Lord Nelson was 5ft 6 inches. His statue is 17ft 4 inches.

That’s Horatio of 3:1.

I have achieved the peak ramen-to-income ratio.

If I make more money, I'll eat less ramen.

And if I make any less money, I'll also eat less ramen.

The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens

He was trying to control ova population.

What's the ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter?

Eskimo pi.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1940 Goebbels made a speech...

Proclaiming that the Swastika was an example of the Golden Ratio.

Turns out it was a fibbin' Nazi...

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are given the task to contain the largest amount of area with a limited amount of fence.

The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area.

The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square.

The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. ...

I don't know why men go to bars to meet women...

They should be going to Target. The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 and they're already looking for things they don't need.

There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?

the one with the smallest *mu*

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.

.

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**Preemptive explanation:**

Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the...

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What is it called when you compare glutes and chest muscles?

Ass-Pec Ratio

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There was a group of 1940s German mathematicians...

They told the world they had discovered the perfect ratio of plutonium to uranium in order to create fuel capable of space travel. They said it was simple, two parts plutonium, one part uranium. However, the rest of Europe didn't believe them because they were a bunch of fibbinazis.

Little Billy loved to visit at his uncle’s junkyard

Even though he ran a junkyard, uncle Stu was a very bright man who loved to teach and answer all of his beloved nephew Billy’s questions. Over one particular summer they restored a classic old car. Each step was a learning experience. When a part was rusted, uncle Stu would explain all about the pro...

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

At the races

A Statistician, Engineer and Physicist go to the horse track.

Each have their system for betting on the winner and they're sure of it.


After the race is over, the Statistician wanders into the nearby bar, defeated. He notices the Engineer, sits down next to him, and begins lamentin...

An Indian man and Einstein

Are on a flight, Einstein makes a bet with the man sitting next to him.
"I will give you 500 dollars if you can ask me a question I don't know the answer to,however, if you cannot answer my question you must give me 5 bucks."
The man thinks it about 5:500 seems like a good ratio so he says sur...

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New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

What does a female filmmaker look for in a guy?

His "ass-pec ratio".

You know what grinds my gears?

Improper gear ratios and speed differences.

Why did Jesus lose his Halo?

Nobody wanted to play on his team any longer after he had a 0 and 2 kill/death ratio and it took him 3 days to respawn.

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