I saw an R-rated movie with no blood, no nudity and no profanity

It was a little overrated

If I rated my love for you from 1-10 itโ€™d be pi

Because it is both infinite, and not that much.

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother..

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex The first guy starts, โ€œY'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!โ€

Second guy fires back, โ€œOh yeah? Well Iโ€™m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour Iโ€™m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.โ€

La...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A girl asked me to rate her ass. Instead, I rated her intelligence.

I rated her ass a 9.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A hospital administrator, an inspector and a few other important people were touring the local hospital to see how it rated compared with others in the state.

### So far they'd been very impressed with the hospital, especially the bedside manner of the staff.

They approached a patient's room, and the curious inspector looked inside. He found a patient jacking off on the bed.


"What the hell is this?" she yelled.


The doct...

What's the name of the X-rated photography site for fisherman?

OnlyFins.

What do you call a music game rated for everyone?

E minor.

Why is it so difficult to remodel x-rated theaters?

All the walls are load-bearing.

Why is the movie about the early Germanic people rated r

It contains Saxon violence.

Why don't pirates ever take their kids to see movies?

Because they are all rated ARRRRR

My friends asked me where they could get a decent coffee table and I said I could make one for them for $500. They were delighted and agreed to it. But when I eventually got it to them, they seemed really ungrateful.

I have no idea why, it was fantastic. It rated 100 different types of coffee from 1 -10 and was one of the best spreadsheets Iโ€™ve ever made.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Family Planning

In 1983, China launched an extensive 12 month program that was carefully designed to teach the fundamentals of birth control to the rural populace. Doctors and nurses were televised demonstrating the use of condoms and birth control pills.
The people were encouraged to faithfully practice thes...

I walked into the fanciest, most highly-rated Glory Hole on yelp, but was quite disappointed

Place was a real hole in the wall

Whatโ€™s the worst rated US State on yelp?

The Lone Star State.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Birth of a Candy Bar! rated XXX and NSFW

One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT o' HONEY, so he took MARY JANE back behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. That was pure ALMOND JOY!! It made his TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out some SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICY FRUIT and caused a MILK...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why a Merc is among the top rated cars

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of Irish countryside.
Pump attendant who knows absolutely nothin abt golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says ...

Why was the Jazz movie rated R

Too much sax and violins

When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.

I mean I've played GTA 5 before.

I went online and rated our Solar System

Gave it one star.

I was rated "number 1 most likely to not murder you in a cabin in a forest" in highschool.

I know, kind of a weird thing to be rated for but you won't find someone who disagrees.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do you call the top rated comment on r/jokes

A shitty pun

Trump asks his aides how the press has rated his performance yesterday..

His assistant opens the newspaper to a headline:
A complete ****show!
- four stars, mr. President!

Harry Potter movies should be rated R for the huge amount of cursing.

... i can find the door out.

Osama bin Laden rated America.

He gave us a 9/11.

If your mother was a video game she would be rated E

Because she has a great personality and I can't imagine anyone not wanting to be friends with her.

Why should people under 18 never drink soda?

Because they're A-rated beverages

(Aerated)

I just got sent down to the stores for 10 metres of electrical wire, 6A rated, five cores (red, blue, yellow, black and earth).

Weird flex, but OK.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

X-Rated Cinderella

You all know the story, Cinderella makes a deal with the Fairy Godmother to go out to the ball, but this time, at midnight, its her downstairs that turns into a pumpkin.

So away she goes to find her Prince, while the Fairy Godmother sits at home waiting.

12 o'clock rolls around, and th...

A guy was arrested for downloading a poorly rated movie.

It had only a rating of 3.14 on IMDB. But then again, it is illegal to download a pie-rated movie.

Ps: not my joke. Heard it today.

Why was the musical R-rated?

Because there was lots of Sax and Violins.

Today I was rated a 2 in binary!

Because I am 1 0

:(

Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10?

It was a pi-rate ship

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