UPJOKE
mosesgodmiriampriestquransaintchristellisharrisonjenkinsjasonwillisgregderekwilliams

Why Won't Aaron Rodgers Leave Green Bay?

Because he doesn't want to Take a Shot on another team.

Aaron Rodgers is now 0-4 against the 49ers in a playoff game…

He’s also 0-3 for his vaccination shots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aaron is in geometry class. His teacher is yelling at him because he’s wearing AirPods while the teacher is talking. In the middle of his rant, Aaron says “You’re such a square!”

The teacher says “prove it”.

What did they call the conflict between Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr?

The Ham-Burr-Grrr.

I'm not even sorry.

Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record

Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know you're a Minnesotan Abroad if

You get weird looks if you ask for your pizza to be cut into squares.

You've gotten strange looks when you whipped out your Super America fuel card, your TCF Bank debit card, your Dunn Brothers gift card, or White Castle refillable cup at a gas station.

You're the only one in a t-shirt...

I found out my wife was cheating on me today.

She said "I'll be home in 10-15 minutes max"

...... My name is Aaron.

Aaron Rodgers is pretty deflated after throwing two picks this game...

If he's not careful, Tom Brady might try to hold him

What did Alexander Hamilton say when Aaron Burr mocked him for getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

I am not throwing away my shot

Aaron Rodgers breaks silence on why he broke up with Danica Patrick

"I felt like I was being rushed."

Aaron Hernandez died doing what he loved...

Killing people.

A scientist is testing a robot that he has just built, and takes him to a baseball game to test his awareness without the robot’s eyes working.

They arrive at the game and take their seats. The home team, the Boston Red Sox is losing the game 2 runs to nothing to New York. The scientist leans over and says to the robot “Run down: 2, New York” The robot takes this as a command and quickly runs to New York from Boston, arriving back just befo...

Aaron Rogers, Eli Manning and dak Prescott walk into a bar

To watch the playoffs

Why didn't Aaron Hernandez ever tell us why he threw away his career for a life of crime?

He wanted to leave us hanging.

Why were Aaron Paul and Brian Cranston cast in Breaking Bad

They had great chemistry.

Danika Patrick and Aaron Rodgers officially broke up.

I hear it was because she never finished first.

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

Life's just not fair. Aaron Hernandez had everything: talent, money, women...

And now I hear he's well-hung, too?

Did you hear they asked Aaron Hernandez if he wanted to watch the Patriots visit to The White House on the rec room TV?

He said, "No thanks I'll just hang in my cell"

Apparently Aaron Hernandez misunderstood his attorney when his lawyer told him to...

hang in there

How did the referee declare Aaron Hernandez dead?

"After review, the receiver did not get two feet down."

Hey Aaron from Europe right?

Doesn’t that make you Europaaron?

(I know it’s stupid)

Did you know Aaron Burr had a brother who was a lumberjack?

His name was Tim.

The NFL announced today that Aaron Hernandez

Is suspended indefinitely.

What's Aaron Hernandez's favorite part of a bed sheet?

The tight end.

Before his conviction, Aaron Hernandez was a tight end in the NFL.

But since going to prison he's become a wide receiver.

Why did Aaron Hernandez's girlfriend leave him?

She found out he was a swinger.

Aaron Hernandez once tried to give me a high-five...

But I left him hanging

Aaron Paul prefers to stay in character even when the cameras aren't rolling

It's called methead acting

Advice for dealing with all the Aaron Hernandez memes....

...hang in there, it'll die quicker than you think.

What's the difference between Tim Tebow and Aaron Hernandez?

Aaron Hernandez knew when to hang it up.

At first I suspected foul play in the whole Aaron Hernandez suicide thing.

But I think he was just a guy at the end of his rope.

I think Aaron Hernandez misunderstood the verdict...

He must have thought it ended in a hung jury.

Aaron Hernandez is going to be a steal in everyone's fantasy draft this year

Experts are saying that he'll probably be hanging around and available in the late rounds.

I took my dog to the local talent agent yesterday.

We walked through the door and I handed him our card:

"Barney. Talking dog."

The agent chuckled, leaned back in his chair, and said, "Alright, show me what you got."

"Hey Barn, how was work this week?"

"Rough."

"What goes on top of a house?"

"Roof."

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the summer, I was watching a baseball game that was getting a bit boring

The broadcast had a main "play by play" commentator and also a "color" commentator (to talk about stats, player's backgrounds, and random stuff the viewers would find interesting).

At one particularly dead point, the color commentator said "I've got three trivia questions here. First one - f...

I have a list of friends who love palindromes!

Nell, Edna, Leon, Nedra, Anita, Rolf, Nora, Alice, Carol, Leo, Jane, Reed, Dena, Dale, Basil, Rae, Penny, Lana, Dave, Denny, Lena, Ida, Bernadette, Ben, Ray, Lila, Nina, Jo, Ira, Mara, Sara, Mario, Jan, Ina, Lily, Arne, Bette, Dan, Reba, Diane, Lynn, Ed, Eva, Dana, Lynne, Pearl, Isabel, Ada, Ned, De...

A woman leaves her shower

She is wrapped up in her towel and as she walks past her husband who is going into the shower they hear a knock at the door.

"You go get that" her husband says and hops into the shower.

Sighing the woman went to the door still wrapped in her towel. She opens the door expecting the mai...

Everyone in 2020: this is the worst year ever, I can’t wait for 2021

January 2021: U.S. Capitol building attacked, Hank Aaron dead, Larry King dead

Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.

Morris had died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Morris' Last Will and Testament.
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 150 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.

To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the new Jaguar.

To my daughter Shirley, I leave my...

A lawyer calls a dog as a witness

The Judge says “get that dog out it cannot be a witness”

The Lawyer says “Don’t worry this dog can talk I will prove it.”

The dog is sworn on to the podium and the Lawyer begins his cross examination. First he asks the dog “Good morning sir, how was the road on your way here?” The do...

Statistics are like bikinis.

What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.

In Tribute

Boy: I'll bet you a dollar my dog can talk

Man: you're on

Boy: how does sandpaper feel?

Dog: Ruff!

Boy: what's on top of a house?

Dog: Roof!

Boy: who's the greatest ballplayer ever?

Dog: Ruth!

Man: come on! I ain't payin' for that, get out of h...

News Flash

**A Jewish guy goes into a confession box.** **"Father O’Malley," he says, "My name is Aaron Cohen. I’m seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jews walking down the street

Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.

**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**

"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"

"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It co...

Nooo you were supposed to shoot at the sky too!

Haha Aaron go Brr

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots admit Tim Tebow hired by mistake.

After tight end Aaron Hernandez request for white Bronco.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a clothes line?

Aaron

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Firing Squad

Four gunmen are standing in the woods, recently deputized by the new regime in the budding of a civil war. Before them, a gagged and hooded prisoner on their knees, sobbing at the edge of an empty grave. Behind them, nine already filled.

The first looks nervous. "I've been counting the prison...

“I think brewery is a perfect word...

You can’t say it without sounding at least a little drunk.” - Aaron Jaffe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of train drivers go on strike.

This is authorised industrial action from there union, as the company were making cutbacks to the safety equipment. However a lot of them have nothing to do, so decide that there should a be a party somewhere. This issue is no one can decide where.

Eventually, the union rep stands up and says...

Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk

So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?”

“Roof,” the dog barked.

Bob wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.

“Rough.”

He still wasn’t convinced.

“O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog.

“Rut...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wow, Trump is making America great again...

Aaron Hernandez is dead, Bill O'Reilly got fired. Trump is actually getting rid of the criminals and rapists!

Demetrius: "Villain, what hast thou done?"

Aaron: "That which thou canst not undo."

Chiron: "Thou hast undone our mother."

Aaron: "Villain, I have done thy mother."

 

Shakespearean "Yo momma" diss:

Act IV, Scene II of Titus Andronicus, Aaron taunts his lover's sons

Big Injury Update

Aaron Hernandez (Neck)

Out Indefinitely

PRISONS HATE HIM

Aaron Hernandez shows you how he dodged serving a life sentence with this handy trick

Hanukkah joke

My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.

As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, 'Aaron, what's the matter? You didn't like the other one?'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.