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The owner of the sex shop sold some lingerie to my girlfriend that has zero sex appeal.

But the lingerie is decent.

I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.

That amounted to nothing.

In a recent laboratory accident, a technician was frozen to absolute zero

but he's 0k now.

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He’s 0K now.

To the guy who invented zero

Thanks for nothing pal.

Scientists experimented on a guy and cooled his body down to absolute zero...

Don't worry, he's 0K

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

We all know why six is afraid of seven, but the real question is, what did zero say to eight?

Hey, nice belt!

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My sex life is like Coca-Cola.

First it was normal, then light and now zero.

ZERO equals ONE

A boy comes home from middle school and his father asks what he learned in school today, to which the boy responds, "ZERO equals ONE" yelling it practically. The father looks at him and says, "Son, zero is zero and one is one." But the boy continues yelling, annoyingly now, "ZERO equal ONE, ZERO e...

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To be honest a good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero.
See! That’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have

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A good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero, that’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have

Edit: Holy SHIT I did not expect this to blow up lmfao thank you for the awards!
and fuck da haterz

The sin of Gluttony

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

What did the Zero say to the Eight?

Nice belt.

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I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

My wife just accused me of having zero sense of empathy.

I have no idea how she can feel that way.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

A mathematician tried to divide his Reddit post by zero..

[undefined text]

Self checkout.

Dear Walmart, I'm sorry I "forgot" to scan so many items the last time I went shopping. In my defense... You literally gave me zero training before promoting me to checker!

When I was a boy, sometime in the mid-90s, I had absolutely zero friends. My concerned mother brought in the neighbor kids for a dreaded 'play date'..

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo...

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I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

What's Sub-Zero's favorite thing to order at a restaurant?

A combo

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

Russia has the lowest number of people who have caught covid. It's practically zero.

Unfortunately, it is because in Soviet Russia, covid catches you.

I have a friend, Horizon, who has never seen a dawn before

I guess you could call him Horizon: Zero Dawn

On date nights, I lean over to my girlfriend, and in a sugary voice I say: “null, nada, nix, naught, zilch, zero”

Because she likes it when I whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

A year ago my friend thought it would be funny to freeze himself to absolute zero.

He’s 0k now.

Multiplying by zero is just suicide in math: you don’t really get a solution, but the problem goes away.

Shower thoughts didn't like it, but maybe you will

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

Can you please tell me how to pronounce the variable y subscripted by a zero?

Sure, why not.

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

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A clean joke

A soap factory had a problem. They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. Six months and $8 million later, t...

The DD

A young cop goes to the outskirts of town to a honky tonk planning on getting a few easy tickets or DUIs for the night.
As the bar starts closing down he sees many patrons coming out but one of the last guys out looks to be the drunkest.
The guy is stumbling all over the place and falling ...

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Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

I read Nunavut still has zero Covid-19 cases.

I guess they're having none of it.

Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"

Wife: "zero"

Husband really happy: "really?"

Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"

Ok bye

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

How do you divide by Zero?

By becoming a kamikaze and splitting a ship in half

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A Greek and an Indian are having tea together trying to one-up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek says "We have the Parthenon!"

The Indian replies "Well we have the Taj Mahal."

The Greek says "We gave birth to advanced mathematics!"

The Indian replies "But we invented the number zero."

The Indian says "We invented the caste system".

The Greek replies ...

What’s the absolute value of zero?

lol

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A man is walking home from the doctor's office in soviet Russia

He is stopped by a solider, who says "comrade, let me see your papers."

He begins looking but can't find them.

"Show me your papers now or I will assume you are an American spy." The soldier cocks his rifle.

Reaching into his inside pocket, he finds some papers, and throws th...

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How is the Virgin Mary similar to a Virgin Bloody Mary?

They both have zero proof!

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

Q. How do you reprimand a lazy scientist working in a cryogenetics lab?

A. "Your contribution in this project is absolute zero"

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

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Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

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Who can go from hero to zero in a short space of time?

Therapist, the\_rapist.

They've identified patient zero of the coronavirus

It's Batman.

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

Congratulations, America.

Zero school shootings so far this year.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

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If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

Teacher: Whats the absolute zero?

Me: 0 K, Boomer

There's an ultracryogenic explosive that's perfectly safe until it's cooled to absolute zero.

0 K boomer.

What did the person who invented the zero say before telling the world about it?

Well, here goes nothing!

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

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As you know, last year's Furrycon got out of hand. This year, I'm cracking down. Zero furry porn, and figure-hugging fursuits that are tight against the buttocks will not be allowed. This rule is 100% non-negotiable.

No yiffs, no butts.

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

The doctor told me to rate my pain.

Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

Why is zero equal to one?

cos 0 equals 1

Like pulling teeth

I had a wisdom tooth going bad and the dentist told me it wouldn't be worth filling the cavity and she just sent me to an oral surgeon to get the tooth pulled.

So I get there and I'm in the chair and I tell the guy "I've never had a tooth pulled." He was pretty seriously bothered that I used ...

A collection of math jokes

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


---------------/


An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

Another talking frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to play golf. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog ...

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

Dad: What did you get in your tests?

Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.

Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?

Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

My friends think my new girlfriend is a real zero

But she’s like nothing I’ve ever had before.

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb?

Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new

A good number of my friends are racist.

Precisely zero - and that is a good number.

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

Damn girl you must be a bank account

Because I have zero interest

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