I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated.

I lost interest in that relationship

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girl asked me to show more interest in her family...

...so I fucked her sister.

I’m trying to get my mom to understand my interest in plasma

But she keeps telling me that it’s just a phase

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My sons school was having "career day". When he came home, he was complaining that there wasn't any information available in his fields of interest.

I said "what do you want to after high school?"

He replies "either be a pizza delivery man or a pool skimmer" ..........

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I'm pretty sure the little shit found my porn stash.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to an interest-free bank.

Man : I would like to open an account.

Banker : Who the fuck cares?

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.

Over the ...

A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan

A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"

The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."

The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Ro...

Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?

Customer: No thanks, I’d have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can’t read this, it’s too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!

Since I've installed Adblock Plus

All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?

They’re all at least 18 years old.

What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is...

addictionary.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! I...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with an interest in bestiality.

But eventually I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Did you hear about the honest, trustworthy politician that recently had his constituents best interests in mind?

Me neither.

Does anybody want to hang out and form a bond over our shared interests?

I'm asking for a friend.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Ohayo means "good morning" in Japanese

And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A married woman was growing frustrated at her husband's lack of interest in sex.

To add some pizzazz to their sex life, she slipped on crotchless panties and made her move. "Want some of this?" she purred to him.

"Are you kidding?" he replied. "Look what it did to your underwear!"

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

I'm really pleased to see a surge of interest in Information Technology.

Some of the most popular videos on YouTube right now are about IT!

What do you call a shark that sells dirt at high interest rates?

A loam shark.

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

Two lawyers were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries.

"I don't get it," said one. "She's an airhead - nothing going on upstairs."

"That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on."

Can I get a loan?

This one’s my absolute favorite because it’s so true (I know cause I’m Iranian):

An Iranian man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind o...

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President

He's going to put America into a blind trust.

What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother?

Adipose Rex.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I finally found a book where the love interest is a grandfather clock

It's about fucking time

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is it detrimental to have a robot with repressed sexual interests?

It has some kinks to work out.

My Jobs—

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it. I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket—I was too high strung. I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way. I got a job at a pool company, but the work was too draining. I was a historian, but I could...

I've lost interest in dating

I decided to tell my therapist that archaeology just wasn't my thing anymore.

Interest Development

Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat.

"It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?"

"Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"

Mrs. Smith leane...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Blue Collar Joke

A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mrs. Blum's husband has lost interest in her sexually,.....

...so she goes to the local lingerie boutique and buys some crotchless
panties. That night, when her husband comes home from work,
she yells down from the bedroom, "Honey, come upstairs...
I have a surprise for you." When he opens the bedroom door,
she's lying on the bed wearing just a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was...

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

Male logic. Another joke from an 83 year old dad.

This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend.
Please note that she asks 5 or 6 questions, which he answered quite simply.
She is speechless after answering only one question.

Critical Thinking At Its Very Best!:


Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When you become a professional in a field yet you're a dirty fecker.

*Doctor*: "Please take off your clothes."

*Dentist*: "Now open wide and hold still "

*Veterinarian*: "How's your pretty pussy.?"

*Gardener*: "Want me to fertilize your bush?"

*Lawyer*: "Let's go over section 69."

*Banker*: "If you withdraw too early you lose intere...

There was a man who really liked tractors.

One day he discovered a tractor convention in his morning paper and was very excited, so he bought his ticket instantly.

months later the day of the convention had finally arrived and he was extremely excited, he drove into the city early and planned to spend the whole day there.

when ...

School is just like my credit card

0% interest for the first 9 months.

In the interest of of trying to make the classic doll more realistic, and easier for children to identify with, a new version is about to be released called "Divorced Barbie"

She comes with all of Ken's stuff too.

Did you hear about the recent crime spree in Iran?

The police are investigating several Persians of interest.

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan...

...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?"

"Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said.

"And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked.

"In 30 days."

"Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% ...

Funniest/Cheesiest pick-up lines?

“Are you a bank loan? Because you’ve got my interest”

Girl, you must be a savings account...

Because my interest is to compound you daily.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is sex like a bank account?

Because when you withdraw

You lose interest

Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...

you always get burned in the end.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW - The Little Girl and the Construction Site

A family moved into a house next door to an empty construction site. Later in the year, builders started construction.

The family's 8 year old daughter was utterly fascinated by the daily activities of the builders and sat on the fence after school each day and all day weekends, watching....

A business is at a hotel in NYC.

Ah the Big Apple! He is excited and goes down to get breakfast at the hotel restaurant before his meeting. He looks over the menu and the waiter comes after an slightly extended wait.
“I’ll have the short stack of pancakes” the business man says with interest.
“Very good” remarked the waiter....

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head...

So a guy walks into a bar and has a lemon for a head... he sits down at the bar and the bartender says "WHOA! How did you get a lemon for a head?" The man replies "if you pour me free drinks all night, I'll tell you the story" the bartender agrees and starts to pour him a drink. The man starts to te...

The CEO of Capital One was gonna run for president but has since withdrew his candidacy.

Apparently they asked people how likely they were to vote for him but there was.......

0% interest

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

O'Connor The...

So, I was having a conversation with some old irish guy at the pub, was pretty swell. We talked about life, hobbies, interests and then, jobs... Old guy starts with looking at the table, says out "Well I built dat table, but dey don't call me O'Connor De Table Maker." He looks to me, "I help some pe...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My wife lost interest in sex with me because...

..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years.

A man walks into a bank to see his financial advisor.

He sits down and says:

"I want to close my savings account."

"We're very sorry to hear that," says the advisor, "why is that?"

The man replies: "I've lost interest."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy goes shopping with his wife.

"Here's £10." She says. "Ill meet you in the pub, in an hour".

Just outside the pub a prostitute stops him and asks if he'd "like a good time".

"Just out of interest..." he says. "How much is it?"

"Well it's £100 for full-sex, £50 for a blowjob and £20 for a handjob."

"I'...

Back in the day...

...when I still went to school, I had only one true friend. His name was Eddy and although we had different interests, we got along really well. Since I was good in science classes I often times helped him with his homework because for some reason he was only interested in history classes. Actually ...

Blackbeard goes into a bank...

Blackbeard goes into a bank looking to secure a loan for a new ship. The banker nods and says

"Yes everything is in order. You'll be gettin' the standard 3.14% interest rate."

Blackbeard raises an eyebrow at that.

"The standard rate? What's that mean?"

"3.14%. You know.....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.”

“Fine,” I said. “Then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A farm boy graduated from college with a degree in journalism.

He got hired immediately and was told his first assignment was to write a human interest story. Being from the country, he decided to go back home to do his research.

He went to an old farmer's house way out in the hills, introduced himself to the farmer, and explained what he was there to ...

Squirrels In Church

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer
& consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, & they should not interfere with God's divine will.


At the Baptist church, the squir...

Why did the banker quit his job?

He lost interest

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I showed my date where I live.

I proudly said, "As you can see it's open-plan, with views of everywhere around. Terrific ventilation, heating, and a glorious stereo system if that interests you."

And all the judgemental bitch had to say was: "I don't know anyone else that lives in their car..."

What is the difference between a sperm bank and a savings bank?

A savings bank you make a deposit and gain interest, a sperm bank you make a deposit and lose interest.

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young native American boy visits his father, the chief of the village

After a few minutes of casual discussion, the wise chief could tell the boy was upset, so he finally asks "My son, what troubles you?"

Reluctantly, the boy answers "I... seek your knowledge, father."

Smiling proudly at his son's quest for improvement, he eagerly agrees, "Of course, my...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man visits a brothel

A man—a salesman to be exact—is driving along an old two lane highway. It’s the worst part of his territory, as it takes him far from home for days on end.

He misses his wife, his tv, his wife, his la-z-boy, and most of all...his wife.

His mind starts to wander as he thinks of his wi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A recently widowed Jewish lady named Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book...

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"

"Fine, thank you." he responded, and turned back to his book.

"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.

"First time since my wife passed away last year." he replied and again tur...

Sherlock Irritates Watson

A confirmed bachelor, Sherlock Holmes did not have a lack of admirers willing to satisfy all his carnal needs, but yet he chose to be single, which irritated Watson to no end. As a sidekick, Watson did not get to enjoy the constant fawning of young nubile flesh willing to submit to his every wish. O...

A Pirate walks into a bar

(The funniest joke my friend told me, hope it hasn't been posted here before)

A Pirate enters a bar and goes to the bartender to ask for a drink.

The bartender eyes the pirate and asks him how he ended up looking like that.

"Ah you must mean the peg-leg, me lad. 'Tis a fine tale...

A bank tried to advertise its new current accounts

Unfortunately, there was no interest.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the Jews in Germany not establish an organization against the Holocaust?

There was too little interest.

A wife wakes her husband in the middle of the night.

Her: "Honey, I have a question."

Him: "It's 2:30 in the morning, what do you want?"

Her: "If I died, would you remarry?"

Him: "What?... Well I hadn't really thought about it... I guess I would. Can we go to sleep now?"

Her: "I've got another question. If I died and you re...