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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

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What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

A second-grade teacher is giving her daily grammar lesson.

“Tammy,” the teacher calls out to a girl in the first row of class, “please use ‘I’ in a sentence.”

​

“I is,” Tammy begins, but was immediately interrupted.

​

“No, Tammy,” the teacher says, “that’s incorrect. You always say ‘I am.’”

&#x200...

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The 6th grade science teacher asks her class a question.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will g...

Why don't black holes get good grades ?

They aren't bright enough.

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying

When his mother ask why he replays.
"The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that."

Mom says "cause u black and they white."

Next day Tyrone is crying again .

"What's wrong today Tyrone" his mothe...

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Little Timmy was in 3rd Grade

One day he went to class and as soon as he sat down, his teacher walked up to him and slammed a test on his desk. “You’re an absolute failure!” she yelled at him. Little Timmy was devastated, he’d never been yelled at like this before, but he bottled up his emotions and did his work. The class ended...

What grades did Nicholas Cage get in school?

The Bs! Not the Bs!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke pot and kiss.

Best hire I’ve ever made as a school principal.

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Timmy is starting the second grade

On the first day of school, the teacher has baked cookies for the class.

When she gets to Timmy, he replies "I don't fucking want one."

The teacher is shocked but doesn't say anything. Fortunately, her webcam has recorded the incident.

She sends a note home with Timmy asking fo...

I took an online quiz to grade how un happy I am.

My unhappiness grade:D

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A teacher in a 3rd grade class asked her students what their fathers did for a living.

She got all kinds of answers: doctors, engineers, bus drivers. Finally little Billy stood up and said, "My dad is a piano player in a whore house."

"What?!" the teacher exclaimed.

Billy repeated himself, "My dad is a piano player in a whore house."

The teacher was utterly ince...

Would anyone like to adopt my grades?

I can’t raise them myself.

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Once, a third grade teacher had to teach SexEd to her class.

She had never taught it before and decided to start of by drawing a penis on the whiteboard. She asks the class,” Anyone know what this is?”
A boy raised his hand and exclaimed,” I know what that is! My father has 2!”
The teacher was confused and asked the the child, “ Are you sure?”
The...

What sort of grades did Tommy Wiseau receive in school?

Oh, high marks.

I put my grades up for adoption

Because I couldn’t raise them.

What do you call it when your Biology grade is close to an F?

Biodegraded

My teacher gave me a bad grade on my essay, she said the ending was “too unexpected”.

Guess I’ll never end it with the Spanish inquisition in that class ever again...

A joke my second grade teacher used to tell

Every Friday after school, a young boy named Timmy would go to the corner store for an after-school treat.

There would always be a group of rowdy older boys loitering outside the store. Every time Timmy came by they'd pull him aside. The leader would reveal a dollar in his left hand and a qua...

Trump is at an elementary school assembly and asks,...

"Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A kindergartener raises her hand and the president chooses her to answer, "A car crash."

"No, not quite." Responds Trump, "that would be an 'accident' ".

He then chooses a 4th grade boy. "If a school bus went off a cliff and all the kids die...

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Little Johnny's First Grade teacher asks her class to present something exciting that happened over the summer

and of course, there's the usual stories of going to the beach, taking a trip to the amusement park, etc. Finally, little Johnny's turn comes up, and he walks to the front of the class and draws a single dot on the board. The teacher, confused, asks little Johnny what he's presenting. "It's a period...

So I heard this word problem from grade school.....

If you have five crystals, and billy takes four crystals, and sally gives you two crystals, how many crystals do you have?

It was then that I realized the kids were all doing crystal math.

How many grades are in dog school?

Grades K-9

A teacher decided not to grade the tests her class took, and instead gave everyone an A.

She gave no Fs that day.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous."

"Oh c'mon" says mathematician #...

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A student goes to talk to his professor about his grade.

The student comes up to the professor, "What is this, why did you grade me an 80?"

The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you deserve"

The student takes the exam back, and asks "If I'll bite my own eye, will you give me an 85?" The professor is surprised, but still ...

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Ms. Dolores is reviewing the alphabet with her third-grade class...

One particular student, Johnny, is a troublemaker. He always looks for an opportunity to disrupt class and shock the teacher, and today is no different.

Ms. Dolores starts off with the letter "A". "OK, class, who knows a word that begins with 'A'?"

Johnny raises his hand before anyone ...

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A 1st grade teacher brings his class out for a science field trip to the local park

At the park, one of the kids screams "oh look! There's a big doggy poo poo here!"

The teacher requests that the class gather around and explains

"Look kids, I just taught you about our five senses haven't I?

Don't just rely on one of your senses to observe the world. We have fiv...

Virginity in school

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades and they will stop."

father:how are your grades son?

son: underwater, dad

father: underwater? what do you mean?

son:they're below C level

My grade school teacher said to me "Name two pronouns".

Only half paying attention to the lecture, I replied "Who, me?"

What grade did the NASA employee get on their exam?

A T-minus

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th-grade class

a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms."Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.<...

A student receives a bad grade on his exam

And he goes to talk to the teacher, convinced that he's been graded unfairly.

He says to the teacher "I think I deserve some points on these questions, even if my answers weren't entirely correct!"

The teacher sighs and says "ok, I'll take another look at your exam".

The student...

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I had sex with my 10th grade English teacher.

So what if it took 36 years and required me to become a mortician.

My grades are like politics.

I don't care about them, but they affect my life in a very annoying way.

Little Johnny is learning math in Mrs. Smith’s 4 grade class...

Mrs Smith asks little Johnny,

“If there are 5 pigeons on a fence and a farmer shoots one, how many are left?”

“None, as the rest would fly away!”

“No little Johnny, there would be 4, but I like the way you think.”

Little Johnny then got peeved so he asked Mrs. Smith,
<...

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The first day of first grade

The teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer.
One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo."
"That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train."
The next child raised her hand ...

Big city teacher gets a job in rural Alabama. One room school, all grades...

Teacher can't get any of these kids to learn basic math so she tries a new tack..."If there are 3 crows on a telephone line and a farmer comes out and shoots one, how many are left?"
Troublesome kid says "none". She replies "3 minus 1 is 2...why don't you get that?". Kid says if you shoot one t...

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I got in trouble for telling this joke in 5th grade on share a joke day.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess with three handsome suitors.

Each suitor tried their best to charm the princess, but the princess could not choose which handsome suitor to marry.

The princess did love ping pong though, and so she decided to test the suitors' love.
...

My grade school teacher would often touch me in inappropriate places.

Places like the kitchen and the living room. I hated being homeschooled

A third-grade class is on a field trip to the museum when they come across a mummy exhibit.

The display has a sign in front saying “2982 BC.”

One of the kids asks his friend, “What do you suppose that means?”

His friend thinks for a few seconds, then concludes, “It must be the license plate number of the car that hit him.”

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A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a whil...

“Is ‘hobo’ a bad word for a first grade class?”

“Of course not, it’s a bad word for a homeless person.”

A teacher calls her first grade class

from recess. She goes up to little Sally and asked, "Sally, what did you do at recess?" "I played in the sand box." "Good. Now, if you can spell the word 'sand' on the black board, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie." So she spells the word right and gets a cookie. Then comes in little Billy. "Billy...

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A group of kindergartners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

"You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana."

"No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words!" <...

Little Johnny is in 1st grade, but extremely smart.

One day his friend asks him how he’s so clever.

Little Johnny answers: Simple, I use association.

During this, their teacher is listening and thinks this is a big word for a first grader so the teacher decided to test him.

Teacher: Johnny I heard you telling your friend about...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in 5th grade. Which one is hotter?

The blonde..because she’s 18.

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Bad Math Grade

A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, "I got an F in math today."
His father replies, "What happened?"
The boy says, "Well, my teacher asked me, 'What's 3 times 2', and I said 6.'"
The father replies, "Well, that's correct."
The boy says, "I know. Then she asked me, '...

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On the first day of school the new grade one class met their new teacher Miss Prussy. The class had trouble pronouning her name. Miss Prussy said just think of a pussy with an r .... The next morning....

Miss Prussy..... Good Morning Class !
Class..... Good Morning Miss Crunt !

I have a 79.82% grade in my programming class

I have a C++

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American

She shares the joys of being a part of the greatest country in the world, and asks her students to raise their hands if they are or want to be American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however,...

People always ask me how I got into Harvard at the age of 16, after skipping two grades.

Honestly I think the janitor just left the door open or something.

The way I combed my hair in 7th grade

is the worst part.

I once knocked a kid out on our 3rd grade class trip

so now I’m no longer allowed to chaperone.

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It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, f...

A blond is starting in 2nd grade

On the first day she comes home to her mother and eagerly yells: "Mom! Mom! Today we had English and I knew more words and could spell better than any other kid! Is it because I am a blonde?"
"No, honey", said the mother, "It is simply because you are smarter and more knowledgeable than the ot...

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I’m not the smartest student ever so I tried something a little risky to get a better grade...

I got a D- on my recent English test and my dad wasn’t very happy with my mark. I asked my teacher if I could do a sexual favour for her to get a B+. She got very offended. My classmates didn’t think that was okay either, and they stopped talking to me for a few weeks.

If you guys want, I ca...

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A teacher asks her 1st grade class to make a sentence with the word "definitely" in it...

Little Suzy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue!"
"No," the teacher replies. "It depends on the weather, the sky can be gray and at night its black."
Another student stands up and says "trees are definitely green!"
The teacher replies "no, during autumn the leaves change color."...

In eight grade my gym teacher gave me a D.

That's how I got an A.

when my dad and his friends were in 9th grade...

...there was a guy called Peter in their class. Unfortunately he couldn't pass the final exams and had to stay in the same class for another year. then onwards they called him repeater.

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Once in fifth grade this kid called me a homo.

I thought it meant homeless, I was so confused and I said: “Jeremy you’ve been to my house!”

3rd grade math

If you have 7 apples in one hand, and 5 in the other, what do you have?

-Really large hands.

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] The woman said my dictate good.

What grades do you need to join the navy?

7 C’s

Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade?

Prof: um... it's May

Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade?

A university student wanted to sit next to one of his teachers at lunch

However, the teacher looked at the student with an arrogant face and said:

'A swan shan't be friends with a pig.'

'Then I shall fly on,' answered the student with a smile.

The teacher was clearly vexed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to...

My buddy just came to me all depressed and said “My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.”

So I said “well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little dumbass will get it."

A first grade class walks in from recess...

The teacher asks Sarah: What did you do doing recess?

Sarah replied: I played in the sandbox.

The teacher says: “That’s good. Go to the blackboard and if you can write ‘sand’ correctly I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.

She does and gets a cookie. The teacher asks Morris what h...

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Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade

Johnny goes to school on the first day of second grade. The teacher asks each student to say their name.

Johnny replies, "my name is Johnny Fuckhour".

The teacher immediately scolds him and tells him that such language will not be tolerated.

"But that's my name," he protests....

What's the difference between a Pakistani grade school and an Al-Qaeda training base?

How am I supposed to know, I just pilot the drone

A teacher asked her 6th Grade class how many of them were Trump fans...

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Trump fans.


Not really knowing what a Trump fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.


The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different....

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes, ma’am. My...

What is the average grade of a pirate in college?

High C's

A boy in first grade runs to his father after school

A boy in first grade runs to his father after school and says "I was able to count to ten today Dad! And all the other children could only count to five".

The Dad replies, "Very good son, that's because you're my special little boy"

The next day the boy comes out and says, "Dad! I was ...

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1st day in 1st grade.

I didn't knew anybody on my 1st day in 1st grade. After a few minutes I saw a really cute girl and approach to her until a random kid walked infront of me and said,"Yo, that's my girlfriend". The whole class went into a laughter. My mind puzzled and I decided that the only logical thing to do is pu...

I remember my seventh grade teacher telling me "All jokes have to have a punchline, otherwise they aren't funny."

I guess she was right.

My parents always expected perfect grades.

I wish they had just let me B.

My grade school math teacher once asked us what 280 x 18 was

I kept shouting "7!" but apparently we weren't on the topic of factorials yet

Mrs. Jones was giving a spelling test to her third grade class...

“How do you spell the word ‘straight’?” asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Johnny shouts, “S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T!!”

“Excellent job Johnny! And what does that word mean?”

“Without ice.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was my first day of second grade...

...I was feeling particularly confident, as my mom helped me with my addition over the summer. I looked around the room and spotted a cute girl, and I made way across the classroom and started chatting her up. Then, out of nowhere, this big, buff kid shoved me to the ground, and started yelling at m...

The other day I failed my grade 10 English exam for the third year in a row

My friend called it quite a feat.

I smugly corrected him and said, "the singular is actually 'a foot.'"



How did that dumbass even pass??

Little Johnny kept getting into trouble for disrupting his third grade class, seems he was regularly busting out obnoxiously loud farts.

His teacher kept him after school to have a talk with him and, maybe, resolve the problem. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m proud of it.” The teacher, in a moment of despiration, says,...

A 6th-grade teacher posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.

One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity.

Now, what does each get?”

After a very long silence in the classroom, one little boy raised his hand.

With ...

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Hillary Clinton is speaking at a fourth grade class

She opens the floor up for a question and answer period. A boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"
"Hi, I'm Timmy and I have three questions. 1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State? 2. What actually happened at Benghazi? 3. Why did you delete 33,000 ema...

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Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class:

"Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"

Mary st...

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A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.

A little girl raises her hand "I had a kitty\-cat who stuttered", she volunteered.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl...

I wet my pants in the third grade once...

And it cost me my teaching career.

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool... (/r/AskReddit comments section liked it and I was told that you might like it, too)

*It's a joke I know in french. So I tried to translate it and did some improvments since my first comment, too:*

A 3rd grade class goes to the swimming pool.

The lifeguard asks to the class: "Does any one of you already know how to swim?"

Then the little Dimitri, all excited, an...

Visiting my first grade son at school lunch today...

Me: How is school going so far?

Son: Good, I had a test.

Me: What was your test on?

Son: Paper.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jerome comes home from third grade one day

and asks his mom, "Mom, I have the biggest dick in class, is it because I'm black?"

And his mom says, "Now Jerome, don't be a bigot. You don't have the biggest dick in the third grade because your black, it's because you're 27!"

Hey Professor can I do something to help my grade?

Professor: Uh...it’s May.

Me: Oh sorry! MAY I do something to help my grade?

Good luck on finals everyone!

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"

"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"

"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher s...

A Sunday school teacher was teaching her first-grade class.

"Class," she said, "what were the first words Jesus said when he walked out of the tomb on Easter morning?"

A little girl waved her hand excitedly. "Ooh! Ooh! I know!" she said. "Pick me! Pick me!"

The teach smiled and said, "All right, Susie. What did Jesus say when he walked out...

What is the highest grade a Canadian can get?

Eh

A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!"

A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My son youngest grade son recently learned "Dick" is a nickname for someone named Richard...

... and was super excited about while telling the family at dinner.

Our teenage daughter casually implores, *"How do you get Dick from Richard?"*



Suffice it say, my wife wasn't too impressed when I responded, *"You ask him nicely."*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.

Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word.
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
O...