The only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels

Now you know who the best people are

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Stormy Daniels: "So I felt this huge dick come inside me"...

but I never quite felt his penis.

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Two boys, Nathaniel and Daniel, are captured by a madman. Daniel is sent into a room with a one way window that only Daniel could see through. On the other side, he saw his friend, Nate, with the madman...

Nate looked very frightened but if they've learned anything together during their years of friendship is that they'll always make it out of bad situations.

The madman finishes talking to Nate and walks out of the room, Nate adopting a relieved smile on his face.

Then, the madman walks...

What's the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels is still killing Indians.

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Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
...

I recently read that initially Daniel Radcliffe was the first choice to play Frodo Baggins, but he decided he didn't want to

I bet the producers were glad that Elijah Wood!

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse & Jack Daniel's?

Jack Daniel's comes alive when you add coke.

What’s the difference between Jack Daniels and General Custer?

General Custer stopped killing Indians 140 years ago.

Stormy Daniels and queen Elizabeth died on the same day and both went to heaven

When they reached the gates of heaven, god greeted them and said “sorry ladies we only have room for one of you right now, please make your best case on why I should let you in.” Stormy Daniels thinks for a minute and lifts up her shirt and jumps around. Queen Elizabeth sees this, thinks about it an...

People are so political these days...

...that you can't even say black paint. Instead, you have to say, "Daniel, please paint my fence".

Three old women sneak some Jack Daniels into a baseball game, taking shots after each half inning. What inning is it now?

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.

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What's with girls having weird names nowadays?

I recently slept with a girl and after sex she was like "I'm Fifteen" I was like that's nice I'm Daniel.

Michael Avenatti is no longer representing Stormy Daniels

In other words - he pulled out

I'll never forget what my grandad told me before he kicked the bucket

Daniel I'm sick of this bucket

Breaking: Stormi Daniels reaction to president Trumps Syria decision.

Shocked Trump pulls out when he said he would

If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

Our family surname is “Daniels”

So rather hilariously we named our first child Jack.

She hates it.

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Stormy Daniels says Donald Trump paid $130,000 hush money to cover up an affair. Do you believe the bleached blond with big tits?

Or do you believe Stormy Daniels?

If my man were a soda...

Three married black women are talking about their love lives with their husbands. They decide to assign each of their men a soda that represents them. The first lady says, "I'd call my man seven-up. 'Cause he's got seven inches and they're always up, up, up."
The second says, "I'd call my man Mo...

What does Stormy Daniels have in common with American farmers?

They both got screwed and paid off by Trump.

Daniel and Brian are cutting wood in a forest.

Daniel isn't being overly careful, and accidentally cuts his hand off. Brian, however, has some basic medical training, and helps stop the bleeding. Brian decides to wrap Daniel's severed hand up with a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. The ER doctor sees the two and looks disappointed.
...

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

What do the "Damn, Daniel" kid and pedophiles have in common?

They're both back at it again with the white vans.

Olympic curling seems like the kind of game...

Mr. Miyagi would have invented to trick Daniel into sweeping his floors.

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Say what you want about Stormy Daniels, but she really knows how to fuck a guy

I mean, it's been years now and she's doing it harder than ever

What's the difference between Daniel Day Lewis and a Mexican Salamander?

One acts a little, one acts a lottle

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Stormy Daniels should run for president

If we're going to have an inept asshole in office I'd rather have a bleached inept asshole

Daniel Birnbaum, your company Sodastream is doing quite well lately, what are your plans for the future?

I'm hoping that our company get acquired by a large corporation such as Coca-Cola


Is Pepsi okay?

I invented a new drink. Ginger beer and Jack Daniel's.

I call it the Stormy Daniel's.

Instead of Hillary Clinton, maybe Stormy Daniels should have run against Trump?

I'm pretty sure she would've spanked him.

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Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women.

he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.


Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day ...

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you te...

Jack Daniels couldn't be here today,

But he's here in spirit.

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?

No, but Elijah would.

A guy goes fishing one morning but after a short time runs out of worms.

Just then he sees a cotton-mouth snake in the water with a frog in his mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn’t bite with the frog in his mouth, the guy grabs him right behind the head, takes the frog, and puts the snake in his bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to releas...

What do you call it when you steal a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

A Whiskey Move

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A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

I feel like Daniel Day Lewis every time I floss...

because there will be blood.

Daniel has a girlfriend named Lorraine...

...She is very pretty, and he likes her a lot. One day he goes to work to find that a new girl has started work at his office. Her name is Clearly, and she is absolutely gorgeous. He begins to like her, and after a while, it becomes obvious that she is interested in him, too. But Daniel is a loyal m...

My girlfriend gave me the nickname Jack Daniels

Because she says I'm a hard licker!

Did you hear that Daniel Day Lewis is retiring from acting?

My left foot he is!

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A man walks into a bar, and asks for a couple of shots . . .

. . . The bartender asks "Rough day?" The man says, "Yeah, I found out my youngest son is gay." The bartender looks at him and says, "That's rough buddy. Those shots are on the house." So the man takes the shots then leaves.

A few weeks later, the man comes back and asks for four shots. The b...

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

Did you know my dad is an incredible magician?

He can turn a case of Jack Daniels into a case of domestic abuse

I still don't see why Daniel Radcliffe was cast for Now You See Me 2.

I just can't see him as a magician.

Martin Love was a very successful fitness coach.

He was incredibly strict and his long list of 100 rules was infamous, but you couldn't argue with the results. People always reached their target weight within a month. But this required absolute obedience to the rules, and commitment to Martin Love's regime. To make sure people knew exactly what th...

Why is Daniel Radcliffe celebrated and worshiped in Judaism?

Because he's the only one who escaped the chamber.

I used to work in a pub next to a hospital

and this guy walked in one day with his hospital gown on and holding a drip on a stand that was still connected to his veins. I asked him how I could help? and bizarrely he said can I have 2 pints of lager, 2 pints of Guinness, 4 jack Daniels and coke, 3 gin and tonics, and 6 shots of tequila. It’s ...

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The attending physician advises that the patient will need a rectal exam. The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove...

As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Daniel."

The patient says, "My name isn't Daniel."

The doctor says, "Mine is."

What do you have when you got a bag of weed and a bottle of Jack Daniel's?

Jackpot!

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What do you call it when Daniel Craig has kinky sex?

Bondage!

A drunk guy stumbled upon a genie bottle

He says "hey genie, I get three wishes right? I want ten more bottles of jack Daniels" to which the genie replies "ten more?!?!?!?!? Are yous sure? You're already wasted enough" to which the guy relies " you can't judge me! You're the one that lives in the bottle!"

What kind of car does depressed Daniel drive?

Sad Dan

An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land,

and the leader of the captors said, "We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish."

The Englishman responds, "I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the ...

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