UPJOKE
medianmeanstatisticsnormalordinarymodemediocreintermediatemediumtotalratiocommonnumbernormfair

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the man with the average size penis say while getting a blowjob?

You suck a mean dick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An average looking man walks into a bar.

A beautiful woman approaches him. The woman asks the man, "How would you like to get out of here?" and the man is stunned.
He never thought a woman like her would ever approach him, so he agreed.
They both get into his car and drive really far.
He stops at a cliff with the vi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three married men sit at a bar. one ugly, one average, and one handsome

The conversation shifts to their love lives.

The first, ugly man says "My wife nor I are all that nice to look at, but we have a loving relationship with great communication. We both cook and clean and take care of each other. In fact, since we have trouble looking at each other in bed, we've...

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year

than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another recent study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer a year.
That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles per gallon.

Not Bad.

What do you call a medical school student who graduates with the lowest grade point average in his class?

A doctor

I’m not sure how fast the average horse can run

I think I should conduct a gallop poll.

What's common between an average redditor getting a hanky panky and FDR?

They both only lasted one stroke.

My math teacher called me average.

How mean.

Two mathematicians are in a bar

The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend and I have sex an average of twice a week

I have sex zero times a week

she has sex four times a week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average horse weighs 1000lbs

The average horse weighs about 1000lbs
The average horse's cock is 20 inches
Thats a ratio of 50lbs per inch
Therefore, if a 200lb man has a 4 inch cock
He's technically hung like a horse

My house and a grocery store are 15 miles apart and it takes an average person to walk 1 mile per hour

Why does it take my dad more than 19 years to get to the store and back?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you only sucked average sized penises...

You could accurately say that you suck a mean dick.

Edit: The amount of upvotes on this post has exceeded the final recorded megawatt output from Chernobyl’s reactor number 4 on the morning of the Chernobyl disaster. (33,000)

The reactor was designed to operate at 3,200 megawatts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sperm cell contains about 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25ml, and takes about 5 seconds. This makes the average bandwidth of the human penis 1687 TB/sec

I know, that's a lot of information to swallow.

What's smarter than the average bear?

About half of all bears.

My friend told me that on average, it is very easy to find a friend like me.

I told him he's being mean.

the say the average redditor doesn't exercise, but they're wrong!

I just spent an hour jumping *to conclusions* and running *my mouth*!

Have you heard about Big Al's younger brother who was just average.

Have you heard about Big Al's younger brother who was just average.


I've heard he's Norm Al.

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know the average blue whale has a 6 foot long penis and can produce more than 20 pounds of semen?

Turns out KFC isn’t the only animal that comes in buckets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average male ejaculates after approximately four minutes.

Call me a prude all you want, but I think that's far too young.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On average, a person has sex 86 times a year.

Apparently, this is going to be one hell of a night!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked "Do you have any sales experience?" The young man answered "Aye, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and busy, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked "OK,...... so how many sales did you make today?" The Geordie said "Just the one like" The manager groaned an...

The average life expectancy of alligators is about 50 years...

So there is no rush, you indeed can see it later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist...

I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bobby hopped on the train and found a vacant seat.

After sitting down, he looked around the carriage and observed an attractive woman seated across from himself, reading a book titled "Sexual statistics."



A little intimidated at first, Bobby finally plucked up some courage and initiated conversation.



"Hi, that looks lik...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guinness world record attempt !

Three roommates were hanging out in the living room one day, when one of them opened an email on their phone.

"Hey guys, the Guinness book of world records is coming to town! We should go get into it somehow!"

The shortest roommate, who was only 3 feet tall says "I'm going to go see if...

What do you feed a hungry robot?

Mega-bites.

Just an average joke by my sister

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC; Nothing was moving.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a weatherman with a larger-than-average penis?

A Meatier-ologist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average blonde joke

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is eas...

Why are Chernobyl residents smarter than the average person?

Because 2 heads are better than one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On average, a man has sex approximately 84 times per year

It's going to be a rough week.

The average hotdog machine will have 547,500 wieners in it and catch 4,277 gallons of juice in its trap during its lifetime.

Just like your mother.

What do the average westerner and the average chinese have in common?

If you ask them how they are doing, they both say "can't complain".

I read online today that humans, on average, eat more bananas than monkeys.

It's right you know. I cannot remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you call three average white guys?

A podcast

The average American has gotten stronger over time

In 1990 it took two adults to carry $10 worth of groceries. Now a 5-year-old can do it.

I don't like average looking boys.

They are quite 'mean'.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

What do you call an average radio?

Stereo typical

My thirteen-year-old came up with this and I promised to post it to Reddit.

You're so average

The International Bureau of Weights and Measures offered you a permanent position.

2 Zombies are Eating a Redditor

One asks the other "Does this taste smarter-than-average and depressed to you?"

"No. Just angsty and unoriginal."

What does a cow say when its cheering for its friends?

I’ll give you some encowregment.


Just an average joke by my sister.

Average joke

3 teachers, Science, Auto shop, and Mathematics, go hunting together over their winter vacation. They come across an enormous 6 point buck. The science teacher who saw it first takes aim. He fires and misses by 3 feet to left. The auto shop teacher shoulders him asside and says, " this is how you do...

The average paid athlete weighs more than the average felon

As you can see, the pros outweigh the cons.

My co-worker disagreed when I said Median is the best average

He's a mean person!

Doctor: describe your average night

Patient: they wear suits of armor

Doctor: no, i mean at bed time

Patient: they probably take it off

Did you know the white-tail deer can jump higher than the average house?

This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact the average house can't jump.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?" The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The server joke

So a group of 4 sits down at their favorite restarant and starts chatting.
The server arrives at the table and greets them and starts his normal spiel.
The table is all listening but he sees the gentleman on his left just staring at his server apron.
Her looks at him and asked if there was...

When people talk about the "average citizen" I always get confused.

Is that normal?

Putin is held hostage by a terrorist.

A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks:

Driver: What's going on?

Policeman: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

If God isn't real, how do you explain how an average joe like me could marry a beautiful woman from Prague?

Czech mate, atheists

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read the average age to lose your virginity is 17 years old.

I’m finally above average for something.

This girl just told me I was average in bed.

Guess that makes both of us mean.

Think of how dumb the average person is

Then remember half the world are dumberer then that.

What is the average internal body temperature of a Tauntaun

Luke Warm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read that the average person has sex at least three times a week.

They must have a really well paying job. I can only afford it once a month!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not your average dick joke

What does the Pink Panther and a male prostitute have in common?

They’re both Peter Sellers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A recent finding by statisticians shows

the average human has one breast and one testicle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the average man's most sensitive body part when masturbating?

The ears, so he can hear if he's about to be caught.

18 pounds at birth

A Scotsman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.
After he hangs up, he orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Scottish baby boy weighing 18 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 1...

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

If the average human can walk about 3 mph, and my local corner store is a 1/4 mile away

Why has it taken my dad 15 years to get a pack of cigarettes?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johnny lives in a society...

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnn...

I regret having called my statistics professor an average person.

I really didn't mean it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average male ejaculation occurs at 28 Miles per hour

Which makes it illegal in school zones

An average Wookiee is 2.23-2.54 meters in height, weighs 100kg (female) or 150kg (male) and has a lifespan of 400 standard years

Those are Wookiee numbers

What is the average temperature in China?

451° F

What is the average height in Scotland?

Fife eleven

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The average stripper weighs 112lbs

According to one pole.

How does 69 feel to the average Redditor?

nice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard that as a 40 yo. guy, I should have sex on average 53 times a year.

December is gonna be awesome!

You know 95% of humans are dumber then average

and I’m very proud to be apart of that remaining 7% who are not.

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

Williams College and Amherst College have a long-standing rivalry.

One night, the Amherst students decide to raid the Williams football field and spray paint an A for Amherst smack dab in the middle of the field. They sneak out under the cover of the dark, and when the Williams students wake up the next morning, they see the massive A on their field. Naturally, the...

I always thought I was average,

But according to math I'm just mean.

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card.

An average boy gets home from school and shows his mother his report card. The mother opens it and sees all "B"s and "C"s and is disappointed with her son. She heard from a friend that the nearby church school does a great job at fixing people right up, so she decides to send her son there.

A...

Me: “You are the most average looking person I’ve ever seen”

Stranger: “you’re mean”

Me: “no, you are”

My friend asked me what a Sigma male was, so I said..

Well to sum it up they’re not just your average guys, and to add to that, they’re kind of like a calculator, you can pretty much always count on them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman

A businessman boards a flight and is lucky
enough to be seated next to an absolutely
gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos
and he notices she is reading a manual about
sexual statistics.

He asks her about it and she
replies, "This is a very interesting book about
sexua...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.