We have a zero-tolerance policy

Here in the Republican Party

If you can divide by zero let me hear you say hell yeah

HELL YEAH!

No you can’t. Mathematically impossible. Don’t be Pavlovian, i’m looking for actual answers here.

I have tried all my life multiplying really large numbers by zero.

That amounted to nothing.

To the guy who invented zero

Thanks for nothing pal.

What kind of songs does Sub-Zero sing at his church in Helsinki?

FINNISH HYMNS!

In a recent laboratory accident, a technician was frozen to absolute zero

but he's 0k now.

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?

He’s 0K now.

Scientists experimented on a guy and cooled his body down to absolute zero...

Don't worry, he's 0K

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "...

We all know why six is afraid of seven, but the real question is, what did zero say to eight?

Hey, nice belt!

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Mr. Dickson had a habit of asking daft questions to his pupils.

One day, he asked his 4th graders if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole.



Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers.



Kids came back the next day. No one knew the answer.



"Look," said Mr. Dickson...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The owner of the sex shop sold some lingerie to my girlfriend that has zero sex appeal.

But the lingerie is decent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I complained to my wife that we never have sex

Of course, zero fucks were given.

ZERO equals ONE

A boy comes home from middle school and his father asks what he learned in school today, to which the boy responds, "ZERO equals ONE" yelling it practically. The father looks at him and says, "Son, zero is zero and one is one." But the boy continues yelling, annoyingly now, "ZERO equal ONE, ZERO e...

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A good percentage of my friends are Nazis

That percentage is zero, that’s a good percentage of Nazi friends to have

Edit: Holy SHIT I did not expect this to blow up lmfao thank you for the awards!
and fuck da haterz

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like Coca-Cola.

First it was normal, then light and now zero.

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A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight.

During the pilot's preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft's latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.
The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the air...

Q: What does the zero say to the eight?

A: Nice belt!

Q: What do you call friends who love math?

A: algebros

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?

A: Neither has real roots.

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: How do you kn...

The sin of Gluttony

Eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

My wife just accused me of having zero sense of empathy.

I have no idea how she can feel that way.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

A mathematician tried to divide his Reddit post by zero..

[undefined text]

What did the Zero say to the Eight?

Nice belt.

Russia has the lowest number of people who have caught covid. It's practically zero.

Unfortunately, it is because in Soviet Russia, covid catches you.

When I was a boy, sometime in the mid-90s, I had absolutely zero friends. My concerned mother brought in the neighbor kids for a dreaded 'play date'..

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo...

What's Sub-Zero's favorite thing to order at a restaurant?

A combo

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

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I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

On date nights, I lean over to my girlfriend, and in a sugary voice I say: “null, nada, nix, naught, zilch, zero”

Because she likes it when I whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

Multiplying by zero is just suicide in math: you don’t really get a solution, but the problem goes away.

Shower thoughts didn't like it, but maybe you will

A year ago my friend thought it would be funny to freeze himself to absolute zero.

He’s 0k now.

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

What’s the absolute value of zero?

lol

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

Can you please tell me how to pronounce the variable y subscripted by a zero?

Sure, why not.

How do you divide by Zero?

By becoming a kamikaze and splitting a ship in half

I read Nunavut still has zero Covid-19 cases.

I guess they're having none of it.

Self checkout.

Dear Walmart, I'm sorry I "forgot" to scan so many items the last time I went shopping. In my defense... You literally gave me zero training before promoting me to checker!

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

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A soap factory had a problem.

They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the bar inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important these relationships were, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering company to solve th...

I have a friend, Horizon, who has never seen a dawn before

I guess you could call him Horizon: Zero Dawn

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who can go from hero to zero in a short space of time?

Therapist, the\_rapist.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"

Wife: "zero"

Husband really happy: "really?"

Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"

Ok bye

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

Teacher: Whats the absolute zero?

Me: 0 K, Boomer

There's an ultracryogenic explosive that's perfectly safe until it's cooled to absolute zero.

0 K boomer.

What did the person who invented the zero say before telling the world about it?

Well, here goes nothing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As you know, last year's Furrycon got out of hand. This year, I'm cracking down. Zero furry porn, and figure-hugging fursuits that are tight against the buttocks will not be allowed. This rule is 100% non-negotiable.

No yiffs, no butts.

The DD

A young cop goes to the outskirts of town to a honky tonk planning on getting a few easy tickets or DUIs for the night.
As the bar starts closing down he sees many patrons coming out but one of the last guys out looks to be the drunkest.
The guy is stumbling all over the place and falling ...

Why is zero equal to one?

cos 0 equals 1

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

Congratulations, America.

Zero school shootings so far this year.

Q. How do you reprimand a lazy scientist working in a cryogenetics lab?

A. "Your contribution in this project is absolute zero"

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

What is the similarity between me and an experiment involving a biased coin with two tails?

The probability of getting a head is zero.

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How is the Virgin Mary similar to a Virgin Bloody Mary?

They both have zero proof!

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

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A man is walking home from the doctor's office in soviet Russia

He is stopped by a solider, who says "comrade, let me see your papers."

He begins looking but can't find them.

"Show me your papers now or I will assume you are an American spy." The soldier cocks his rifle.

Reaching into his inside pocket, he finds some papers, and throws th...

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

A collection of math jokes

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


---------------/


An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

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