Did you hear about the man who cooled to absolute zero?

He is 0K now.

To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the person who got cooled to absolute zero?

Yeah he fukin' died.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

I would apply for a job measuring the Kelvin scale...

... but I have zero degrees.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

My 7yr old heard this...

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, lightbulbs are hardware.

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt.

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

My friends think my new girlfriend is a real zero

But she’s like nothing I’ve ever had before.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

I was on a date.

"How many ladies have you slept with?" she said.

I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?"

She raised her eyebrows and said, "OK..."

I said, "Zero."

Why is zero equal to one

cos 0=1

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

What’s the absolute value of zero?

lol

What did Scorpion say when Sub-Zero wouldn't stop pining over his ex-girlfriend?

Get Over Her!

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common?

Twice the taste, zero calories.

I added a zero to my paycheck today!

Zero plus zero is still zero...

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

Why did the Indian programmer divide by zero?

To get NaN.

How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car?

Because all roads lead to Rome.

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Alan Turing love matrices ending in zero?

Cause he was a homo genius.

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

Zero is a unit of mass.

It's the number of times I've been to catholic mass.

Did you know that you could cool yourself to absolute zero...

and still be 0K?

A Machine Learning Expert at an interview

Interviewer: "What can you say is your biggest strength?"

ML Expert: "I'm an expert in machine learning."

Int.: What's 6 + 10?

ML E.: Zero.

Int.: That's not even close! it's 16!

ML E.: Okay, it's 16.

Int.: What's 10 + 20?

ML E.: It's 16.

I want to start a band called Absolute Zero.

People will say we're 0K.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity...

Or even in regular gravity.

What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero?

Tareable

One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and....

They sneeze. Their number resets.

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero...

At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

I'm reading a book about zero gravity

I cant put it down

What did the zeros say after the election?

He will not divide us

Discovery Of Zero

The great mathematician, Aryabhatta, once asked his wife, "Will you let me go out alone & enjoy with my friends over every weekend, every month?"

Wife: What is the Probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?

That's when Aryabhatta discovered Zero

There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero...

and the kind that want to run for president someday.

A quick thing I would like to say to the man who invented Zero...

Thanks for nothing.

Johnny was daydreaming in class when the teacher called on him

“Johnny, if there are five birds on a wire and one gets shot how many are left?”

After thinking for a brief second Johnny responds “zero”

The teacher looks at him inquisitively and states. “Johnny, five minus one is four”

To which Johnny replies “yes but if you shoot one bird t...

Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds...

...so I bought her a scale.

There is a tribe in Africa that worships the number zero.

Is nothing sacred?

Little Johnny is sitting in class not paying attention as usual when the teacher calls on him

“Ok Johnny, if there are five birds sitting on the fence and the farmer shoots three how many are left?”

Johnny thinks about it and says “There will be zero left, because the gunshot would have scared them all away!”

“No Johnny there will be two left, but I like the way you think.”
...

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

I have zero empathy for sociopaths.

But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either.

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