Anyone can make $1m a year by simply putting $50m in a bank for the interest. Bit not everyone knows how to earn $50m. I do

Put $2.5b in a bank.

A redditor with an interest in fencing was on r/rareinsults

He found an amusing and witty retort, and was about to upvote, but alas he remembered. It was a riposte

I loaned $200 to my girlfriend 5 years ago. She returned exactly $200 after we separated.

I lost interest in that relationship

A woman walks into a bank..

A woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.

The banker asks, “Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?”

The woman says, “Yes, of course. I’ll use my Rolls Royce.”

The banker, stunned, asks, “A $250,000 Rolls Roy...

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My girl asked me to show more interest in her family...

...so I fucked her sister.

I’m trying to get my mom to understand my interest in plasma

But she keeps telling me that it’s just a phase

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Nancy Pelosi has sued Stanford Hospital, saying that "after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex".

A hospital spokesman replied: "Your husband was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight.”

Since I've installed Adblock Plus

All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.

Sony came up with a game software that switches between games in your library when it sees you are losing interest in the one you are playing

It's a game changer.

What did Princess Peach say when she’s being saved by her love interest?

I think I wanna Mario

As a male, if a girl gets undressed in front of you, she is either interested in you or you're level 100 friendzoned

Or she hasn't spotted you in the tree yet.

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A man goes to an interest-free bank.

Man : I would like to open an account.

Banker : Who the fuck cares?

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My sons school was having "career day". When he came home, he was complaining that there wasn't any information available in his fields of interest.

I said "what do you want to after high school?"

He replies "either be a pizza delivery man or a pool skimmer" ..........







I'm pretty sure the little shit found my porn stash.

After falling on hard times, Mike Tyson decided to set up a "get punched by a celebrity" booth at the state fair, but sadly there was little interest.

Yeah he was hoping for a punch line too.

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.

Arriving home around noon one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state.

Over the ...

Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?

Customer: No thanks, I’d have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can’t read this, it’s too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!

Did you hear about the honest, trustworthy politician that recently had his constituents best interests in mind?

Me neither.

A guy at the beach hears from his friends that chicks will show more interest in you if you put a potato in your swim trunks.

He tries this for a while but gets flustered when all the girls keep pointing and laughing at him.
So his friends explain to him that you're supposed to put the potato in the FRONT of your bathing suit.

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My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?

They’re all at least 18 years old.

I told my boss I needed a raise to stay at work because there are three different companies showing interest in me...

He asked me which companies and I told him, "The gas, electric, and cable ones"

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I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with an interest in bestiality.

But eventually I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.

The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! I...

Does anybody want to hang out and form a bond over our shared interests?

I'm asking for a friend.

What separates having a healthy interest in the English language from an unhealthy obsession is...

addictionary.

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What's the difference between my wife and my student loans?

My student loans fuck me with interest.

Two lawyers were discussing a colleague's interest in one of the firm's new secretaries.

"I don't get it," said one. "She's an airhead - nothing going on upstairs."

"That may be true," replied the other, "but I don't think that's the floor he's getting off on."

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Ohayo means "good morning" in Japanese

And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.

What do you call a werewolf who has taken an interest in social justice?

Awarewolf

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

I'm really pleased to see a surge of interest in Information Technology.

Some of the most popular videos on YouTube right now are about IT!

What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times?

Windows 10.

Can I get a loan?

This one’s my absolute favorite because it’s so true (I know cause I’m Iranian):

An Iranian man walks into a bank New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind o...

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An anthropologist visits a local translator in Zimbabwe.

"I'd like to set up a meeting with the nearby Xhosa tribe," he says. "But I haven't had any luck finding them. Can you help me send a message?"

The translator smiles. "Ah yes, it is difficult to find them. This particular tribe has little interest in Westerners. But they will still meet with ...

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I've lost interest in dating

I decided to tell my therapist that archaeology just wasn't my thing anymore.

What do you call a fat guy with an unhealthy interest in his mother?

Adipose Rex.

I've grown an interest with Mussolini's Italy.

I guess you can call it a fascistnation.

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President

He's going to put America into a blind trust.

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I finally found a book where the love interest is a grandfather clock

It's about fucking time

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

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Why is it detrimental to have a robot with repressed sexual interests?

It has some kinks to work out.

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Mrs. Blum's husband has lost interest in her sexually,.....

...so she goes to the local lingerie boutique and buys some crotchless
panties. That night, when her husband comes home from work,
she yells down from the bedroom, "Honey, come upstairs...
I have a surprise for you." When he opens the bedroom door,
she's lying on the bed wearing just a...

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A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day, a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot.

The young family’s 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them “gems-in-the-rough” more or less, had adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted ...

Male logic. Another joke from an 83 year old dad.

This is a conversation between a man and his new girlfriend.
Please note that she asks 5 or 6 questions, which he answered quite simply.
She is speechless after answering only one question.

Critical Thinking At Its Very Best!:


Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Y...

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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

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Martha had terrible acne and had very little luck getting dates.

She was so glad when Bill started taking an interest in her. She didn’t mind at all that Bill had a fake wooden eye that looked off in odd directions when he spoke. She was just happy to have a man finally take an interest in her despite her terrible acne problem.

For his part, Bill was ve...

In the interest of of trying to make the classic doll more realistic, and easier for children to identify with, a new version is about to be released called "Divorced Barbie"

She comes with all of Ken's stuff too.

A banker buys 5 tons of NaCl...

Yeah, he's known for his compound interest.

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My wife lost interest in sex with me because...

..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years.

What's the difference between a car loan and wanting kids?

Me wanting kids has a 0% interest rate.

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On their wedding night, a young bride asked her new husband to pay her $20 for their first lovemaking encounter.

In his highly aroused state,
Her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made
Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she w...

Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...

you always get burned in the end.

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan...

...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?"

"Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said.

"And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked.

"In 30 days."

"Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% ...

The women I want to date are like my credit cards...

No interest.

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BREAKING NEWS!!!!

A woman is in the process of suing one of the country's leading hospitals, stating that following treatment her husband has lost all interest in sex with her.
The hospital concerned in their defence stated: "We merely rectified his vision."

Why did Jeff Epstein get off Facebook?

It turned 15 and he lost interest.

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

A frog goes to a fortune teller to get his palm read.

He asks her, "so, what's my fortune?"

The fortune teller says to him, " I have good news and I have bad news.

The good news is that soon, you will meet a beautiful young girl who will find great interest in you, and she is going to steal your heart."

"That's great! What's the ba...

Why are 17-year-olds like a new car?

0% interest for 12 months.

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for a $5K loan

The loan officer requested collateral, and the man gave him the keys of the Rolls-Royce. The car was driven into the bank's underground parking and the man was given the $5K.



Two weeks later the man goes to the bank and asks to settle up his loan. The officer tells him "It will be $5...

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant

A bakery owner hired a young female shop assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the shop assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brillia...

My credit card reminds me of school,

0% interest for the first 9 months.

I used to love banking...

i just lost interest...

My Jobs—

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it. I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket—I was too high strung. I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way. I got a job at a pool company, but the work was too draining. I was a historian, but I could...

If you had a credit credit with ADD

It would lose interest so fast.

A new doctor at a mental asylum decided to conduct a test

The objective of this test is to determine if those patients are truly mentally ill or not.

He handled patients in groups of three. He puts them in a room and draws a door on a board infront of them. Then he tells them that there is feast behind the door so he can see their reactions.

...

Today my friend Peter found out he's adopted

His family thought he was American but then he showed interest in learning another language.

A magician is traveling through Europe performing his flashy new fountain-pen act

He sells out shows in Paris, London, Berlin, Prague, and Amsterdam. People begin calling him "Bic Jesus"

Everywhere he went, crowds would gather to see him perform his Montblanc mastery. Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to be with him.

This all changed one fateful spring day. ...

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One night a lone cowboy rode into a small town. He immediately went to the only saloon in town and ordered a drink.

While drinking he asked the bartender if there was a room and any women around. The bartender told him he had a room for rent and then glanced over to his friends drinking at another table.

They decided to play a joke on the cowboy. As the evening drug on, the cowboy became very drunk but was...

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NSFW - The Little Girl and the Construction Site

A family moved into a house next door to an empty construction site. Later in the year, builders started construction.

The family's 8 year old daughter was utterly fascinated by the daily activities of the builders and sat on the fence after school each day and all day weekends, watching....

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