Spanking your own kids is already low but if you spank someone else's kid

you've hit a new bottom

What do we want? Low flying airplanes! When do we want them?

Neeeeeeooooowwwww!

What do you call a steam engine that transports low purity meth?

Thomas the Crank Engine

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

Can everybody in the crowd with low iron please stand up?

Not too quickly though.

My family all makes fun of me for having a low-paying job filling in spreadsheets

But I like having a job where I can Excel.

Milk production at a dairy farm was low.

So the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia. A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data,...

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Why does Japan have low birth and obesity rates?

Coz the last time they saw a fat man and a little boy 200,000 people died.

In contrast to God, scientists must have a very low self esteem.

Whenever the result of an experiment differs from the prediction, they think it was their fault.

How could anyone stoop so low?

said the dwarf when he got pickpocketed.

i only made this because i could not post in r/memes thanks to my karma being too low

one day i tried to tell a chemistry joke



but i got no reaction

On Mercury's unlit side, it can get as low as -183 degrees Celsius...

But hey, on the bright side, it's 467 degrees Celsius.

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Two men camping...

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and ...

Apparently Hogwarts has a low teen pregnancy rate.

Research shows it is singlehandedly due to the spell - DELETUS FETUS

People keep telling me I have low IQ.

I don't even know what it means.

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Doctor: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live."

Man: "Doc, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer?"

Doc: "Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?"

Man: "Yes."

Doc: "You must stop!"

Man: "If it allows me to live longer, I'll do it!"

Doc: "Do you drink...

My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.

Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.

Earth meets Water, and sees that he’s feeling a bit low, so he asks, “hey Water, why is your head in the sewer?” to which Water responds,

“I dunno, I guess I’m a wee bit drained”

My doctor was making fun of me for being low on B vitamins...

He's giving me a complex.

I told my ex that she had drawn her eyebrows on too low today

She just scowled at me the entire time

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A couple is running a bit low on cash, so the wife decides to become a prostitute.

The next morning, she announces that she got $101.

"Who gave you one dollar, honey?" the husband asks.

"Sweetie, they all did!"

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Why is Japans birthrate so low?

Because kids and cartoons can't get pregnant.

The doctor's price for my vasectomy was a little high for me, but my offer was too low for him.

In the end we split the deferens.

I saw a bumper sticker today that said “War is NEVER the answer.”

And I thought, unless someone asked me to name the band that sings the song “Low Rider.”

What do you call a cat with a low IQ?

A mewron.

My wife was always self-conscious about her amputated arm, so I tried to think of ways to incorporate it in a low-key manner during our intimate moments.

Suffice it to say that for a while I was stumped.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I'm low on iron

My buddy told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty other deficiency."

I was at the hospital the other day and the Radiologist had really low self-esteem.

I think he had body image issues.

Only SEVEN people die as temperatures as low as -42F wreak havoc across the American Midwest.

Apparently guns don't work in those temperatures.

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The final season of game of thrones is a lot like porn.

Awful dialogue, shallow plot, and the characters just keep getting fucked.

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Low wage workers play basketball. Tradesmen go bowling. Middle managers play softball. Upper managers play tennis. CEOs play golf.

The lesson: the higher you climb, the smaller your balls get.

What do you call God when he has low self-esteem?

Atheist.

Donald trump walks into a bar...

And lowers it.

Why was the blonde snorting Sweet and Low?

She thought it was diet coke.

Someone broke into my house last night and stole my Limbo stick..

How low can you get?

My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.

He was struggling to put food on the table.

I'm thinking about starting a dating app for low IQ people.

I'm calling it OK Stupid.

What do you call an urban area in France with a low average income and high rates of criminality?

A baghuetto

If having low confidence and low self-esteem was an Olympic sport...

I would probably get bronze.

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep making comments about her height

So when she gets home from work, i’ve got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I’m going to run her a nice hot sink

We decided to call our dog ‘low priority bugs’

That way people will understand why we don’t plan to get him fixed.

I was hungry and low on potassium, He needed a device to help him weigh things, it seemed like a fair trade...

Banana for scale

My crazy friend told to me to stop making low hanging fruit jokes....

So now I go for the coconuts

Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate?

Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out

Came home from work today to find someone had broken in and stolen my limbo stick.

I mean,how low can you go?

For Sale - and not what you think it is!

For Sale:



'96 Model Year

Low Mileage

No Accidents

Spotless Interior

Reliable

Superior Performance and Handling

Runs Well Every Day

Dual Front Airbags

Spacious Rear Cargo

Looks Great, Sounds Better



No, this ...

My doctor has just diagnosed me as having low blood pressure.

He’s given me a prescription for two Ikea self-assembly wardrobes.

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

What do you call a dog with a really low bark?

A sub-woofer

Why is Thor more famous than his brother?

Because his brother is low-key

Went to Costco to pick up some groceries. I am on the low carb diet but wanted something salty to snack on. Checked aisle by aisle for almonds or pistachios or cashews but they were all out.

Guess it is no nut November.

Low quality paper

Is tearable.

Q: What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?

ʇsnɹɔ-ᴉʇu∀ ǝɥ┴ :∀

Why does Atheist Jesus have low self esteem?

He doesn't believe in himself.

My doctor told me I need to try a low-carb diet.

He put me on 6 weeks of breadrest.

Some douche bag hit me from behind in the street yesterday and ran off with my limbo stick.

I mean really, how low can you go? |

People on Reddit seem to have way too low standards

Everyone keeps calling me OP

A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he’s going deaf

“What are the symptoms?” The doctor asks

“They’re that yellow family that live in Springfield”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Low tech enlightenment

A young tech executive is strolling through his business campus to stretch his limbs and get some air. He sits on a bench to relax, and pulls out his phone. Distracted, he looks up to notice an elderly Buddhist monk has sat down next to him.

He nods greeting and looks back to his phone, scrol...

How low is Disney willing to drag down a beloved franchise like Star Wars just for money?

Solo

This sub has really set a low bar for jokes...

Maybe that's why everyone keeps walking into it.

I visited a doctor about my low libido, and he said don't worry I will help you

According to my neighbor, the doctor came to my place and mowed my lawn when I was at work, What a nice guy.

What do you call a bunch of Muslims on a low carb diet?

A Mosque-Keto

What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?

Anty depressants.

What do you call a low rank crusader (or European idc)?

A euroPEON



Kill me pls

Whenever I win a competition people call me boastful and arrogant. But how can I be Low Key...

When I'm not the son of Odin.

A trucker gets lost one day and as luck would have it, he comes to low bridge and gets stuck under it...cars are backed up for miles behind him....

Eventually, a cop car pulls up, the officer gets out and walks up, laughing hysterically and pointing at the trucker.

He puts his hands on his hips and says with a chuckle, "Got stuck, eh?"

The trucker replies, "No sir, not at all, you see, I was delivering this bridge when I ran out o...

My wife and I went out for a leisurely drive to see the autumn leaves, when we noticed that one of the tires seemed to be getting low…

She was a bit taken aback when I asked her for some change and asked, "Why in the world did they start charging for AIR?!"

I looked at her and winked, "Inflation."

What do you call a day with a surprisingly low amount of tables?

A notable day!

I've searched high and low for my brother's killer

but nobody is willing to do it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

Have you heard there’s a new low fat communion wafer?

I can’t believe it’s not Jesus!

I asked my wife if she was cheating on me. She replied, "No, Eric. You think I would stoop that low?"

My name is Andrew...

What do you call a low-quality golf course?

Subpar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[LONG]So, a pianist walks into his local jazz bar...

As he's been down on his luck and is looking for work. He asks one of the waitresses there to speak to the manager, who he approaches and asks,

"Are you the dumb fucker that runs this shit hole of a bar?"

The manager, taken very much aback, responds, "Excuse me? I am the manager, yes...

Did you hear they're making a low-budget version of Dunkirk?

They're calling it Dunkirkland

When an eel bites your thigh at the beach (at low tide)

That's a moray

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year...

...and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight m...

A guy goes to his doctor for elbow pain...

The doctor gives him a specimen cup and requests a urine sample. “But doc, I’ve got elbow pain, why do you need a urine sample?”
Doc assures him,”we have the latest in technology, just go to the men’s room and give me a sample”, which he does. The doctor pours it in the top of a complex analysis ...

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