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Monthly Jokes

In 12 months, my startup has gone from $0 in monthly revenue to 8-figures in monthly revenue.

Here's how we did it:

August 2021: $0

August 2022: $0.0000000

I am earning 5,000 monthly

Last month I received 7,000 and I kept quiet.

This month I got 3,000 so I went to HR to complain.

HR asked "why didn't you complain when you received extra last month?"

I replied "I will normally forgive the first mistake, but I can't tolerate the second."

Why don’t BMW owners use their turn signals?

They’re too stubborn to pay the monthly subscription fee!

If anybody wants any copies of Orthopedic Monthly...

I have back issues.

My monthly delivery of Katie Perry's eggs turned out to just be something else again

I guess it's never really ova...

Monthly Poker game

A behavioral psychologist, mathematician, and a chemist meet up for their monthly poker game.

As the psychologist is shuffling, he notices the chemist has a slight grin on her face. Considering the chemist usually loses, the psychologist asks her what the grin is about.

“Well, I’m us...

I recently subscribed to Asian Maritime History Monthly...

but haven't received a single issue. Then I remembered I had "No junk mail" on my door.


This is the worst, super specific pun I've come up with so far.

Anyone want any copies of chiropractic monthly?

I've got loads of back issues.

I read that if you're unsure about how much to spend on an engagement ring, a monthly pay check is a good guideline.

So I spent £200 and gave most of the ring to our landlord.

My wife thinks her latest copy of Indian Cooking Monthly is too narrowly focused

I think it's a naan issue.

Attendance at my monthly introvert meetup is it an all time high...

It's just that I feel like we're attracting the wrong crowd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 90 year old man went to his doctor for his monthly visit... [NSFW]

**Doctor**: Hello Mr. Smith, how have you been doing?

**Mr Smith**: Well Doc, things have been going great. I fucked a 20 year old girl who is now pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that eh?

**Doctor**: '___' for a few minutes.

Okay Mr. Smith lemme tell you a sto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monthly payments...

A husband and his wife were having a terrible fight. He tells her "i'm leaving you and i'm taking back everything i ever gave you ! I even want back the blood I gave you when you were sick !" Mad, she goes to the bathroom, pulls out her tampon and throws it in the guy's face. "Here, you can have it,...

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