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Prices Jokes

Gas prices are so high...

That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..

Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.

Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.



I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15.

She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laug...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch your...

Why are balloon prices up?

Inflation.

I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices

and blame the cost of living

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

Gas prices!

They say cocaine is a rich man's drug. I'm waiting to see people in business suits on the corner with a rag and a can of gasoline.

Gas prices are getting ridiculous

I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full.

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,

why isn't anything in the store free yet?

Unexpected Resort Prices

1 = Husband 2 = Cashier

A couple went for their 10th anniversary, went to a luxurious resort for 3 days.

On the last day the couple went to checkout, and found out they were charged 18.000 dollars.

1) Wait, since when we were charged 18000?
2) The suite you chose costs 30...

"Why are gas prices going up?" asked the minister.

"It appears the market's inflated" his advisor responded.

It's so frustrating that Costco has the best prices on funeral plans.

The service is great and all, but I don't need 3 caskets!

If food prices keep rising

The five second rule will be replaced by the “ not fuzzy yet” rule.

Prices of video streaming services annually has now been concluded..

Netflix: £71.99
Prime Video: £79.99
Disney+: £59.99
University: £9200

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 19 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

Gas prices got so expensive that…

Tom Brady had to come out of retirement

Why are gas prices getting higher?

It still tastes the same to me.

I told my taylor his prices were outrageous

He told me to suit myself.

How much does Putin want oil prices to be capped?

Well his closest advisors say he needs this like he needs a hole in the head....

What do Europeans facing high gas prices and Russian men have in common?

They both fear a draft

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the prostitute who liked to haggle over her prices?

Customers are encouraged to dicker.

As a result of rising gas prices...

kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.

A gorilla visits a pub and orders a pint of beer. 'That'll be £7.00' says the barman

The gorilla pays and the barman says 'We don't get many gorillas in the pub' the gorilla replies ' I'm not surprised at these prices'

Apple really is the most futuristic company out there

They have already adjusted their prices for the next 50 years of inflation!

Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump

You could call it the car owner virus

Because gas prices are so high I invented a car powered by talking.

However, being a man of few words, I quickly got tired of talking in order to get anywhere so I modified the car to run on thoughts alone. I'm very happy with the results because, well, it goes without saying.

Yea gas prices are going up but there’s still one thing that goes down every day

Yo mama

Gas prices are so high these days I used vodka in my lawnmower,

... now my grass is half cut.

90's kids won't get this 😂😂

Affordable housing prices

I had a go at my local Chinese the other day, as they keep putting their prices up.

They said it was because their electricity bill was 10 grand a month. I said they should turn off some of their lights then. They said they can't turn them all off, but they do dim sum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls his friend

Tells him, hey man! I opened my own business. Its a brothel. You should come by! Were having specials now as the business is newly opened!

\-Oh yeah? What prices do you offer?

Well, we're having a special on Anal, thats $100, BJs are also on sale, for only $20.

\-Wow, those pric...

Did you hear about the Irish car prices?

They're Dublin

A man goes into a restaurant. He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them.

He asks the waiter, “How much is the Fettuccine Alfredo?”

The waiter says, “A penny.”

The man exclaims, “A penny? How much for a steak?”

The waiter says, “A nickel.” The man is astonished.

“Are you serious? Where’s the man who owns this place? I’d like to shake his hand!”...

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man reads the prices during his first visit to a brothel

20 bucks for a hand job, 40 for a blow job, 120 for intercourse. Everything makes sense until he reaches the end of the list. He asks the proprietor why double penetration is only $20.

“Oh, well because they say one in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Prices are going up

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, “They are going to raise the price so, I’m stocking up.”

The other woman replied, “I’d never go to such extremes to save money. I’m not that tight.”

With gas prices on the rise, I went to the gas station and asked for $5 worth of gas...

The attendant farted and gave me a receipt.

With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre

...it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead

Airline Prices

Airline prices are getting out of control, soon they will start charging for emotional baggage. "Where did he touch you as a kid? that will be an extra $50."

Disneyland prices are now well over $100 a person.

maybe now they'll buy Donald Duck some pants.

Sled prices are too damn high

but you can find a good deal if you're willing toboggan.

The high prices in the stores are like a cheap circumcision...

A rip-off

60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...

Coronavirus for president!

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to los...

Medical prices these days are ridiculous

Why, something as simple as an amputation costs an arm and a leg.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard that the stock prices of fertilizer companies around the world started dropping about two months ago.

Apparently it has something to do with donald trump becoming the world‘s leading supplier of bullshit.

Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices...

Now I get less bang for my buck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Prostitutes prices have gotten much cheaper

You get more bang for your buck

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that the prices of tampons have gone down recently?

Yeah, no strings attached!

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

I’m getting totally fed up with people whinging about the prices of things.

£1.25 for a Tea, £1.75 for a Coffee, £2 for a slice of cake and £2.50 for car parking.

Any more complaints and I will stop inviting people round to my house.

Did you know that United Airlines has the cheapest prices!

Therefore, their prices are unbeatable!!!!!!..... but their customers aren't.

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