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Wage Jokes

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage?

A bench can support a family.

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's...

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The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."

Boat Owner: “Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does abou...

Today i got a wage increase unexpectedly.

I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise to stay at my job. We haggled for a few minutes and he gave me a 5 % raise.

Leaving his office, he stopped and asked me, “By the way, which companies are after you?” I responded, “The gas, electric and cable company.”

What do bosses who pay their employees minimum wage and middle aged men who date eighteen year olds have in common with each other?

Both would go for lower if it were legal.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

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The penis requested a wage raise from his company one day

He presented the following arguments to justify his request:

"Dear Board, I, as the penis, request a raise due to following reasons:

1. I work hard physically.
2. I always use my head in every job I do.
3. I work in both deep and superficial environments.
4. My working environ...

I told my parents about a crazy job I wanted to take for minimum wage.

They said:
That makes absolutely no cents.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?

He doesn’t want things to get too inflated.

Jeff Bezos has announced that he will start paying a living wage

Or as his lawyer called it,"alimony."

Clever guy applying for a job, ended up talking about the wages...

Manager: '' So you will start at $15 a hour and later you could earn at least $20 a hour. ''

Applicant: ''Alright then I'll be back later! ''

How to fix the wage gap.

Wagegap

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Bill Gates woke up in the morning and found that his Mexican housekeepers were gone.

He asked his wife Melinda where they went, who replied that Steve Jobs showed up earlier and offered them the same work at his mansion for double their previous wage.
Bill became furious. "Fucking Jobs, coming here and taking our immigrants!"

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There's Nothing Sexier than a Minimum Wage Worker

If he'll mop that floor all day for 8.25 an hour imagine what he'd do to me for 10

Bob left work Jokes ;)

Bob left work one Friday evening.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours...

At the job interview, I asked what is the salary like. They said I'll start at minimum wage and make double of that in two years.

Ok, I'll be back in two years.

Apparently the BBC can pay me less than minimum wage

But they said the camera adds ten pounds

My student loan providers said that they're going to "garnish" my wages?

I guess it's true that thyme is money

If the wages of sin are death

Do women get paid 30% less death?

What time do wage slaves wake up for work?

Poor thirty

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It's hard having to manufacture double-sided dildos for minimum wage.

Just gotta do what you can to make ends meet.

My employer is unable to pay me what I'm worth.

Because it would violate minimum wage laws.

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genie and the wish

A woman walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman soon came back to her senses and asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, "Nope. . . due to inflation, constant downsizing, fierce ...

My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in a rash every time I give you your wages?"

I said, "Because I'm allergic to peanuts."

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The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes...

... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.

Where does Santa send the elves‘ wages?

To the snow bank.

Pay day

I got my paycheck & the envelope was filled with parsley...



Someone garnished my wages!

After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear...

Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income

In the old days when everyone got paid in cash for their work, Frank was walking to the pub to meet up with his friends when he found an envelope with someone's payslip and entire wages for the week.

His face was angry when he got inside the pub. His friends asked him what was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” He exclaimed. “ What’s wrong is that I just found an entire pay packet.”

“Sucks for them, but good for you. What wrong with that, though?”

“Look at how much tax they had to pay.”

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Stalin's driver asks him for a raise

One day; while walking to his car - comrade Krushchev comes upon his driver, eating grass.

"What are you doing?" "Don't you have any food to eat?" "I pay you a monthly salary!"

The driver responds; "Comrade Krushchev, i can barely feed my family with that money. Please! I'm begging you...

What is the secret to staying thin?

Minimum wage.

We should clone Terry Crews and arm his horde of clones to wage war on our enemies

He could form the basis for a new milli-Terry

TIL cow tipping is an urban myth.

Apparently, the farmers just pay them a competitive wage.

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a whe...

A woman asked me "What is your opinion on women making 75% of a man's wages for the same job?"

I said "Congratulations!!!"

"Just the bonuses for the CEO's on Wall Street equals the amount of what half of all American's make on minimum wage in a year" : New York Times

But we have a national holiday today called Labor Day

My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.

The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.

After a bitter divorce, while cleaning out the attic to prepare for selling their dream home, a genie pops out of a dust covered item.

“I will grant you three wishes of anything your heart desires” says the genie, “but know that your ex will receive twice whatever you wish for”


Ok, I’m losing my dream home, I wish for the most glorious mansion complete with staff to serve my every whim.


DONE! You are the o...

"I bought you an engagement ring," I told my girlfriend.

"How much did it cost?" she asked in a flash.

"£300," I told her.

"£300?!" she fumed. "You said you were going to spend a month's wages!"

"I didn't say it was going to be *my* month's wages."

Spongebob was the most unrealistic kid's show

A teenager in a minimum wage job owning a house and car. Pfft

The Legend of the King and the Fisherman

After the palace meteorologist assured them there was no chance of rain, the King and the Queen went fishing.

On the way, they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and they asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesties, you should return to the palace...

A rabbi is hiring an assistant...

Rabbi Hoffman is hiring an assistant, and he’s interviewing a young man named Uri for the job.

The rabbi read through Uri’s resume. He had extensive community service, excellent grades, and had never missed service.

“This all looks very good, young man. I’m going to need help cleaning...

After 10 years, the Football factory went out of business.

Many people thought it was the unhappy employees. Many thought it was the low wages.

But the truth is, they just couldn't keep up with the inflation.

My mother with dwarfism feels she is underpaid at work...

Apparently shes unsatisfied making mini Mum wage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nikita Khrushchev sees his driver eating grass.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Sir, with the wages you've given me i can only feed my kids."

Khrushchev triples his wage.

Stalin's driver overheard this and decides to bite away at his lawn with a passion to elicit Stalin's empathy.

"What the hell are you doing?"
...

Told my Grandpa’s favorite joke at his funeral and it helped cheer some sad eyes..... What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?

Their wages were garnished.

Pay me what I'm worth!

I once asked my boss for a raise.
He asked me how much I wanted.
"Just pay me what I'm worth," I said.
He replied, "I can't. There's a minimum wage law."

What did the dwarf say at the job fair?

Minimum wage please!

Two guys from New York go on a cross-country trip and end up walking into a bar in Kansas.

After a few too many drinks, one of the guys asks the bartender, "Hey, can you tell us how to go cow tipping?" "I'm sorry, gentlemen. Cow tipping is simply an urban myth," the bartender explains. "The farmers actually pay them a competitive wage."

If a parsley farmer gets sued,

can they garnish his wages?

Everyday I Think About Success And I think About Death, Put 2 and 2 Together What Do you Get?

Medium wage.
I’ll see myself out.

A wealthy politician released her tax returns for the public to view, according to custom.

The politician had a neighbor who was in charge of a charity that was struggling for funds. After seeing the politician’s tax returns, he saw a golden opportunity, and immediately went over and knocked on the politician’s door.

“All right, I can see from your tax returns that you make $500,00...

I recently hired a temp to fill in while my secretary was off for six months on maternity leave.

Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I
asked her what she expected to earn.

The temp replied, "Well ... the minimum I could possibly work for is
four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

The temp shook her head and replied, "With 'pleasure'...

Salary negotiation

Employee: I’d like to be paid what I’m worth.
Employer: And I’d like to pay you what you’re worth, but I can’t because there are minimum wage laws.

What happens when a mixologist stops paying his child support.

They’d start garnishing his wages.

My part-time waitress girlfriend wants to buy nothing but designer outfits...

.. I told her to "act her wage".

A guy I work with was fired for stealing parsley..

They didn't fire him exactly, but they did garnish his wages.

Give a man a pizza and he eats for a day

Teach a man how to make a pizza and he will work minimum wage

People really should stop tipping cows.

They deserve a decent hourly wage!

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An old lady shows up to a bank..

An old lady shows up at the Bank of Canada one morning with a bag of money.
The old lady insists on talking to the president of the bank about opening a savings account because, she says, she has a lot of money.
After much discussion, an employee took him to the president's office.
The Pre...

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My mate had builders in doing an extension...

and his five year old daughter decided to help. The builders gave her little jobs to do to make her feel part of the team.

At the end of the week she was presented with her 'wage packet', which consisted of $2 in small change. Her father took her to the bank to open an account with the money ...

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist.

The  religious man prayed every single day and night, spending much time at  church, while the atheist never even thought of such acts.
However, the atheist's had a good life. An excellent, well-paid job, and a beautiful wife, lovely, healthy, children, whereas the religious  man's job was stres...

What's a Grecian Urn?

About 2 bucks an hour depending on what the current minimum wage is.

Did you hear about the cook who stole parsley from his restaurant?

They had to [garnish](http://legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/garnish) his wages.

I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...

turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.

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A Southern minister began preaching to his congregation about sin

"I know you've sinned, brothers, I want to hear you confess your sins so that you may be forgiven. Tell it all, brothers, tell it all!"

A man in the front row stood up and said "Preacher, I been drinkin'. I been going out on Friday nights and drinkin' with my sorry friends."

The prea...

I've got some good news for small mothers...

They're raising the mini mum wage next year!

I visited Kenya...

I was in Kenya for holiday and decided to visit a poor village. There I met a married couple who told me about their everyday life. The wife told how she makes clothes for a living and makes 1.75 dollars a day. The husband was a farmer who only made 2 dollars a day.

It broke my heart. I felt ...

Vladislav

There was once a man named Vladislav. He worked an average job, received minimum wage, and was frustrated with his life.
One day he received a call from his wife, who told him out of guilt that she had been cheating on him for several months now, and wanted to stop by the house to collect her be...

Two Newfie brothers, Bob and Tom, go to the unemployment office one day.

After hours of standing in line, Bob is called in to speak with a social worker.

The social worker asks him "What is your occupation?"

Bob replies "I'm a diesel fitter."

The social worker informs Bob that she just happens to know of a trucking company that is hiring for this pos...

My uncle works on a parsley farm and is constantly late to work.

Is it legal for them to garnish his wages?

So a man and a woman went on a hike...

And during their trip, they found a gap. The man was able to jump over the gap with ease, but when he looked back at the woman, she was trembling a bit. The man asked "Why can't you jump over this gap?" The women replied "Can't you read the sign, it says "wage gap"...

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