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Difference between Jam and Jelly

My girlfriend who lives up north, just asked me, “what’s the difference between Jam and Jelly?”
I said well Andrea, for one I can’t jelly my dick up your ass!

Why did the jelly roll?

Because it saw the apple turnover!

I once met a girl who confused a tube of KY Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

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Whats the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my cock in your ass.

I replaced all my grandma's prescription pills with jelly beans as a practical joke

and now she's pranking me back by pretending to be dead.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(

I really don’t like jelly

It’s just not my jam

3 kids walk into a candy store

The first kid says "I'll have $1 worth of jelly beans, sir!" The jelly beans are on a shelf, so the candy store owner has to get a ladder out, get the jelly beans, weigh out $1 worth, put the beans back on the shelf, climb down the ladder, put it away, and give the kid the jelly beans. "There's your...

Why was the mint jelly so nervous?

Because it was always on the lamb.

How does an old timey 1930s era gangster threaten a jelly fish?

"You're see, through!"

Why'd the jelly cross the road?

to create a traffic jam

Why wouldn't the jelly come out of the jar?

It was jammed.

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

Jelly Doughnut

A newly wedded couple were on their honeymoon and were getting busy. They finish and the husband takes the condom off and accidentally throws it out the window.

The wife says “You can’t leave that out there. Go get it.”

So the husband gets dressed and runs outside. He sees a little b...

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A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

Why did the guy throw jelly into the street?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



(yes I know that they are different substances)

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A longish darkish joke about 3 construction workers

3 construction workers are eating lunch on the edge of the unfinished 13th floor of an office building.

The welder opens his lunchbox in disgust and says “tuna salad again? I’m gonna have a talk with my wife because if I I have to eat tuna salad again, I’m going to jump off this building.”...

Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

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My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

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There exists one partnership better than Peanut Butter and Jelly;Batman and Robin;Scooby and Shaggy.........

And that is porn addiction and hating yourself

How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy?

Lead poisoning

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

What can jelly beans do that you can't?

Come in different colors.

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Dr. Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. ...

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How are peanut butter and jelly related?

They're inbred

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

The Angry Vet.

Dr. Ray was about to lock up with he saw an old pick up truck pull into the parking lot. Being a nice vet Dr. Ray waited on the old man to get out of the truck. He started walking up to Dr. Ray's door in that old slow gait, complete with straw hat and overalls.

Dr. Ray sighed as the door open...

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Peanut butter and Jelly flavoured apples

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample.

The man bites in to the Apple.

"Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly."...

What do you call a jelly bean doing a Michael Jackson impersonation?

Belly Jean

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What's the difference between Jelly and Jam? (aka 'The 4:20 Joke' from How I Met Your Mother) [NSFW]

I can't jelly my dick in your ass. (Featured in season 4, episode 20 : "Mosbius Designs", on the glorious HIMYM)

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NSFW Know the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

Thanks to my first boss Jim for this one who I'm sure heard it somewhere else like the family guy episode

How do you make apple jelly?

google maps.

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Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter & jelly

Never mind I'm afraid you'll spread it

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What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?

Pb and j

What wobbles in the sky?

A jelly-copter

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between putty and petroleum jelly?

Their windows fell out.

I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould....

I think I've set a dangerous president.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!

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Inventor

So there is an inventor who is walking into a patent office, when he gets there he puts an apple on the table.

"I want to patent this" he said

The other guy looked at him, confused.

"I'm pretty sure you can't patent a normal apple, is this a joke?"

"Taste it," he said
...

A Response To The Stupid "What's The Difference Between Jam And Jelly Joke" Reposted Every Second Day

Your mama must have fed you jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.

A man is stranded in the desert dying of thirst.

As he crawls along he spots something on the horizon. As he gets closer, he sees the objects are market stalls. He goes t the first stall and pleads for water. The stall holder tells him he only sells jelly with broken biscuit in it. He crawls to the next stall and and pleads for water put the stall...

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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Jelly is made by filtering out the fruit pulp after the initial heating, whereas jam contains the small pieces of chopped up fruit.

I'm tired of seeing "I can't jelly my dick up your butt", so I wanted to give the correct answer.

What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch.

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