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Proportion Jokes

The pressure of a gas is inversely proportional to its volume—Boyle’s Law.

Any leftover cabbage must be shredded and mixed with mayonnaise.

—-Cole’s Law.

I’m sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion.

She’s single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.

Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?

Because I Noah guy. I hear he's a fantastic Arkitect.

The more I hear about inverse proportion

the less I like it.

Are you proportional?

Joel Garner, the 6 Feet 8 Inch Giant West Indian Fast Bowler was once very suggestively asked by A Woman:- "Are you Proportionate All Over ?”

He said:- "No, If that was the case, I would have been 8 feet 6 inches tall."

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My wife is always blowing things out of proportion.

Yesterday it was our neighbour Leroy's cock.

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[NSFW] I just learned that to proportionally be hung like a horse, a 200 lbs man would need roughly a 4-inch dick.

So that means I only need to lose about 30 lbs and grow another inch, inch-and-a-half...

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A woman buys a mirror and hangs it on the bathroom door.

While getting undressed she says, “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bra size 44!” There’s a blinding flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what’s happened and they both return to the bathroom.

The husband crosses his fingers an...

I've been thinking recently that unfaithful women are condemned way beyond proportion.

Begone, thought.

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The Prince of Denmark wanted to know the proportion of women in his country who were prostitutes.

So he called his friend Horatio.

The amount of food I consumed last night, was of Biblical proportions.

I’m now dreaming of a wide Christmas.

Why did the famous balloon artist hate his own work?

It was blown out of proportion!

I've been accused of lying about how much snot comes out of my nose when I sneeze.

They always say I'm blowing it out of proportion

I was having an argument about balloons the other day . . .

I may have blew things out of proportion.

Joan, who was rather well-proportioned, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.

She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.

"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on ...

I've found an unusual consequence of dating a short guy...

Whenever I talk about him, people ask if I'm blowing things out of proportion

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

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Two business associates and long-time friends were having lunch together...

... when one asked what happened to his friend's fetching secretary.

"Oh, Brenda? She quit. She had such a beautiful body, but couldn't take a joke. I needed some travel arrangements and she just goes and quits on me."

"What?!? Why?", says the first.

"Well, you know when you say...

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My wife said she likes giving me head because my penis is the size of a cucumber.

I think she's blowing it out of proportion.

Yesterday I saw a horse-drawn carriage

The proportions were a bit off but the shading and linework were quite remarkable.

What happened to the muslim critic?

He blew everything out of proportion!

The only thing my girl friend blows

Is everything out of proportion

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A woman purchases an antique mirror...

in front of the mirror she playfully says " mirror mirror on the door, make my bust-line fourty four " and her breasts grew to enourmous proportions. She quickly ran to grab her husband and he decided to try it " mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!" and his legs fell off

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Two girls arguing about who is better at sex

The first girl says

"I'm so good, I once sucked a guy's dick and the head swelled up to FIVE TIMES the size of his shaft!"

The second girl says

"I think your blowing things out of proportion..."

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Creation of Women

So Adam was moping around in the Garden of Eden, kicking little stones and muttering to himself.

The Lord, seeing this, asked Adam what was wrong.

"Well", said Adam, I've been getting these strange urges from time to time, and I don't know what to do about them."

The Lord though...

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Peter Piker

When Peter Piker peeked at Penny,

And peeped her perfect pooper

His peepers paused and then his jaw

Plopped down into a stupor



But he perked up and pressed his luck;

Professed he pined to pipe her

He self-composed and then proposed

While poin...

What is a pirate's favorite letter

A letter of marque and reprisal, which granted treatment as a prisoner of war if captured, provided the former pirate turn over a proportion of his prizes to the issuing government. Used as a convenient way for otherwise underprepared belligerent nations to expand their navies in times of war, lette...

An oldie, but a goodie.

A husband and wife are in the delivery room, she is going into labor and in intensive pain.
The doctor tells the husband they have a new piece of tech that can share the labor pains with the Father.
The husband is skeptical, but decides to do this to help his wife. The device shares the pain...

This is a test.

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Only you will know the results, so remember that your...

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A notorious womanizer left a trail of broken hearts behind him, until he betrayed the wrong woman - a practicing witch.

The morning after she caught him with another girl, he awoke with an itchy bump in the middle of his forehead. He thought it was a pimple, but it continued to grow to ridiculous proportions throughout the day. In a panic, he sought the advice of a physician, who examined the man and ran tests on the...

(Old and not mine) A man dies and goes to heaven

When he gets there he sees a wall of immeasurable proportions made entirely of clocks with a gate in the center. He sees an angel in front of the gate so he asks

“What do all of these clocks represent?”

To which the angel replies,

“These are the clocks of man, every person tha...

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There is a mathematical theory for good sex

The heat of the meat is directly proportional to angle of the dangle given that the mass of the ass is constant.

A Mozart fanatic visits his tomb in Austria...

John is a gigantic Mozart fanatic. He's listened to every one of his many compositions, paid attention to the melodies and how they were composed, and the thought process of their creation. All that John has left to do is to visit Mozart's tomb.

John travels to Austria and visits his tomb. Wh...

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A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender notices this guy and can't help but admire his incredible physique and incredible chiseled body. The guy sits down and orders a drink, now up and close the barkeep realizes how proportionally weird his head is compared to the rest of his body. "Can I ask you ...

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A rich man threw a mansion party

It was of extravagant proportions. Hundreds of guests filled his enormous abode to mingle and drink with glee. During the festivities the rich man gathered everyone to the backyard.

“Come! I have something to show you all! As well as a challenge!”

His curious (also drunk) flock followe...

Businessman, proposition, and a beautiful chorus girl..

A prosperous and somewhat amorous businessman propositioned a beautiful chorus girl of the well-proportioned figure to spend the night with him for S500.

When he was ready to leave the next morning, certain things had transpired, he told her he didn't have that much money with him but would h...

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

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A priest is in the confession booth...

A priest is in the confession booth listening to people confess their sins, when suddenly he feels the urge to drop a Deuteronomy. He knew right away that this was going to be a bowel movement of biblical proportions, and sweared to God that he would never eat Devil's food cake again. He opened the ...

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A couple was walking down the street when an alien spaceship landed in front of them...

An alien couple exited the spaceship and said, ''Hello, earthlings, we come in peace and we want you to tell us all about your planet.''

They talked for hours, until they came to the subject of sex. The humans told the aliens how humans have sex and the aliens were in shock! It sounded very ...

Just some funny one-liners

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to ...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Dr. Drobkin was a world famous cardiologist...

He grew up in a very small town and when he had finished all of his schooling, he returned to his small hometown and opened a practice which also became world famous. A short time after his practice had gained credibility and esteem, Dr. Drobkin made a fantastic discovery about the treatment of card...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

Compilation of short "jokes"

☐ There should be TL;DRs on Terms and Conditions

☐ I never click the top Google result if it's an advert even if it's exactly what I want

☐ The amount of battery left on my phone is proportional to how hard I've been working that day

☐ Smart watches should be able to delete your...

The story of the tramp and the holiday

The tramp sat in his park, as normal one cold winter day. He saw a young girl playing on the frozen lake. The ice gave and she fell in. Acting quickly, the tramp ran onto the ice and managed to pull her out and get her back to shore.

Waiting for him was a man in a suit. The girl ran over to h...

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