My girlfriend got fired today for putting her hair in a bun.

She's hoping to find another bakery to work in soon.

An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery.

The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."

The Irishman replied, "That's just simple thievery, I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same...

Mich grabbed his Meat. Sam grabbed her buns...

The made little sam'miches together. <3

I could really go for some synonym buns.

Just like the ones grammar used to make.

One day, Hot Dog Bun Boy came home from school...

His mother saw him come in looking pretty glum and asked, "What's the matter Hot Dog Bun Boy? Did something happen?"

Hot Dog Bun Boy replied, "I was in my history class and it's so frustrating that there are no lessons at all about Hot Dog Buns like us! It's so unfair!"

The mother cam...

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn’t Hang Solow

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

My German sausage didn't come with a bun...

It was just the wurst.

I'm having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today

That's Hawaii roll.

Went to the zoo and one of the enclosures just had a load of burger buns on the floor.

The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity

An indecisive hot dog got a bun pregnant.

He didn't know what condoment

Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun?

They say it's rock and roll.

What do you call a brat without the bun?

The wurst

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Australian sitting in a cafe, drinking coffee, eating bun with jam

American comes to cafe,sits down to the Australian and while chewing his gum asks:

"Do you, the Australians, eat all the slice of bread?"

"Of course", Australian response.

Smiling American blows gum bubble and says:

"We do not. In America, we eat only a soft portion of th...

Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?

There was bad beef between them

I was working in a bakery and fell onto a bun

I guess you could say I'm on a roll

I baked a doglike bun for my girlfriend. She really wanted to know what kind of dog it was and if it had any fillings. I said:

"It's purebred bagel."

My grandfather was a baker in the army...

...he went in all buns glazing.

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke.

It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

I just put my hair in a bun.

It wasn't very nice, I think I'll try it with a croissant next time.

Man Bun? or Douche Knot?

neither, it's a fairy tail.

Why are hot pickle buns so popular in polish women's prisons?

They're made out of dill dough.

Beautiful Buns

From my father.

So there was this man and woman whom had been married for many years and were still very much in love. Their anniversary was coming up and the wife wanted to do something very special for her husband and comes up with a wonderful gesture.

She goes to a tattoo parlor an...

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank

A rabbit enters a bakery ...

... "D'you had 100 pieces of buns?"
"No we don't have that many," answers the baker.

On the next day, the rabbit comes to the bakery again.
"D'you had 100 pieces of buns today?"
"I'm sorry, no, we still don't have that many," the baker says.

On the third day the baker is...

An Airbus is flying 30,000 feet in the air at 200,000 mph. Suddenly a eurofighter jet pulls up and slows down beside it and radioes it.

“Boring flight, huh, Airbus? Watch this!” The fighter proceeds to flip upside down and speed up, breaking the sound barrier before corkscrewing to skim the ocean, and coming up back beside the Airbus. “What’d you think?”

The Airbus pilot replies, “Not bad, but look at this.” The Airbus proce...

Where do all the bad hamburger buns live?

In the seedy part of town

Ketchup and rubber buns

DAD: "Ok, so after every question i ask you you must say ketchup and rubber buns".

KID: Gotcha.

DAD: what did you buy at the store?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What did you have for dinner?

KID: Ketchup and rubber buns.

DAD: What do you do when an ol...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In town and all alone!!!

Ethel checked into a motel on her 65th birthday. She was lonely and a little depressed at her advancing age. So she decided to risk an adventure. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages”.


She looked through the phone bo...

What do priests and McDonald’s hamburgers have in common?

They both put meat in between ten year old buns.

Attila's Legend.

There is a little known legend about Attila the hun.
It goes like this...Attila was known to be very fond of dangerous wild animals. He used to collect all these exotic animals that he came across in his conquests. His favorite was a big ferocious snake. He was so fond of it that he used to bring...

I had just stuck my wiener into some golden buns when I realized...

I forgot a condiment.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything”.

The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.

The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.

A gun then extends from the Buddhist’s chest and he asks...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A partially deaf kid and his mum

So, it’s a Saturday morning and this partially deaf kids mum asks him to go to the shops to pick up a some bread and a new clock and then he can stop by the stadium to pick up a football ticket for tomorrow’s game.

So off the kid heads to the bakery and being partially deaf he asks the baker ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I had a Freudian slip today...

We were at the dinner table, and what I *meant* to say was "Mom, will you please pass the hot cross buns?" But instead what came out was "You bitch, you ruined my life!"

Imagine the disappointment when if a wolf knew it's descendant would be a pug

That's how your grandpa feels when he sees your man bun

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lost In Translation

Jannik had just arrived to america and could only speaker German, but he was staying with a friend who was teaching him English. After a few days his friend feels he has learned enough and sends Jannik on some errands to test out his English. First Jannik goes to the bakery down the street and order...

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

Okay, so uh... This happened yesterday.

So I went to a pet store with a friend (he has a snake) and he just went to the cashier(we both know her-- her name is Hunnmi and she's this sweet Asian lady. We call her Hun for short.) and asked "Hey there you got any bunnies? I wanna feed 'em to my pet snake"
The cashier looked shocked and as...

A blind man enters a bakery

A blind man enters a bakery and orders fifty sesame seed buns, the baker starts putting them in a bag and asks the blind man ‘that’s a lot of bread, are you giving a party or something?’ ‘Oh no,’ replies the blind man, ‘I’m going on holiday, and I want to read them on the plane’

An aging hotel inspector was performing his final inspection on a luxury hotel before his retirement.

He had arrived at the joint the day before, and had already slept in a room to analyze how clean and comfortable they were. When he had woken up, he went into the bathroom to check its functionality and cleanliness, and continued on to the main dining hall after.

Upon arrival, he saw they we...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bill comes across a very attractive woman in his new apartment

He smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him.

As they talk, her robe slips open and it's quite obvious that she has nothing on under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Speech impediment

A guy with a speech impediment is walking down the street. He comes across a bakery and decides to go inside. He goes to the counter and says "Can I have a butt?" The woman says "A what?" A butt the man says again. "Ohh you mean a bun? The guy says ya ya just give me the butt and he walks out of the...

A woman walks into a Scottish man’s bakery.

She asks how much for bread buns.

“It’s £2 for six” replies the baker

The woman says: “It’s a lovely offer, but i think I’ll just buy some bread buns please.”

How can you tell Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?

He’s the one with the sesame seed buns.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man that couldn't speak properly goes to run some errands [long]

His first stop, the bakery. The man fronts up to the counter, and asks the owner, "may I have a bum, please."
Perplexed, the owner asks, "a bum, sir? Sorry, we don't sell those, but we do have buns."
"Yes, that is what I meant, sorry."

After completing his first transaction, the man wal...

A man goes into a restaurant with his pet snake.

He seats himself at a table, and his snake slithers up onto the seat next to him. Soon, a waitress comes to take his order.

The man declares, "I want 25 hamburgers- two for me and 23 for my pet snake here."

The waitress leaves, and 20 minutes later returns with two plates. On the man's...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man with a speech impediment has some errands to run,

He walks in the grocery store and asks the clerk, "Where are your butts?"

Clerk: "My what?"

Man: "You know, the things you put hot dogs in?"

Clerk: "Oh you mean buns! They're over here."

Next the man heads to the hardware store. He walks up to the clerk and says, "Where c...

Son: "Dad, what's the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian?"

Dad: "Usually a man bun."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Woman Walks Into a Tattoo Parlor…

She says to the tattoo artist "My husband's nickname for me is Butter Buns, so I want the letter 'B' to be tattooed on each of my butt cheeks"

Later that night, she strips and bends over for her husband to show him the tattoo.

“Look Honey, I got a new tattoo today!”

He says, “Bo...

Two guys go into a diner...

The waitress comes up and says, "What'll ya have."
The first man says, I'll have a hamburger.
The waitress lifts one arm, pulls a patty out of her armpit, lifts the arm and pulls a bun out of the other armpit.
She turns to the second guy, "What'll you have?"
The second guy says, "I was t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man with a speech impediment goes shopping...

First he goes to the bakers, "can I have a bum please?" he asks. "Do you mean a bun?" Says the baker. "Yes," the man replies, buys the bun and gets on his way...

Next he goes to the electrical store, "can I have a sucket please?" he asks. "Do you mean a socket?" Says the shop assistant. "...

Did you hear the one about the baker who dominated the pastry competition through determination and superior sugar content?

He went in all buns glazing.

A man goes to McDonalds and places an order.

"I'd like one hamburger and one chickenburger," he says.

The cashier looked confused and quickly asked, "Do you mean a McChicken?"

"It's basically the same as the hamburger in composition. A couple of buns, toppings, so ... it's a chickenburger." The man seemed sure of himself.
...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Is your father a baker?"

"Why, because I have hot buns?"


"No, because you're fat as fuck"

What’d you have for lunch?

Rubber buns and liquor.

What’d you have for dinner?
Rubber buns and liquor.

What’d do to your girlfriend?
Rubber buns and liquor.

2 Original depressed baker jokes

Did you hear about the depressed baker who threw himself into his own oven?
Colleagues said it was a final act of self-loafing.

Did you hear about the depressed baker who went on a killing spree?
Witnesses said he came out all buns glazing.

Subway is really upset about allegations concerning the meat in their subs...

They haven't been this worried about meat between buns since Jared was sentenced.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the amusement park

A drunken man approaches the shooting gallery and wants to have a go. Amazingly enough, he shoots a perfect score.
As it happends, the first prize is a pet turtle. The man recieves the turtle and wanders off.

Some time later, the same man returns, now even more drunk. Again, he shoots a p...

Why did hamburger go to the gym?

To get better buns.

snake joke

A guy wearing a snake walks up to a hot dog stand and asks for a hot dog for his snake.The woman running the stand says they don't have any buns so it just would be the meat.He says that sorry My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Speech Therapy Needed

Joe, who had a speech problem, went for a day out to the seaside.

First, he went to the clock shop.

Joe: "Can I have a cock please?"

Shopkeeper: "A what?"

Joe: "A cock. I want a cock."

Shopkeeper: "Oh! You mean CLOCK."

Joe: "Yes, cock."

And so Joe buy...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy with some cockroach-infested bread, an aptitude for puns, and a propensity for spoonerisms walks into a bar.

"I have the pest buns," he says to the barman.

How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of naked clowns?

The Sesame Seeds on his buns.

(According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)

A hot dog vendor's health inspection.

A health inspector's yearly job is to inspect the many hot dog vendors of NYC.

The inspector comes across one stand and observes for a few minutes the vendor's interaction with customers.

One customer asks "I'll have one hot dog with mustard and sauerkraut." The vendor replies "coming...

How do you smuggle a cheeseburger into prison?

Between 2 buns

Swedish Moose Joke Translated by Google

PS: Read with strong Scandinavian accent for best effect.

&nbsp;

There were two moose who were flying. Then it said one:

"You have a bun in your eye!"

"What?" Answered the other.

"You have a bun in the eye!"

"What?"

"You have a bun in your eye."...

I don't care where we eat!

It was close to 10:30am when most places stop serving breakfast that my wife decided she wanted some. As we're leaving I ask, "Where do you want to eat?". Her reply, as per the norm, was "I don't care, you pick." I replied sarcastically "Fine, it's about an hour away, but we can go to the strip club...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2 Men Are Walking Down The Street Late At Night...

The street is full of pubs on both side. One man turns to the other.

''You want to get a drink?''

''Yeah, sure. D'you have any money on you?'' He looks in his pocket for a bit, and takes out a £5 note.

''I've got this, but it won't be enough to get us drunk.''

''That's fi...

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