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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

I told this girl, "you're very average."

She said, "that's mean."

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The average male ejaculates after approximately four minutes.

Call me a prude all you want, but I think that's far too young.

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

What's smarter than the average bear?

50% of all bears.

The average hotdog machine will have 547,500 wieners in it and catch 4,277 gallons of juice in its trap during its lifetime.

Just like your mother.

What do you call three average white guys?

A podcast

You're so average

The International Bureau of Weights and Measures offered you a permanent position.

Where do they make average things?

The satisfactory

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

I like Florida.

Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.

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New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common?

Both are raising the world’s average IQ

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

So, last semester I met this guy in my business class

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as b...

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average

He's a mean person!

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Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

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I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week.

They must have a really well paying job. I can only afford it once a month!

What is the average internal body temperature of a Tauntaun

Luke Warm

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

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Statistics show that the average person has sex 89 times a year

Today's going to be great!

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

My math teacher called me average

How mean is that ?

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

The average fox can jump higher than a house.

This is in part due to their powerful hind legs, but mainly because houses can't jump.

Credit: u/Ineedabarfbag saw in a comment

What is the average height in Scotland?

Fife eleven

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

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I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I’m finally above average for something.

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

I always thought I was average,

But according to math I'm just mean.

Me: “You are the most average looking person I’ve ever seen”

Stranger: “you’re mean”

Me: “no, you are”

Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average?

It’s a pretty mean thing to say!

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

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What is the average man's most sensitive body part when masturbating?

The ears, so he can hear if he's about to be caught.

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The average human male ejaculation contains about 15.8 terabytes of information

That's a lot of information to swallow!

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There was a man named Ray Berkowitz who, unfortunately for him, was not blessed in the looks department.

For a long time, he thought he would never meet a woman. But one day he met a nice woman who was also far from pretty and they ended up getting married... and she got pregnant.

They decided that if it was a boy, they were going to name him Charles.

One day while Ray was out of town for...

How does 69 feel to the average Redditor?

nice

You know 95% of humans are dumber then average

and I’m very proud to be apart of that remaining 7% who are not.

The lumberjack

Delbert lands his dream job. He gets hired on as a logger. On his first day, the boss man takes him out into the woods, gives him his chainsaw, and says "Usually, our guys can cut down about 100 trees a day. Its your first day, so I'll understand if you're a bit short. Now get to it."

And wit...

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What scale is an A below average and F above average?

Boobs!

What award…

actually slightly increases the average intelligence of country when given out?
The Herman Cain Award

Told my blonde girlfriend that the average family in a third world country lives off just £1.25 a day.

She said, "And I thought you were frugal..."

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What's the average penis size of law enforcement?

9mm

I'm so average

my favorite color is mediochre.

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

If the average human can walk about 3 mph, and my local corner store is a 1/4 mile away

Why has it taken my dad 15 years to get a pack of cigarettes?

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The average stripper weighs 112lbs

According to one pole.

I've never understood averages.

Is that normal?

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Three golf balls and $25,000

A lady was working in the attic and found a shoebox with with three golf balls and $25,000 in cash in it.

That evening she confronted her husband of 40 years with it. She plopped the box in front of him and asked if he could explain it.

He said, “Of course I can.”

“Well!?” she...

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

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On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

What do you call a smaller than average dog?

A subwoofer

I have average intelligence

Everyone else is stupid

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The average speed of ejaculate leaving your body is 45 km/hr.

So *that's* why I got arrested in that school zone!

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What can you say about a girl who only sucks average size penises?

She sucks a mean dick...

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

What is the average number of inhabitants in a Swedish nursing home?

Can't say, that would be a mean joke.

A friend once told me how many cars fit in a Walmart parking lot on average.

I don't remember the exact number but it was a lot.

3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!

What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck

Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats

Enjoy!

Man walks into Starbucks

Not too experienced with the ordering process, he says " I"ll just have a mild roast".
The barrista says "you have very average ears"

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I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have sex on average 53 times a year.

December is gonna be awesome!

The average couple argues 268 times a year...

It's actually 265, but try telling her that!

I went to a local meet-up of Average Joes

...they were all pretty mean.

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The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

The young salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him t...

You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," the lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand.

"If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

How tall is the average diabetic person?

About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

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