My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...

They Pulp Fiction.

What’s Bruce Buffer’s favourite herb?

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s THYME

Bruce Lee was fast

But his brother, Sudden, was faster.

Why are there more Chuck Norris jokes than Bruce Lee jokes?

Because Bruce Lee is not a joke

Die Hard producers just announced filming’s started on the 6th installment of Bruce Willis’ popular action franchise.

It’ll be called Get Hard or Die Trying

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What does Bruce Willis, a donkey with sunglasses on, and my ex have in common?

They’re all bad ass.

What’s donkey from shrek’s favorite Bruce Lee movie?

Enter the dragon

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

What's the secret ingredient in Bruce Buffer's spaghetti sauce?

iiiiiiit's Thyme!!!

How do you call Bruce Lee's vegan cousin?

Broco Lee

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Why did bruce willis take a lethal amount of viagra?

he wanted to die hard

Why does Bruce Lee get excited when he visits Texas?

Because that means he can eat at WA-TAAAAburger

I met Bruce Lee's vegan brother today.

His name is Brocko Lee.

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

What did Bruce Lee do when there was only a minute break between filming scenes?

He had a one-inch lunch.

What was Bruce Lee's favourite fruit?

Pa pa ya!

In bogan speak, Sheila= typical Aussie girl and Bruce= typical Aussie boy.

Sheila didn’t come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been sleeping around so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her. Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila ...

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

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Did you hear about The Incredible Hulk taking Viagra!?

NSFW:

I figure, since the same jokes are on repeat in this Reddit, again and again, I would throw out a freshly created one.

Apparently, now that the Hulk has been taking Viagra, his catch phrase has become:

"Don't make me horny. You wouldn't like me when I'm horny", whe...

Where does Bruce Wayne go to defecate?

The bat-room!

Three Shops

A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective lessee by the name of Bruce shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a men's wear shop.

"That's fine," the mall manager says. "You get free signage; what do you want on the sign?"

"Men's Wear," say...

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Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

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Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

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Good Sport...

Bruce is driving over Harbor Bridge one day listening to some music in his car and just having a really great day. Suddenly he notices his girlfriend Sheila standing on the side of the bridge.
Bruce slams on the brakes, bolts out of the car and shouts, "Sheila! What the hell are you doing, babe...

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Sad news: Bruce Willis died from Viagra overdose

At least he Died Hard.

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

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Bruce Lee

Everyone remembers him and his son Brandon Lee but people rarely talk about Barry Lee and seldom mention Vague Lee.

Rumor has it Bruce Lee once owned a pet bear

Its name was Grizz Lee!

BRUCE WAYNE: I won't do it

**ALFRED:** Sir, you have to sing along or it'll look suspicious

**CHOIR:** *Jingle bells...*

**BRUCE: [choking back tears]** ...Batman smells

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

Wah-taaaaaaaaaaa

What kind of jokes does Bruce Lee tell?

One-inch puns.

So, last semester I met this guy in my business class

He was cool & an international student. His name was Ving and was from China. His English was really good for a second language, better than I could ever be learning a second language. We’d often hang out and I show him the sites and tourist destinations in my city. He's much cooler as well as b...

After many years of fighting crime as batman

Bruce Wayne finally got married and had a son. His son turned out to be brilliant at investing, especially in bitcoin, making Wayne Enterprises one of the biggest companies on the planet.

All this time, Bruce had been training him, and when the time was right, Bruce introduced his son to the ...

I went to see my mate Bruce today and asked his wife where he was.

She said he’s out the back in the garden. I had a quick look but couldn’t see him so went to ask his wife again.

She said, “he’s out there, you just have to dig a little deeper”.

Bruce Lee was at a doctor's appointment, but an hour passed and the doctor still wasn't there. Bruce did not get up, leave, or complain. Instead he stayed sitting in his seat.

He was waiting patient Lee.

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What did Bruce Jenner tell Kris Jenner on their wedding night ?

I want your sex.

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Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

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A classroom of kids were learning all about common English proverbs. (LONG)

The teacher asked if anyone had a proverb they could talk about - the kids all put their hands up, including Little Johhny at the back. But the teacher chose Susie: "What's your story, Susie?"

"Well, Miss, my dad jumped into a creek and broke his leg on a big branch just under the water!"...

What does Bruce Wayne take with his drink?

Just ice.

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Reported to Bruce Forsyths favourite.

Husband and wife are chatting over breakfast
Husband "They guys in the pub last night were talking about our randy Postman. They reckon he's had sex with every woman in our street, except one"
Wife pauses for a moment :" Probably that stuck up cow at number 27"

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A cab driver picks up a Nun...

The driver looks in the rear view mirror and says, "Excuse me sister, I've always fantasised about having sex with a nun."

The nun replies, "Yeah, you and everyone else. Tell me are you a Catholic?"

"Actually I am" says the cabbie.

The nun then climbs into the front seat and giv...

Bruce had a motto: "Never ask a lady's age"

That's why he's under arrest now and his bar got closed.

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

Bruce Lee had a cousin who used to get beaten up a lot...

He was known as Bruise Lee.

#299: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis get together at a bar and have drinks.

After catching up, Stallone says, "I think we should make a movie with all of us."

Bruce Willis says, "That's a great idea, but I'm tired of action movies. How about we make a movie about classical composers?"

Stallone says, "I like that idea, Bruce. I can be Mozart and you can be Beet...

Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.

Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

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Bruce Willis passes away from a Viagra overdose on 4/20/2069

He picked a good day to die hard

Steve, Bruce and Jed are working on a telephone tower, when Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."


Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."


Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.


Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
...

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

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Bruce Banner is the greatest cock blocker ever known.

Let Hulk smash!

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

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BREAKING NEWS: Bruce Willis found dead surrounded by 70 empty Viagra bottles.

Looks like he...died hard.

Why did Bruce Lee's brother Earl make it to work before his shift began?

Because he's Earl Lee!

What do you call Bruce Banner when he is grumpy?

The Incredible Sulk

What was Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WAH-TAH!

If Bruce Jenner was a superhero...

Would he be a ‘X-Men’ or a ‘Transformer’?

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Back in the 1980's, two young Aussie tourists visit the Vatican as part of a Kontiki tour...

Typical of the day, beer is the main refreshment, so they have an Esky (a cooler) chock-a-block with ice and ice cold beers to keep them refreshed while viewing the sights. Due to the beers being consumed, they soon lose contact with the main tour group and decide to investigate the Vatican by thems...

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"So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"

"Really? How?"

"Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."

"That's terrible!"

"Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Because he was tired of being guilty until proven innocent.

Lil Bruce Wayne, he played little league baseball...

He was the batboy.

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If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

John Cena, Bruce Willis, and a master assassin walk into a bar

"H-h-hello? W-w-who's there?!" asked the bartender to the front doors that just opened on their own.

You know how Gotham citizens are going to be able to tell Bruce Wayne is Batman in the upcoming movie?

Because during the day he’ll sparkle.

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Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

What does a trebuchet in a convent and Bruce Lee have in common?

They're both nunchuckers.




Yes lame but it's OC

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Bruce and a Rich Man

A rather stupid, but rich man was on a luxury cruise when he met a French man named Bruce.
Bruce seemed to be quite popular on the cruise ship, as he had made a name for himself as a diver. It got to the point where he was just referred to as Bruce Diver. He would often tell people about wh...

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[Long] Bruce Buffer invites Joe Rogan and Dana White over for dinner...

On their way to Bruce’s house, Dana says “Joe, you’re gonna fuckin’ love Bruce’s cooking. This guy is the best, he could start his own restaurant. But hey, I’ve got to warn you - *do not* ask him how he cooks the food.”

Joe agrees, but thinks to himself *Well fuck, now I really wanna know...*...

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

Why hasn't anyone seen Bruce Jenner in years?

Because he's transparent.

Bruce Lee: “flow like water, you understand”

Me: “water you saying?”

What does Bruce from Jaws put on his toast?

Buh-tah. Buh-tah. Buh-tah tah-tah

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?" She asked. 

"Hunting Flies" He responded. 

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked. 

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" 

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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What if Bruce Willis had a heart attack while being horny?

Then if the doctors can save him, he'll be fine.
Otherwise, he'd 'Die Hard'

How much tax does Bruce Willis pay on a dollar?

Six cents.

Bruce the Aussie

Bruce the Aussie bloke walks into a dusty old bar deep in the outback. To everyone's surprise he has a five meter salty -- a crocodile -- on a leash.

"Roit!" he exclaims. "I'll bet everyone here that I can have my mate here" -- gesturing to the crocodile -- "clamp down on my donger for a fu...

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