Bruce lee was fast but do you know about his even faster brother?

Sudden Lee

What does Bruce Lee order in Burger King?

WOPPAAAH!

How do you call Bruce Lee's vegan cousin?

Broco Lee

Why does Bruce Lee get excited when he visits Texas?

Because that means he can eat at WA-TAAAAburger

I’ve just discovered Bruce Lee had a vegetarian brother…

Broco Lee

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Why did bruce willis take a lethal amount of viagra?

he wanted to die hard

In bogan speak, Sheila= typical Aussie girl and Bruce= typical Aussie boy.

Sheila didn’t come home one night. When Bruce asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Bruce was a bit suspicious she'd been sleeping around so he rang her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her. Next week Bruce didn't come home one night. Sheila ...

I met Bruce Lee's vegan brother today.

His name is Brocko Lee.

Did you hear about the new Bruce Willis movie?

Bruce Willis has to go undercover in a retirement home for nuns to stop a terrorist plot.

It's called "Old Habits Die Hard".

Where does Bruce Wayne go to defecate?

The bat-room!

How come Bruce Wayne is always single?

Because he's a confirmed Batular.

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Steve Rogers: Bruce, aren't you worried about getting cancer from the Hulk's radiation?

Bruce Banner: That's my secret, Cap. *pulls out a horoscope* I'm already a Cancer.

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PS: I know, Bruce Banner is actually a Sagittarius. Don't @ me, bro.

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

Bruce Willis has admitted to making an "error of judgement" after reportedly being asked to leave a Los Angeles store for refusing to wear a face mask. Apparently, he wasn't even aware of the effects of his actions until a young boy walked up to him and said...

"I see dead people."

Batjoke

Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub."

Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"

Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing who they were going to play in the new Hollywood Blockbuster:

The Great Composers!
"I wanna be Beethoven," said Stallone.
"I gotta be Mozart," retorted Willis.
"What about you, Arnie?" they asked....

Donkey could take down Bruce Lee...

...because he entered the dragon

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A cab driver picks up a Nun...

The driver looks in the rear view mirror and says, "Excuse me sister, I've always fantasised about having sex with a nun."

The nun replies, "Yeah, you and everyone else. Tell me are you a Catholic?"

"Actually I am" says the cabbie.

The nun then climbs into the front seat and giv...

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Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

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Sad news: Bruce Willis died from Viagra overdose

At least he Died Hard.

Rumor has it Bruce Lee once owned a pet bear

Its name was Grizz Lee!

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink?

Wah-taaaaaaaaaaa

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Bruce Lee

Everyone remembers him and his son Brandon Lee but people rarely talk about Barry Lee and seldom mention Vague Lee.

BRUCE WAYNE: I won't do it

**ALFRED:** Sir, you have to sing along or it'll look suspicious

**CHOIR:** *Jingle bells...*

**BRUCE: [choking back tears]** ...Batman smells

What kind of jokes does Bruce Lee tell?

One-inch puns.

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What did Bruce Jenner tell Kris Jenner on their wedding night ?

I want your sex.

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

But no one ever talks about his family.

His brother, the revolutionary vegetarian activist, Brocco Lee.

His cousin, the hesitant statistician, Probab Lee.

His uncle, the trustworthy politician, Honest Lee.

And of course, the Spanish inquisitor, Juan "Expected" Lee.

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Reported to Bruce Forsyths favourite.

Husband and wife are chatting over breakfast
Husband "They guys in the pub last night were talking about our randy Postman. They reckon he's had sex with every woman in our street, except one"
Wife pauses for a moment :" Probably that stuck up cow at number 27"

I went to see my mate Bruce today and asked his wife where he was.

She said he’s out the back in the garden. I had a quick look but couldn’t see him so went to ask his wife again.

She said, “he’s out there, you just have to dig a little deeper”.

What do you call Bruce Lee pulling a Radio Flyer?

Enter the wagon.

Bruce Lee was at a doctor's appointment, but an hour passed and the doctor still wasn't there. Bruce did not get up, leave, or complain. Instead he stayed sitting in his seat.

He was waiting patient Lee.

What does Bruce Wayne take with his drink?

Just ice.

Bruce had a motto: "Never ask a lady's age"

That's why he's under arrest now and his bar got closed.

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

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Bee Sting

An Australian is having sex with his wife, when a bee flies down and stings her on the pussy. He decides to call the Doctor

Bruce: "G'day Doctor, I was having a root with m' missus and a bee comes down and stings her on the pussy.... what shall I do?"

Doctor: "Bummer......"

Br...

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Bruce Willis went shopping...

...and he overheard a fellow customer say, "Yipee-ki-yay!" Without thinking he yelled out, "Motherfucker!"

Customers gasped and stared at him, shocked.

He looked at the crowd of people and said, "Oh sorry, old habits...Die Hard."

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.

Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".

Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."

Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".

Bruce Lee had a cousin who used to get beaten up a lot...

He was known as Bruise Lee.

Bruce Wayne became a surgeon.

Whenever he carried out a surgery, he always asked the nurses to turn the lights off. This was extremely dangerous and unusual, so the nurses asked him why.
He said, "I operate in the shadows"

#299: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis get together at a bar and have drinks.

After catching up, Stallone says, "I think we should make a movie with all of us."

Bruce Willis says, "That's a great idea, but I'm tired of action movies. How about we make a movie about classical composers?"

Stallone says, "I like that idea, Bruce. I can be Mozart and you can be Beet...

What would Bruce Forsyth think of all this coronavirus lockdown eh?

Nice 2 metre 2 metre nice.

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller?

However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

What's the name of Bruce Lee's vegetarian cousin?

BrocoLee

Everyone knows of famous martial artist, Bruce Lee

He also had a brother, the revolutionary vegan activist, Brocco Lee

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Bruce Willis passes away from a Viagra overdose on 4/20/2069

He picked a good day to die hard

What is Bruce Lee's favourite drink?

Wataaaaaaah!

What is the most dangerous vegetable?

Bruce Leek.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

So Iron Man and Bruce Banner walk into a bar.

They both grab a stool at the bar and start slamming shots. Tony, a notorious alcoholic, maintains his composure.

He turns over to Bruce as he hits more back. He sees Bruce getting tipsy and a bit green.

Tony: "You okay there?"

Hulk: "Hulk smashed!"

Considering what Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark did with their money,

Bill Gates should be ashamed of himself.

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Bruce Banner is the greatest cock blocker ever known.

Let Hulk smash!

Why did Bruce Lee's brother Earl make it to work before his shift began?

Because he's Earl Lee!

What do you call Bruce Banner when he is grumpy?

The Incredible Sulk

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One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab...

A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everythi...

Steve, Bruce and Jed are working on a telephone tower, when Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."


Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."


Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of beer.


Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
...

Lil Bruce Wayne, he played little league baseball...

He was the batboy.

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BREAKING NEWS: Bruce Willis found dead surrounded by 70 empty Viagra bottles.

Looks like he...died hard.

If Bruce Jenner was a superhero...

Would he be a ‘X-Men’ or a ‘Transformer’?

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If Bruce Wayne was a millennial...

*after the well incident*

Thomas : Why do we fall, Bruce?

Bruce (mumbles): Running a billion dollar empire focused on science, don't know what fucking gravity is. Great!!

John Cena, Bruce Willis, and a master assassin walk into a bar

"H-h-hello? W-w-who's there?!" asked the bartender to the front doors that just opened on their own.

You know how Gotham citizens are going to be able to tell Bruce Wayne is Batman in the upcoming movie?

Because during the day he’ll sparkle.

What was Bruce Lee's beverage of choice?

WAH-TAH!

What's the difference between a Bruce Willis movie and a morgue?

Icy dead people.

Why hasn't anyone seen Bruce Jenner in years?

Because he's transparent.

Bruce Lee: “flow like water, you understand”

Me: “water you saying?”

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"So did you hear Bruce Willis passed away?"

"Really? How?"

"Suicide. Overdosed on Viagra and Cialis."

"That's terrible!"

"Well, he always wanted to Die Hard."

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

What does a trebuchet in a convent and Bruce Lee have in common?

They're both nunchuckers.




Yes lame but it's OC

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Bruce is driving over a bridge.

Bruce is driving over a bridge one day when he sees his girlfriend, Sheila, about to throw herself off. Bruce slams on the brakes and yells, “Sheila, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

Sheila turns around with a tear in her eye and says, “Good-bye, Bruce. You got me pregnant and now I...

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I am like the Bruce lee of sex. No I am not amazingly handsome and highly skilled and charismatic,

but I will knock the wind out of your body with my 1 inch punch.

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Bruce and a Rich Man

A rather stupid, but rich man was on a luxury cruise when he met a French man named Bruce.
Bruce seemed to be quite popular on the cruise ship, as he had made a name for himself as a diver. It got to the point where he was just referred to as Bruce Diver. He would often tell people about wh...

Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?" She asked. 

"Hunting Flies" He responded. 

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked. 

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. 

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" 

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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[Long] Bruce Buffer invites Joe Rogan and Dana White over for dinner...

On their way to Bruce’s house, Dana says “Joe, you’re gonna fuckin’ love Bruce’s cooking. This guy is the best, he could start his own restaurant. But hey, I’ve got to warn you - *do not* ask him how he cooks the food.”

Joe agrees, but thinks to himself *Well fuck, now I really wanna know...*...

What does Bruce from Jaws put on his toast?

Buh-tah. Buh-tah. Buh-tah tah-tah

Bruce lee would beat dwane Johnson in a fight

Water erodes rock

How much tax does Bruce Willis pay on a dollar?

Six cents.

Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are planning a costume party

and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnol...

Did you know that Bruce Willis has owned more than 100 Hondas?

His favourite was the fifth Element.

I’m a huge fan of ALL of Bruce Willis’s work. I’ve seen every movie he’s in.

I guess you can say.. I’m a Die Hard fan.

Bruce the Aussie

Bruce the Aussie bloke walks into a dusty old bar deep in the outback. To everyone's surprise he has a five meter salty -- a crocodile -- on a leash.

"Roit!" he exclaims. "I'll bet everyone here that I can have my mate here" -- gesturing to the crocodile -- "clamp down on my donger for a fu...

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