UPJOKE
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I studied the trends of bike sales

They were cyclical

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In honor of the current trend in r/pics: My wife refuses to send me nudes. She says she doesn't trust me with them.

Which is a shame because I know some guys who would pay serious $$$ for them.

Gonna be getting on the trend of binary puns and going to be writing 10000000 binary puns.

Update: Sometimes I byte off more than I can chew.

I've decided to buck the trend of Movember this year by not growing a moustache.

I'm calling it No-Movember.

Or for short, November.

Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?

Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.

What is Captain Hook’s least favorite online trend?

TikTok

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I just noticed that Oedipus is trending.

It's gotta be for a motherfucking reason.

What is the current food trend with German hipster cannibals?

Vegan Hamburgers.

Did you hear about the Midwestern dairy farmers? Apparently they've begun a new trend of covering their cows' teets with fabric because they felt like their heifers were indecent.

It's Being Called An Udder Shame.

I’ve noticed a disturbing recent trend of people suggesting that we “eat the rich” and I’d like to remind you all that the rich are people too.

People with lovely soft skin that would make excellent TP substitute, so don’t forget to peel them first!

Have you heard about the new trend? People are putting baked goods on their ear studs

Its pie-on-earring fashion

I was out on the west coast, trying to sell some guns to a street gang.

The gang member handed me a bag of severed toes with tiny $'s and tiny blue bandanas tied to them. I said "What's this?! No cash?!" He said it was the latest trend "Crip Toe Currency".

After a few months I wanted to buy a stolen sports car, but had no cash. My friend worked at a morgue so he ...

Did you see the latest fashion trend is adhesive based dresses and suits?

From what I heard they’re a bit tacky.

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I see there's a popular trend of translating foreign jokes in the sub, so here's a one from Hebrew.

What do you call 10 Moroccan Jews on a roof top?

An alarm system.

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Apparently there’s a new trend where men have been putting jewelry on their testicles

I’ve heard they’re pretty nuts

With #DiaperDon trending on Twitter, his weird dancing makes since.

He’s trying to wiggle out his poo.

There's a strange new trend at work, people are writing names on the food in the company fridge

Today I had a chicken sandwich named Kevin

I’m annoyed at the trend of flexing

Like, when rappers do it it’s cool, but when I do it I’m asked to leave the homeless shelter

Because Soviet jokes are on-trend...

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB are competing for the title of the Best Criminal Catcher. They're given a task by the General Secretariat of UN to catch a rabbit in the forest which he'd released. The CIA plants well-trained animal spies throughout the forest, and after 3 months of investigation they c...

Soon enough, Apple will make the brilliant move of following a big trend in the gaming industry...

..."remastering" the ORIGINAL iPhone rather than releasing a new model.

Will glass coffins become a trend in 2020?

Remains to be seen.

A translation of a joke from a French movie to follow the trend

A guy brings his date home and asks her

"Do you want a whiskey ?"

"Just a finger." she replies

"Don't you want a whiskey first ?"

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My local Japanese restaurant is keeping up on the trends.

They now serve rawomen.

Wear a mask before seeing posts that are trending

Because they are viral

Can we please stop with this whole FaceApp trend

It’s getting old quick

It was early December, and a cartographer was looking at a map of Costa Rica.

The cartographer noted that the northern part of the country, along the Nicaraguan border, was fairly wide, but the country's width diminished as it trended southeast. At the border with Panama, it was much narrower.

"Hmm," mused the cartographer. "It's beginning to look a lot like Isthmus."

I haven’t noticed any big trends lately

I guess no one wants to go viral

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Looks like there have been a trend of divorcing and marrying again after having a child in the 90`s

Because this is the only explanation of such an amount of step brothers and sisters I see on Pornhub.

How do all these anti-Trump Youtube videos make it to Trending in a matter of minutes?

Fake views.

The new trend

psychologist: what is your problem?

patient: i work as a yoga trainer at retirement homes.

psychologist: aaannd...

parient: the new trend is naked yoga.

psychologist: you are the unluckyest person to ever exist.

I worked out how long the Battle Royale trend is going to last

A fortnight.

Have you heard of the newest trend? Corduroy pillows.

They're making headlines

I predict a major trend in the years to come...

Young will become the new old

There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial.

Its all the rage.

So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr.

She's all over the dashboard!

I don't know why people think throwing singles at children is the new viral trend...

Hollywood's been doing it for decades.

What’s a quantum physicist’s favorite trend?

Plancking.

I just heard stuffed wildebeests are now the new trend.

Turned out to be a bunch of fake gnus

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes.

I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

What do you get when you cross a horse with a dead trend?

Neigh-Neigh

Did you hear about the new fashion trend of sticky clothing?

Its popular, but its really hard to pull off.

From what I hear, puberty is the biggest trend nowadays

All the kids are doing it.

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There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom.

There was a little girl who really loved dolls. She had a big collection of them in her bedroom. One day, while she was browsing through a shop on her own, she spotted a really beautiful doll. It would make a perfect addition to her collection. She only hoped she had enough money to buy it.

...

I've never been on top of trends, I guess

When everyone else was burning CDs, I was still burning books

Have you heard the latest trend...

Have you heard the latest trend that's blowin' up the Internet?


It's cyber-terrorism.

(Since bad pickup lines seem to be the trend right now) Do you want to play barbies?

I'll be Ken, and you be the box he came in

What do you call a Disease which is #1 in Trending?

A Viral Disease.

"Ebola" is trending on Twitter...

...does that mean it's gone viral?

the latest trend

I hear the latest trend is to install trampolines on cruise ships - apparently everyone's jumping on board

Trending on r/WritingPrompts: "Write a story with no characters"

Here's mine:

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Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values...

Stuart said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?

Recent fashion trends...

certainly have given women the cold shoulder, haven't they?

Rewrote an old joke to match today's trends

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

I read that the three most popular Halloween costumes this year are clown, pumpkin, and dinosaur.

I'm capitalizing on this trend by selling costumes of Trump.

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PUBLIC NOTICE FOR MEN: DO NOT GO ALONE WHEN BUYING GROCERIES. YOU MAY BE ROBBED.

Men of Reddit!

There is a new robbery trend out there targeting men. I think you all should be aware of the new technique they are using to rob us. I've been a victim!!!

This is how they do it: while you are putting your grocery bags in your car at the parking lot, three extremely sexy...

1, 2, 3

I've noticed a trend of people translating jokes from their own language and I decided to give it a try.

Daughter comes up to her mom for a marriage advice: "I'm always arguing with my husband... You and dad have been married for over 30 years and I've never seen You both fight. What's your s...

Not Bragging

Not to brag but I used hand soap before it was trending.

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How to sell toothbrushes

Monday at school, the teacher lined up all the students and had them present their weekend homework: their assignment was to sell something and give a presentation on effective salesmanship.

Sally was up first. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to peop...

A joke I made myself

So, I was walking around down town last night and decided to try the popular trend of "walking into a bar" and I did it, and I say that it's a horrible trend! Walking straight into metal does not feel good!

A miner rests his bones after a very long shift.

"I don't think I can keep doing this for much longer," he tells his buddy at the bar.

"You just need a little pep in your step," his friend says, handing him a prescription bottle. "Take one of these twice a day and then see how you're feeling tomorrow."

Hesitantly, but without much t...

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A woman heads to the doctors office

for her usual checkup. While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it,
"Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sex."
The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup. While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on he...

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I was talking to a landscaper about his work the other day.

He told me: “Most of my work involves painting people’s lawns a different color. It’s some kind of new trend. I, personally, don’t get the appeal of having a pink lawn. Doesn’t make sense to me. But, I dye grass.”

Roses are red, I've got a bad cough

Settings -> Notifications -> Trending -> **OFF**

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Four women go on a road trip

No real reason, they just need to blow off some steam.

They pick a random highway and start driving. They're having a great time, laughing and joking the whole time. It's starting to get late, and they see a billboard advertising a hotel for women only.

Intrigued, they take the turnoff...

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Racist or not?

Weather it's fashion, music or sports, black people have always been at the forefront of trend setting. They were even sitting at the back of the bus before it was cool.

What do you call a dog that popularizes things?

A trend setter

A brilliant inventor creates a brand new type of leather.

This leather is such an amazing product, the inventor is convinced he's made his legacy. He starts a company that manufactures clothes made out of this new leather material, and it instantly becomes a massive success. Everybody went crazy for their products, and the company's leather jeans in parti...

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Green ping pong ball.

These was once a girl, Sara, whos third birthday was coming up, and as this was the first time she was old enough to really understand what was happening, her parents asked her what she wanted.
"I want a green ping pong ball!" Sara answered immediately and without a hint of uncertainty. The par...

An old couple won the lottery...

An old man and his wife; simple, salt of the earth folk, who never lived beyond their means, won the lottery.

Not wanting to lose their way with this sudden windfall, they decided to keep humble.

But as time went on, the husband wanted to treat his wife to expensive things - the thin...

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Boss: You can't wear jeans with holes in them to work.

Dave: it's a fashion trend.

Boss: Dave we can see your asshole.

At the races

A Statistician, Engineer and Physicist go to the horse track.

Each have their system for betting on the winner and they're sure of it.


After the race is over, the Statistician wanders into the nearby bar, defeated. He notices the Engineer, sits down next to him, and begins lamentin...

I keep submitting jokes to Reddit but none of them get popular. Last week I posted ten puns!

I thought at least one of them would get trending.

As it turned out, no pun in ten did.

Jeff Bezos paid a Brazilian arsonist

Desperate to get #AmazonFire trending.

What's the difference between good jokes and bad ones?

I never get notifications that good jokes are trending on reddit.

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Two friends at the gym

Two friends meet at the gym and are going to take a shower.

One of them notices that the other is wearing women's panties.

-Panties? what the fuck Tim?

What? It's the latest trend!

-Really? And when did that trend started?

When my wife found a pair in the backseat ...

I was peacefully making an unboxing video when suddenly everybody around started thrashing me.

Guess nobody knows the trend around here at the funeral.

Did you ever wonder why...

...earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense".

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't...

[NSFW] Two old men are talking at home

The first asks the other, "What ever happened to that streaking trend?" The other man looks confused "What was that?" "It was when people would take off their clothes and run through the streets." "That sounds great I think I'll do that now." At 90 years he undressed and took off down the street an...

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