Population Growth

A small town with a high birth rate attracted the attention of a team of university sociologists. They wrote a grant proposal, got a chunk of money, hired aides and an anthropologist, found a family planning and birth control specialist, moved to town, rented offices, set up their computers, and des...

My little girl just said to me: Dad, how is progress possible if our growth is stunted by perpetual tribalism and xenophobia?

And I said......Wow, you're a German Shepherd, I didn't know you could do that.

Did you know that the capital of Ireland had the maximum growth of Europe?

It's Dublin every year

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

African Penis Growth Technique.

A couple was watching a documentary about an African tribe. They learned that when

each male member of this particular tribe reaches a certain age, he has a string with a

weight attached to it tied around his penis. After a while the weight stretches the penis
until it's 20 inche...

I was complaining about my lack of muscle growth to a buddy of mine in the gym...

Me: I come here everyday, 3 hours each day and I look the same as I did 6 months ago.

Buddy: No whey!

I am a psyicician specializing in growth hormone deficiencies. I had planned to present an exhaustive list of the conditions and syndromes that I treat but I couldn't wait to post this...

I have little patients.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There once was a country with strict population growth rules.

The population was so low, the government had enacted a law that required all couples to have children within 5 years of their marriage. Should a couple fail to produce a child during this period, a government official would be sent to "get the job done".

Such was the situation of a couple, w...

What do you call the rapid growth of Indian cities?

Turbanisation

What's worse than one more abnormal growth?

Tumor

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What kind of skin growths are the biggest control freaks?

Anal warts.

Tree hugger

A woman from Los Angeles , who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Grants Pass , Oregon . There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she ...

This morning, I tried explaining to my dad why f(y)=y^2 is not exponential growth.

It was not e^asy.

What do you call a cancerous growth on a clown?

A *humor*.

I asked my wife if she would let me live my dream of having a threesome.

At first she was extremely hesitant about the idea of letting another woman into our bedroom.

Eventually, after much persistence, she decided that she would be open to the idea of another woman—but on one condition.

She had told me that she was not interested in the physical aspects of...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman storms into a doctor’s office and demands to see the doctor immediately.

The attendant, flustered, says there will be a wait, but the woman refuses and stomps past the attendant’s desk and into an exam room. Moments later, the doctor enters.

“Okay Mrs. Thompson, what is the problem you’re so angry about?”

Mrs. Thompson opens her blouse, revealing a thick g...

I was recently fired from McDonald's for helping myself to too many cheeseburgers

I think I was misled about their "opportunities for growth"

Have you heard about the recent abnormal growth in cancer clinics?

There are tumor down the street.

A woman is suffering from a rare disease, so her doctor prescribes her Testosterone,

two pills a day. She is a little skeptical but she takes it nonetheless.

A few days later, the doctor gets a call from the woman. The doctor asks her how she is feeling.

She responds, “Oh I’m quite alright, however I am noticing a bit of hair growth...”

The doctor then reassur...

Why did the vegan become an SEO marketeer?

Because she likes organic growth

Hey girl, are you cancer?

Because you give me constant growth.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Having been propositioned by a well defined and uptown prostitute one evening, a successful single gentleman agreed to have consensual sex with the young lady for the sum of $500.00.

After the evening ended the gentleman handed the young lady $250.00. The prostitute immediately demanded the balance and threatened to sue if she didn't get it. "That's a laugh!" the man stated, "I'd like to see you try." A few days later the man was surprised to receive a summons ordering him...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Make a business based around the micropenis

Overhead will be very little, but growth will be short

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

At the beginning of time two schools were created.

One was Matter High, the other Antimatter High. Each was tasked with creating the fundamental laws that would define the growth and existence of the universe.

Students at Matter High developed Gravitation, Strong Attraction, Weak Attraction, and Electromagnetism.

Students at Antimatt...

One in four people look down on smokers.

More proof that smoking stunts your growth.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A businessman returns from the far east.

After a few days he notices stange growth on his penis. He sees several doctors.

They all say: "You've been screwing around in the Far East, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off."

The man panics, but figures if it is common in the East they must know how to cure it. S...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the growth state of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Anti-balding treatment

-Hey Bill, what the heck why are you wearing those ugly ass granny panties on your head?

-Well, John. I’ve seen a lot of hair growth happening for my wife ever since she started wearing these things.

So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ...

y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."

A man was accused of beating his wife to death... [long]

A man is in court.

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect
any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."

Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."

Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the...

The American economy is like a tree.

All the growth goes to the top.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden.

A Southern plantation owner once saw his slave peeing in the garden. He was amazed looking at the size of the penis he had.

He called him and asked "How come you black men have such big dongs?"

Slave :Its an ancient secret passed on from our tribe through generations,when you have sex,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

[NSFW] Stan had a short father and a tall mother.

As child, he was always worried that he'd be short. So when he hit his growth spurt and became quite tall, he was very happy. Every time he would see a family member they would say *"Look how tall you are, you must get it from your mom!"*

With his considerably large stature came his considera...

A man walks into doctor's office with a duck attached to his head.

"Oh my god!" - exclaims the doctors in surprise - "How did this happen?".

- "I'm not sure exactly, but it all started a few month ago with a small growth on my foot" - replies the duck.

What did Mike Tyson say when he saw mold?

That's growth.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The business trip

On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a prostitute. Upon returning home, he noticed a strange, green, festering sore growing on his penis.

He went to his doctor who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him ...

How tall is Betsy DeVos?

We don't know, she can't measure growth.

A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her.

She was a
little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but
I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair
in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How Shit Happens.

In the beginning was the plan

And then came the assumptions

And the assumptions were without form

And the plan was completely without substance

And the darkness was upon the face of workers

And they spoke among themselves, saying "It is a crock of shit and it ...

Two recent philosophy graduates..

2 recent philosophy graduates, John and Andy, embarked on a cross-country journey to better understand the meaning of life.

They took with them their best friend, Bill, who was a college drop-out and a former drug addict who's now sober and helping his dad's business.

John and Andy tho...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I was 10

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumb...

I found the meaning of life!

noun

the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

r/Jokes is Looking for Mods!

Well guys, I need some help. With my new work schedule, busy life, and Reddits new over active spam filter, I am finding it hard to promptly respond to your request. Over the past 2 months I have had multiple mod messages go over 2 days without a reply, which I believe is unacceptable. I believe ...

What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?

Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

/r/Jokes hits 2 Million subscribers

**/r/Jokes metrics:**

Total Subscribers: 2,006,077

Subreddit Rank: 35

Subreddit Growth & Milestones: http://redditmetrics.com/r/Jokes

I'm thinking of investing in cancer research...

I hear it's a growth industry.

Why doctors are so expensive

Cindy was having a lot of pain in her stomach, so she went to the doctors to get it looked at. She was told she needed minor surgery to remove a growth, and that the operation would take 15 minutes.

The surgery went well with no complications, but when Cindy was shocked to find out that the ...

alaskan moose hunting

The story is told of an Alaskan bush pilot who contracted with a group of hunters to transport them and their gear to a remote lake. It was agreed that the pilot would return in ten days to fly the hunting party back to civilization. The pilot was as good as his word and ten days later he taxied up ...