UPJOKE
howardrobert irobert the brucekingdoctordavidthompsonevansjenkinsstevesnyderellisrogerslarryrichards

Bruce Jokes

Bruce Lee was fast, but he had an even faster brother…

Sudden Lee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himsel...

Today i have met the vegetarian brother of Bruce Lee

Brocco Lee

[oc] What do you call a non aggressive Bruce Lee?

Friend Lee

My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...

They Pulp Fiction.

Why doesn't Bruce Banners pants rip when he transforms into the Hulk?

Because the radiation altered his jeans

Have you met Bruce Lee’s vegan brother?

He’s called Broco Lee.

What was Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

Waaaaa-tttaaaahhhhhh

What is Bruce Wayne's favorite sport?

Batmanton.

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?


WAAAATAAAA!!!!

(Gotta say it is loud kung foo fighting noise). It’s a winner every time.

Do you know why there qre so many Chuck Norris jokes, but not many Bruce Lee ones?

Because Bruce Lee is no joke

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger are talking about making a new film together.

Sly: “I wanna show the world that we’re more than just action movie stars. I wanna make a movie about classical music and classical composers. I know you guys love that stuff too. What do you think? Will you help me make a movie about it and show the world how cultured we are?”

Bruce: “I cou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce Lee

Everyone remembers him and his son Brandon Lee but people rarely talk about Barry Lee and seldom mention Vague Lee.

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

What’s Bruce Buffer’s favourite herb?

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit’s THYME

Did you hear about Bruce Banner losing his temper at the Avengers' pool party?

He made a Hulk Splash

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

Wah-taaaaaaaaaaa

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did bruce willis take a lethal amount of viagra?

he wanted to die hard

If I were Bruce Banner’s son, the Incredible Hulk wouldn’t exist

“I’m not angry…I’m just disappointed”

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce Willis dead at age 63 of viagra overdose.

He died hard.

I painted half a picture of Bruce Lee & quit:

I'm a Partial Artist

Bruce Lee was at a doctor's appointment, but an hour passed and the doctor still wasn't there. Bruce did not get up, leave, or complain. Instead he stayed sitting in his seat.

He was waiting patient Lee.

Where does Bruce Wayne go to defecate?

The bat-room!

What's the secret ingredient in Bruce Buffer's spaghetti sauce?

iiiiiiit's Thyme!!!

I remember seeing Bruce Jenner on Wheaties boxes as a kid and wanting to be him.

Apparently he looked at Wheaties boxes and wanted to be Mary Lou Retton

Some girls at my gym were saying I was related to Bruce Lee.

I had to politely let them know I wasn’t, and my name isn’t Ugg, either.

Donkey could take down Bruce Lee...

...because he entered the dragon

What’s donkey from shrek’s favorite Bruce Lee movie?

Enter the dragon

Die Hard franchise is looking for a new lead actor now that Bruce Willis is retiring.

Apparently Jada Pinkett Smith is their preferred choice.

Why does Bruce Lee get excited when he visits Texas?

Because that means he can eat at WA-TAAAAburger

Bruce the Aussie

Bruce the Aussie bloke walks into a dusty old bar deep in the outback. To everyone's surprise he has a five meter salty -- a crocodile -- on a leash.

"Roit!" he exclaims. "I'll bet everyone here that I can have my mate here" -- gesturing to the crocodile -- "clamp down on my donger for a fu...

In bogan speak, Sheila= typical Aussie girl and Bruce= typical Aussie boy.

Sheila didn’t come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been sleeping around so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her. Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila ...

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reported to Bruce Forsyths favourite.

Husband and wife are chatting over breakfast
Husband "They guys in the pub last night were talking about our randy Postman. They reckon he's had sex with every woman in our street, except one"
Wife pauses for a moment :" Probably that stuck up cow at number 27"

What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner?

One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger.

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.

Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce is serving a life term in prison. After a decade or so, he gains a cellmate: Will.

After taking some time to size Will up and decide that he can trust him, Bruce tells Will about his plan to escape.


"You see," Bruce says, "for the past nine years, I've been training my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and it comes out broken down into its...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce is driving over a bridge.

Bruce is driving over a bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila, about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, “Sheila, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, “Good-bye, Bruce. You got me pregnant and now I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

What does Bruce Wayne take with his drink?

Just ice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

Steve, Bruce and Jed are working on a telephone tower, when Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."


Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."


Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.


Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Bruce Willis, a donkey with sunglasses on, and my ex have in common?

They’re all bad ass.

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

Rumor has it Bruce Lee once owned a pet bear

Its name was Grizz Lee!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"

"Really? How?"

"Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."

"That's terrible!"

"Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."

Here’s my cake day joke

Me: Bruce and I are teaming up for a 3 member mission and are looking for a second person. Would you like to join us?

Them: Uhh... do you mean a third person?

Me: Bruce is 3rd person, I is first person, you is second person

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life Lessons in the Outback

Bruce has been lost in the Australian Outback for three days and the combination of heat, exhaustion and thirst is close to killing him.

Unable to take another step, he collapses face first in the dirt, ready to meet his maker.

Unexpectedly he wakes to find himself staring into the fac...

If Bruce Jenner was a superhero...

Would he be a ‘X-Men’ or a ‘Transformer’?

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

---
---
---

PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

Bruce had a motto: "Never ask a lady's age"

That's why he's under arrest now and his bar got closed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Bruce Jenner tell Kris Jenner on their wedding night ?

I want your sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bruce and a Rich Man

A rather stupid, but rich man was on a luxury cruise when he met a French man named Bruce.
Bruce seemed to be quite popular on the cruise ship, as he had made a name for himself as a diver. It got to the point where he was just referred to as Bruce Diver. He would often tell people about wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think I just found an old Bruce Lee TV series - on pornhub of all places.

Apparently he stars as a lawyer who can only appear in court naked. It was called Bare Lee Legal Asian.

What was Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WAH-TAH!

Die Hard producers just announced filming’s started on the 6th installment of Bruce Willis’ popular action franchise.

It’ll be called Get Hard or Die Trying

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Why did Bruce Jenner become a woman?

Because he was tired of being guilty until proven innocent.

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS: Bruce Willis found dead surrounded by 70 empty Viagra bottles.

Looks like he...died hard.

Australian Joke.

Steve: What's better than eating a Mandarin?


Bruce: Eating Amanda Out.

Bruce Lee: “flow like water, you understand”

Me: “water you saying?”

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

Lil Bruce Wayne, he played little league baseball...

He was the batboy.

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

Bruce Lee had a cousin who used to get beaten up a lot...

He was known as Bruise Lee.

What do you call Bruce Banner when he is grumpy?

The Incredible Sulk

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

Why hasn't anyone seen Bruce Jenner in years?

Because he's transparent.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.