To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

I would apply for a job measuring the Kelvin scale...

... but I have zero degrees.

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I just don’t understand why she feels that way.

Did you hear about the guy whos temperature was absolute zero?

No, is he 0k?

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

What did zero say to eight?

Nice belt.

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

My friends think my new girlfriend is a real zero

But she’s like nothing I’ve ever had before.

My 7yr old heard this...

How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Zero, lightbulbs are hardware.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

What’s the absolute value of zero?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.

Thanks for nothing.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?


Why is zero equal to one

cos 0=1

I was on a date.

"How many ladies have you slept with?" she said.

I said, "Do you want me to round it to the nearest 10?"

She raised her eyebrows and said, "OK..."

I said, "Zero."

What did Scorpion say when Sub-Zero wouldn't stop pining over his ex-girlfriend?

Get Over Her!

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

My deaf-mute postman has such a tough job. He starts work at 3am. In summer he gets attacked by dogs and in winter he has to brave through sub-zero temperatures. But in spite of all this....

I’ve never heard him complain

My Dad and I walk outside in sub-zero temperatures, and he's wearing a t-shirt.

Me: "Dad, it's really cold, don't you want to wear a coat?"
Dad: "I'm just exercising my second-ammendment rights."
Me: "........."
Dad: "My right to bare arms."

What do Bulimia and Coke Zero have in common?

Twice the taste, zero calories.

I added a zero to my paycheck today!

Zero plus zero is still zero...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hate my job.

My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. Sh...

Why did the Indian programmer divide by zero?

To get NaN.

Complaint from 3017: These children's long-term zero gravity soccer leagues are raising weak adults.

Every kid gets atrophy.

How come there are zero Italian tourist travelling by car?

Because all roads lead to Rome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Alan Turing love matrices ending in zero?

Cause he was a homo genius.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wonder what it's like to have sex in zero gravity...

Or even in regular gravity.

I told my Canadian friend that I ran zero miles today...

she said that was 0K

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

Zero is a unit of mass.

It's the number of times I've been to catholic mass.

I want to start a band called Absolute Zero.

People will say we're 0K.

What do you call a scale that always resets itself to zero?


One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and....

They sneeze. Their number resets.

I'm reading a book about zero gravity

I cant put it down

Did you know that you could cool yourself to absolute zero...

and still be 0K?

What did the zeros say after the election?

He will not divide us

My friend's a scientist and accidentally chilled his lab rat to absolute zero...

At first the rat was just frozen, but he's 0K now.

Discovery Of Zero

The great mathematician, Aryabhatta, once asked his wife, "Will you let me go out alone & enjoy with my friends over every weekend, every month?"

Wife: What is the Probability of me saying yes as per your calculation ?

That's when Aryabhatta discovered Zero

There are two kinds of people in this world, the kind that keep their inbox at zero...

and the kind that want to run for president someday.

Congratulations USA

Zero school shootings so far this year.

OC science joke

There was a young man who was fed up with all the bias in news networks everywhere and vowed to make his own set of news channels that would be void of any and all bias. As he was not a wealthy man he had to find ways cut costs in making his network. He managed to make an odd deal with all his suppl...

A quick thing I would like to say to the man who invented Zero...

Thanks for nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

Can a woman have a child in her 70s?

No, children are zero when born silly!

There is a tribe in Africa that worships the number zero.

Is nothing sacred?

Your mom said she wanted something that could go from zero to two hundred in 3 seconds... I bought her a scale.

What do you call a couple of ones and zeros orbiting around each other?

Binary stars.

How many Potatos does it take to kill an Irish Person?


Why did 4 think that -1 and 0 were his saviors?

Because Minus One and Zero Want To Free Four

I have zero empathy for sociopaths.

But to be fair, they don't have any for me, either.

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