UPJOKE
medianmeanstatisticsnormalordinarymodemediocreintermediatemediumtotalratiocommonnumbernormfair

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If you only sucked average sized penises

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick

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An average looking man walks into a bar.

A beautiful woman approaches him. The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned.
He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.
They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the vi...

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My girlfriend and I have sex an average of twice a week

I have sex zero times a week

she has sex four times a week.

My math teacher called me average.

How mean.

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The average horse weighs 1000lbs

The average horse weighs about 1000lbs
The average horse's cock is 20 inches
Thats a ratio of 50lbs per inch
Therefore, if a 200lb man has a 4 inch cock
He's technically hung like a horse

My friend told me that on average, it is very easy to find a friend like me.

I told him he's being mean.

Most people can jump higher than an average European house.

This is mostly due the fact that average European houses can't jump at all.

My house and a grocery store are 15 miles apart and it takes an average person to walk 1 mile per hour

Why does it take my dad more than 19 years to get to the store and back?

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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

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Did you know the average blue whale has a 6 foot long penis and can produce more than 20 pounds of semen?

Turns out KFC isn’t the only animal that comes in buckets.

The average life expectancy of alligators is about 50 years...

So there is no rush, you indeed can see it later.

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The average male ejaculates after approximately four minutes.

Call me a prude all you want, but I think that's far too young.

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On average, a person has sex 86 times a year.

Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a night!

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

What's smarter than the average bear?

50% of all bears.

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What do you call a weatherman with a larger-than-average penis?

A Meatier-ologist

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

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On average, a man has sex approximately 84 times per year

It's going to be a rough week.

What do the average westerner and the average chinese have in common?

If you ask them how they are doing, they both say "can't complain".

The average hotdog machine will have 547,500 wieners in it and catch 4,277 gallons of juice in its trap during its lifetime.

Just like your mother.

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

I don't like average looking boys.

They are quite 'mean'.

What do you call three average white guys?

A podcast

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says...

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: ...

My friend asked me what a Sigma male was, so I said..

Well to sum it up they’re not just your average guys, and to add to that, they’re kind of like a calculator, you can pretty much always count on them.

You're so average

The International Bureau of Weights and Measures offered you a permanent position.

Where do they make average things?

The satisfactory

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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So a church needed a bell ringer…

The friar puts a sign outside that said ‘bell ringer wanted, tryouts Saturday morning’

Saturday morning rolls around, and there were three people lined up out front of the church waiting to try to ring the bell. A tall, muscular man, a skinnier, frail man, and an average sized man.

T...

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

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I'm very concerned...

I recently discovered that the average American male has sex 2 to 3 times a week.
I also found out that the average Japanese man has sex 2 to 3 times a year.

I'm very concerned because I had no idea I was Japanese.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

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Salesman

A kid from Louisiana moves to California and is looking for a job.

The manager asks, “Do you have any sales experience?”

The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Louisiana."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.

“You start tomorrow. After we close we'...

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The three hunters story

This is a joke my grandfather used to tell. He just passed away so I thought I'd share it here.

Three friends decided to take a hunting trip. The first friend was a genius and succeeded at everything he tried. The second friend was an average Joe and got through life just fine. The third fri...

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

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New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

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Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

This girl just told me I was average in bed.

Guess that makes both of us mean.

What is the average internal body temperature of a Tauntaun

Luke Warm

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I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week.

They must have a really well paying job. I can only afford it once a month!

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

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I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I’m finally above average for something.

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

My daughter said she's struggling with a mean girl at school

I advised her to tell her that she's average.

What is the average height in Scotland?

Fife eleven

I like Florida.

Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.

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What is the average man's most sensitive body part when masturbating?

The ears, so he can hear if he's about to be caught.

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

I always thought I was average,

But according to math I'm just mean.

How does 69 feel to the average Redditor?

nice

If the average human can walk about 3 mph, and my local corner store is a 1/4 mile away

Why has it taken my dad 15 years to get a pack of cigarettes?

Me: “You are the most average looking person I’ve ever seen”

Stranger: “you’re mean”

Me: “no, you are”

You know 95% of humans are dumber then average

and I’m very proud to be apart of that remaining 7% who are not.

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The average human male ejaculation contains about 15.8 terabytes of information

That's a lot of information to swallow!

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

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The average stripper weighs 112lbs

According to one pole.

Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average?

It’s a pretty mean thing to say!

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The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

What do schools and the anti-vax movement have in common?

Both are raising the world’s average IQ

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I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have sex on average 53 times a year.

December is gonna be awesome!

An average performance

A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left. The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right. The statistician yells "We got 'em!”

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card.

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card. The mother opens it and sees all "B"s and "C"s and is disappointed with her son. She heard from a friend that the nearby church school does a great job at fixing people right up, so she decides to send her son there.

A...

Told my blonde girlfriend that the average family in a third world country lives off just £1.25 a day.

She said, "And I thought you were frugal..."

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What's the average penis size of law enforcement?

9mm

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The average speed of ejaculate leaving your body is 45 km/hr.

So *that's* why I got arrested in that school zone!

I'm so average

my favorite color is mediochre.

A short and ugly man had another unsuccessful date

In frustration, he slammed the table he was sitting at. “I can’t live like this anymore!” he screamed. “Life is too cruel to people like me!”

His waitress saw this outburst and came by.
“Don’t despair, sir. There’s a group of people who are physically smaller than average and heavily scr...

The average couple argues 268 times a year...

It's actually 265, but try telling her that!

What do you call a smaller than average dog?

A subwoofer

I have average intelligence

Everyone else is stupid

I've never understood averages.

Is that normal?

[OC. Hope you like!] Every birthday my Grandmother makes me hand sewn clothing as a gift and mails them from her hometown...

... Last year she sent me an oversized ascot. Now, I haven't seen her since I was a kid and I'm an average sized adult male now, but my sweet grandmother must have thought I grew into being a giant because everything she sends me is extremely large and I just can't fit anything she makes so I simpl...

Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test ...

... and asked his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car" The boy thought about that for a moment,...

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