UPJOKE
burycrossbetweenamongwithinlayreposealiaacrossmainlymattersamongstetcamorbesides

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the ta...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife lose interest in having...

Sex. The doctor gives him a flask and warned: "Put only 5 drops in her drink, but no more than 5 understand? Its very strong". In the night, before the wife come home from work, the man make dinner and a couple drinks. He put the 5 drops on her glass but then he thinks: "Was too long since the last ...

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet!

A woman in her forties tells her doctor, “My husband has completely lost interest in me”.

He gives her a bottle of drops, and tells her: “Put three drops in his dinner, no more, no less”.

She then goes home and makes dumplings. Right before the time he usually gets home from work, she puts three drops in, but then remembers how apathetic he is, and goes for the whole bottle.
...

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An attractive woman once asked if I was interested in breasts or thighs. I told her I'm mostly into feet and anal.

I am no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

Asparagus is an interesting meal, not only does it affect your diuretic system, it also helps with hunches and gut feelings.

When you eat asparagus, you can trust urine stinks.

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What is the one food that can make a woman lose all interest in sex?

Wedding cake.

(Part joke, part advice) One of the first signs that your partner is losing interest is…

That…



all their savings are in a savings account.

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The girlfriend asked me what I was doing on the computer.

I said "looking for cheap flights."

She got very exited and said "I love you," then got on her knees and

gave me the best blow job I've ever had.

Which surprised me as she's never been interested in darts before.

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King Richard’s coronation must have been interesting.

Everyone was waiting patiently for a good Dick King.

Two guys are playing chess.

One says to the other, "How about we make this more interesting?"

So they stop playing chess.

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Two interesting facts about me:

1: My Penis is the exact length of two IKEA pencils.

2: I've got a lifetime ban from IKEA!

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

my girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. after 3 years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100

I lost interest in that relationship.

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don’t really care.

What do American police have in common with American Congress?

They only serve and protect corporate interests.

A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar(a joke)

She says,


"Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"


The Russian replies,


"I work for KGB."


"Cool, tell me an interesting story!"


"About me or about you?"

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There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

(This is not a joke) I'm a linguistic researcher that is working on the semiotic of jokes and need help to find exemples of a particular type of joke.

Hi, I hope this is not against the rules but I need help for a research paper centered around jokes, and this obviously looks like a good place for that.

I am working on linguistic structuralism to try to find the linguistic value of surprise in a joke. (I'm simplifying a lot, but i can expla...

Would anyone be interested in being my companion?

Asking for a friend

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An interesting story

There once was a King of a tribe in Africa. He lived in a huge, round house made of grass, typical of all the others in the village, except that his was the largest. By day he sat on the stump of a tree, which had been brought into his hut, and covered with animal skins. Everyone else sat on the flo...

Hi all, we're looking for somebody seriously interested in a threesome

We are a man looking for two women.

Here's an interesting joke:

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her t...

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I asked my wife to talk to her doctor about a treatment that would make her more interested in sex...

...she came home and dropped a prescription bottle of diet pills on my lap with MY name on it.

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

A programmer and his project manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no other place to sit, except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the woman and the programmer are interested in each other, as they keep looking at each other.

Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is the sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train finally e...

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one...

I'm giving away a couple of puppets, if anyone is interested

No strings attached.

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

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A married couple was on holiday in a remote part of the Arab country side. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with an Arabian accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."

So the couple walked in and the shopkeeper says to them, "I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. They have special power. Dey make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the shopkeeper claimed, but he...

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Disabled legless Parrot. With a bargain.

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh. I wonder what happened to this Parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy shit," the guy replies. "You actually...

Texas sounds like an interesting place

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in th...

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A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book..

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

Every morning, the CEO of a major bank in Manhattan went to the corner where a shoeshine man was always there.

He used to sit on the chair, read the Wall Street Journal, and the shoeshine man gave his shoes a shiny, great look.

One morning, the shoeshine man asks the CEO:
"What do you think of the stock market situation?"

The CEO arrogantly asks him:
"Why are you so interested in this...

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A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane

The man felt bored so he decided to talk to the kid. So he turned to him and asked “How about we talk for a bit?”

Then the kid replied “ok so what do we talk about”

The man (clearly wanting to make fun of the kid) replies “How about nuclear power?”

The kid then catches on to the...

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A little girl has an interesting dream...

In the dream, she was in a circular room, throwing flowers in the air, saying "The flowers are so pretty, the flowers are so pretty."

She went to school the next day and forgot to bring her show-and-tell project because she kept thinking about the dream. It came her turn to go, and she went t...

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A man is in a long line at the grocery store

A man is in a long line at the grocery store. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms. So he asked the checkout girl if she could have some condoms brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to dro...

Today I saw an interesting sign at a picture framing shop.

"SHOOT THE FAMILY, HANG THE KIDS, FRAME THE WIFE."

Just watched an interesting documentary on cocaine...

Going to watch all documentaries this way now!

The poker game

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.

When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les' wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress!

Shocked by this, Jim, upon trying to sit back up again, hit...

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A boy asks his mother, "Mommy, why is my cousin named Barry?"

"Well," says the mother, "your aunt Linda named her son Barry because she likes to eat berries."

"I see," says the boy. "And why is my other cousin named Stu?"

"Well", replies the mother, "you aunt Molly named her son Stu because she likes to eat stew."

"Very interesting. Why is...

A cowboy goes into town to buy a horse…

A cowboy goes into town to buy a horse, and he walks up to the local horse dealer and asks him about the horses he has to offer.

The horse dealer is telling the cowboy about one of the horses when the cowboy begins to lose interest. Out of the corner of his eye, the cowboy’s spotted the most ...

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and Needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz...

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

so there was this rich man and he was throwing a party and he invites all the people in town including the only redneck, Killroy

They were have a great time at this party.. watching the game, drinking beer and bbqing. Then the rich man announces on his loud speaker "Ladies and gentleman, i have a 30 ft man-eating alligator in my pool. Whoever's brave enough to jump into the pool and kill the gator I'll give them 1 million dol...

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

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A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child.

A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child. A boy, who grows to have his father's passion for art. One day when the boy is coming of age they have a big argument and the young man leaves his father's house to go out on his own. He is gone for many years.

During tha...

A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and ...

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A man is seated in 1st class with an open seat next to him.

Anxiously awaiting departure he can't believe his luck when a stunningly beautiful blonde approaches. As she sits down next to him he silently vows to abstain from hitting on her. It's doubtless she's had that happen to her frequently. She settles in and they're off and heading for San Francisco i...

Interestingly enough, scientists have discovered a fascinating new species of frog, named the “Romulan Pond Frog” that has an amazing way of evading predators.

In the press release, scientists showed footage of the frogs using a special call that appeared to disorient predators, leaving them unable to precisely locate the frogs.

Scientists are calling this special call a "croaking device."

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The Little Girl & The Construction Workers

Here's a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This will make you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of your time...


A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day, a construct...

Some construction jobs are more interesting than others.

For example, drilling holes is boring but fastening metal plates together can be riveting.

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I need to Re-Home a small Dog.

It's a very small Terrier that tends to bark a lot. If you are interested.

Let me know and I will jump over my neighbours garden fence and get the fucker for you...........

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Did she marry you for love or interest?

It was for love. Every time I ask her to make sex she shows no interest. So it can only be for love!

A pastor walked by a ranch when he noticed a sign, "Christian Horse for Sale"

Being that the Pastor owned a large ranch, he was immediately interested, and went into the shop.

The owner took the Pastor out to the back, where he saw a beautiful Arabian stallion.

He agreed to allow the Pastor to take a "test run."

The Pastor grabbed the reins. "giddyap." Th...

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Glory!

In an old part of town there's an establishment often visited by a certain kind of people.

In addition to numerous items on display, the purpose of which is unusual but well known to those who frequent the place, there are a number of small booths arranged in pairs, each pair sharing a commo...

The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store.

In the window he sees a record called "wasps of the world, and the sounds they make". Intrigued, he walks into the store.
He says to the shopkeeper "I'll have that wasp record in the window please. You know I'm the world leading expert in wasps, there are thousands of different species of wasp, ...

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

I went on a date with a nice girl and we both had a shared interest but the date didn't go well. What was the shared interest

We both like boys

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A Jew I heard from a Rabbi

Two devout Jewish men walked by a Christian church promoting conversions with $500 for each soul saved. The first fella says to his friend: "Hey Coen, I'm gonna go in there and feign interest to grab some free cash from those putzes bribing people for attendances!" Coen speaks up: "But Sal! You're a...

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A couple meet in a bar, and over a few drinks discover a mutual interest in kinky sex, so they adjourn back to her place.

She excuses herself to go change into something a little more...else. Twenty-some minutes later she comes back out wearing an executioner's hood, elbow length opera gloves, under-bust hourglass corset, spiked thong, stockings, and thigh-high, stiletto heel boots. She cracks a bullwhip and says, "On ...

One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.

One day when Jesus was relaxing in Heaven, He happened to notice a familiar-looking old man.

Wondering if the old man was His father Joseph, Jesus asked him, "Did you, by any chance, ever have a son?"

"Yes," said the old man, "but he wasn't my biological son. He was born by a miracle, ...

The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.

 
At the Baptist church, the squirre...

I've always been interested by the way different cultures say farewell

I guess you could say I'm bye curious

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Do you smoke?

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a da...

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George and Ted are showering after a workout when George notices that Ted's penis is about nine inches long.

"You were lucky to be blessed with such a huge penis!" says George.

"I wasn't blessed," replies Ted. "I had to work for it. I did it by masturbating once every day for two years, using butter as a lubricant. I know it sounds crazy, but this thing used to be only five inches long!"

"Tha...

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

For richer or poorer

I asked my wife if she'd be interested in investing some of her money in stocks, like I invest mine.

She responded: "No, because if you'll get rich, I'll be rich, too."

So I asked her if the reverse is also true. Her response was:

"Sure! If I'll become poor, you'll be poor, too...

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I'm thinking of leaving the wife as she hasn't been interested in sex since our daughter died, but I can't do it just yet.

The ambulance is blocking my car in.

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Farmer John and his bull

There was this farmer, Farmer John, who had a prize-winning bull.
Unfortunately, at the beginning of the breeding season, the bull had no interest in mating. Couldn't get it up at all.

Farmer John called Bill the veterinarian to come out and look at the bull. Bill checked the bull all over...

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An old grandma is taking care of her grandson for the summer before he leaves for college...

One day, the boy brings a male friend home, seeming to be very secretive about their activities, but the grandmother doesn't think much of it.

She understands why they are secretive; her son and daughter-in-law are peculiarly homophobic. She doesn't agree with that and wishes to tell her gran...

I grew up in an interesting home...

My father was Irish and my mother is German. That means that every once in a while they would get drunk and try to take over the world.

A Gambler Retires

This guy had a serious gambling problem, but thankfully tended win quite often. He amassed a colossal sum of money over many decades of his vice, and decided to retire to somewhere far away. He ran across pictures online of a location that seemed to be perfect for him: a mountainous region in Easter...

I’ve always had an interest in combining fashion and art.

Too bad FART isn’t a major.

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”



"Because…He’s my newt.

this has a interesting twist

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention ...

Could I interest you in a show about stairs?

It’s a multi-step program!

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

What did the banker say when he heard inflation was at an all time high?

That really peaks my interest

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"Wow, this is interesting." I said to the wife, as I scanned the web page...

"It says here that although less than half a dozen giant squid have ever been seen alive, scientists believe there may be over five hundred million of them in our oceans."

"Why the fuck are you telling me this?" She snapped. "You're supposed to be looking up some cool tattoo designs for my ar...

I was sitting in a bar one day and two women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"

One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, dumbo!"

So I corrected myself, "Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

That's about as far as I remember.

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

 Sisters of St. Francis House of Prostitution

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye..it reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES. He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on with out a second thought.
Soon he sees another sign which reads...

Most people want to be bankers when they grow up

But at this rate they are gonna lose interest

Does anyone know where I could find people with similar interests to regularly hang out with?

Asking for a friend.

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My uncle was vegan. That made his porn interesting.

The first porno I saw was Debbie Does Sallad.

I modified this KGB joke by myself (Not a repost)

**My friend told me this joke**

> A woman is flirting with a Russian man at a bar.

> Woman : "Hi, handsome, what do you do for a living?"

> The Russian : "I work for KGB."

> Woman : "Cool, tell me an interesting story!"

> Russian : "About me or...

Putin gets a haircut

Putin goes to the Kremlin barbershop to get a haircut. While cutting his hair, the barber keeps on and on asking and talking about the 'special operation' in Ukraine.

Putin snaps:

- You seem to be overly interested about Ukraine... Don't you understand what happens to people who are to...

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The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army,

The leader of China calls Biden and says: "Hey man, we haven't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?" To which Biden said: "Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big showdown but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the Covid crysis, Superbowl......

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news...

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

The Wife caught me on the Internet last night. She said “ What are you looking for “.?… “Cheap Flights” I said….and she started jumping around all excited like…..

Which I found rather strange,, she’s never shown any interest in darts before.

A man went into a music shop

A man went into a music shop looking for a new instrument.

The owner introduced him to a lot of different instruments: flutes, trumpets, drums and guitars but none of them caught the man's interest.

The man nearly gives up when he spots a saxophone hanging in the corner. He tries it an...

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Silent and not smelly…

A man goes to the doctor’s office and waits for his turn to be seen. Once inside, the doctor asks him what’s wrong.

Man: I have a weird problem, doc. It doesn’t affect anyone else but is a minor inconvenience for me. I thought I should see you and get it checked anyway.

Doctor: Ahem.. ...

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

Interesting Parliaments.

Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are stupid.

Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.

Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not stupid.

Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.

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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

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A reclusive cowboy goes into town one day to fix his tools.

Whilst waiting for the job to be completed he goes next door to the saloon and sits himself at the bar.

Bartender: “How can I help you today sir”

Cowboy: “I want a whiskey and a women”

Bartender: “I sure can help you with that whiskey Sir, but we ain’t got no women workin’ today...

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist

She's a great lady, has a lot of my same interests, and is really a kind person. She's just really irritating in bed.

She's always saying, "So do like it better like this... or like this?"

My 14 year old is finally taking an interest in me. Last night he asked me my date of birth.

Then he asked me what street I grew up on.

This morning he even asked where I met his mom and what was the name of my first pet! ❤❤❤❤❤

A man stopped at a bar. He saw an elderly man fishing in a small puddle in front.

Interested, the man invited the elderly man into the bar and said, "Let me buy you a drink."

Inside he asked, "What were you doing out there?"

"Fishing."

"How much did you catch?"

"You are the seventh person."

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A man is at the bar, talking about his best friend, Max, being interested in his girlfriend.

"I understand I may be overreacting, but I'm still kinda worried like what happened to my ex." The bartender tells him "You'll be fine, just ask if there's a misunderstanding and try to clear it up." He thanks the bartender and goes home.

When he opened the door, he found Max having sex with ...

A drug addict calls the police to report something interesting

The police officer, interested, asks. "What is it?"

The addict responds. "Okay, I-"

The officer interrupts, quickly making sure they're not on drugs "You're sober right now, right?"

"Yes, this happened when I was sober too."

All seems okay to this point. "Okay, go on."...

Why was the number 19 interested in 7?

Because she heard 7 8 9 and she wanted to be the next one.

Treadmill joke.

So, I wake up early, drink some energy drinks and ride my treadmill to stay healthy. I'm feeling very confident with my workout and put in more time, running harder and for longer. Eventually I want to continue my success onto the rowing machine and so I start to wrap up, looking to the little scree...

How do you know if your love interest is into you?

Invite them to the gym. If they show up...



...then you know you're working out.

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Three Professors travel in a train in Switzerland...

A professor of sociology, a professor of mathematics and a professor of philosophy travel to a congress by train into Switzerland.

Looking out of the windows, the professor of sociology sees a black sheep.

"How interesting" he exclaims. "it appears there are black sheep in Switzerland"...

Two guys are in a bar complaining how they can't pick up any woman

When one points at a man sitting alone at the table. "Look at that ugly mug. We are both better looking, have nicer clothes and more money. Yet every night he take a woman home, sometimes two at the same time." "True that!" agrees his friend, "we try to talk to girls, get them interested in us. He d...

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The accommodating wife

A woman complains to her friend that her husband is losing interest in sex, and he prefers nights out with the lads to the joys of copulation. Her friend tells her that to win his love she must make more effort. She advises her to cook a slap-up meal and then send him drinking with his pals down the...

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A man and his wife are on their bed one night

Their marriage has been on the rocks lately, and the wife blames it on the newfound piousness of the husband. Even now, she's trying to sleep early for work tomorrow but the man still has the lamp on; reading his bible in silence.

She didn't mind it at first, but then her husband started losi...

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Three guys are waiting in line to get into Heaven.

St. Peter calls out to thee tree guys: "We don't have a lot of space in Heaven, so who ever tells be the most interesting death stories will get in!" The first man walks up and begins his story. "I came home one day from a bad day to find my wife naked on the bed. I suspected that she was cheating w...

A wild man walked into a bar.

A big bulky man covered in filth and dirt walked into a bar and started to insult everyone.

He smashed the bottles and drank like a wild man. Soon everyone had left the bar in disgust.

Except for an old man, who just watched the wild man with interest.

So the wild man walked ov...

Sucks how every girl I'm interested in is either taken

or has good taste in men

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

Anyone interested in some 2nd-Hand ANA carbines?

They've never been used, and only dropped once.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.

The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'.

So we stopped playing chess.

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Fresh broccoli

A man walks into a grocery store and looks around the produce section for a bit, finally he finds a worker in produce and asks: "hello, I'm looking for the broccoli." The worker frowns and replies back, "I'm sorry, sir, but broccoli is out of season and we don't currently have it in stock. Can we in...

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A boy starts his first day at Walmart.

His trainer says to him "I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd.”

So the trainer goes to the first customer and says "Can I help you, m’am?" Lady goes "I'm looking for some garden hose.”

Trainer "Okay 10, 20 or 30 ft?"

L...

A few years back there was a spike of interest in games that were played with a racket and a ball. I don’t recall exactly what year...

...but it was around two thousand and tennish

Farmer Giles is worried about the performance of his prize bull

Farmer Giles is worried about the performance of his prize bull; he doesn't seem to be interested in the cows. So he goes to the vet who prescribes a course of pills for the bull.

A few weeks later, a friend comes by and asks Farmer Giles how the bull is getting on.

"Just great!" says ...

One of my friends was telling me he was thinking about a once in a lifetime chance to buy a bridge in Brooklyn

I said, if you’re interested in that, I have some NFTs that you’ve just got to see!

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Looks like f***ing up here

A man, his wife and a good-looking stranger are stranded on a desert island. The wife quickly loses interest in her husband and begins flirting with the good-looking stranger. The three start to build a watchtower.

The stranger offers to take first watch. While the husband and wife gather dr...

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