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2 Drunks and a Hotdog

One night two drunks were wandering the town trying to get drinks, but between the two of them, they only had a dollar and change. So the first drunk says, "Hey, I've got an idea - we put our money together and buy a hot dog."

The second drunk, looking at him puzzled, says, "W...

A man was eating a hotdog...

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all." the woman replied.

The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a...

Damn Girl, you should sell hotdogs.

Cause you make my Weiner stand.

One hotdog says to another, “You been to that German night club yet?”

“Nah, too krauted.”

How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?

He mustard up the courage.

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says,

"Make me one with everything."

I was eating a hotdog the other day and when I took a bite ketchup squirted in my eye.

Now I have heinzsight

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I dreamed that my friend Dietrich was shoving hotdogs up my ass

It was my wurst nightmare

How did the hotdog get the job despite having a criminal record?

It was a misde-wiener

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Blowjob and Hotdog

A man is on a long flight and halfway through, the pilot, not knowing the microphone is on, says “I could really use a hotdog and a blowjob right now” and then a female flight attendant is seen running to the cockpit to alert the pilot of his mistake. The man then yells “YOU FORGOT THE HOTDOG!”

On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hotdog.

She walks to the nearest hotdog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst. He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it, and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the...

Why are German hotdogs the most controversial?

It’s because they make the best and the wurst ones

What did the American hotdog say to the German hotdog?

you’re the wurst

An American brings a Chinese Man to a hotdog stand.

The American orders a hotdog and assures the Chinese Man that the food here is very good.

When the hotdog is served, the Chinese Man begins to look pale.

The American asks, “What’s wrong?”

The Chinese Man replies, “When we eat dogs, we typically remove this part of the body. No...

I take my time while putting toppings on my hotdogs.

I choose to relish the moment.

What does a hotdog call his wife?

Honey bun.

*As told buy my 7 year old.*

A hotdog and a hamburger walk into a bar..

The bartender immediately tells them "I'm sorry but we don't serve food here."

I go to the store and buy ten hotdogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas. If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?

No self control

Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hotdogs?

Because for them it's considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.

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Men think about sex every seven seconds...

That's why I eat my hotdog within seven seconds before it gets weird.

Some people hate hotdogs.

I relish them

I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest as a hotdog.

I'm on a roll.

What's the difference between a Yankee stadium hotdog and a Fenway park hotdog?

You can buy a Yankee stadium hotdog in October

Why do all hotdogs look alike?

Because they are in bread...

My girlfriend asked me if hotdogs were good for her diet

I replied, "They're not the wurst"

What do you call a saw that cuts hotdogs


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What do dung beatles like on their hotdogs?


A guy claims to have made a 20 lb hotdog

A butcher says “ah, that’s bologna”

Why did the family get lost on the way to the hotdog stand?

They took a turn for the wurst.

My local movie theater was robbed of almost $10,000

The thieves got away with three boxes of popcorn, two large sodas, three boxes of candy and a hotdog.

Did you hear about the incestuous hotdogs?

They say they're in bread.

What happens when you turn flying mammals into hotdogs?

Things go from bat to wurst

What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor?

"Make me one with everything."

Then the Zen Buddhist hands the hotdog vendor a twenty. The hotdog vendor takes the bill. "Where's my change?" says the Zen Buddhist.

The hotdog vendor says "Seek change within."

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[Dark] My coworker and I were comparing the uses of mustard.

Me: If you have a burn problem, put mustard on it

Her: If you have a cut problem, put mustard on it

Me: If you have a hotdog problem, put mustard on it

Her: If you have a Jew problem, put mustard on it

Other worker, to manager: She's talking about the gas

Manager: ...

Grandpa and Grandma are sitting on a bench in the park

they hear the jingle of the icecream salesman.

Grandma says : "I'd like some vanilla icecream."

Grandpa says: "Good idea, I'd also like some chocolate icecream".

Grandma stands up and says: "I'll go get some."

"You should write it, Grandma, you know your memory is not wha...

"Dad why did you and mom name my sister Rose?"

Dad: "because your mother loves Roses"

Son: "oh, ok, thanks Dad"

Dad: "No problem Costco Hotdog"

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

What's a Jew's favorite brand of hotdog?

Anne Frank's

why aren't hotdog ads allowed in nascar?

because no-one else would be able to ketchup

How does a ghost eat a hotdog?

By goblin it.


A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand.

And he says to the server "make me one with everything."
The guy obliges, and hands him a fully loaded hot dog.
The Buddhist pays with a twenty, and doesn't get any change back.
He asks the stand keeper for his change, and the man responds with "change comes from within".

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Foreigner buys a hotdog

A man from overseas comes for a vacation to the United States for the first time with his cousin. One day, while walking through the park they see a food cart with the word "Hotdogs" on the side. Since the man had never had a hotdog before, he decides to wait in line to buy one. When it's his turn t...

A Buddhist monk walks upto a hotdog stand and says...

"Make me one with everything."

Despite this being an overused statement, the vendor serves him a hotdog as he is a customer. When the monk asks if he has 27 cents, the vendor replies "Change comes from within."

The monk then pulls out a pistol from his robe and shoots the vendor. Aft...

Did you guys see the movie about the hotdog?

It was an Oscar Wiener

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Hotdogs made of monkeys

So there was this butcher, who had a machine that turns monkey into hotdogs he used to sell them as regular hotdogs and no one ever doubted it, but the man never make more than one monkey a day that was his secret .

One day the man went on a trip and left his son at his shop before he went he...

It's not a real hotdog without ketchup.

That's how my father describes menstruation.

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A taxi driver is driving a passenger

With radio blaring local news. The passenger asked the driver to turn down the radio. After minutes of no response, the passenger got impatient and tapped the driver’s shoulder.

Suddenly the taxi swerved to the left, narrowly missing a car and skidding uncontrollably towards a newsstand, and ...

I have an idea for a make-your-own hotdog place

It's called "What's the Wurst That Could Happen?"

Grilled some hotdogs and offered my friend one

He said, "No thanks, I'm Jewish."

I said, "Don't worry, they're free."

Computer! What's the difference between a human and a hotdog?

Beep boop boop... Processing...

Are you a 1950's vintage hotdog toy?

'Cause you make my weenie whistle

Man walks to library

He goes up to the librarian, : "can i have an hotdog?"
Librarian: "sorry sir but this is a library."
Man: "oh sorry!

"Says quietly": "can i have an hotdog?"

Sorry for bad english

Two dogs meet at a dog park

Very excitedly, the collie asks the poodle: "Heys. You wanna hear a joke? I just made this up at the hotdog stand waiting with my master.".

The poodle smiles: "Sure thing, shoot."

The collie smirks his eyes and proudly tells his joke: "How many dachshunds does it take to make a hotdog?...

At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a condom

She said "Frankly, I never sausage a small weiner."

I want to start a kosher hotdog company

And call it Anne Franks...

I like to name my hotdog "The Moment"... I can relish it

Father and his special daughter are driving back to her mom's.

Father drives past a sign "7/11"
Daughter yells with excitement "Hotdog! Ice-creams"
Father says " ok we can get a hotdog"
He stops at the 7/11 walks in with the daughter and she yells to the clerk " Toilet ! Hotdog ice cream!" They clerk quickly hands her the bathroom key as the father che...

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One day while at the farmers market a man came upon a cart with a sign that read “Magic Apples”

He asked the farmer what could possibly be magic about apples. The farmer handed him a fruit and said try it. After taking a bite the man said to the farmer, “It’s a fine apple, but still just an apple.” To which the farmer replied “Turn it over”. The man turned the apple over, took another bite, an...

It's stupid when girls say they can't find a guy, yet they ignore me.

It's like saying you're hungry when there's a hotdog on the ground outside.

What type of dogs are inbred?


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Translated joke from a south Asian language.

I tried my best. I'm pulling this from memory. Changed a lot of stuff, and added a buttload of new things to make this seem as normal as possible. Enjoy!

> The cops arrest a truck driver for running over 50 people. They take him to the interrogation room and start questioning him. After a ...

What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hotdog?

he relished it

A man walks into a bar...

A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said:

cheeseburgers 3$

hotdogs 5$

handjobs 10$

He goes to the bar and asks the lady "are you the one that gives handjobs" and she said yes, then he replied "well wash your hands I want a cheeseburger

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

A man walks into a bar, and begins reading the menu overhead the smoking hot bartender.

The sign reads as follows:

* Nachos $4

* Hamburger $3

* Hotdog $2

* Grilled Chicken Sandwich $3

* Grilled Cheese $2

* Fries, Onion Rings, and Tater Tots $1.50

* Handjob $10

After he looks over the menu for a mome...

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

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The Mysterious Bottle of Ketchup

A man wants to throw a party, so he heads into a grocery store looking for supplies. He grabs a shopping cart and combs through the aisles, grabbing everything he could possibly need for the party.

He's about to head out and he does a final mental check of the things he needs. He realises he...

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301 day without sex:

I will not eat hotdogs in public for now.

"Did you just say something?"

"Uhhh nope?"

"Really? I could swear you just asked me if I wanted a hotdog."

"No I didn't."

"Good, because I'm vegan."

Three builders are eating lunch on a building they’re working on

It’s about 7 stories up and they’re dangling their feet on the end of the building. The first builder opens his lunch box and sees a tuna sandwich. He said that if his wife packs him a tuna sandwich one more time he’ll jump off the building. The second building opens his lunch box and sees a hotdog....

The thermos. [Long]

A guy (MAN A) walks into a diner, sits down, and pulls a thermos from his backpack. Across the room, a man at the counter, (MAN B) noticed the man.

MAN B: "Hey you! What you got there?"

MAN A: "It's called a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold!"

MAN B: "Wow! I...

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