Unemployment Jokes

But they never work

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

Unfortunately, none of them work.

Because of all of the women quitting their 'Jabs

Yeah, it needs a little work.

Two guys waiting in the unemployment line worked side by side in the factory for 17 years before it closed down.

First guy up to the window doesn’t speak good English.

The Clerk asks, “What was your occupation?”

Man: “Dieselfitter”

Clerk: (looks in book) “ok that’s $795... read more

It's just not working for me.

They ask the first one what he does and he tells them “pilot”. They tell him they can get him a job immediately. They ask second cousin and he’s says “woodcutter” they tell him it may be difficult to place him because its not really a specialty. “Well you said you could get my cousin a job right awa... read more

"I need a job." He said, in perfect English.

Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?"

"If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"

But none of them work.

Ole and Sven were just laid off from the lingerie factory so they went to the unemployment office to collect their checks.

Ole goes up and rings the bell. The lady asks, "What can I do for you?"
Ole replied, "I vas just laid off from vork and I vant to collect my unemployment"
Lady - "W... read more

Everyone was home last year.

But.. they don’t work.

When asked his occupation,

Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..'


The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him £80 a week unemployment pay.


Mick w... read more

A few days later the lady from the office calls the painter and apologizes deeply for the mistake.

"What mistake?"

"I'm so sorry, instead of a painter we sent you a gynecologist. Please just let him go, we send you a..."

"Let him go? You nuts, he's my best worker! At the last jo... read more

Jah bless.

An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver put them on another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for work."

The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for w... read more

He says to the unemployment worker: "I would like a job where I just sit at a desk and tell people they can't do the things they want yo do."

The unemployment worker answers: "Sorry sir, but that kind of job doesn't exist."

"Yes! It's your job that I want."

but they just don't work.