UPJOKE
costvaluecommoditymonetary valuevaluationpremiumworthoverpricegoodproductservicecurrencyassessmentdamagetoll

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap?

"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.

When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.

When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.

When the dad gets home the parr...

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch your...

Looks like NFT prices have hit rock bottom.

Get your monkey for nothin' and your chimps for free.



I want my, I want my, I want my NFT.
AI Image Generator

Gas prices are so high...

That even the coronavirus stopped traveling..

My parents used to tell me that drug dealers would offer me free drugs until i got addicted to them, then they would charge me extremly high prices for it once i got addicted.

Looking at games in the App Store, I think all those drug dealers turned to game developers.

I don't understand how cemeteries can raise their prices

and blame the cost of living

It's so frustrating that Costco has the best prices on funeral plans.

The service is great and all, but I don't need 3 caskets!

A man goes into a restaurant. He has a seat at a booth and opens a menu to find out that none of the foods have prices next to them.

He asks the waiter, “How much is the Fettuccine Alfredo?”

The waiter says, “A penny.”

The man exclaims, “A penny? How much for a steak?”

The waiter says, “A nickel.” The man is astonished.

“Are you serious? Where’s the man who owns this place? I’d like to shake his hand!”...

Prices of video streaming services annually has now been concluded..

Netflix: £71.99
Prime Video: £79.99
Disney+: £59.99
University: £9200

What do Europeans facing high gas prices and Russian men have in common?

They both fear a draft

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the prostitute who liked to haggle over her prices?

Customers are encouraged to dicker.

Yea gas prices are going up but there’s still one thing that goes down every day

Yo mama

How much does Putin want oil prices to be capped?

Well his closest advisors say he needs this like he needs a hole in the head....

I had a go at my local Chinese the other day, as they keep putting their prices up.

They said it was because their electricity bill was 10 grand a month. I said they should turn off some of their lights then. They said they can't turn them all off, but they do dim sum.

I told my taylor his prices were outrageous

He told me to suit myself.

Gas prices are getting ridiculous

I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full.

Gas prices!

They say cocaine is a rich man's drug. I'm waiting to see people in business suits on the corner with a rag and a can of gasoline.

If food prices keep rising

The five second rule will be replaced by the “ not fuzzy yet” rule.

Unexpected Resort Prices

1 = Husband 2 = Cashier

A couple went for their 10th anniversary, went to a luxurious resort for 3 days.

On the last day the couple went to checkout, and found out they were charged 18.000 dollars.

1) Wait, since when we were charged 18000?
2) The suite you chose costs 30...

Because gas prices are so high I invented a car powered by talking.

However, being a man of few words, I quickly got tired of talking in order to get anywhere so I modified the car to run on thoughts alone. I'm very happy with the results because, well, it goes without saying.

Gas prices got so expensive that…

Tom Brady had to come out of retirement

Why are gas prices getting higher?

It still tastes the same to me.

Gas prices are so high these days I used vodka in my lawnmower,

... now my grass is half cut.

As a result of rising gas prices...

kidnap victims will no longer be taken to a second location.

call me crazy, but i think it is possible for a Democratic president who spent his first term setting records for high inflation, gas prices and low approval ratings to win a second term in office

Jimmy Carter 2024

Feeling sick over increasing gas prices at the pump

You could call it the car owner virus

With gas prices on the rise, I went to the gas station and asked for $5 worth of gas...

The attendant farted and gave me a receipt.

The guys on the beach are charging such high prices for their shells

It’s Unconchinable

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man reads the prices during his first visit to a brothel

20 bucks for a hand job, 40 for a blow job, 120 for intercourse. Everything makes sense until he reaches the end of the list. He asks the proprietor why double penetration is only $20.

“Oh, well because they say one in the hand is worth two in the bush.”

Did you hear about the Irish car prices?

They're Dublin

A gorilla visits a pub and orders a pint of beer. 'That'll be £7.00' says the barman

The gorilla pays and the barman says 'We don't get many gorillas in the pub' the gorilla replies ' I'm not surprised at these prices'

60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...

Coronavirus for president!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,

why isn't anything in the store free yet?

A wealthy, but stingy father was trying to put a birthday party together for his 18 y/o daughter.

He wanted the party to be extravagant, but wanted to spend as little money as possible. He had finished all of the other decorations, and he was left to work on the cake.

"Why not get it ordered from an upscale bakery?" his wife said.

So the father visited a ton of different bakeries a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I heard that the stock prices of fertilizer companies around the world started dropping about two months ago.

Apparently it has something to do with donald trump becoming the world‘s leading supplier of bullshit.

Apple really is the most futuristic company out there

They have already adjusted their prices for the next 50 years of inflation!

With petrol prices now at £1.30 a litre

...it's actually cheaper to buy cocaine and run everywhere instead

The high prices in the stores are like a cheap circumcision...

A rip-off

A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it

So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a Buddhist monk who will do it for free.

He is initially surprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to los...

Yesterday I saw a guy s a set of Scrabble prices of the road

I asked him ,"What's the word on the street"

Disneyland prices are now well over $100 a person.

maybe now they'll buy Donald Duck some pants.

90's kids won't get this 😂😂

Affordable housing prices

What do you call it when British export and importers fight over future contract prices?

Pound for pound.

What do you call the misguided act of worshipping mediocre products at rock-bottom prices?

I-Dollar-Tree

Fed up with with the prices at the grocery store, a housewife finds the nearest employee and screams " YOU CAN TAKE THIS $12 PINEAPPLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

The grocery clerk said "I'm sorry Ma'am but I can't. I already have an $18 chicken, a $6 gallon of milk, and 3 avocados up there"

I’m getting totally fed up with people whinging about the prices of things.

£1.25 for a Tea, £1.75 for a Coffee, £2 for a slice of cake and £2.50 for car parking.

Any more complaints and I will stop inviting people round to my house.

Aldi recently copied Lidl's idea to reduce their prices on courgettes, cucumbers, carrots, celery, celeriac, cabbage and cauliflower, and now they're being fined for breaking piracy laws.

It's because they sale'd the seven Cs.

Prices are going up

Two housewives met in the local supermarket. One had filled her shopping cart with Vaseline. She explained, “They are going to raise the price so, I’m stocking up.”

The other woman replied, “I’d never go to such extremes to save money. I’m not that tight.”

Sled prices are too damn high

but you can find a good deal if you're willing toboggan.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear that the prices of tampons have gone down recently?

Yeah, no strings attached!

I know a store that sells tennis equipment at ridiculously high prices.

What a racket!

My girlfriend left me because she said I focus too much on growing and giving away herbs for really low prices

Now I don't know what to do with all this free thyme on my hands

Man, I sure am mad about the rising bullet prices...

Now I get less bang for my buck!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls his friend

Tells him, hey man! I opened my own business. Its a brothel. You should come by! Were having specials now as the business is newly opened!

\-Oh yeah? What prices do you offer?

Well, we're having a special on Anal, thats $100, BJs are also on sale, for only $20.

\-Wow, those pric...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.