The 108+ Best Low Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two guys, one old timer and one in his mid 20's, are pushing their carts around Lowe's when they collide.

The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's a funny coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy...

I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?

He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Even Lowe's seems to be participating in pride month.

Couldn't find a straight board there today.

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan have a low obesity rate and a low birth rate?

They don’t like Fat Man and Little Boy

WHAT DO WE WANT?! Low flying airplane noises! WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?!

Neeeeeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwwwww.

A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Japan have such low obesity rates?

Because the last time a fat man was there a whole city blew up.

How many Lowes would Rob Lowe rob if Rob Lowe could rob Lowes?

Who Knowes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

International womens day is not an excuse for low effort sexist jokes.

Period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the donkey with a low IQ?

It's a stupid-ass joke.

A job at a sperm bank may be a low income job

But you’ll never be low incum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is the birthrate in Japan so low?

Last time they had a little boy, 66,000 people died.

Spanking your own kids is already low

But If You Spank Someone Else's Kid
You've Hit A New Bottom

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

My car keeps showing that's it's low on fuel...

... but it's probably just gaslighting me.

Sales of William Shatners new line of women's lingerie have been shockingly low

Maybe Shatner Panties wasn't the best brand name

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low tech COVID test?

Stick one finger in your mouth and one finger in your butt. Wait two minutes then switch. If you can’t taste the difference you probably have Covid.

Today SpaceX announced plans to launch several Guernsey cows into low earth orbit

They shall be known as "The Herd Shot Round The World."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that Flemish people are consistently rated as highly attractive, but have a low average IQ?

Stupid sexy Flanders.

A boy was always getting low grades in maths...

A boy was always getting low grades in maths and his parents were getting worried. After 3 tests with continuous F's, they decided to send him to a Catholic school due to the high success rate in maths.

After the boys first day of school there, he got home and ran straight to his room without...

Why do you duck when the ceiling is low?

So you don’t quack your head

I found a clinic that does vasectomies for a low price

I, unfortunately, learned the hard way that it was a ripoff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have such low self-esteem that

When I'm having sex, I fantasize that I'm someone else

Low humor

My parents were Dwarfs. For years they struggled to put food on the table.

Low iron deficiency gang STAND UP!

But not too fast.

“Hey, why do you still work as a mailman despite having such a low salary?”

“It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.”

call me crazy, but i think it is possible for a Democratic president who spent his first term setting records for high inflation, gas prices and low approval ratings to win a second term in office

Jimmy Carter 2024

Why are the lights always low in a Chinese restaurant?

Because they dim-sum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Russians are getting so low on guns in the Ukraine invasion that Ivan was given a broomstick with a banana tied to it instead.

What am I supposed to do with this he asked his CO? Don't be ungrateful for what glorious Mother Russia has given you he answered, just point it at the enemy and say "Bangety Bang Bang". OK, I guess I can try that Ivan said, what's the banana for though? That's a bayonet you stupid ass said the CO, ...

I don’t understand why my credit score is so low.

Every time collectors call, they say my payments have been outstanding.

What do you call a soldier with criminally low intelligence?

Special ops!

The low amount of oxygen in mountain-air will make you easily agitated

It's true. My friend moved to the Himalayas and he's had quite the change of altitude!

These two dudes are lost in a stolen airplane, one said he was a pilot but who knows, anyway they need to land this hot airplane somewhere before they get low on gas

They're freaking out when all of the sudden they see a runway.

The guy on the controls says "There's the runway, bro!"

Other guy is like "Oh man I don't know that runway looks really short, dude."

The guy flying is like "No bro that is definitely a runway let's do this"
...

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States.

Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.

What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?

7/11

Some low-level mafia thugs are playing cards... [long-ish]

One of them says, "Where's Joey? He never misses poker night."

His friend says, "Oh, didn't you hear? Joey's dead."

"Awww, that's a shame. How did he die?"

"Well, he went to the doctor last week and found out he had gonorrhoea."

"So? Gonorrhoea isn't fatal."

"It is...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fun fact: mountain lions pose a very low threat to humans. They're scared of us.

That's because they're big pussies.

making fun of a persons deceased mother is a low blow.

btw, the lowest blow I've ever gotten was from your mom.

An ultra low frequency sine wave walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “Why the long phase?”

Did you hear about the marble statue with low self esteem?

She was taken for granite

Apparently, due to COVID Germany is running low on sausage and cheese.

The government considers this to be the Wurst Käse scenario

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years

That's mean

I know joking about Tom Cruise's height is low-hanging fruit...

but that’s all he can reach.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive.

She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”

2 months later the wom...

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't believe how low the standards have gotten with porn majors at University

They're passing everyone with several D's these days.

I went to check the prices of low quality electric plugs yesterday

They were shocking

The news reported vaccinations in Arkansas are low because Pregnant women are hesitant to take it.

Imagine how worried their brothers are.

I'm appalled and really can't believe all the tasteless jokes about the Titanic submarine.

Seriously, how can people sink so low?

I got my test results back. Turns out I was dangerously low on magnesium and potassium.

0MG 0K.

The alligator was low on potassium

So I ran to the gatorade

What do you call a party of dwarves with very low constitution?

An extra short campaign

A car driver hits a low flying parrot

He takes the unconscious parrot, home and cares for it.
The next day it regains consciousness and finds himself in a cage. It gets surprised and says, " W-w-wait, jail? Did the car driver die?"

i only made this because i could not post in r/memes thanks to my karma being too low

one day i tried to tell a chemistry joke

but i got no reaction

I asked the mailman why he worked at such a low-paying job. He replied:

It's not about the money. It's about sending a message.

The White House has become low income housing and it’s main tenant is a broke, deadbeat

There goes the neighborhood!

Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

A dumb one, ever for already low dad-joke expectations...

True story (makes this even more pathetic) that happened last night:

Wife: The fan is too high
Me: It's like that so we don't bump our heads

At the low cost airliner

Flight attendant: would you like a drink?

Passenger: what are the options?

Flight attendant: yes or no

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that generic versions of Viagra are available, there are several low-cost options to treat erectile dysfunction.

Ask your doctor if coxaphlopin is right for you.

It seems to be discriminatory, but my State's COVID-19 vaccination scheduling website has given everyone with low IQs appointments for the same date next week.

February 29th.

60+ days off work, gas prices at an all time low, $1200... I know who I'm voting for...

Coronavirus for president!

Your chances of meeting a unicorn are extremely low.

But they are still higher than the chance of you getting a girlfriend/boyfriend

The employees at Lowe's will ignore you for a full 25 minutes...

... until you start a chainsaw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Viagra sell badly in low-income neighborhoods?

Because the boys in the hood are always hard.

Started my first job two months ago: low paying job but with good potential for growth. I’m yet to pay my student loan

During the job interview, my boss said I spend to much time thinking before I answered the questions, so they have doubts with my sincerity. Nevertheless, he said he saw my potential and picked me.

The board was going to meet today to discuss about an impending merger. My boss asked me to co...

i wrote this as a kid: Why did Jesus have low self esteem

He was Jewish. He didn’t believe in himself.

A guy sees his Doctor who tells him he has really low magnesium in his blood

The guy says 0Mg

Congratulations, your ears hang as low as an Amish person's.

But can you tie a Mennonite?

My wife said she was feeling light-headed from a low iron level.

To help her, I raised the ironing board to a more suitable height.

What did the police say to the low powered robot ?

"I'm gonna charge you with battery"

I've hit a new low in laziness.

I just told my hand I had a headache.

David's life was at a low point.

Seeing no way out, he walked out on a bridge, intending to end it all by leaping off. A woman, driving by in her car, sees David hesitating unsteadily on the wrong side of the railing and realizes what's going on. She stops her car and dashes over, hoping to talk him out of suicide.

"Wait!" s...

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

Why were birth rates low in 1970?

.

You can't get pregnant during '69.

Doctors say Rudy Giuliani's white blood cells count was low

but he’s demanding a recount.

My wife was running low on some seasoning for Thanksgiving dinner, so she stretched it by adding marijuana.

It was high thyme.

What do you call a steam engine that transports low purity meth?

Thomas the Crank Engine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions

Not the Onion

My activist friend was extremely sad after the recent news that recycling rates were at an all time low

Until I showed her r/jokes

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Michael is very shy and has low self-esteem because he is missing an eye, and his poor parents could only afford a wooden false eye.

He doesn't have many friends, and he's terrified of girls, although there is one girl he has his eye on. Her name is Betsy, and she has a hair-lip.

The school dance is coming up in a few days, and it seems like absolutely everyone has a date. Everyone, that is, except for him and Betsy. It...

What do you call a lock with low self-confidence?

Insecure.

Two low ranking soldiers were talking

It was a private conversation

When they didn't accept my discount, I gave my local tanning salon a low rating...

It seemed a little shady to me.

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.

The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and ...

My family all makes fun of me for having a low-paying job filling in spreadsheets

But I like having a job where I can Excel.

A man is driving down a road, when suddenly, he notices that his gas tank is running dangerously low.

A man is driving down a road, when suddenly, he notices that his gas tank is running dangerously low. He pulls over at the next gas station he sees, and while his gas is being refilled, goes into the station to get a drink.

He picks out a drink, and as he is buying it, notices a sign that re...

For sale: 1981 Delorean, low miles

It’s only driven from time to time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My lord, my client is a liftman and this complainant walked in the elevator wearing low cleavage blouse showing ample amount of her breasts"

"Then she caught him checking at them and said angrily

'Stop staring at them and press one quickly ' .

And my client did exactly that. I rest my case ".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I popped into Lowe's today to get some grass seed for my yard.

Me: I'm looking for some grass seed but I want something that's easy to maintain.

Employee: Oh then you will want our new brand of emo grass.

Me: What's so special about emo grass?

Employee: there's no upkeep, it cuts itself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Lowe's Hardware bathroom

is just an advertisement

Fox News is reporting President Trump's polling at an all-time low....

...with only a 108% approval rating.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The fertility rate is at an all-time low...

...we’re so fat, we can’t even fuck.

I'm running a low fever and have a slight, dry cough. But don't worry

It's just Corona Lite.

Air pollution is so low

That my wife is able to see her mistakes

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I'm low on iron

My buddy told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty other deficiency."

I was reading in the news that a dwarf got pickpocketed...

how could anyone stoop so low

My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.

He was struggling to put food on the table.

I'm confused as to why my credit score is so low...

My bank says I have an OUTSTANDING balance on my card!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The current pandemic has caused the price of deer meat to reach all time lows.

Deer testicles are under a buck.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.