I was woken up by a phone call telling me I’ve committed tax fraud

They must have had the wrong number cause I don’t pay taxes

Friend told me to stop filing taxes and go watch anime with him

but this isn't even my final form.

Why should atheists be exempted from tax?

Because atheism is a non-prophet organisation!

I was told when I bought solar panels that with the tax breaks, they'd be free.

They're on the house.

I heard the atheists are trying to get tax exempt status now

they are a non-prophet organization

In class, my statistics teacher said, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math."

I shrugged and said, "Hell, anybody can win the lottery."

My statistics teacher smirked, folded his arms and asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?"

I said, "Yep. 100%. A person always wins."

IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years but they’re having a really hard time…

…putting their case together.

I went to pick up my tax forms and HOA application

Turns out that's not what they sell at the Adult Store at all.

Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it?

That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.

I’m selling a broken marionette. There is no shipping fee, no taxes, or any extra cost.

There are no strings attached.

Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?

He's a master of deduction.

"65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse.

The other 35% were women."

How do you cheat on your wife with an adult actress and commit tax fraud without consequences?

Win the Republican nomination.

It’s absolutely disgusting the way people cheat on their taxes...

This is not the world I want to raise my 23 dependents in.

A teen walks into a pharmacy

He walks up to the register and asks the cashier, “How much are condoms?”

The cashier smirks at the boy and replies, “$5”

The boy is visibly relieved and says, “okay! I’ll take them!”

The cashier scans the box and hands them to the boys and says, “That will be $5.40”

“Wh...

If you can't afford to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare. If you refuse to pay taxes, the government will give you free food, housing, and healthcare.

They'll even throw in an orange jumpsuit.

True story but funny.

While filling my car up i noticed a woman smoking while filling her car up, silly thing to do but I know better than to confront strangers about their stupidity.



I see 2 cops on the other side of the street, they can see her but they aren't doing anything about it... tax dollars in ac...

What's the difference between taxes and my uncle

At least my uncle takes me out to dinner

Just taught my kids about taxes

by eating 38% of their ice cream.

Why don't Atheist churches have to pay taxes?

Because they're a non-prophet organization

It is said that there are 2 constants, taxes and death. but with coming technology it may be possible to remove one!

That's right, Death!

Valerie

The madam opened the brothel door in Miami and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.

The man replied, "I want to see Valerie."

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhap...

Tax? A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis

A blonde, worried about the HIV crisis, walks into
a drugstore and purchases a pack of condoms.
"That will be $1.08, please," says the clerk.
"What's the 8 cents for?" asks the blonde.
"It says one dollar right here on the packaging."
"Tax," replies the clerk.
"Gee", says the blo...

Americans really get angry about politicians not paying taxes...

but they forget that their country is independent because some politicians didn't want to pay taxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly deceased Englishman, stands at the pearly gates

St. Peter tells him that he cannot go to heaven right away because he cheated on his income taxes. The only way he might get into heaven would be to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. The Englishman, decides that this is a small price to pay for an eternity in heav...

Communism is like tax evasion

At first it seems great, but at the end of the day you‘re going to have government agents knocking at your door.

Where do actors that don't pay taxes perform?

in the audit-orium

Taxes are like antibacterial gel.

They only effective against the 99%

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

The wages of sin are death...

But after taxes, it’s just a tired feeling.

The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp

It was a real slap in the faith

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My sex life and my taxes fall in the same category.

Married, but filing separately.

Apparently Darth Vader has a right-wing billionaire cousin

His name is Tax E. Vader

I was on board with Trump for the groping, the concentration camps, Kim Jong-Un, the trade war, the millionaire tax cut...

But he really needs to watch his language

My dyslexic dad got a letter in the post saying he's been dodging taxes.

After reading it he said: "But I never take a cab anywhere."

How do dairy farms do their taxes?

Well, the ones with simple taxes can just use a cowculator, but the ones with real complicated situations have to go to an accowntant.

Apparently you have to pay extra for candy these days

They call it the Tic Tax

Every German citizen contributes to their country through taxes...

So I guess Germany runs on krautfunding.

I asked my Republican friend if he though Amazon should pay taxes

He said "Of course, they're not a church"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gambler gets a notice from IRS that he is being audited.

The gambler calls his tax attorney and they go to see the IRS agent. As they are waiting in the office, the IRS agent looks over his paperwork and says:

"The reason for your audit is that you have a relatively lavish lifestyle, but not much income to justify it, can you tell me what you do fo...

A citizen was cited for a tax investigation in the IRS.

Frightened, he asked his accountant how to dress.


-"Use rags, they'll think you're a beggar," the accountant replied.

When he asked his lawyer, he told him the exact opposite:

-'Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your best suit and most elegant tie'


Confused, t...

[Long]A man who owned a clock shop wanted to set a world record.

He found one: Most battery powered devices he’d at once. He decided to use his clocks. As he was holding more and more, a crowd started to gather. However the man hadn’t been paying his taxes on time. An IRS guy saw him on his way to collect the mans taxes. He asked the man to pay his taxes. The man...

So this is how it ends, huh...

I was arrested for speaking out of line.
I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Every day, thousands of people come into this country and begin draining our resources. They don’t pay taxes, have no skills, and not even a basic grasp of our language.

Babies are fucking useless

What do you call people who live off other people's taxes on an estate?

The Royal Family

Why do rich people like golf?

It’s not very taxing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tax inspector marries a woman who was already married 6 times. First wedding night...

"Dear, please be careful, I'm a virgin!"

- No way! There were six spouses now?

"I'll explain everything to you.

My first husband was a psychiatrist. He was just talking about sex. Theoretically. Never did it in practice.

My second husband was a gynaecologist. He was just...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taxes are like necrophelia

You’re already dead but you’re fucked anyway

The US President says "We're gonna tax your country an extra 25%"...

so China responds, "Yuanna fight?

Don't worry if you have been cheating on your taxes.

It'll be fine.

Tax vs. Fine

A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.

A tax is a fine for doing something right.

With all the tax dollars weed sales in Colorado is raising for education...

Those schools are going to be dope.

I was at Walmart at this lady was crying because she lost her tax money and couldn't buy for her kids. I gave her $200....

...since I had just found $3,000 in the parking lot and I felt that if God has blessed me I should bless someone else.

A nervous kid brings condoms to the counter for the first time.

The clerk says, "That'll be $4.29 with tax."

The kid looks startled and says, "Is *that* how you keep them on?"

Trump legalizes marijuana to pay for the wall with the tax revenues.

This really stirred the pot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Masturbation is the only thing not taxed, regulated or illegal

Feel free to go fuck yourself

Only 10% of Americans file their taxes correctly.

It's hard to believe that 95% of us can't do simple math.

Donald Trump is introducing a 30% tax on shredded cheese.

It's part of his plan to Make America Grate Again.

They are going to start taxing hitchhikers.

They are calling it a ThumbTax.

Where does a pirate go to do his taxes?

H&Rrrrrr block (pirate voice)

I thought of this the other day, not sure if it's an actual joke or not, made me laugh at myself though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bright, young graduate joined the Internal Revenue Service. Anxious for his first investigation he was a bit perturbed when he was assigned to audit a Rabbi.

Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straightforward and the Rabbi was clearly very frugal, so he thought he’d make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

“Rabbi,” he said, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Ra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attorney goes to jail for tax evasion

he his extremely scared and doesn't talk to anyone, he ends up getting a large black man as his cellmate. The black man notices the attorney is scared and strikes up a conversation

"First time?" the black man spoke.

The attorney nodded his head.

"I know how to cheer you up."
...

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

Guess which Avenger paid the least taxes this year?

Spiderman, because his entire income was net income

Tax inspector: You should pay your tax with a smile.

Tax Payer: I have tried several times, but every time they insist on cash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Tax time

A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions." He gets her name, address, Social security number, etc. and then asks, "Whats your occupation?"

"I'm a lady of the ni...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Having prositutes do your taxes after sex

is an efficient use of the entire hour.

If you ever think no one notices you...

Just stop paying your taxes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A preist, a paedophile, a tax evader and a rapist walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

Accountant: So you didn’t have traditional income most of the year but your investments and holdings still earned you $9,000,000

**Papa John:**

**Accountant:** 831,000 pizzas. You’ll owe about $2,800,000 in taxes

**Papa John:** And that's...

**Accountant:** *(sighs)* 258,000 pizzas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tax Man (long)

One morning, a man got a call from the IRS.

IRS Agent: "Mr. Smith, we have noticed some large discrepancies on your account. We would like for you to come down to our office so that we can clear this issue up."

Mr Smith: "Gee, that sounds like a big deal. Should I bring a lawyer?"
...

My accountant is tired from doing too many taxes.

He developed H&R block.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taxes are sexy...

when they go down.

Since it's tax time and all...

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m no...

I saw a lady in tears at the store

She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside. I gave her 100$ because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot.
#payitforward

I paid more tax than amazon

That’s it

The IRS has made a major announcement.

All Marijuana Dealers must file a joint tax return.

Monopoly is so unrealistic

Rich people are getting taxed

Why didn't Monica Lewinsky get a tax return in 1995?

Clinton was paying her under the table.

I recently told a joke about how Democrats favor small government, and decreased taxes.

It didn't go over very well. Everyone said it was politically incorrect.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So... What does the tax man/IRS and a duck have in common?

They can both stick their bills up their arseholes.

I’d tell you some tax jokes.

But I doubt you’d depreciate it.

Why do accountants hate pre-tax income?

It's gross.

What goes up but never comes down?

Taxes

America's new tax plan raises taxes on coal miners

Which is weird. I thought American politicians were rather fond of minors.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

**NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:**

Please be advised that anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a full Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider wheth...

Why are American Tax forms so annoying to complete?

I guess the IRS isn't INTUIT

Tax.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to £100...
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this...

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay £1.
The sixth would pay £3.
The se...

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