Recently a man was cooled down to absolute zero

Don't worry, he's 0K

Whoever invented zero...

...thanks for nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who can go from hero to zero in a short space of time?

Therapist, the\_rapist.

What do you call an explosive that donates at absolute zero?

0K Boomer

How do you divide by Zero?

By becoming a kamikaze and splitting a ship in half

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer".

The singer from the band Train has zero siblings.

Strike that, he has one sole sister

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

I asked my physics instructor what would happen if the universe hit Absolute Zero.

He told me that if the universe came to that point then we shouldn't worry, everything is going to be 0K.

Your chances of getting killed by a cow are low, but never zero...

All it takes is one moostake

What did zero say to eight?

“Nice belt”

There's an ultracryogenic explosive that's perfectly safe until it's cooled to absolute zero.

0 K boomer.

My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

What did the person who invented the zero say before telling the world about it?

Well, here goes nothing!

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Programmer: "Honey, you're my number one..."

Wife: "Oh, really!? Well who's your number zero, you cheating bastard!?"

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

Today our fax-machine died and no one cared

Zero fax given

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the person who got cooled to absolute zero?

Yeah he fukin' died.

Programmers hate roman numerals.

But I can't zero in on why

How many bros does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, it's already lit fam!

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

Congratulations America

Zero school shootings so far this year.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

Genie: You have 3 wishes

...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!

Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.

Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.

You’re my number 1

My date: “You’re my number 1.”
Me: (a programmer) Are you zero indexed or one indexed?”

Me: *single*

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin are riding in a car in Crimea when suddenly they see a big bull blocking the road.

Roosevelt gets out of the car and asked the bull to move, but the bull doesn't move. Churchill began to plead with the bull to move over, but the bull pays zero attention. Finally, Stalin walks over to the bull and whispers something in its ear, after which the bull sprints off into the distance. In...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Wall Street stockbroker decides to go off the grid completely

He’s had enough of that dog eat dog lifestyle and the stress and rat race of NYC.

So he buys a cabin in a remote part of the Adirondacks. Closest neighbor is miles away on a neighboring mountain. Pure solitude, nature, zero cell phone service, no electricity.

Months go by and he has ze...

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

How many potatoes do you need to kill an irishman?

Zero

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

Student in a test

An engineering student was in oral test. The professor asked him" what do usually ride when you go home ?".

The student answered " the bus"

Professor : cool, tell me what you would do i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

An oldie, but a goodie.

A husband and wife are in the delivery room, she is going into labor and in intensive pain.
The doctor tells the husband they have a new piece of tech that can share the labor pains with the Father.
The husband is skeptical, but decides to do this to help his wife. The device shares the pain...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex life

My sex live is like Cola,
first it was good,
then it was light.
Now it is zero.

I've decided to switch to Pepsi and now it's the Max!

Last night i got asked out bye not one, not two,

but zero people

How many baby boomers does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero because they don't like change.

I would apply for a job measuring the Kelvin scale...

... but I have zero degrees.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Here's my favorite pirate joke:

When I was 17, I went on a class trip to a beach but I snuck away to explore on my own. I went into this bar. It had nautical stuff on the wall, a bunch of shark jaws, but also streamers and balloons about the place. It looked like there was a party going on. ...

Johnny was daydreaming in class when the teacher called on him

“Johnny, if there are five birds on a wire and one gets shot how many are left?”

After thinking for a brief second Johnny responds “zero”

The teacher looks at him inquisitively and states. “Johnny, five minus one is four”

To which Johnny replies “yes but if you shoot one bird t...

A Machine Learning Expert at an interview

Interviewer: "What can you say is your biggest strength?"

ML Expert: "I'm an expert in machine learning."

Int.: What's 6 + 10?

ML E.: Zero.

Int.: That's not even close! it's 16!

ML E.: Okay, it's 16.

Int.: What's 10 + 20?

ML E.: It's 16.

Why should you never buy food at a place that sells ones and zeros?

Because they're a little bit grocer.

Totos is wondering why he failed the test since he answered all questions correct:

1. In which battle did Leonidas die?

\- His last one.



2. Where did the Declaration of Independence was signed?

\- At the bottom of the page.



3. If you throw a stone in the lake, what will happen?

\- It will get wet.



4. How can some...

Can a woman have a child in her 70s?

No, children are zero when born silly!

What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common?

Twice the taste, zero calories.

Weebs doing a crossword puzzle

Person 1: Second person personal pronoun. 3 letters

Person 2: You

Person 1: Past participle of fall. 4 letters

Person 2: Fell

Person 1: Not the number, but the word. 3 letters

Person 2: For

Person 1: Horror movie that received a sequel in 2019. 2 letters
...

My boss is refusing to let my string quartet play for a coworker's birthday party next week.

He says he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to workplace violins.

I walk into the hospital...

Nurse: on a scale from 1 to 5, how would you rate your pain
Me: zero stars
Nurse: ...
Me: definitely would not recommend

Little Johnny is sitting in class not paying attention as usual when the teacher calls on him

“Ok Johnny, if there are five birds sitting on the fence and the farmer shoots three how many are left?”

Johnny thinks about it and says “There will be zero left, because the gunshot would have scared them all away!”

“No Johnny there will be two left, but I like the way you think.”
...

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

I added a zero to my paycheck today!

Zero plus zero is still zero...

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good percentage of my friends are Nazis.

That percentage is zero.
That's a good percentage of Nazi friends to have.

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity...

Or even in regular gravity.

Interesting misconception regarding Type O Blood

Initially, the medical community referred to it as 'Type Zero' blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins. The term was misinterpreted to what it is today. You could venture as far as saying it's a **typo.**

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero...

At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

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