Why'd the jelly cross the road?

to create a traffic jam

Jelly Doughnut

A newly wedded couple were on their honeymoon and were getting busy. They finish and the husband takes the condom off and accidentally throws it out the window.

The wife says “You can’t leave that out there. Go get it.”

So the husband gets dressed and runs outside. He sees a little b...

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What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly a dick down your throat.

Why did the guy throw jelly into the street?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



(yes I know that they are different substances)

Why wouldn't the jelly come out of the jar?

It was jammed.

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What's the real difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer sure doesn't jelly every single FUCKING THING I TRY TO PRINT.

Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

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Sunnyvale Farms - PEACHES ANY FLAVOR (long)

A traveling salesman was driving into a new town and prospect, when he passes a sign that says “ Sunnyvale Farms! Peaches, any flavor”. Upon reading the sign, he thinks to himself “These rednecks are some seriously dumb folks. A peach is a peach! What’s that “any flavor” BS about?

So, over th...

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

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My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

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The Levels of Death

A man dies and arrives in Hell. He looks around. The sky is gloomy and rainy. He’s approached by an old man. The old man says, “Hello. Welcome to Hell. Let me show you around.” So the old man starts to show him around. He shows the man to a rundown shack and says, “This is where you’ll sleep.” He th...

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

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If a brother and sister get together and have twins, the twins should be named Peanut Butter and Jelly.

Because they are in bread.

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy?

Lead poisoning

What can jelly beans do that you can't?

Come in different colors.

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Peanut butter and Jelly flavoured apples

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample.

The man bites in to the Apple.

"Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly."...

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

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What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? (aka 'The 4:20 Joke' from How I Met Your Mother) [NSFW]

I can't jelly my dick in your ass. (Featured in season 4, episode 20 : "Mosbius Designs", on the glorious HIMYM)

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NSFW Know the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

Thanks to my first boss Jim for this one who I'm sure heard it somewhere else like the family guy episode

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Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter & jelly

Never mind I'm afraid you'll spread it

[NSFW] Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street.

He asked her name. ‘Polo, I’m the one with the hole’ she said with a Wispa.

‘I’m Marathon, the one with the nuts’ he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped hi...

Life is like a bag of jelly beans

Everyone hates the black ones

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What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?

Pb and j

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Exotic Peaches

A man driving down the road sees a sign that says, "EXOTIC PEACHES HERE!" Out of pure curiosity, the man pulls in to see what it's all about.

The owner says, "Welcome, Sir, what's your favorite fruit?"

The man replies, "Umm, well, I guess it would have to be an Orange."
"Ahh, you'...

I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould....

I think I've set a dangerous president.

How do you make apple jelly?

google maps.

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A man walks into his proctologist appointment

And the nurse tells him that the doctor will be right with him. As it’s his first time, he anxiously begins to dart his eyes around the office. He sees, among other things, a tube of KY jelly, a glove, and a beer.

When the doctor comes in, the man’s curiosity gets the best of him, and he can’...

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between putty and petroleum jelly?

Their windows fell out.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!

A Response To The Stupid "What's The Difference Between Jam And Jelly Joke" Reposted Every Second Day

Your mama must have fed you jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Jelly is made by filtering out the fruit pulp after the initial heating, whereas jam contains the small pieces of chopped up fruit.

I'm tired of seeing "I can't jelly my dick up your butt", so I wanted to give the correct answer.

What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch.

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A man was stopped at a farmer's market

When he comes across a stand advertising peaches of every flavor, he asks the owner "do you really have peaches in every flavor?" to which he responds "I sure do, what flavor are you looking for?" Doubting the owner the man asks for peanut butter and jelly, the owner selects a peach and hands it ove...

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