Lower Jokes - 90 Hilarious Lower Jokes

In 1272, the Muslims invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.

In 1873, the British refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Do Russians only write in lower case letters?

I mean, they hate Capitalism.

When I die, I want my group project members to lower my casket into the ground.

That way they can let me down one last time.

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Why do people have lower standards for sex in Alabama?

It's all relative

Which location is lower than the depths of Hell?

Apparently Georgia, if the Devil had to go down.

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Lower my sex drive

An old man goes to see the doctor, when the doctor enters the exam room he asks what he can do for him today.
The old man replies "I want you to lower my sex drive"
The doctor looks at this obviously old man and says "Can you tell me how old you are?" The man replies I am 96.
The doctor say...

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Unvaccinated kids have been found to have lower IQ's than vaccinated children.

Can't blame them, their parents are dumb as fuck.

It’s true women do make less money than men

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

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Generic Viagra. Same medicine at a lower price.

No bones about it.

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to...

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My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

The inventor of the USB stick has died

At his funeral they gently lowered the coffin, then pulled it back up, turned it the other way, then lowered it again.

When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

Studies show that 75 percent of blondes have lower-than-average intelligence.

Luckily, I’m a blonde and I’m in the remaining 35%

The wage gap isn't real.

Men simply focus on getting the higher paying jobs like scientist, doctor, engineer. Meanwhile, women tend to go towards the lower paying jobs, like female scientist, female doctor and female engineer.

Why is a genie's lower half transparent?

So you don't see their Djinn-itals.

In 1802, the condom was invented in New Zealand...

...by using sheep's lower intestine.

Some years later, Australians refined the idea by removing the intestine from the sheep first.

Unvaccinated children DO have a lower rate of autism.

Because they're dead.

The worst thing about this pandemic is all the restaurants apparently using lower quality ingredients to save money.

I'll keep eating out every day, but I haven't been able to taste anything for weeks.

Funny how things are still tagged NSFW

As if any of us still have jobs

Update: stop bragging about being employed, it's lowering morale /s

What kind of appointment lowers your self- esteem?

Disappointment

If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day,

why isn't anything in the store free yet?

One day a 12-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and the driver lowered a window.

"I’ll give you a large bag of M&Ms if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way! Get lost!" replied the boy.

"How about a bag of M&Ms and 10 dollars?" the driver asked.

"I said no way," replied the boy.

"What about a bag of M&Ms and 50 dollars?" asked the ...

What do you call the meat on your lower leg?

Bologna

My dad works for a company that focuses on the health of the lower 3/4 of the body, and yesterday he just became the CEO.

Now he's the Head of Shoulders, Knees, and Toes!

So Donald Trump walks into a bar...

and lowers it

Rising sea levels have lowered the value of my home.

Now my mortgage is underwater.

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant ran a personnel shop staffed by three lower ranking sergeants.

Every day at 3:00, the Chief would grab his hat, tell his staff that he was going to a meeting, and leave. After several weeks of this, one of the sergeants figured it was safe to leave work early - they'd never get caught because the Chief never returned. At 3:15 he told his coworkers, "Let's go...

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What is a food that, if eaten by women, could lower their sex drive by up to 90%?

Wedding cake

Why should communism always be lower case?

So that it’s not capitalized

Did you go to the party the archaeologists were having because they discovered the lower leg?

I heard it was the real shindig.

I'm sorry

You can't pronounce 'O' while biting your lower lip.

Again, louder baby

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Traffic Warden's funeral,

a voice from inside screams: "I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"

The Vicar smiles, leans forward sucking air through his teeth and mutters: "Too late pal, I've already done the paperwork."

"Now before we lower the casket, anyone want to say anything?"

"I'm vegan"

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My husband kept telling me to lower my voice during sex

I never understood his batman fetish.

Why does the moon raise and lower the tides over and over again?

It has to make shore

Why do short people get angry more quickly?

Because the point to which "they've had it up to here" is much lower.

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Hey baby are you a Communist?

Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class.

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A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a cabin, they went to bed, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, they were both still wide awake and they both knew it.

He said: "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet under you...

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My mate said: “Wow, your car looks awesome since you had it lowered!"

“I haven't had it lowered, you cheeky twat!" I replied. "I've just picked my wife up from McDonald's."

What's it called when your drill instructor gets too much Sun on his lower leg?

A TANNNN SHIN!!!

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him:

“Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 m...

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I am Pierre

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips...

Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.

(Sorry!)

To whomever made capital I and lower case L look the same..

l hope you're happy, Ioser.

What's higher than the sky and lower than the sea?

The Netherlands.

If Oscar Pistorius’s lower legs hadn’t been amputated

he would have been an un-de-feeted champion

I traded my car to get my interest rates lowered

It worked, women are now less interested in me.

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Fancy Chicago lawyer goes duck hunting in LA (Lower Alabama) (very long)

This lawyer had heard about the exceptional duck hunting in lower Alabama so he made plans to go one year. He left his hotel early and found a good spot by sun-up. He had the most expensive equipment money could buy.

He missed a few ducks, but then shot one. It flapped a couple times and lan...

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At first I was mad when my doctor prescribed me medication that would lower my sex drive, but now ..

No hard feelings.

I'm thinking about getting the Allegory of Bad Government tattooed on my lowered back...

...it'll be my new Trump Stamp.

my wife asked me why i always type using lower case letters.

i said i stopped giving a shift.

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Penguin blowjob

I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She instead offered me a 'penguin blowjob'.
I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal.

She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and began sucking. As things ...

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Scientists Discover Food That Lowers Womens' Sex Drive By 90 Percent

'Wedding Cake'

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural...

I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).

I asked if the tattoo was the reason, and the anesthesiologist said “no, it’s because your wife is the one giving birth, not you, sir.”

I run a dating service for lower income areas in The UK

It's how I make ends meet

I came home and found that my wife has been on Ebay the whole day.

If she's still on there tomorrow, I'd have to lower the price.

Stone.

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper....

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NSFW (Actual interaction between my wife and I) Wife: "Doesn't ejaculating alot increase your testosterone and lower your voice?"

Me: "Babe, if ejaculating lowered your voice, I'd have been Barry White by the time we met."

What did the priest say when Freddie Mercury was lowered into his grave?

"This is the cleanest hole he's ever been in"

I had two feet of my lower intestine removed.

Now I only have a semicolon.

Two mischievous boys, aged 8 and 10, are known for causing all sorts of trouble in their town. Their mother, hoping to discipline them, asks a preacher to speak to them. The preacher agrees, but he asks to see the boys individually.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sits the younger boy down and asks sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"

The boy's mouth drops open, he doesn’t respond but sits there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeats the question in an even sterner tone, "Where...

The person who invented the USB drive is going to be lowered into his grave,

Then lifted back up, flipped over, and layed in again.

It has been proven that anti vaxers have a lower chance of autism

Unfortunately the main side effect is death

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

The World Health Organization has asked photographers to lower their exposure while out doing their jobs…

I guess ISOlation is the name of the game.

I always wondered why my millennial friend always writes in lower case letters...

...apparently he is anti-capitalism.

A man is travelling down a desert road when he sees a sign saying "SPEED LIMIT 40". He lowers his speed to 40 MPH.

Half an hour later, he sees one with the words "SPEED LIMIT 20", so he goes down to 20 MPH.

Another half an hour passes, and he sees a sign with the words "SPEED LIMIT 10". Surprised, he slows down to 10 MPH.

After an hour, he sees a sign saying "WELCOME TO SPEED LIMIT!".

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A new study shows that unvaccinated children are shown to have lower rates of autism than vaccinated children.

Because a dead two year old can't be fucking diagnosed with autism.

Condoms

1272AD - Arab Muslims invent the first condoms using the lower intestine of goats.

1856AD - English farmers improve on the idea by first removing the intestine from the goat.

I was having lower back pain from having to stand all day at work and my wife suggested I try orthopedic footwear.

I told her it wouldn't help but she insisted.

I stand corrected.

Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"

Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.

Sometimes I lightly run my finger in a circular motion around my lower face..

It’s called *a lip tickle*

A man walks into a psychiatrist office naked except his lower body is covered in Saran wrap...

As soon as the docter sees him he says”I can clearly see your nuts”

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What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7?

....hasidic

I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good...

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After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening….

when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn’t in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down one side, then the oth...

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Pierre the French fighter pilot was the greatest fighter pilot the world had ever seen.

His skill in a plane was rivaled only by his skill in bed and he had many a fair young thing aching for his love.

On a bright summer day he was picnicking with a young lady in the shade of a willow tree near a lake. They had talked for a while but the woman could wait no longer and she leane...

Just came home from my first paleontology party where we spent the night searching for the lower leg bone of a new dinosaur.

It was quite the shin dig.

My friend got hit with a window installment falling on his lower back the other day

Said it was a huge pane in the ass

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Scientists discover a food proven to lower a woman's sex drive by at least 95%

This discovery has been named "Wedding Cake"

11 Minutes

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover’s spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.

The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer ...

I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...

He said “Thats what they want you to think!”

What do bosses who pay their employees minimum wage and middle aged men who date eighteen year olds have in common with each other?

Both would go for lower if it were legal.

Some punk kids threw a baseball through the lower half of my window, and then jumped through an entire other window to get it!

Let me tell you, it was a pane and a half to replace.

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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

“Oh My God – Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”

I can’t jump out the window. It’s raining out there.

If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both, she replied.

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs ...

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter,...

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Steve dates a girl for the first time

Unfortunately, he doesn't know anything about sex, so he fears that it could get serious

Desperate he asks his friend Tom, a real Casanova, for some tips

Tom thinks for a little bit and says:
"Alright, if you want to please a girl, its all about movement. Let's do an exercise!"
<...

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[hospital] SURGEON: [lowers mask] I'm sorry, we were unable to separate the art from the artist

ME: is he

S: yes, he's still an asshole

What did the captain of the Titanic say to the guy lowering a half empty lifeboat?

Too soon.

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The pope is in Mexico visiting. He lowers the partition and kindly asks if he can drive.....

Driver: Excuse me your excellency?

Pope: I said, would you mind if I drive today?

Driver: B..bu...but, sir I will most certainly loose my job if I did that.

Pope: In all these years I have never driven. I used to enjoy driving so very much. I promise, you will not loose your...

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