

Cause it got buns, hun

What do you call an angry rabbit in the desert?

A hot cross bun.

The Baker

I know a guy who's a baker in the army. He goes into battle all buns glazing.


Sorry sorry. Bad one.

TIL Severe Yeast Infections Can Lead to Pregnancy

You could end up with a bun in the oven!

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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.

A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks...

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A boy with a speech problem goes shopping.

(Sorry in advance for grammar mistakes)


There was a young boy with a speech problem, so he used to say words incorrectly.

One day, his mother asked him to go to the shops to get a bun, a bucket, and a cocker spaniel. So he went to the baker and says "Can I have a bum please?"
...

My friend and I just opened a bakery!

As an opening day special we added a sugary coating to all products at no extra charge.

We came out all buns glazing!

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I'm thinking of tattooing an X on each butt cheek.

That way I can have hot cross buns year round.

A man walked into the doctor's surgery

He had half a bun on his head, a sausage behind his ear, several pickles in his shirt and an ice cream cone on his foot.

The doctor took one look and said
"Im afraid you're not eating properly."

"Hey, can I try feeding your snake?"

"Sure. His bread is in the pantry."

"Your snake eats... Bread?"

"My anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, hun."

I bought a pet snake. He’s a very picky eater. Only eats burgers, hot dogs, and sloppy joes.

Apparently, my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon.

Hot dogs

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign for the special of the day: hot dogs -- regular, bun length, foot-long and colossal. "Give me two hot dogs," the guy tells the bartender. "How long do you want 'em?" the bartender asks. "Oh," the guy replies, "I thought I'd get to keep them."

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

I can't wait for the official jokes tournament this year.

It's going to be pun on a bun!

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat in seven year old buns.

How do you find Ronald McDonald in the nudist camp?

He’s the one with sesame seeds on his buns.

Swedish Moose Joke Translated by Google

PS: Read with strong Scandinavian accent for best effect.

&nbsp;

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"

"What?"

"You have a bun in your eye."...

snake joke

A guy wearing a snake walks up to a hot dog stand and asks for a hot dog for his snake.The woman running the stand says they don't have any buns so it just would be the meat.He says that sorry My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.

Have you heard of the robbery at the donut store?

I heard that the robbers left with buns glazing

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He just burst in there, buns glazing!

What does a hotdog call his wife?

Honey bun.

*As told buy my 7 year old.*

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

What do you call a Tom Cruise movie with a hamburger in it?

Top Bun.

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