Jason is driving when he sees a hitch hiker on the side of the road.

The man looks a bit rough, but Jason pulls over and lets him in.

After driving for a few minutes, the hitch hiker asks, "Hey, aren't you worried that I might be a serial killer?"

Jason chuckles lightly and replies, "The odds of two serial killers being in the same car are very slim."

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.

Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, bec...

Two friends named Monty and Jason went to a movie theater. Monty went ahead to grab the tickets leaving Jason waiting behind.

While queuing for the tickets, Monty chats up the gentleman in front of him, "Hey, I'm Monty," he says. The gentleman amicably replies, "Hola, soy Santiago."

Hearing the man's response, Monty immediately runs away and returns alarmed to his friend, shouting, "There's a Spanish in queue Jason"...

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Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening...

... stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded J...

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I was often bullied as a kid for having the name Jason Butt

So the second I turned 18 I legally changed it to *James* Butt

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham and Arnold Schwarzenegger go to a theme party.

Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are planning ahead to attend a theme party. The theme is famous composers, and Lundgren suggests “We should all go as a composer from our respective heritage. I could be Franz Berwald. He had interests in the arts and sciences, much like me.”<...

Jason and Charlie go golfing

After a few holes Jason misses what should have been an easy putt. "God dammit, I missed!" said Jason. Charlie replies, "Woah there, you really shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain or God himself may strike down upon you". Jason assures Charlie it won't happen again and they continue to play. A few...

My friend glued a fake beard on to look like Jason Momoa

I don't think he could pull it off very well

I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley

Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons.

What does Princess Leia have in common with Jason Derulo?

They’re both Ridin’ Solo.

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

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Steve and Jason have their car break down on a deserted country road. [NSFW]

It’s late at night, there is no cell reception and they see only one house for miles surrounded by corn fields so they walk over and ring the doorbell. A disgusting old, wrinkly lady answers the door and asks them what they want.

“Our car broke down and we need to call a tow truck but we don’...

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A Joke for everyone who isn't called Richard

Was chatting to a lovely Blonde the other day, Ruth she said her name was.

When she asked my name I said ‘Jason, but everyone calls me Dick for short’

‘How do you get Dick from Jason’ she asked

I replied ‘Ask nicely!’

Why doesn't Batman let Jason Todd into the Batcave anymore?

Because he keeps Robin things.

What is Jason Voorhees's favorite country?

Chi-chi-chi Na-na-na.

Who is Jason Waterfalls?

And why don't they want him to go?

I think Jason Momoa looks terrible as Aquaman...

...they should have chosen someone who looks more finnish.

Coulda been worse.

A father walks past his son's room and to his astonishment he sees that the bed is neatly made and the room is all tidied up.

Then he saw an envelope on the pillow.

It's addressed to "Dad".

He picked it up, tore it open and read the note:

"Dear Dad, it is with great regre...

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With the surge in popularity of Country Music artists that have included rap in their songs, like Jason Aldean and Sam Hunt, this years CMA's will include a new category. As it is a hybrid style of genres, Rap and Country, the producers have settled on a fitting name for the award.

CRAP.

Why didn't Jason wear his hockey mask for Halloween?

Because you don't wear white after Labor Day.

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Charlie and Jason are at the zoo...

...And Jason decided he wanted to see the gorillas. Charlie decided he wants to see the naked mole rats, so they go their separate ways.

Jason walked up to the gorilla cage to see the gorilla staring at him. Jason laughed and waved at the animal jokingly. To his surprise, the gorilla waved ba...

My wife wanted one of those "unique" names for our son. So we named him Jason

The 'J' sounds like 'Th'. The "ason" is silent. You add "omas" on the end.

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On the way out of mass...

On the way out of mass, Steve asks Jason: "I've wanted to fuck the pastor's stunning wife for the longest time, can you do me a favor and keep the pastor at confession for like half an hour so I can go nail her?

Jason, ever the wingman, agrees, and proceeds to the confession booth. After a fe...

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Some guy knocked on my door wanting to tell me the great news about our Lord.

I said "fuck off, i dont beleave in of that shit."


As I tried to close the door in his face, he grabbed my arm and twisted it up my back slamming my face into the wall, then with a single rabbit punch broke 3 of my ribs, he then kung fu kicked my leg shattering the bone in three places.<...

Be Positive

A good friend passed away here at the office today. There was an accident in the mailroom and his bleeding could not be controlled. EMS arrived immediately but were unable to slow the bleeding enough. The ems team could not figure out quickly enough what Jason's blood type was either so saving him t...

What did the Scandanavian Intelligency agent say?

Jesus Christ! It’s Jason Björne

Little Johnny was in Spanish Class one day...

The teacher said, "Okay, class, tell me a sentence that has to do with Nicaragua."

The teacher calls on Mary Lou. "The flag of Nicaragua has white and blue stripes, with a coat of arms in the middle."

The teacher calls on Jason next. "Nicaragua is located in Central America, with 6 oth...

Some diseases are airborne, some are waterborne...

But the Matt Damon disease is Jason Bourne

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Favourite one-liner?

"stationary shop moves" - Jimmy Carr

**Another favourite -** "I keep my porno tapes in my sock drawer, it's all you need in one place" - Jason Manford

What is a Pirate's Favorite Greek Myth?

Jason and the Arrrghonauts

What do you call a Swedish assassin?

Jason Bjorn

Woah, is Aquaman running after your gardener?

No, he's Jason Mamoa

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I was going out with a twin.

I was going out with a twin, I always had trouble telling them apart, in the end I worked out that Kylie had long blonde hair and Jason had a dick.

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Keeping promises to the grave.

Husband and wife are talking.

H: "Tell me the truth, honey: did you ever cheat me?"

W: "Oh, sweetheart, don't say such things"

H: "I mean it, Jennifer. If you would ever cheat on me, I would turn in my grave"

W: "I swear I never did and never will, my love. I would never ...

Those DANG mosquitoes!!!

After several unpleasant experiences, one night, in total darkness, Gramps opened the cabin door and said, "you see, children?" "Pesky mosquitoes are attracted to light! Now, we're safe."
BUT soon as they entered the cabin and the door was shut, Jason noticed a handful of tiny blinking lights (...

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I was watching my grandson play some word game on his phone.

He was repositioning two A's, an E, an I, an O and a U.

"Jason, that's the messiest vowel movement I've ever seen," I told him.

He replied, "You've never seen my shit after I eat alphabet soup, Grandpa."

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Flight New York - London

"Greetings passengers, it's your pilot speaking, the estimated time of the flight is about 8 hours, the sky is clear, and we should have no issues reaching our destination in time." The pilot then proceeded to put down the plane's loudspeaker, but he forgets to turn it off, and says to his co-pilot,...

So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom...

"Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!" she says excitedly.
"Oh dear" the mother answers, fearing the worst "what did you two do?"
"Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company."

A teen boy wants to borrow the car, so he opens his parents' bedroom door to ask.

He sees his dad wearing only chaps and a cowboy hat, on top of his mother, who has a feathered headdress and an indian squaw outfit on. He quickly shuts their door and disappears.

The parents decided to finish what they were doing, but a few minutes later, the wife asks the dad to go talk t...

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