UPJOKE
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Why did Peanut butter not open the door for the Jelly?...

Because it was already ajar.

(Sorry, I'm a dad.)

Have you heard of Y2K jelly?

It allows you to insert four digits into your date where you could previously only fit two.

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What's in the middle of a jelly fish?

His jelly button

Why wouldn't the jelly come out of the jar?

It was jammed.

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What do you call it when you catch peanut butter and jelly having sex but they find out that they're cousins?

Inbread.

I knew a girl who mixed up KY Jelly and superglue

I asked her how it happened but her lips were sealed

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Apples

A guy is driving down a winding country road when he see's a sign.

The Sign says "Apples $10/Each"

The guy thinks "Wow, that's expensive, let me see why they cost $10"

He drives into the stand and asks the Farmer "Why are your Apples $10?"

The Farmer says "Well, my Apple...

There are two types of people in the world. People who enjoy black licorice jelly bellies...

... and people who deserve love and respect.

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

There's no such thing as a jamfish.

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I made a suitcase out of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

It's jam packed.

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the KY Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:

Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date

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What is the difference between jam and jelly?

Jam is made from whole or cut up pieces of fruit with sugar.

Jelly is made from only the fruit juice and sugar.

Did you think I was going to say "I can't Jelly my dick up your ass"?

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What’s something you can say during sex and at a drive through window?

CAN YA PLEASE PASS THE JELLY?

What is a car's favorite dessert?

Petroleum Jelly.

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Newlyweds were 69ing like crazy

When the door bell rang. The husband jumped up, not expecting company. He looks out the window and says, "shit, it's the mailman." His wife (who's on their period) just looks at him. He stares at her and says "look at my face, I can't go down there." She calmly replies, "just tell him you had a...

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

Why did the guy throw jelly into the street?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



(yes I know that they are different substances)

What’s the worst jelly to put on your sandwich?

Traffic Jam

**My daughter read me this from her Gogurt wrapper. My answer was Toe Jam.

What can jelly beans do that you can't?

Come in different colors.

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What’s the difference between jelly and jam?

I didn’t jelly my dick in your mom’s ass last night.

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Why should you ask an anti-masker to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Because they are a super spreader!

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

My office printer doesn't jelly every time I try to print :(

Why'd the jelly cross the road?

to create a traffic jam

Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"

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An American guy, visiting China, sees a Chinese guy eating biscuits and jelly at a cafe and decides to have a little fun with him.

He pops a stick of gum into his mouth and sits next to the Chinese guy.

As he's chewing it, he casually says to the Chinese guy, "Are those biscuits you're eating? Well in America, we eat our bread without the crust, compact the crust into biscuits and sell it to China." The Chinese guy deci...

How does an old timey 1930s era gangster threaten a jelly fish?

"You're see, through!"

Why was the mint jelly so nervous?

Because it was always on the lamb.

I hear they make good jelly in Kentucky

KY jelly.

Why did the jelly roll?

Because it saw the apple turnover!

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Difference between Jam and Jelly

My girlfriend who lives up north, just asked me, “what’s the difference between Jam and Jelly?”
I said well Andrea, for one I can’t jelly my dick up your ass!

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A jelly baby goes to the doctor.

Jelly baby: Doctor, please help me. My penis has turned black.

Doctor: That’s odd. What have you been doing that could have caused that?

Jelly baby: I don’t know, fucking allsorts.

“Just put the jelly in the refrigerator” my mom yelled

“There’s not enough room” I responded as I tried to jam it in

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

Jelly Doughnut

A newly wedded couple were on their honeymoon and were getting busy. They finish and the husband takes the condom off and accidentally throws it out the window.

The wife says “You can’t leave that out there. Go get it.”

So the husband gets dressed and runs outside. He sees a little b...

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Peanut butter and Jelly flavoured apples

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample.

The man bites in to the Apple.

"Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly."...

How can a Pb & Jelly sandwich make you sick even though you don't have a peanut allergy?

Lead poisoning

How do you make apple jelly?

google maps.

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

What's the difference between Jam and Jelly?

Jam is made from crushed, pureed fruit and Jelly is made from fruit juice that gels when cooked.

What'd you think I was gonna say? Get your head out of the gutter.

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What do you call a peanut butter jelly sandwich in Flint MI?

Pb and j

What was the first thought of the person who created jam/jelly?

I need to preserve my legacy

Breakfast Foods

I tried the Kentucky Brand jelly on my toast this morning.

This stuff is awful, how do you all eat this?

Did you hear about the newlyweds who didn't know the difference between putty and petroleum jelly?

Their windows fell out.

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Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter & jelly

Never mind I'm afraid you'll spread it

I just used a Saddam Hussein jelly mould....

I think I've set a dangerous president.

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My wife asked me what was the difference between jam and jelly

I told her I can't really jelly my dick in her mouth.

Oh, so there's no real difference, she replied.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

I've never gotten stuck in a traffic jelly!

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I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam.

His new nurse, Evelyn , took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat
until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a ...

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NSFW Know the difference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my dick down your throat.

Thanks to my first boss Jim for this one who I'm sure heard it somewhere else like the family guy episode

A Response To The Stupid "What's The Difference Between Jam And Jelly Joke" Reposted Every Second Day

Your mama must have fed you jelly, 'cause jam don't shake like that.

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What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Jelly is made by filtering out the fruit pulp after the initial heating, whereas jam contains the small pieces of chopped up fruit.

I'm tired of seeing "I can't jelly my dick up your butt", so I wanted to give the correct answer.

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Whilst lubing your arse up with KY Jelly or baby oil will make for easy insertion,

9 times out of 10 it will get you thrown out of the Tesco fruit and veg section...

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Do you know why Bill Cosby likes Jam more than he likes Jelly?

Because he can't jelly his dick in someone.

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