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Zero Jokes

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero...

Thanks for nothing.

A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.

She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure en...

ON the French version of "Sesame Street," all the muppets turned out to say goodbye to the number zero...

It was much adieu about nothing.

My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

What’s the difference between a circle and a zero?

Nothing.

In a recent laboratory accident, a technician was frozen to absolute zero

but he's 0k now.

Why did zero start dating?

To find “the one”!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex drive for my wife is zero.

But for my mistress, it's five miles.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

There's zero difference between US and European Healthcare....

...well, lots of zeroes...usually added to the end of the bill.

I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.

That amounted to nothing.

What do you get when you divide bread by zero?

NaaN

Recently a man was cooled down to absolute zero

Don't worry, he's 0K

I got zero out of ten on my last spelling quiz

But my teacher gave me an 'A' for Affort

What’s the absolute value of zero?

lol

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To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

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Donald Trump was asked " what is 2+2"??

"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, 'Sir!, What's 2+2?' And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math you can imagine. Oh my god, I can't believe it. Ad...

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A good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero, that’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have

Edit: Holy SHIT I did not expect this to blow up lmfao thank you for the awards!
and fuck da haterz

My autobiography has sold zero copies so far

Story of my life.

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

Why is Texas called the Lone Star state?

Because you can’t leave a zero stars rating

In the EU they have zero euro notes

so they can pay when they go to the doctor's office.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

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A good percentage of my friends are nazis

That percentage is zero. That's a good percentage of nazi friends to have

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex-life is like Coca Cola....

...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!

How do you divide by Zero?

By becoming a kamikaze and splitting a ship in half

What kind of song did Sub-Zero, Raiden, and Scorpion sing at their Scandinavian church?

Finnish Hymn!

How many resumé writers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one:


Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns, and zero safety incidents, increasing workplace safety and productivity.

If you can divide by zero let me hear you say hell yeah

HELL YEAH!

No you can’t. Mathematically impossible. Don’t be Pavlovian, i’m looking for actual answers here.

Sub-Zero paid off his student loans...

Frugality...

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

A mathematician tried to divide his Reddit post by zero..

[undefined text]

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero...

At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt.

What's Sub-Zero's favorite thing to order at a restaurant?

A combo

Teacher: Whats the absolute zero?

Me: 0 K, Boomer

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony

However, eating too much pie is okay, because the sin of pi is zero.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

Congratulations USA

Zero school shootings so far this year.

Why is zero equal to one?

cos 0 equals 1

Who was patient zero for AIDS?

First-aid

I read Nunavut still has zero Covid-19 cases.

I guess they're having none of it.

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

Discovery Of Zero

The great mathematician, Aryabhatta, once asked his wife, "Will you let me go out alone & enjoy with my friends over every weekend, every month?"

Wife: What is the Probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?

That's when Aryabhatta discovered Zero

Russia has the lowest number of people who have caught covid. It's practically zero.

Unfortunately, it is because in Soviet Russia, covid catches you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The owner of the sex shop sold some lingerie to my girlfriend that has zero sex appeal.

But the lingerie is decent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine being a vampire and having a zero-waste mother

She'd have you suck on tampons.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

We all know why six is afraid of seven, but the real question is, what did zero say to eight?

Hey, nice belt!

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

A year ago my friend thought it would be funny to freeze himself to absolute zero.

He’s 0k now.

I'm reading a book about zero gravity

I cant put it down

I have zero empathy for sociopaths.

But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either.

A panda walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Would you like anything to drink?"

The panda replies, "No thanks, I'm only here to eat."

"So what would you like to eat?"

"I'll just take the fries."

The bartender serves the panda, who enjoys the meal. He asks, "Now, will your payment be cash or card...

My friends think my new girlfriend is a real zero

But she’s like nothing I’ve ever had before.

What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common?

Twice the taste, zero calories.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who can go from hero to zero in a short space of time?

Therapist, the\_rapist.

I added a zero to my paycheck today!

Zero plus zero is still zero...

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

Two zeroes are walking through the desert.

Along comes an eight.

Says one zero to the other: 'How can she wear a belt in this heat?'

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