I just watched Wonder Woman 1984 and I had zero idea what was going on.

Guess I shouldn't have skipped the other 1,983 movies.

Why did the circle divorce the line that had a zero slope?

**It had no inclination to change.**

My wife just accused me of having zero sense of empathy.

I have no idea how she can feel that way.

A mathematician tried to divide his Reddit post by zero..

[undefined text]

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

To the person who invented Zero.

Thanks for nothing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was complaining to my wife about our nonexistent sex life.

Zero fucks were given.

What's Sub-Zero's favorite thing to order at a restaurant?

A combo

Why was zero happy about the victory?

Because 0 1 2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Greek and an Indian are having tea together trying to one-up each other on their historical achievements.

The Greek says "We have the Parthenon!"

The Indian replies "Well we have the Taj Mahal."

The Greek says "We gave birth to advanced mathematics!"

The Indian replies "But we invented the number zero."

The Indian says "We invented the caste system".

The Greek replies ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists confirmed West Virginia has zero cases of COVID-19

This was due to the fact that one family was immune to the strain.

Russia has the lowest number of people who have caught covid. It's practically zero.

Unfortunately, it is because in Soviet Russia, covid catches you.

What did the Zero say to the Eight?

Nice belt.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

Scientists have invented a bomb that explodes when the temperature hits absolute zero

It's called the "0K Boomer"

A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero.

It was 0K.

Recently a man was cooled down to absolute zero

Don't worry, he's 0K

Husband asks wife, "how many men have you slept with besides me?"

Wife: "zero"

Husband really happy: "really?"

Wife: "yes, I only slept with you, the rest kept me awake"

Ok bye

When I was a boy, sometime in the mid-90s, I had absolutely zero friends. My concerned mother brought in the neighbor kids for a dreaded 'play date'..

It started out just awful. Everyone ignored me and horsed around. Once they started trying to wreck my moms furniture, I had to take out my secret weapon.

My dad had scored an early VHS release of the last years most popular movie. I could have been the only one in the country with this mo...

Why is the oil price falling to below zero?

Imagine the following...you pay $500 today and commit to receiving an escort at your house in 15 days.
Cos your wife is traveling.
This is called a futures contract.

Unfortunately, lockdown came and your wife will be home for the next 60 days.

You do not want this woman to show...

On date nights, I lean over to my girlfriend, and in a sugary voice I say: “null, nada, nix, naught, zilch, zero”

Because she likes it when I whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life is like a Tesla...

Zero emissions.

Congratulations, America.

Zero school shootings so far this year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Imagine being a vampire and having a zero-waste mother

She'd have you suck on tampons.

A year ago my friend thought it would be funny to freeze himself to absolute zero.

He’s 0k now.

Did you hear about the guy who got frozen to absolute zero ?

He's OK now.

Multiplying by zero is just suicide in math: you don’t really get a solution, but the problem goes away.

Shower thoughts didn't like it, but maybe you will

A Canadian research team has made history by freezing mice to temperatures of absolute zero.

Animal rights groups are outraged by the cruel tests performed on the animals.

But they’ll be 0K.

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?

Donald Trump answers the question: What is 2+2?


"I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. They say, "What's 2+2"? And I tell them look, we know what 2+2 is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of...

Another talking frog

A man takes the day off work and decides to play golf. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to swing when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone.

"Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog ...

The doctor told me to rate my pain.

Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.

Can you please tell me how to pronounce the variable y subscripted by a zero?

Sure, why not.

That’s a lot of zeros

An aide comes into the Oval Office and says to Trump:

"Sir, three Brazilian solders were killed in Afghanistan last night."

Trump looks absolutely devastated, nobody's ever seen him like this.
He sinks back in his chair, saying “oh my god” over and over.

Then he composes h...

How do you divide by Zero?

By becoming a kamikaze and splitting a ship in half

A collection of math jokes

A big, muscly man enters the bar, slams the counter and says in a deep voice: I want 10 times more beer than everyone here is having.

The bartender says: Now thats an order of magnitude


---------------/


An infinite number of mathematicians enter a bar. The first asks for...

I read Nunavut still has zero Covid-19 cases.

I guess they're having none of it.

Your chances of getting killed by a cow are low, but never zero...

All it takes is one moostake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who can go from hero to zero in a short space of time?

Therapist, the\_rapist.

Damn girl you must be a bank account

Because I have zero interest

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly British couple are vacationing in Africa.

An elderly British couple have just arrived in Africa for a safari vacation and are being shuttled by taxi to their hotel. They drive by a rural village, and a man is outside, completely naked, with a ruler up against his penis.

"Blimey!" exclaims the wife, "what on earth is that bloke doing!...

TIL Type O blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread as type "O".

I guess you can call it a typo.

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

Today marks 4 weeks of isolation. Been running 2.5 miles a day, drinking 2 gallons of water, cut out ALL meat, sugar, dairy and flour. I feel great! Zero alcohol, a healthy vegan diet, gluten free, caffeine free, sugar free and a 30 minute home workout each day.

I have no idea who originally posted this, but I am really proud of them so I decided to copy & paste!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Quarrantine, Day 12: Excessive teen masturbation has caused zero hair growth on palms. Next update unknown...

...as I will be unable to use Father Calhoun's laptop while he is being treated for sudden onset blindness.

One time I accidentally walked into a freezer that was at absolute zero...

Don't worry, it was 0K

I always bring a bomb with me on an airplane

Because the probability of there being *two* bombs on an airplane is nearly zero.

A husband comes home one day and tells his wife he found Aladdin's lamp...

Wife: Oh my god, you're SO LUCKY! What did you wish for darling?

Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.

Wife: Awww, you're so sweet baby! And did it work?

Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.

How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb?

Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new

Teacher: Whats the absolute zero?

Me: 0 K, Boomer

There's an ultracryogenic explosive that's perfectly safe until it's cooled to absolute zero.

0 K boomer.

In Alaska, it’s 50 degrees below zero.

It is so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

What did the zero say to the 8?

Nice belt.

Surely you've heard that before but what did the three say to the eight?

Oh, get a room.

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?

Zero

Dad: What did you get in your tests?

Son: Nearly a 100 for every test.

Dad: What do you mean **nearly** a hundred?

Son: Well, I got the zero's . . .

A panda walks into a cafe...

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit.

The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses ...

A married couple rushes to the hospital...

because the wife is going into labor. When they arrive, the doctor tells them that the hospital is looking for couples to try out this new machine that transfers a percentage of the mother‘s pain to the father during childbirth. The couple readily agrees to use it.

When the birthing process s...

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Did you know that the Soviet Union had absolutely zero coal mines?

Crazy fact! I heard however that there were plenty of coal ours though.

What do you call the patient zero for HIV

First aids

What did the person who invented the zero say before telling the world about it?

Well, here goes nothing!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If scientists perfect our nutrition so that our bodies metabolize 100% of what we eat with zero waste, we may evolve to a pinnacle of civilization. Why?

There will be no more assholes in the world.

How did Scorpion console Sub-Zero when he broke up with his girlfriend?

GET OVER HER!!

How many software developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, thats a hardware issue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As you know, last year's Furrycon got out of hand. This year, I'm cracking down. Zero furry porn, and figure-hugging fursuits that are tight against the buttocks will not be allowed. This rule is 100% non-negotiable.

No yiffs, no butts.

A good number of my friends are racist.

Precisely zero - and that is a good number.

I bought an old used car, and I think it is from RE:ZERO

It is a Subaru that keeps dying all the time...

The FIA will be introducing a new series of Grand Turismo races with zero emission fuel cell vehicles cleverly called Formula Zero,

or GTF0.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, and go to Hell.

Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, And go to Hell. The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves. He says to them 'Doesnt the heat and smoke bother you?' Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust ha...

Scientists discovered a revolutionary material with infinite length and zero depth

... but then they realized No Man's Sky was invented already.

A man sits next to a blonde on an airplane...

He says to the blonde, knowing he could outsmart her, “If I give you a question you cannot answer, you must pay me $10.”

“But if you give me a question I cannot answer, I will pay you $100.”

She agrees, and the man asks his question.

“What is the ninth digit of pi?”

She ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Official outdoor temperature scale

Official outdoor temperature scale:

+10 Residents of Vilnius apartments wear sweaters and put on wool socks. The Finns plant flowers.

+5 Finns sunbathe in the sun.

+2 Italian cars don’t start.

0 Distilled water freezes.

-1 Breathing becomes visible. It's time ...

Why can’t scientists reach absolute zero?

Because only a Sith deals with absolutes.

I tried telling a joke in zero gravity.

It didn't go down well.

Anybody try the new ‘Zero’ candy-bar yet?

They’re saying it’s like nothing you’ve ever had before.

2 Brazilian soldiers

During President Trump's morning briefing, his military advisor tells him, "Mr. President, last night 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in a bombing raid. There were no U.S. casualties."

Hearing this, President Trump is shocked. Visibly shaken, a single tear wells up in his eye, then streams d...

Sperm banks have difficulties finding donors.

TBH, there is zero interest.

A psychologist, a general, and a government official are tasked with reducing underage crime in a sample population put under their authority. Whoever drops it the most in a year, wins. After the year is done, they have a meeting to discuss their results.

The psychologist starts: "We lowered underage crime by over 20% in the last year, mostly by introducing counseling courses, and social assistance programs."

The General goes: "Crime is down by over 30%. Turns out, strict discipline and a one-strike rule can greatly affect people's habits."...

I read about a new restaurant that opened up at the moon

the food is out of this world but theres zero atmosphere

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I lost 450 pounds!

I accidentally added an extra zero on venmo and Nigel still hasn't given my money back.

Fuck you Nigel.

What do you call a whole grain that’s zero calories but is rarely used?

Weird flax but 0k

Why is zero equal to one?

cos 0 equals 1

My friends think my new girlfriend is a real zero

But she’s like nothing I’ve ever had before.

I asked a scientist what would happen if my body temperature hit absolute zero.

He said I'd be 0K

My girlfriend asked if she was more important than my computer

I told her she is always number one

But I always start counting at zero

The first Karen to get sick was..

Impatient Zero

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To all the mathematicians who came up with the concept of zero..

Now they've got a number to put on how many sexual encounters I've had.


Thanks for nothing.

Scientists announced that a man had chilled himself to absolute zero in an industrial accident.

He's 0K right now.

A man gets into a taxi at JFK

And asks the driver to head to the corner of 74th and Amsterdam.

The driver takes off at top speed, flying around cars. He approached a light just turning yellow and never lets off the gas.

The passenger asks the driver, "Wow, you didn't even blink at that yellow."

"Yeah, I ha...

Say what you want about Trump...

...but he’s brought school shootings down to zero for more than an entire month.

What do zero and nil have in common?

Absolutely Nothing

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