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If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

What's smarter than the average bear?

50% of all bears.

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A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

The truth about average girls...

They're all mean.

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

Where do they make average things?

The satisfactory

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Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

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New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

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A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

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Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

This girl just told me I was average in bed.

Guess that makes both of us mean.

While Donald Trump is out there, causing a fuss, what is his opponent doing?

He is just waiting around like an average Joe, Biden his time.

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

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I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week.

They must have a really well paying job. I can only afford it once a month!

What is the average internal body temperature of a Tauntaun

Luke Warm

My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average

He's a mean person!

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

A teenage boy passes his driving test ...

.. asked his father when he would discuss using the car.

His father said he was making a deal with his son, "You raise your grade from C to B average, learn your Bible a little, and cut your hair. Then let's talk about the car."Decided and they agreed to it.

About six weeks later, his ...

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Apparently the average person had sex 90 times this year...

...these last two weeks are going to be incredible!

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Statistics show that on average people have sex 89 times per year.

With that being said, I’m about to have a wild couple of days.

The average fox can jump higher than a house.

This is in part due to their powerful hind legs, but mainly because houses can't jump.

Credit: u/Ineedabarfbag saw in a comment

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

My math teacher called me average

How mean is that ?

What is the average height in Scotland?

Fife eleven

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I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I’m finally above average for something.

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Three golf balls and $25,000

A lady was working in the attic and found a shoebox with with three golf balls and $25,000 in cash in it.

That evening she confronted her husband of 40 years with it. She plopped the box in front of him and asked if he could explain it.

He said, “Of course I can.”

“Well!?” she...

3 jokes instead of 3 layers of cake. Let's go!

What is at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck

Where are all average things made?
The Satisfactory

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?
Diddly Squats

Enjoy!

Babe, if I compared you to every single girl in the entire world...

...all averaged together, there would be no difference.

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Three men, aged 40, 60 and 80, discuss their sex lives.

The 40-year old says: "When my wife and I were just married, we'd do it every single day. Any position you could imagine. But now I'm lucky if we can average once a week".

The 60-year old man responds: "Once a week? Just wait till you get to my age. Once a month is what I consider an active s...

The young salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him t...

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

The price of your average meat pie in Nicaragua, Panama, Dominica and Cubais $3. In Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica and Bahamas it lies around $2.79, and the cheapest at $1.79 can be found in Granada and Guatemala.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average?

It’s a pretty mean thing to say!

I always thought I was average,

But according to math I'm just mean.

Me: “You are the most average looking person I’ve ever seen”

Stranger: “you’re mean”

Me: “no, you are”

What do you call an average painter?

Picasso-so

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The average human male ejaculation contains about 15.8 terabytes of information

That's a lot of information to swallow!

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What is the average man's most sensitive body part when masturbating?

The ears, so he can hear if he's about to be caught.

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What scale is an A below average and F above average?

Boobs!

How does 69 feel to the average Redditor?

nice

I'm so average

my favorite color is mediochre.

You know 95% of humans are dumber then average

and I’m very proud to be apart of that remaining 7% who are not.

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What's the average penis size of law enforcement?

9mm

I've never understood averages.

Is that normal?

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A lady, a guy and a lad and their love

There was this guy, mid to late twenties, black hair, just average next door type of guy. He's a honest worker who worked his way up in his job and makes a decent living for a man of his age. When he was a kid he was not extremely sharp and people would make fun of his stupidity. But he didn't care ...

Told my blonde girlfriend that the average family in a third world country lives off just £1.25 a day.

She said, "And I thought you were frugal..."

What do you call a smaller than average dog?

A subwoofer

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New Guy from Texas [Read till the end]

A middle-aged man from Texas moves to Australia and decides to get a temporary gig until his job placement is fixed. Luckily, not far from his residence there is one of those "one stop shop" stores, and he gets to be the cashier / salesman.

After the first day the boss came down to see how th...

I have average intelligence

Everyone else is stupid

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[NSFW] A man with a large penis goes to the doctor

For he has a very bad stuttering problem.

He says the to doctor “i i i I’ve g g g got a a a a p p p problem i can’t t t t talk in f f f full S S S sentences.”

The doctor says “well maybe you just have a bad stutter but we will run some tests on you to make sure.”

So they run t...

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What can you say about a girl who only sucks average size penises?

She sucks a mean dick...

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

A friend once told me how many cars fit in a Walmart parking lot on average.

I don't remember the exact number but it was a lot.

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The average stripper weighs 112lbs

According to one pole.

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

What is the average number of inhabitants in a Swedish nursing home?

Can't say, that would be a mean joke.

If the average human can walk about 3 mph, and my local corner store is a 1/4 mile away

Why has it taken my dad 15 years to get a pack of cigarettes?

Oxygen is a toxic gas

You get addicted to it and can't live without it after taking it only once and anyone taking it dies at an average age of 80.

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The average speed of ejaculate leaving your body is 45 km/hr.

So *that's* why I got arrested in that school zone!

I went to a local meet-up of Average Joes

...they were all pretty mean.

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," the lawyer sneered at a witness on the stand.

"If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

People say humans aren't stupid

Yet half of humanity are dumber than average.

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On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

The average couple argues 268 times a year...

It's actually 265, but try telling her that!

How tall is the average diabetic person?

About as tall as the average person, minus two feet.

I'm always impressed when statisticians talk about averages.

It's so meaningful.

So Abraham Lincoln and James Booth walk into a bar.

Booth (a mathematician) tells Lincoln, we’ve been coming here to speed date for 5 years now and only picked up an average of 2.857 lady friends. Lincoln thinks for a moment and replies, well, at that pace, we will have four scores in seven years....

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

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I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have sex on average 53 times a year.

December is gonna be awesome!

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What's the worst part about having an average or above average sized penis?

I don't know either but it's good to know im not the only one around here with a tiny penis.

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The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

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After a terrible cruise shipwreck, famous beauty and actress Scarlett Johansson finds herself alone on a deserted island. Hours pass, and only one other man makes it to the island with her. They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was, of course.

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed this guy learned how to provide food and shelter, and started taking care of her, and she took care of him in return. Eventually she started really caring about him. After all, there wasn't anyone else on the island. He eventually built a cabin, had a...

How big is the average fence?

Around a yard.

9 of the top 10 days to give birth fall between Sept. 9 and Sept. 20. Given that pregnancies last an average of about 38 weeks, this means many people are conceiving in December, around the holidays.

In other words, if you can't afford to give presents, get f**ked.

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