The 127+ Best Interest Jokes

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.

I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

What do you call a person who keeps on talking after everyone's lost interest?

A teacher

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the ta...

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don’t really care.

Just watched an interesting documentary on cocaine...

Going to watch all documentaries this way now!

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

I remember meeting a guy, before the days of the Internet, who wanted to try and start a new 'Joke Format' and I'm interested to see if it catches on.

It's like a 'knock knock' Joke in that you have a set-up line response sort of thing like this:

1. 'I started a new business'
2. 'Oh yeah? What business are you in'
1. 'The Rollercoaster business'
2. 'And how's business?'
1. 'it has its ups and downs'

Or

1. 'I s...

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An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.

I told her that I was mainly into feet and anal.

I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

Would anyone be interested in being my companion?

Asking for a friend

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

"Because…He’s my newt.

Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?

In the bookstore, under "fiction".

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What is the one food that can make a woman lose all interest in sex?

Wedding cake.

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife lose interest in having...

Sex. The doctor gives him a flask and warned: "Put only 5 drops in her drink, but no more than 5 understand? Its very strong". In the night, before the wife come home from work, the man make dinner and a couple drinks. He put the 5 drops on her glass but then he thinks: "Was too long since the last ...

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There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

My new pickup line: Hey, are you an interest rate?

Because I’d love to Compound you.

A journalist is tasked with writing a human interest piece on the Western Wall in Jerusalem.

He decides he will take a month and observe those who come to pray. After a few days he notices one elderly man who arrives at the same time each day. The old man struggles to kneel before the wall, prays for ten minutes, struggles to stand, and then leaves.

The next day, the journalist appr...

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

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Interesting fact about myself: (1) my penis is not as long as a footlong sub

(2) I'm banned from Subway

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make things interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

A recent article in the Times reported that a woman, Anita Patel, has sued a reputed Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in her.

A hospital spokesman replied in court: Mr. Patel was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was corrected his eyesight.

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

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I thought I had no interest in sex until I met a Canadian woman...

Turns out I'm Eh?sexual

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

My 14 year old is finally taking an interest in me. Last night he asked me my date of birth.

Then he asked me what street I grew up on.

This morning he even asked where I met his mom and what was the name of my first pet! ❤❤❤❤❤

(Part joke, part advice) One of the first signs that your partner is losing interest is…

That…

all their savings are in a savings account.

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

My wife told me she was interested in having a threesome.

And I get the house all to myself for the night!

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A couple meet in a bar, and over a few drinks discover a mutual interest in kinky sex, so they adjourn back to her place.

She excuses herself to go change into something a little more...else. Twenty-some minutes later she comes back out wearing an executioner's hood, elbow length opera gloves, under-bust hourglass corset, spiked thong, stockings, and thigh-high, stiletto heel boots. She cracks a bullwhip and says, "On ...

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

A woman in her forties tells her doctor, “My husband has completely lost interest in me”.

He gives her a bottle of drops, and tells her: “Put three drops in his dinner, no more, no less”.

She then goes home and makes dumplings. Right before the time he usually gets home from work, she puts three drops in, but then remembers how apathetic he is, and goes for the whole bottle.
...

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

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A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child.

A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child. A boy, who grows to have his father's passion for art. One day when the boy is coming of age they have a big argument and the young man leaves his father's house to go out on his own. He is gone for many years.

During tha...

Met a guy who was really interested in what people said when they leave

Told me he was bye-curious.

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Did she marry you for love or interest?

It was for love. Every time I ask her to make sex she shows no interest. So it can only be for love!

I went on a date with a nice girl and we both had a shared interest but the date didn't go well. What was the shared interest

We both like boys

Pigeons must be very interested in chemistry...

I've only heard them talk about esters!

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My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..

At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

If anyone says you have to work 365 days in 2020 in order to succeed, they don’t have your best interests in mind and is preaching toxic hustle culture

You need to work 366 days cause it’s a leap year

What's interesting is that this joke can now be reused and instead of Soviet Union we can just say; current day Russia

In Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:

'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'

The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.

So he pays for the car in advance, and ju...

They were perfect friends, so they had interesting conversations.

So one of them asked, "If you had three cars, would you give me one?"
"Of course, we are friends."
"And if you had three houses, would you give me one?"
"Of course, we are friends."
"And if you had three girlfriends, would you give me one?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Becaus...

An interesting fact about karl marx and Olympics

Karl Marx had a sister named Onya that was an Olympic athlete. She is still honored today, her name is invoked at the start of every foot race.

Interesting creature!

What is Green and Brown, has 22 Balls, Eight Legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A Pool table

How do you know if your love interest is into you?

Invite them to the gym. If they show up...

♦

...then you know you're working out.

Something interesting has been revealed by a recent poll.

Many people are swayed by a common opinion.

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Two interesting facts about me:

1: My Penis is the exact length of two IKEA pencils.

2: I've got a lifetime ban from IKEA!

Ancient cultures had interesting and unique philosophies

For example, if you asked the question: “What separates man from animals?” You would get vastly different answers.

The Greeks would say “Philosophy and Law”

The Chinese would say “Morals and Art”

The Romans would say “The Mediterranean and the Danube”

Could I interest you in a show about stairs?

It’s a multi-step program!

The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind....

WHO cares

I’ve always had an interest in combining fashion and art.

Too bad FART isn’t a major.

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news...

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Buck was selling his car and and girl name Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3000 and a blow job?” He said that sounds great . . .

He was happy he got the Kelly Blew Buck price.

I've got a friend with ADHD and, interestingly, he seems to be sharper than most people.

I guess that he's got AD4K.

Interesting fact: T-Shirt is short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt…

Because of the short arms.

I put out a poll to see if anyone out there was interested in insect based burgers.

All I’m hearing is crickets!

Hi all, we're looking for somebody seriously interested in a threesome

We are a man looking for two women.

A few years back there was a spike of interest in games that were played with a racket and a ball. I don’t recall exactly what year...

...but it was around two thousand and tennish

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I asked an employee at the bank if they had any specials or promotions on loans and she said "Yeah! Zero interest!"

To which I responded, "Uhhhh, then can you maybe fuckin go find someone who's *interested* in helping me?"

People can be so rude.

In the Best Interest of the Child...

Miami, FL (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Miami courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custo...

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

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A mechanics professor is noticing his class is losing interest...

... so he decides to ask them a question to keep them on their toes.

*"What,"* he asks the class *"is the rate of change of speed?"*

*"Acceleration"* retorts the class.

*"And what, is the rate of change of Acceleration?"*

A couple of students in the class raises their han...

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

I think it's interesting how people sleep differently

I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town

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I asked my wife to talk to her doctor about a treatment that would make her more interested in sex...

...she came home and dropped a prescription bottle of diet pills on my lap with MY name on it.

There's an interesting feature on your car that you don't know about...

Just like there are brake lights for the brake pedal, there are also gaslights for the gas pedal. No, I didn't make that up, everyone has them. I swear. Have you ever read the owners manual? Everyone knows about them, I'm surprised that you don't. How do not know about the gaslighting?

An interesting hack

How did the hacker escape the police?

He ransomwhere

A friend started telling me about his new found interest in backwards origami...

I'll let you know how it all unfolds.

A redditor with an interest in fencing was on r/rareinsults

He found an amusing and witty retort, and was about to upvote, but alas he remembered. It was a riposte

Anyone can make $1m a year by simply putting $50m in a bank for the interest. Bit not everyone knows how to earn $50m. I do

Put $2.5b in a bank.

I traded my car to get my interest rates lowered

It worked, women are now less interested in me.

Woody Harrelson was heard recently to have increased interest in computer technology

Especially the RAM part.

Interesting Research

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.

Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, pl...

Man walks into a bank asking for an Interest-Free Checking account

"Who cares?" the receptionist says and sighs.

So I saw an ad near a bank for interest-free loans

I went inside to ask for one but no one gave a f\*\*\*

The world leading expert on wasps is walking down the street when he passes a record store.

In the window he sees a record called "wasps of the world, and the sounds they make". Intrigued, he walks into the store.
He says to the shopkeeper "I'll have that wasp record in the window please. You know I'm the world leading expert in wasps, there are thousands of different species of wasp, ...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

Texas sounds like an interesting place

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in th...

Why do zombies have no interest in solving easy puzzles?

Because they are no-brainers.

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

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An interesting story

There once was a King of a tribe in Africa. He lived in a huge, round house made of grass, typical of all the others in the village, except that his was the largest. By day he sat on the stump of a tree, which had been brought into his hut, and covered with animal skins. Everyone else sat on the flo...

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

A guy at the beach hears from his friends that chicks will show more interest in you if you put a potato in your swim trunks.

He tries this for a while but gets flustered when all the girls keep pointing and laughing at him.
So his friends explain to him that you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your bathing suit.

Asparagus is an interesting meal, not only does it affect your diuretic system, it also helps with hunches and gut feelings.

When you eat asparagus, you can trust urine stinks.

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I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with an interest in bestiality.

But eventually I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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King Richard’s coronation must have been interesting.

Everyone was waiting patiently for a good Dick King.

If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books today at Barnes & Noble from 6 pm...

until I'm removed by security.

Some construction jobs are more interesting than others.

For example, drilling holes is boring but fastening metal plates together can be riveting.

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A business man is leaving his wife for a week and has concerns about her straying while away.

He visits a number of adult toy stores looking for something that will keep his wife "busy" while he's gone. After hours of searching he eventually stumbles into a Chinese Herb and Erotic Tincture shop in Chinatown. After telling the old man running the store of his dilemma, the old shopkeeper think...

There was once a very successful farmer from Texas…

There was once a very successful farmer from Texas who started gaining interest in his ancestry. After doing some digging, he traced his lineage back to a small town in Ireland. And lo and behold, they were a family of farmers. So he packed his bags and took a trip to Ireland to visit the small town...

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There was a businessman whose wife was REALLY into sex.

He was a hardworking guy but still managed to satisfy his wife's needs.

One time he had to leave for another country for a business meet. He would've been gone for a week.
He knew his wife's sex drive and didn't want to take risks so he thought he should gift her something so she can sat...

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Do you smoke?

Lady: Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes I do.

Lady: How many packs a day?

Guy: 3 packs.

Lady: How much per pack?

Guy: $10.00 per pack.

Lady: And how long have you been smoking?

Guy: 15 years

Lady: So 1 pack is $10.00 and you have been smoking 3 packs a da...

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

I’m trying to get my mom to understand my interest in plasma

But she keeps telling me that it’s just a phase

this has a interesting twist

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention ...

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A little girl has an interesting dream...

In the dream, she was in a circular room, throwing flowers in the air, saying "The flowers are so pretty, the flowers are so pretty."

She went to school the next day and forgot to bring her show-and-tell project because she kept thinking about the dream. It came her turn to go, and she went t...

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My sons school was having "career day". When he came home, he was complaining that there wasn't any information available in his fields of interest.

I said "what do you want to after high school?"

He replies "either be a pizza delivery man or a pool skimmer" ..........

I'm pretty sure the little shit found my porn stash.

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

Here's an interesting joke:

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her t...

Today I saw an interesting sign at a picture framing shop.

"SHOOT THE FAMILY, HANG THE KIDS, FRAME THE WIFE."

I'm giving away a couple of puppets, if anyone is interested

No strings attached.

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

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A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"

One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"

The bartender ...

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A frustrated wife goes to the doctor (long)

"Doctor, you have to help me. I've been married 30 years to my husband and I feel he's lost all interest in me. You know, phisically speaking. He barely looks at me, let alone have sex with me. Oh, I really miss the good old times where we had wonderful sex multiple times a week, there must be somet...

Interestingly enough, scientists have discovered a fascinating new species of frog, named the “Romulan Pond Frog” that has an amazing way of evading predators.

In the press release, scientists showed footage of the frogs using a special call that appeared to disorient predators, leaving them unable to precisely locate the frogs.

Scientists are calling this special call a "croaking device."

A man goes into an antiques dealership carrying a violin and a painting. "Hi. I found these in the loft of the house I've just bought. I'm interested in having them valued with a view to selling them." The owner, duly fascinated takes them into the back to give them the once over.

"Very interesting." he tells the man on his return. "You realise, you've got a genuine Rembrandt and a bona fide Stradivarius here."

"That's wonderful- I'm rich!" exclaims the man.

"Not so fast, son." replies the dealer- "Rembrandt violins are notorious poor quality and Stradivarius co...

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Little girl lands position as construction boss.

**A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.**

**The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing ...

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?

They’re all at least 18 years old.

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I'm thinking of leaving the wife as she hasn't been interested in sex since our daughter died, but I can't do it just yet.

The ambulance is blocking my car in.

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I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

Interesting Parliaments.

Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are stupid.

Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.

Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not stupid.

Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.

I grew up in an interesting home...

My father was Irish and my mother is German. That means that every once in a while they would get drunk and try to take over the world.

I told this joke today when asked to stand up and introduce yourself to the group, and say something interesting about yourself ...

So this guy dies and goes to hell. He finds himself in a nice room with a group of other people. Satan stands up and says, "Welcome to Hell!" The guy thinks to himself, "well, this doesn't seem so awful." Then Satan says, "I'd like each of you to introduce yourself, and tell us something interes...

A charity worker stopped me in the street and asked if I was interested in taking part in a marathon.

I was going to decline but he told me it was for disabled kids and children with severe learning difficulties. I thought "damn, I might actually win this".

I've always been interested by the way different cultures say farewell

I guess you could say I'm bye curious

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My uncle was vegan. That made his porn interesting.

The first porno I saw was Debbie Does Sallad.

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