An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magi...

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Cockerspaniel

An Iranian man moves to Canada. His English isn't the best but he gets by. He's feeling lonely so he goes to the pet store to buy a dog.

Guy: "I'd like to buy a cockandsmackit please"

Employee: "You mean a cockerspaniel?"

Guy:: "Ya that's what I said, a cockandsmackit"

He...

What do you call two hotdog buns from the same bakery?

-What do you call two hotdog buns from the same bakery?

-Breadthren

A Chef wanted to make some Filipino buns but could not figure it out

I guess he was not sia pao to make them

when I worked at Wendy's, the company insisted that whoever made the burgers must draw the mustard onto the bun as a "W"

but I would draw the mustard onto burgers as an "M" and no one ever found out.

Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West..........

............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.

A police officer was waiting for speeders at a speed trap.

Suddenly he saw a man coming down the road doing 80mph on a hamburger bun.

As the man blew past the police cruiser, the cop pulled out in pursuit with his lights flashing and siren blaring.

The man on the hamburger bun sped up to 90mph, so the cop floored it and pulled up along side ...

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What do you call it when you put your meat between two buns?

A sandwich, you sick fuck.

What do you call two burger buns that came out of the oven stuck to each other?

Sesamese twins.

An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery

As they are standing at the counter, the Englishman quietly picks up 3 buns stows them away in his pocket.

He turns slightly towards the Irishman, saying quietly, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The baker didn't even see me."

The Irishman scoffed back, "That's jus...

I Walk Into A Bar

I sit down and ask the bartender for a drink.

He gets me a drink and I drink it.

Then I pay him and walk out.

I then get in my car and drive to the supermarket.

I arrive at the supermarket and get out of my car.

I go up to the entrance and grab a shopping cart...

I can't wait for the official jokes tournament this year.

It's going to be pun on a bun!

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t Hang Solow

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The little known legend about Attila the Hun

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with him on every campaign.

But his snake lost its appet...

Is a hot dog a sandwich or a sub?

It’s just a hot dog. No bun intended.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat in seven year old buns.

Have you heard of the robbery at the donut store?

I heard that the robbers left with buns glazing

My sister told me she just baked some synonym buns...

I replied “you mean, just like the ones grammar used to make?”

I'm having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today...

That's Hawaii roll...

Why did the hamburger lose the race?

‘Cause he couldn’t carry his buns!

What do you call an antique comb used to make braids, buns, and Celtic knots passed from generation to generation

Hair loom.

A guy goes into a luncheonette and orders a hamburger and a hot dog. A few minutes later, the waitress puts a plate in front of him with an open bun on it, pulls a hamburger out of her armpit, and tosses it on the bun.

The guy says, “What the hell was that all about?”
She says, “I was just keeping it warm for you.”
He says, “Cancel my hot dog.”

My German sausage didn't come with a bun...

It was just the wurst.

Got into a fight at Bunnings once

It was a close one, but I beat them by 10%.

One day, Hot Dog Bun Boy came home from school...

His mother saw him come in looking pretty glum and asked, "What's the matter Hot Dog Bun Boy? Did something happen?"

Hot Dog Bun Boy replied, "I was in my history class and it's so frustrating that there are no lessons at all about Hot Dog Buns like us! It's so unfair!"

The mother cam...

Went to the zoo and one of the enclosures just had a load of burger buns on the floor.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

An indecisive hot dog got a bun pregnant.

He didn't know what condoment

Did you hear about the police seige at the donut factory robbery?

The bad guys came out with all buns glazing.

Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?

He just burst in there, buns glazing!

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Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

Mich grabbed his Meat. Sam grabbed her buns...

The made little sam'miches together. <3

(LONG) Man walks into bakery, picks out a few loaves of bread, then heads to check-out.

(been a while since I've seen this repost, bear with me)
The clerk is a healthy young lady, and she starts ringing him up. He's been wanting to branch out in his breakfast routine, and asks if she has any recommendations. She points to the top shelf behind her, and says that she really likes th...

Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun?

They say it's rock and roll.

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

I was working in a bakery and fell onto a bun

I guess you could say I'm on a roll

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A boy with a speech problem goes shopping.

(Sorry in advance for grammar mistakes)


There was a young boy with a speech problem, so he used to say words incorrectly.

One day, his mother asked him to go to the shops to get a bun, a bucket, and a cocker spaniel. So he went to the baker and says "Can I have a bum please?"
...

A burger selling shop had so little business that they were about to close.

The boss, however, suddenly came up with a bright idea in the middle of supervising the employees (especially needed because since there were no customers, the employees would look at their phones) and yelled, "EUREKA!""We'll set up a challenge!" he cried to the slightly bewildered employees. "Let's...

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

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What do female pornstars and burgers have in common?

Both have seed on their buns

Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?

His buns were toasted.

What do you call a brat without the bun?

The wurst

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank

Man Bun? or Douche Knot?

neither, it's a fairy tail.

I just put my hair in a bun.

It wasn't very nice, I think I'll try it with a croissant next time.

I baked a doglike bun for my girlfriend. She really wanted to know what kind of dog it was and if it had any fillings. I said:

"It's purebred bagel."

Did you hear they were making a McJackson burger for Michael Jackson

It a 50 year old piece of meat in a 12 year old bun

Ketchup and rubber buns

DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".

KID: Gotcha.

DAD: what did you buy at the store?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What did you have for dinner?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What do you do when an ol...

An Irishman and his son went to the zoo...

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”

The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.

“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”

The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...

A moment later the elephant farts and ...

Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons?

They're made out of dill dough.

A woman's hair keeps bobbing to the side.

So she sings "Carry on my wayward bun."

bah dmm tis

A traveller reaches a church

It's late at night and he almost collapses at the door. Exhausted, he knocks on the door and is let in by Sister Francine. The Sister calls the others to help and they bring the guy in. He has a heavy trunk that they keep to a side. The night passes and the traveller wakes up in the morning. He is t...

Where do all the bad hamburger buns live?

In the seedy part of town

I had just stuck my wiener into some golden buns when I realized...

I forgot a condiment.

A man was tired of working as a burger-flipper at McDonalds.

All day every day he made Big Macs. And in his head he would list off the ingredients; Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.

Over and over: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickle and onion, on a seasame seed bun.<...

My wife can't figure out why my pet anaconda won't eat Bratwurst a la cart

I told her that my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

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Only Australians and/or New Zealanders will get this joke

A large man walks into a bar and looks for a place to sit. Every stool and table is taken but at the end of the bar is a little man drinking a beer by himself. So, the big man walks up behind him and slaps him across the back of head and he falls to the floor.

The little man gets up rubbing h...

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Prisoners escape, end up at old ladies house... With a twist.

These 3 prisoners escape from jail and ran to the nearest house. They knock on a door and a sweet old lady walks out.

Lady: Hello

Prisoner 1: Lady please let us inside. PLEASE.

Prisoner 2: There are cops are outside searching for us.

Lady: Well ok, only on one condition.<...

My great grandad was a baker in the army during WW1

Apparently he went in all buns glazing

I bought a pet snake. He’s a very picky eater. Only eats burgers, hot dogs, and sloppy joes.

Apparently, my anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon.

What do you call a Tom Cruise movie with a hamburger in it?

Top Bun.

An Airbus is flying 30,000 feet in the air at 200,000 mph. Suddenly a eurofighter jet pulls up and slows down beside it and radioes it.

“Boring flight, huh, Airbus? Watch this!” The fighter proceeds to flip upside down and speed up, breaking the sound barrier before corkscrewing to skim the ocean, and coming up back beside the Airbus. “What’d you think?”

The Airbus pilot replies, “Not bad, but look at this.” The Airbus proce...

What does a hotdog call his wife?

Honey bun.

*As told buy my 7 year old.*

There was once an incorrigible punster.

No matter the situation her'd have a groaner ready. One day, served a simple dinner of buns and water, he quipped: "The bun is the lowest form of wheat."

His friends were so tired that they decided to come up with a situation that he could not turn into a pun. They took him to visit an orpha...

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A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.

A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks...

My Grandad, who died in the war, could only be a chef due to his dyslexia.

He went out all buns glazing.

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

The UK C.E.O of McDonald's has been fired

Putting his meat between the wrong buns apparently

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My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

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A man with a speech impediment is out and about...

Firstly, he enters a bakery and asks: "Can I buy this bum?", The baker says 'Uh, don't you mean bun?", He replies "Yes I'll have one of those please'

Secondly he goes to a carpentry store and asks: "Have you got a fuck-it?", the carpenter says "Do you mean a bucket?". "Yes I'll have one of t...

A man stepped out of his house to go for his afternoon walk when he noticed his neighbor had two black eyes...

"Whatn' hell happened to you Frank?"

"Well, I was in church last Sunday and I noticed a lady in front of me had her dress stuck up in her buns so being the gentleman I am I reached down and pulled the dress free and she turned around and hit me between the eyes"he replied.

The neighbor...

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A Mom brings her son to the doctor because of his diet

Mom: please help doctor. He’s such a picky eater!

Doctor: what are his favorite foods?

Mom: he only eats one thing: rump roast steak between two sesame buns

The doctor pauses to think then says, “Yes I’ve seen this before...sounds like Ass Burgers.”

A baker I know got rich by accident and now he’s rolling in dough.

No bun intended

The Bakery Boys robbed a stagecoach yesterday.

They came in buns glazing.

A buddhist monk goes to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

The vendor drops a kosher beef hot dog into a seed-covered bun and tops it with yellow mustard, chopped white onions, a dill pickle spear, tomato slices, relish, hot peppers, celery salt, and black pepper.

The monk hands over a $100 bill and takes the hot dog. The vendor takes the note and sm...

In the City of Loafington, there lived a superhero named Wonderbread.

Wonderbread was, predictably, a superhero with bread-themed powers. He could beat up a gang with a baguette, trap someone in a giant pita, or cushion someone's fall with swiftly-rising dough. He was beloved by all in the city, for his escapades had the lovely side-effect of feeding the entire city f...

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.

It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

What did the coffee maker say to the toaster?

You toast my buns, I’ll roast your beans

What did the thesaurus have for dessert?

A synonym bun.

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Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

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In town and all alone!!!

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday. She was lonely and a little depressed at her advancing age. So she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages”.


She looked through the phone bo...

A blind man enters a bakery

A blind man enters a bakery and orders fifty sesame seed buns, the baker starts putting them in a bag and asks the blind man ‘that’s a lot of bread, are you giving a party or something?’ ‘Oh no,’ replies the blind man, ‘I’m going on holiday, and I want to read them on the plane’

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