I met Bruce Lee's vegan brother today.

His name is Brocko Lee.

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

Donkey could take down Bruce Lee...

...because he entered the dragon

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

Rumor has it Bruce Lee once owned a pet bear

Its name was Grizz Lee!

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Sad news: Bruce Willis died from Viagra overdose

At least he Died Hard.

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Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

BRUCE WAYNE: I won't do it

**ALFRED:** Sir, you have to sing along or it'll look suspicious

**CHOIR:** *Jingle bells...*

**BRUCE: [choking back tears]** ...Batman smells

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Bruce Lee

Everyone remembers him and his son Brandon Lee but people rarely talk about Barry Lee and seldom mention Vague Lee.

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Why did Bruce Willis eat a Viagra while his plane was crashing?

Cause he wanted to die hard

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

Wah-taaaaaaaaaaa

What kind of jokes does Bruce Lee tell?

One-inch puns.

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Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

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Reported to Bruce Forsyths favourite.

Husband and wife are chatting over breakfast
Husband "They guys in the pub last night were talking about our randy Postman. They reckon he's had sex with every woman in our street, except one"
Wife pauses for a moment :" Probably that stuck up cow at number 27"

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What did Bruce Jenner tell Kris Jenner on their wedding night ?

I want your sex.

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

Bruce had a motto: "Never ask a lady's age"

That's why he's under arrest now and his bar got closed.

Bruce Lee had a cousin who used to get beaten up a lot...

He was known as Bruise Lee.

I went to see my mate Bruce today and asked his wife where he was.

She said he’s out the back in the garden. I had a quick look but couldn’t see him so went to ask his wife again.

She said, “he’s out there, you just have to dig a little deeper”.

What does Bruce Wayne take with his drink?

Just ice.

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

But no one ever talks about his family.

His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.

His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.

His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.

And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.

Bruce Lee was at a doctor's appointment, but an hour passed and the doctor still wasn't there. Bruce did not get up, leave, or complain. Instead he stayed sitting in his seat.

He was waiting patient Lee.

What is the most dangerous vegetable?

Bruce Leek.

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

My dad was Bruce Lee’s student. He now teaches different types of moves in our giant backyard.

Generally there are many different lines of people wanting to learn how to kick, use nunchuks, punch, karate chop, etc.

Recently due to the pandemic, lesser people have started showing up and he’s started losing money.

Some people still show up to learn how to kick and use weapons, b...

Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.

Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

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Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

#299: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis get together at a bar and have drinks.

After catching up, Stallone says, "I think we should make a movie with all of us."

Bruce Willis says, "That's a great idea, but I'm tired of action movies. How about we make a movie about classical composers?"

Stallone says, "I like that idea, Bruce. I can be Mozart and you can be Beet...

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

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Bruce Willis passes away from a Viagra overdose on 4/20/2069

He picked a good day to die hard

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

What is Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

Wataaaaaaah!

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One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab...

A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everythi...

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

Why did Bruce Lee's brother Earl make it to work before his shift began?

Because he's Earl Lee!

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

What do you call Bruce Banner when he is grumpy?

The Incredible Sulk

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

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Bruce Banner is the greatest cock blocker ever known.

Let Hulk smash!

If you understand how Bruce Lee felt while stoned and reaching nirvana...

You'd be in a high Lee enlightened position

Steve, Bruce and Jed are working on a telephone tower, when Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."


Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."


Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.


Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
...

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If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

In his later years Bruce Wayne retired and became a famous poet

Apparently, he went from bat to verse.

John Cena, Bruce Willis, and a master assassin walk into a bar

"H-h-hello? W-w-who's there?!" asked the bartender to the front doors that just opened on their own.

You know how Gotham citizens are going to be able to tell Bruce Wayne is Batman in the upcoming movie?

Because during the day he’ll sparkle.

If Bruce Jenner was a superhero...

Would he be a ‘X-Men’ or a ‘Transformer’?

What's the difference between a Bruce Willis movie and a morgue?

Icy dead people.

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BREAKING NEWS: Bruce Willis found dead surrounded by 70 empty Viagra bottles.

Looks like he...died hard.

What was Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WAH-TAH!

Why hasn't anyone seen Bruce Jenner in years?

Because he's transparent.

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Because he was tired of being guilty until proven innocent.

Bruce Lee: “flow like water, you understand”

Me: “water you saying?”

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?" She asked. 

"Hunting Flies" He responded. 

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked. 

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" 

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

What does a trebuchet in a convent and Bruce Lee have in common?

They're both nunchuckers.




Yes lame but it's OC

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

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"So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"

"Really? How?"

"Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."

"That's terrible!"

"Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."

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Bruce and a Rich Man

A rather stupid, but rich man was on a luxury cruise when he met a French man named Bruce.
Bruce seemed to be quite popular on the cruise ship, as he had made a name for himself as a diver. It got to the point where he was just referred to as Bruce Diver. He would often tell people about wh...

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

What does Bruce from Jaws put on his toast?

Buh-tah. Buh-tah. Buh-tah tah-tah

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[Long] Bruce Buffer invites Joe Rogan and Dana White over for dinner...

On their way to Bruce’s house, Dana says “Joe, you’re gonna fuckin’ love Bruce’s cooking. This guy is the best, he could start his own restaurant. But hey, I’ve got to warn you - *do not* ask him how he cooks the food.”

Joe agrees, but thinks to himself *Well fuck, now I really wanna know...*...

Bruce lee would beat dwane Johnson in a fight

Water erodes rock

Did you know that Bruce Willis has owned more than 100 Hondas?

His favourite was the fifth Element.

How much tax does Bruce Willis pay on a dollar?

Six cents.

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Bruce is driving over a bridge.

Bruce is driving over a bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila, about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, “Sheila, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, “Good-bye, Bruce. You got me pregnant and now I...

What does Bruce Lee order at Burger King?

A *WHOPPA*!

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Two old guys chatting.

First guy: The wife and I fuck like rabbits every night.

Second guy: You lucky bastard, I get it once a month, and I call it the Bruce Lee night.

First guy: Why the fuck do you call it that for?

Second guy: Because it's the night I enter the dragon.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

I’m a huge fan of ALL of Bruce Willis’s work. I’ve seen every movie he’s in.

I guess you can say.. I’m a Die Hard fan.

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What did Bruce Dickinson reply when he was asked to play in a tour?

Can I play with Madness?

True What They Say

Its been announced that despite his advanced age, Bruce Willis will continue to make action movies.

I guess its true what they say about old habits..

Bruce the Aussie

Bruce the Aussie bloke walks into a dusty old bar deep in the outback. To everyone's surprise he has a five meter salty -- a crocodile -- on a leash.

"Roit!" he exclaims. "I'll bet everyone here that I can have my mate here" -- gesturing to the crocodile -- "clamp down on my donger for a fu...

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Why doesn’t Bruce Willis take viagra?

He doesn’t want to diehard

What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?

One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.

Did you hear about the guy who claims to be martial arts master Bruce’s son

AllegedLee

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