Interest Jokes - 123 Hilarious Interest Jokes

Would anyone be interested in being my companion?

Asking for a friend

A man is told the local bank offers mortgages with no interest

The man enters the bank.

Man: I’m here to find out about the mortgage

Employee: I don’t really care.

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.

I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."

I asked what happens when they do.

"We get another sheep."

What do you call a person who keeps on talking after everyone's lost interest?

A teacher

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that.

About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you...

A lawyer sits next to a blonde on a plane, and he really wants her to notice him, but she shows no interest.

The lawyer is not used to being rejected, so he says:

"Let's play a game. We go back and forth and ask each other questions, and if you don't know the answer, you give the person $5."

The blonde isn't interested, and she declines.

After 20 minutes of silence, the lawyer says:...

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A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife lose interest in having...

Sex. The doctor gives him a flask and warned: "Put only 5 drops in her drink, but no more than 5 understand? Its very strong". In the night, before the wife come home from work, the man make dinner and a couple drinks. He put the 5 drops on her glass but then he thinks: "Was too long since the last ...

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An attractive woman once asked if I was more interested in breasts or legs.

I told her that I was mainly into feet and anal.

I'm no longer welcome at that KFC restaurant.

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

Just watched an interesting documentary on cocaine...

Going to watch all documentaries this way now!

"An interesting title" doesn't sparks interest

Two men are walking down the street when they happen upon a dog licking his balls, The first man says " Boy, I wish I could do that" The second guy says" I tried once and he bit me".

My new pickup line: Hey, are you an interest rate?

Because I’d love to Compound you.

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?

In the bookstore, under "fiction".

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What is the one food that can make a woman lose all interest in sex?

Wedding cake.

When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested or you're level 99 friend-zoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet

I remember meeting a guy, before the days of the Internet, who wanted to try and start a new 'Joke Format' and I'm interested to see if it catches on.

It's like a 'knock knock' Joke in that you have a set-up line response sort of thing like this:

1. 'I started a new business'
2. 'Oh yeah? What business are you in'
1. 'The Rollercoaster business'
2. 'And how's business?'
1. 'it has its ups and downs'

Or

1. 'I s...

A journalist is tasked with writing a human interest piece on the Western Wall in Jerusalem.

He decides he will take a month and observe those who come to pray. After a few days he notices one elderly man who arrives at the same time each day. The old man struggles to kneel before the wall, prays for ten minutes, struggles to stand, and then leaves.

The next day, the journalist appr...

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Interesting fact about myself: (1) my penis is not as long as a footlong sub

(2) I'm banned from Subway

I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make things interesting."

So we stopped playing chess.

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?”

"Because…He’s my newt.

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I thought I had no interest in sex until I met a Canadian woman...

Turns out I'm Eh?sexual

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

Interesting creature!

What is Green and Brown, has 22 Balls, Eight Legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A Pool table

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I'm trying to build interest for my new children's book

It's about a vixen whose tail hurts, and each page after the introduction is a new animal trying to help her heal or deal with the pain. Sadly, every publisher I've contacted has rejected the manuscript outright.

I'm not giving up, though. "For Fox' ache" will find it's audience someday.

Male Logic...

***Woman: And how long have you been drinking?***

***Man: About 20 years, I suppose***

***Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 ...correct?***

***Woman: Do you know that if ...

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Did she marry you for love or interest?

It was for love. Every time I ask her to make sex she shows no interest. So it can only be for love!

I went on a date with a nice girl and we both had a shared interest but the date didn't go well. What was the shared interest

We both like boys

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Two interesting facts about me:

1: My Penis is the exact length of two IKEA pencils.

2: I've got a lifetime ban from IKEA!

My wife told me she was interested in having a threesome.

And I get the house all to myself for the night!

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There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses, the results were pretty interesting...

30% of women think their ass is too fat,

10% of women think their ass is too skinny,

The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he is a good man, and wouldn't trade him for the world.

Roy Moore is no longer interested in this year..

Because it’s officially ‘18

Interesting fact about Mahatma Gandhi

If you've ever seen the film about Gandhi, you know that he was famous for walking everywhere. But what they don't show in the film is that he was able to do this because he'd built up enormous callouses on his feet. And even though his body was very frail, his Hindu faith and devotion to meditation...

Pigeons must be very interested in chemistry...

I've only heard them talk about esters!

Interesting Research

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

Ancient cultures had interesting and unique philosophies

For example, if you asked the question: “What separates man from animals?” You would get vastly different answers.

The Greeks would say “Philosophy and Law”

The Chinese would say “Morals and Art”

The Romans would say “The Mediterranean and the Danube”

The history and reasons why France switched to the metric system is very interesting

But to make a long story short, it was Napoleon.

My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100.

I lost Interest in that relationship.

Could I interest you in a show about stairs?

It’s a multi-step program!

An interesting hack

How did the hacker escape the police?

He ransomwhere

I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

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My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

An interesting fact about karl marx and Olympics

Karl Marx had a sister named Onya that was an Olympic athlete. She is still honored today, her name is invoked at the start of every foot race.

They were perfect friends, so they had interesting conversations.

So one of them asked, "If you had three cars, would you give me one?"
"Of course, we are friends."
"And if you had three houses, would you give me one?"
"Of course, we are friends."
"And if you had three girlfriends, would you give me one?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Becaus...

(Part joke, part advice) One of the first signs that your partner is losing interest is…

That…

all their savings are in a savings account.

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A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child.

A man who has an interest in painters and their works has a child. A boy, who grows to have his father's passion for art. One day when the boy is coming of age they have a big argument and the young man leaves his father's house to go out on his own. He is gone for many years.

During tha...

My 14 year old is finally taking an interest in me. Last night he asked me my date of birth.

Then he asked me what street I grew up on.

This morning he even asked where I met his mom and what was the name of my first pet! ❤❤❤❤❤

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"

One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"

The bartender ...

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An interesting story

There once was a King of a tribe in Africa. He lived in a huge, round house made of grass, typical of all the others in the village, except that his was the largest. By day he sat on the stump of a tree, which had been brought into his hut, and covered with animal skins. Everyone else sat on the flo...

A woman in her forties tells her doctor, “My husband has completely lost interest in me”.

He gives her a bottle of drops, and tells her: “Put three drops in his dinner, no more, no less”.

She then goes home and makes dumplings. Right before the time he usually gets home from work, she puts three drops in, but then remembers how apathetic he is, and goes for the whole bottle.
...

In the Best Interest of the Child...

Miami, FL (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Miami courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custo...

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A man and his wife are on their bed one night

Their marriage has been on the rocks lately, and the wife blames it on the newfound piousness of the husband. Even now, she's trying to sleep early for work tomorrow but the man still has the lamp on; reading his bible in silence.

She didn't mind it at first, but then her husband started losi...

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A boy starts his first day at Walmart.

His trainer says to him "I'll take care of the first 2 customers to show you how it's done and you can look after the 3rd.”

So the trainer goes to the first customer and says "Can I help you, m’am?" Lady goes "I'm looking for some garden hose.”

Trainer "Okay 10, 20 or 30 ft?"

L...

The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind....

WHO cares

Interesting Parliaments.

Member of Parliament: Mr speaker, half of the members in this house are stupid.

Speaker: Honourable member please withdraw that statement.

Member of parliament: My apologies Mr speaker, half of members in this house are not stupid.

Speaker: Thank you, lets move on.

Something interesting has been revealed by a recent poll.

Many people are swayed by a common opinion.

How do you know if your love interest is into you?

Invite them to the gym. If they show up...

♦

...then you know you're working out.

Met a guy who was really interested in what people said when they leave

Told me he was bye-curious.

Interesting fact: T-Shirt is short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt…

Because of the short arms.

Texas sounds like an interesting place

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, “Wow, these seats are big!” The person next to him answered, “Everything is big in Texas.”

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in th...

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

I’ve always had an interest in combining fashion and art.

Too bad FART isn’t a major.

I think it's interesting how people sleep differently

I usually sleep on my back, my brother sleeps on his stomach, and my ex sleeps with half of this town

We broke up because we had a conflict of interest

She wasn’t interested

this has a interesting twist

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention ...

Here's an interesting joke:

The moon shown silver on the waters of the lake, and the waves that were
beating on the shore were hardly equal in intensity to the waves of
passion nearby. One ardent couple paused long enough for the young man to
whisper, "Darling am I the first man to make love to you ?"
Her t...

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There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

Hi all, we're looking for somebody seriously interested in a threesome

We are a man looking for two women.

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What is the similarity between a bank and sex?

In both cases, you lose interest after a withdrawal.

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A mechanics professor is noticing his class is losing interest...

... so he decides to ask them a question to keep them on their toes.

*"What,"* he asks the class *"is the rate of change of speed?"*

*"Acceleration"* retorts the class.

*"And what, is the rate of change of Acceleration?"*

A couple of students in the class raises their han...

Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan?

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest.

An interesting title

In high school kids used to say i resembled a large bird so they would exclude me from activities.

I guess that would make me Ostrich-sized

I traded my car to get my interest rates lowered

It worked, women are now less interested in me.

Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?

Because he only dated mummies.

A redditor with an interest in fencing was on r/rareinsults

He found an amusing and witty retort, and was about to upvote, but alas he remembered. It was a riposte

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A little girl has an interesting dream...

In the dream, she was in a circular room, throwing flowers in the air, saying "The flowers are so pretty, the flowers are so pretty."

She went to school the next day and forgot to bring her show-and-tell project because she kept thinking about the dream. It came her turn to go, and she went t...

Why do zombies have no interest in solving easy puzzles?

Because they are no-brainers.

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King Richard’s coronation must have been interesting.

Everyone was waiting patiently for a good Dick King.

Some construction jobs are more interesting than others.

For example, drilling holes is boring but fastening metal plates together can be riveting.

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Interesting Stat.

While talking to girl:

"Hey, I heard an interesting stat the other day. They said that 80% of women masturbate in the shower. Know what the other 20% do?"

"No, what?"

"Yea, I figured you were in the first group."

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

Woody Harrelson was heard recently to have increased interest in computer technology

Especially the RAM part.

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I've lost interest in dating

I decided to tell my therapist that archaeology just wasn't my thing anymore.

What do public interest lawyers and U2 fans have in common?

They’re pro Bono.

Interesting fact

There are more planes in the sea than submarines in the sky.

-my brother

Man walks into a bank asking for an Interest-Free Checking account

"Who cares?" the receptionist says and sighs.

A friend started telling me about his new found interest in backwards origami...

I'll let you know how it all unfolds.

In recent weeks, interest in reading long works of fiction has gone way down

Due to the novel coronavirus

Interesting

Interesting, isn’t it, that "take out" refers to food, romantic dating, and assassination.

I grew up in an interesting home...

My father was Irish and my mother is German. That means that every once in a while they would get drunk and try to take over the world.

I’ve been studying gemmology, I’ve always had an interest it it

You could say I find it facet-nating

I've got a friend with ADHD and, interestingly, he seems to be sharper than most people.

I guess that he's got AD4K.

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A couple meet in a bar, and over a few drinks discover a mutual interest in kinky sex, so they adjourn back to her place.

She excuses herself to go change into something a little more...else. Twenty-some minutes later she comes back out wearing an executioner's hood, elbow length opera gloves, under-bust hourglass corset, spiked thong, stockings, and thigh-high, stiletto heel boots. She cracks a bullwhip and says, "On ...

There's an interesting feature on your car that you don't know about...

Just like there are brake lights for the brake pedal, there are also gaslights for the gas pedal. No, I didn't make that up, everyone has them. I swear. Have you ever read the owners manual? Everyone knows about them, I'm surprised that you don't. How do not know about the gaslighting?

A 55 year old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: "why the change in your interest to swimming now a days?"

The lady, with a look of helplessness replied: "Whenever my son and daughter-in-law quarrel with each other my Daughter-in-law always asks my son : - "If your mom and I fall into water, whom will y...

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I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with an interest in bestiality.

But eventually I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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Interesting fact:

Before cyanobacteria, the progenitor of photosynthesis, earth was mostly oxygen-poor and dominated by anaerobic (can live in and thrive without oxygen) bacteria. Most of these bacteria were strict anaerobes, meaning oxygen would kill them. After cyanobacteria evolved, earth became flooded with oxyge...

It's interesting how different a US president looks at the end of their presidency. Obama had gray hair. Bush had a bunch of wrinkles..

At the end of JFKs presidency, half of his head was missing.

An interesting title

What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken Caesar salad

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Sex after Surgery

A recent article in the Dominion Post reported that a woman has sued Wellington Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?

They’re all at least 18 years old.

anyone interested in a good Sherlock Holmes joke?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see million...

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My uncle was vegan. That made his porn interesting.

The first porno I saw was Debbie Does Sallad.

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

I'm giving away a couple of puppets, if anyone is interested

No strings attached.

.......but we try to have a few outside interests as well.’

A woman from Chicago attended a party in New York where
the hostess was determined to make her mid-west guest feel
cheap and unimportant.
‘My dear,’ said the New York matron snobbishly, ‘here in the
east we think breeding is everything.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the Chicago woman. ‘Wh...

Why was the number 19 interested in 7?

Because she heard 7 8 9 and she wanted to be the next one.

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

Wow Interesting

Coronavirus has actually lowered the overall death toll in Chicago

Today I saw an interesting sign at a picture framing shop.

"SHOOT THE FAMILY, HANG THE KIDS, FRAME THE WIFE."

So I learned some interesting things today

I get a kick out of words and word histories, so reading up I learned the word "CENTURION" came from the old Latin word for one hundred, because they were an officer in charge of one hundred soldiers. I also learned that the term "DECIMATE" comes from a collective punishment centurions would mete o...

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An interesting sound

A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a st...

I’m trying to get my mom to understand my interest in plasma

But she keeps telling me that it’s just a phase

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A interesting genie loophole

Genie: you have three wishes.

Me: I wish for more-

Genie: no wishing for more wishes!

Me: I wish for more *genies*.

Genie: holy shit.

All the new genies: holy shit.

What's interesting is that this joke can now be reused and instead of Soviet Union we can just say; current day Russia

In Russia a Man Goes to Buy a Car...

He goes up to the owner and asks for a car, to which the owner responds:

'You know there is a 10 year waiting list?'

The man then answers, 'OK,' and after some time he then agreed to buy a car.

So he pays for the car in advance, and ju...

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news...

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I asked my biology teacher how he makes his class so interesting

He told me: Sex cells.

Interesting shell tattoo

I once dated a girl with a tattoo of a shell in her inner thigh. If you put your ear to it you could smell the ocean

Sucks how every girl I'm interested in is either taken

or has good taste in men

An interesting title

Me [trying to keep the conversation going] : so, what do you do for a living??

Barber [slowly stops cutting my hair] : ....

A most interesting fellow

A man is walking down the street and runs into a rather strange looking fellow. He's wearing a dark hood obscuring much of his face, so he goes to investigate. He soon realizes that the hooded figure had no face at all.

"Excuse me, sir," the man asked the hooded figure, "do you mind taking o...

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