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What's the difference between mincemeat and pea soup?

You can mince meat.

What's the different between Black Eyed Peas and Chick Peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song.

Chick Peas can hummus one.

A bodybuilder asked his doctor: "what's better, whey protein, or pea protein?"

"Weigh protein, of course!" replied the doctor. "For one thing, weighing protein isn't a potential sign of kidney failure."

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big...

What’s the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?

I’ve never paid to have a lentil on my face.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest.

If you combine Basil, Parmesan, Pinenuts and Olive Oil you get Pesto. What do you get when you mix Olive Oil, Spinach and Sweet Peas?

You get the comic and cartoon classic Popeye.

One day a man walks into a bar and to his amazement, he finds a tiny person playing a tiny piano.

*Stunned the man asked the bartender where he got this amazing person. The*
*bartender replied that inside the closet there is a* genie *that will grant him a single wish.*


*The man* dashed *into the the closet and as the bartender said, there was a genie inside.*


*Wit...

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There once live a man named Keith.

Keith’s mother had instilled in him the wisdom of an old adage: “Obsessions are only a problem if you have fewer than two.” To that end, Keith made sure that he always had at least two obsessions on the go. And as the years passed, and Keith married and settled down, two particular passions endured...

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What do Prince Andrew, Manchester United, & The Black Eyed Peas all have in common?

It all went to shit when Fergie left.

peaches vs peas

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked h...

My wife and I found this GREAT chickpea spread.....

it's so good we wish it could SING. But all it could do was hummus a tune.

The inventor of autocorrect just died.

May he restaurant in peanut.

Judge: "Lady, you shoplifted a can of tomatoes, so I sentence you to four weeks in prison, one for each tomato."

Lady's husband: "Your honour, don't forget she also stole a can of peas."

A man goes to the the doctor with terrible constipation,

The doctor examined him and said "do you eat a lot of peas?"

The man nods his head and the doctor says "if you cut them out then everything should go back to normal" so the man does and everything is fine.

Years later he is drinking in a bar with some old guys and one of them says "I c...

How do you catch a Polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice, place peas around the hole and when the Polar bear comes up to take a pea, you kick it in the icehole. :)

A lime, a lemon, and a pea walked into a bar...

The lime ordered a beer, the lemon got some tequila, and the pea got a diet coke. The lime and lemon watched pea order, and eventually tried to ignore their sense of disgust at a diet coke. They listen to the music being played, drink up their drinks, and eventually get off the stools and pay. As th...

What’s the difference between blue whales and green peas?

A leprechaun doesn’t get offended if you ask him if his whale’s blue.

What award did the deceased chick pea receive?

A posthummus award

A pea, a lemon, and a potato went to the bar

A pea, a lemon, and a potato all went out to the bar after work. They all had a couple of drinks and had a merry time. The potato, being made entirely of starch, didn't get drunk at all, let alone tipsy. The lemon, being citrus, didn't feel very good after the second drink. The pea, being very small...

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While a guy is eating a girl out he finds a pea in her vagina

He thinks to himself, “hmm that’s odd..”, but he’s really in the mood and just keeps going to town on her.

After a while he finds a piece of a carrot, and that made him think “there’s something weird going on..”, but he continues anyway.

A few moments later he finds a small chunk of ...

What do you have if you have two little green peas in your hand?

Kermits undivided attention

A Spaniard is counting small green vegetables...

"Uno pea, dos pea, tres pea, cuatro pea", and then he fainted.

I heard that beans were John Lennon's favourite vegetable....

.....up until he decided to give peas a chance.

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

What did the Black Eyed Peas say when they were at their friends house?

Ima pee ima pee ima ima ima pee

An orange, a pea, and a lemon are barhopping

They visit bar after bar, getting as many drinks as they can before they're cut off, and getting further away from home.

Orange notices a large hill, and suggests rolling down it to get back home. The pea and the lemon think this is a great idea, and they all climb up the hill.

Now a...

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Why peas and pussy hair are kinda the same?

Because no matter how you try to put them aside, you always end up getting some on your mouth



(Sounds funnier on Spanish)

Dee is addicted to pea tea...

Pea tea has Dee!

My mom told me: “Finish your peas, there’re starving kids in China”

I said: “Oh yeah? Name 10”

What does hummus and a women's restroom have in common?

Chickpeas in 'em

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A woman checking out at the register of the grocery store puts bacon, milk, frozen peas, butter, and a can of soup on the conveyor belt. The man behind her in line see all this and says: “You must be single.” “Why, yes, I am, how did you know?” she asks.

“Cause you’re the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” he says.

My wife just looked at me and pointed to a pea on her plate, she said I found it on the table behind my plate

She said it was an esca-pea

Before Chris Brown did a concert with them, they were just known as "The Peas".

And now they are The ......... Peas

Did you hear about the book of poetry that the Black Eyed Peas are publishing?

It's written in Will.I.Ambic Pentameter

A little old lady gets arrested for stealing a can of peaches from a grocery store.

At the trial, the judge asks her why she stole a can of peaches. She replies, "Your Honor, my husband and I don't have much, and we are very poor. I was simply trying to do something about my hunger."

The judge, feeling sorry for the old lady, asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"
...

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

Why don't you eat your wife's peas?

Because they're her peas.

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, “I stole a can of peaches.”

The judge then asked, “how many peaches were in the can?”

“Six,” replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.

At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn’t kn...

I like fried chick peas....

But I dont think it agrees with me. Everytime I eat them I Falafel.

So I met this great girl at a party

I gave her peas.

She gave me herpes.

I've got my peas and my wife's got

herpes

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

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