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Rated Jokes

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

Why was the Jazz movie rated R

Too much sax and violins

I saw an R-rated movie with no blood, no nudity and no profanity

It was a little overrated

If we rated Subreddits on eco friendliness, r/jokes would be the cleanest

Because around 99% of the content is recycled

Movie ratings are an indication of who gets the girl

* Rated G - the prince gets the girl.
* Rated PG - the hero gets the girl.
* Rated R - the villain gets the girl.
* Rated X - everyone gets the girl!

I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

'Arrr' rated

Some women say that girth is more important than length but you've never heard of 'Girth John Silver' have you?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”
...

Haven't seen the new Star Wars yet...

But everybody posting spoilers about how Princess Leia dies

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Did you know that Flemish people are consistently rated as highly attractive, but have a low average IQ?

Stupid sexy Flanders.

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hospital administrator, an inspector and a few other important people were touring the local hospital to see how it rated compared with others in the state.

### So far they'd been very impressed with the hospital, especially the bedside manner of the staff.

They approached a patient's room, and the curious inspector looked inside. He found a patient jacking off on the bed.


"What the hell is this?" she yelled.


The doct...

If I rated my love for you from 1-10 it’d be pi

Because it is both infinite, and not that much.

New jokes on this sub are often rated at the square root of -100

They would be a 10, but new jokes here are imaginary.

What's the name of the X-rated photography site for fisherman?

OnlyFins.

leather quality ratings

Leather is “rated” based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated “A”. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically D Hide-Rated.

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A girl asked me to rate her ass. Instead, I rated her intelligence.

I rated her ass a 9.

Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.

... i can find the door out.

What do you call a music game rated for everyone?

E minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why a Merc is among the top rated cars

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of Irish countryside.
Pump attendant who knows absolutely nothin abt golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says ...

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Birth of a Candy Bar! rated XXX and NSFW

One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT o' HONEY, so he took MARY JANE back behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. That was pure ALMOND JOY!! It made his TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out some SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICY FRUIT and caused a MILK...

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A psychology teacher is giving a lecture at a college about how sexual frequency is over rated...

The teacher goes on to exclaim the frequency of couples have sexual relations varies from person to person. He decides to take a short poll to prove his point. He asks, "How many of you have relations each day?" One-quarter of the students raise their hand. Okay, "Now how many of you have relations ...

What’s the worst rated US State on yelp?

The Lone Star State.

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X-Rated Cinderella

You all know the story, Cinderella makes a deal with the Fairy Godmother to go out to the ball, but this time, at midnight, its her downstairs that turns into a pumpkin.

So away she goes to find her Prince, while the Fairy Godmother sits at home waiting.

12 o'clock rolls around, and th...

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!

Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r

It contains Saxon violence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the top rated comment on r/jokes

A shitty pun

Why was the musical R-rated?

Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

they say penis size is related to shoe size...

that makes the fear of clowns even worse.

**Edit** Ten hours in, this is my highest rated post ever! happy I found a place where im appreciated. ill come back with more material! :D

Trump asks his aides how the press has rated his performance yesterday..

His assistant opens the newspaper to a headline:
A complete ****show!
- four stars, mr. President!

If your mother was a video game she would be rated E

Because she has a great personality and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with her.

A guy was arrested for downloading a poorly rated movie.

It had only a rating of 3.14 on IMDB. But then again, it is illegal to download a pie-rated movie.

Ps: not my joke. Heard it today.

I rated that girl a 10

on the pH scale because she looked pretty basic.

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Why was the Pedophile's movie rated PG-13?

It only had minor nudity.

Why is the new Zork game rated M for mature??

I guess it's too grue-some.

Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10?

It was a pi-rate ship

I've come to the realisation that tofu is over rated-

It's just a curd to me.

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Emotion Party (rated M for mature themes)

Jim wanted to spice things up for his 25th birthday party and decided that it should be an Emotion Party. He instructed his guests to come dressed as an emotion.

The first guest to arrive was dressed in green and snarled at Jim.

"I've come as Envy!" the guest declared.

The sec...

How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm...? (Rated G)

Look for fresh prints...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Need a good PG rated joke for a class...anybody have one?

I've been scouring the posts on here but a lot of them are highly sexual/not appropriate.

Have to give a joke for my Toastmasters class. Ideas?

Netflix has devised the perfect way to stop the distribution of pirated movies

They now block all movies with an IMDB rating of 3.14 ;)

Pi-rated .. sorry ;)

Went to see a movie last night which had an overall rating of 3.14

It was pirated.

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