UPJOKE
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Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.

Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.



I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.

I had a go at my local Chinese the other day, as they keep putting their prices up.

They said it was because their electricity bill was 10 grand a month. I said they should turn off some of their lights then. They said they can't turn them all off, but they do dim sum.

If food prices keep rising

The five second rule will be replaced by the “ not fuzzy yet” rule.

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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parr...

Gas prices are so high...

That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..

I told my taylor his prices were outrageous

He told me to suit myself.

Because gas prices are so high I invented a car powered by talking.

However, being a man of few words, I quickly got tired of talking in order to get anywhere so I modified the car to run on thoughts alone. I'm very happy with the results because, well, it goes without saying.

Yea gas prices are going up but there’s still one thing that goes down every day

Yo mama

A gorilla visits a pub and orders a pint of beer. 'That'll be £7.00' says the barman

The gorilla pays and the barman says 'We don't get many gorillas in the pub' the gorilla replies ' I'm not surprised at these prices'

As a result of rising gas prices...

kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.

Gas prices are so high these days I used vodka in my lawnmower,

... now my grass is half cut.

Gas prices are getting ridiculous

I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full.

Gas prices got so expensive that…

Tom Brady had to come out of retirement

Why are gas prices getting higher?

It still tastes the same to me.

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A man calls his friend

Tells him, hey man! I opened my own business. Its a brothel. You should come by! Were having specials now as the business is newly opened!

\-Oh yeah? What prices do you offer?

Well, we're having a special on Anal, thats $100, BJs are also on sale, for only $20.

\-Wow, those pric...

Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump

You could call it the car owner virus

A young Blonde was on vacation in Louisiana She wanted a pair of real alligator shoes in the worst way, but she didn't want to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yoursel...

With gas prices on the rise, I went to the gas station and asked for $5 worth of gas...

The attendant farted and gave me a receipt.

A man's broken fence

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it.

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be...

Unexpected Resort Prices

1 = Husband 2 = Cashier

A couple went for their 10th anniversary, went to a luxurious resort for 3 days.

On the last day the couple went to checkout, and found out they were charged 18.000 dollars.

1) Wait, since when we were charged 18000?
2) The suite you chose costs 30...

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The Japanese Banking Sector is crashing!

Employees at the Karate Bank are for the chop.

The Bonsai Bank has had to cut some branches.

The Karaoke Bank is going for a song.

The Sumo Bank had to trim the fat.

Employees at the Sushi Bank are getting a raw deal.

Prices at the Samurai Bank have been slashed....

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

a hole in the street

There's a big hole in a street that caused so many accidents and a lot of deaths; the mayor held a meeting with the most intelligent people of the neighborhood to discuss solutions for this problem

the first suggests putting an ambulance next to the hole, so whenever an accident hap...

Ayy girl, are you a gas station?

Because your prices went up significantly within the last few months

A 10 year old girl opens a lemonade stand and sells at such low prices her competition can’t keep up, and is forced to close down.

Maybe it would have helped if there were a punch line..

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 19 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

A man needs a cake for his daughter's birthday.

He's not the richest of men, which puts the nicer cake shops out of the question. However, he's confident that he can figure something out.

Down the road from where he lives, an old Buddhist man owns a pastry store. He's a kind man, with reasonable prices and a perpetual smile on his face. Ho...

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Flash Sale!

With gas prices being so high, and inflation rising at such an alarming rate, I have no choice but to shamefully sell my nudes.

$1 to receive one
$50 to NOT receive one

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

Expensive Beer

I heard this one about high prices and scarcity from a European friend (I'm American BTW) ...



A fellow goes into a pub and says to the bartender, "One beer please."

The barman replies, "100 euro"

"Wow!" the man says.  "Why is it so expensive?  It was 10 euro before.“
...

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

Help: best man opener

Context groom and bride are smart with money, please let me know if anything i can add to make it funnier or even if this isnt funny at all


“I would first like to thank everyone for taking time out of their busy schedules to be here. After two long years of waiting, i would like to firs...

Did you hear about the Irish car prices?

They're Dublin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man reads the prices during his first visit to a brothel

20 bucks for a hand job, 40 for a blow job, 120 for intercourse. Everything makes sense until he reaches the end of the list. He asks the proprietor why double penetration is only $20.

“Oh, well because they say one in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

A man goes into a restaurant. He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them.

He asks the waiter, “How much is the Fettuccine Alfredo?”

The waiter says, “A penny.”

The man exclaims, “A penny? How much for a steak?”

The waiter says, “A nickel.” The man is astonished.

“Are you serious? Where’s the man who owns this place? I’d like to shake his hand!”...

A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini.

“You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often,” the bartender remarks.

The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

Things are pretty bad right now

Van Diesel was forced to change his name to Van Electric due to increasing gas prices.

I asked an Indian restaurant if they gave volume discounts for large catering orders

They said their prices are naan negotiable.

60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...

Coronavirus for president!

A kleptomaniac walks into a bar

a kleptomaniac walks into a bar and orders 5 martinis. "Five is an awful lot," the bartender remarks. "Yes," the klepto agrees, "but at these prices they're a steal."

A bear walks into a 7/11 He gets a 12 pack and walks up to the clerk and says "I'll take these."

The clerk is stunned, so he heads to the back to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a bear asking for a beer." The owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then sell it to him, but charge him double. Bears don't know the price of beer." So the clerk heads back out front and sell...

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,

why isn't anything in the store free yet?

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