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Paul and Barry...

Paul and Barry were out walking past a lake.

They saw a pregnant woman swimming suddenly get into difficulty and started to drown, quickly they pulled her to safety.

She wasn't breathing so Barry starts giving her a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Paul quickly opens her legs and puts h...

How did the paramedics know Paul Walker had clean hair?

They found his head and shoulders in the glove box

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Paul goes to school...

Paul goes to school...

Teacher announces, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable word. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”

Clara says " Att-ract-ive"

Miss Reynolds " Clara, that's great! well done!"

Barry "Dan-ger-ous"

Again Miss Reynolds ...

What would you call a movie staring Jake Paul and a Psychopath?

Dumb and Dahmer

My friend is called Mutepaul. It's a weird name. It's pronounced "paul"...

...because the mute is silent.

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What’s the difference between Logan Paul and hitler

Hitler knew when to kill himself

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I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

This just in - Paul Pierce has a bright room fetish

The truth comes to light.

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One day, a young boy comes home so angry, he was on the verge of tears.

His dad noticed and asked him what was the matter.

The boy responds: Everyday when I pass this street corner on the way home, there are these guys who always say “Hey! Do you know Tim?” And when I say “Tim? What Tim?” They say “The one who fucked you in the gym!” And I’m so sick of it, but I...

Why did Logan Paul not high five Ricegum?

Cause he likes to leave asians hanging

[NSFW] Why don't any of Logan Paul's asian fans ask for high fives anymore?

He tends to leave them hanging.

Why did Rand Paul delay the vote on the COVID-19 response?

He wasn't sure how to vote and wanted to wait until he was positive.

I recently watched the movie Uncle, with Paul Rudd in it

You people may know it as Aunt-Man

What’s the difference between Logan Paul and the US military

The Americans were actually concerned if they found people in the forest.

Why did Logan Paul refuse to shake Ricegums hand?

Because he always leaves asians hanging

I was pretty excited when I heard Logan Paul went into a suicide forest

A little upset to find out he came back

What do Paul Walker and George of The Jungle have in common?

They both should've watched out for that tree.

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[Long] Two Pakistani politicians Sharif and Shahbaz moved to London where they made friends with a English guy named Paul.

They used to go all over London with him when suddenly one day ...
Paul disappeared.

The two went to the police and lodged a complaint.

The police asked them if they could give some vital clues about Paul that would help find him.

Shahbaz said, "Paul was handsome and tall."...

What does Kevin Hart have in common with Paul Walker?

Being friends with the rock!

Wait, what did you think I was going to say?

Former fed chairman Paul Volker died

He had no interest left

Why did Paul McCartney quit the Beatles?

He drank RedBull.

My girlfriend and I were coming up with baby boy names and we came across the name Saul.

I asked if he turned out to be a good person would his name change to Paul?

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Best pals, Frank and Paul, are out for a day of golf. On the third hole, Paul accidentally putts the ball into a field of buttercups. Determined to get the ball back onto the green, he demolishes half of the flowers in the process. As he raises his club to take another swing...POOF! Mother Nature

appears. "What have you done?!! As punishment for destroying my precious buttercups, you shall have no butter for your toast ever again. No butter for baked potatoes either. Actually, no. You shall have no butter for anything...for the rest of your life!" And then, POOF! She was gone.

In tota...

What do both Paul Walker and Vin Diesel have in common?

Both of their last big hits were trees

I added Paul Walker to my Xbox

But all he does is spend time on the dashboard

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

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My father ladies and gentlemen...

So, when we were younger we used to run a single line off the back of one of the snowmobiles, put a splitter on her with two lengths of ski rope about 25' long, gear up with helmets and suits, and throw two guys on on those flying saucers, (you know, like the ones on National Lampoon's Vacation) and...

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Paul was lying in bed with his new Thai girlfriend in a hotel in Pattaya

After having great sex, she spent the next hour playing with Paul's balls - rubbing, stroking and cupping them.



Eventually Paul asks "Why do you like doing that so much?"



"Because I really miss mine."

What do Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley do after an argument?

They KISS and makeup

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

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Mommy and Uncle Paul

"Hi honey, this is daddy.
Is mommy near the phone?”

A voice on the other end answers: “No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”
The little girl quipped.

After a brief pause daddy says “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”

“Oh yes I do, and he is upsta...

Jesus is hanging on the cross. Paul is nearby. Jesus calls to Paul

"Paul, come to me please." Paul rushes forward and is immediately beaten back by Roman soldiers. They beat him senseless and leave him in a heap on the side of the road.

Paul awakens to hear Jesus calling again, "Paul, come to me. I need you.". Paul rushes the soldiers and is badly beaten aga...

“To be is to do”—Socrates. “To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.

“Do be do be do”—King Louie

What do you do if Logan Paul throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

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Dr. Visit for a colonoscopy

I went into my proctologist's office for my first rectal exam. His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me. She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. ...

A man died and was waiting in line to get into Heaven.

He was third in line, and overheard St. Peter talking to the other souls.

"What were you in life?" St. Peter asked of one man.

"I was a personal injury lawyer," came the reply.

"Well, come with me," said St. Peter. "I will show you to your quarters." And St. Peter led the man ...

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

I forget, with Paul Revere was it 1 if by land, 2 if by sea,

3 if by air?

If you know anyone named Rosie stay the hell away from them...

After all Paul Simon taught us she’s the queen of Corona.

TIL that Sir Paul McCartney once turned down nearly $64 million to appear on an American talk show because he wanted to stay home and watch his favorite sport on TV.

It was *Ellen* or rugby.

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So there's this guy, let's call him Paul Yankee.

So Paul Yankee had been dating this girl Wendy Norris for a few years, so he finally proposed and she said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and they are the happiest people to ever exist. Mr Paul Yankee and Mrs Wendy Yankee decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. As a surprise for his ...

What did the aluminium say to Paul Simon?

You can call me Al

Jean-Paul Sartre goes into a coffee shop

He says to the waitress “May I get a coffee with no cream?” The waitress says “ I’m sorry, Mr. Sartre, we’re all out of cream. Would you like one with no milk?”

Never try to hi-five Logan Paul

You won't be the first person he's left hanging.

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Paul Bernardo and a woman go into a forest....

The woman says:Paul I’m scared


Paul:you’re scared? I’ve to walk out of this fuckin place alone

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Let us celebrate the birthday of Logan Paul!

april fools you piece of shit

Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says,

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation f...

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Birth of a Candy Bar! rated XXX and NSFW

One PAYDAY, MR. PEANUT wanted a BIT o' HONEY, so he took MARY JANE back behind the POWERHOUSE on the corner of CLARK and FIFTH AVE. He began to feel her MOUNDS. That was pure ALMOND JOY!! It made his TOOTSIE ROLL. He let out some SNICKERS as his BUTTERFINGER went up her JUICY FRUIT and caused a MILK...

Bill Gates is having a conversation with Paul Allen.

Bill: "How come Bing failed?"

Paul: "Well, let me Goo..."

Bill: "Never mind."

How does Paul Ryan expect to sell books

without a Spine?

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor to get her two favorite musicians on her inner thighs...

The tattoo artist finishes up and she is ELATED to see a picture-perfect tattoo of John Lennon on her left inner-thigh and Paul McCartney on her right.

As she walks out, she is so excited to share her new artwork that she goes up to the first person she sees; an old, homeless, wino sitting in...

The Fast and the Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

Why did the coach take Paul Pierce out of the game?

He was in bowel trouble.

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One day the pope suddenly died...

...and around the world millions were shocked and saddened at the death of the man that lead the world to Jesus. An X-ray was done of his body as part of the investigation into his death and a strange abnormality was detected. Deep down his left ear canal was some kind of tiny device shaped like a s...

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About a decade ago, Pope John Paul was visiting a convent of nuns, Our Sisters of the Immaculate Conception.

The whole place was so excited about his visit.

Mother Kate put Sister Margaret in charge of getting the finest fish for the dinner with the pope.

Sister Margaret took her task solemnly, and went to the market to get the best catch of the day.

“Good morning, sir. I’d like 12 ...

It was socretes who once said "to be is to do" and Jean - Paul Sartre who said "to do is to be"

And finally it was Frank Sinatra who said "do-be-do-be-do"

About 10 years ago I was lucky enough to interview Sir Paul McCartney

He'd fairly recently got divorced, so I asked him.....

"Paul, do you think you'll ever go down on one knee again?"

He looked at me with a face like thunder and replied.....

"Her name is Heather!"

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

Stop with the Logan Paul jokes...

It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas.

Do you guys remember Paul the Octopus?

The one who predicted Spain winning the World Cup some years ago?

Well, a friend of mine told me that if you get hit in the face with the ink of an octopus from there, you can see your future self and predict the future.

I called him out on it at first, but curiosity got the best of me...

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What's the difference between my PC and Paul Walker?

I actually give a shit when my PC crashes.

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that s...

I just heard Paul Bettany is going to star in a standalone movie for the MCU which will begin filming later this year.

If the rumors are true, we're getting 2020 Vision.

What does the E in Logan Paul stand for?

Empathy

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

What did Paul Manafort say when he bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

Did you hear about Paul Walker on the radio?

And the dashboard and pretty much the rest of the interior

17th century painter Peter Paul Rubens walks into a bar and orders a drink.

Bartender asks “how are you going to pay for that?”
Peter Paul Rubens says “put it on my tab. I’m baroque.”

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar...

The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Paul is on his death bed in hospital.

He calls his best friend John to his side and tells him his last wishes.

"All my life, I have had this rare, expensive bottle of whiskey. It means everything to me. It has been passed down through my family for generations. " Paul whispers. "Please John, after I die, sprinkle the whole bottle...

What is St. Paul's favorite snack?

Minneapples

What do Logan Paul and the kid from The Sixth Sense have in common?

Their careers ended after seeing dead people.

Coming are British the...

“Coming are British the! Coming are British the!”

-Paul Reverse

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princ...

If Paul Walker was alive right now, I bet he would be

Frantically scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Ghoul in the Pub (Credit to Paul Sloane & Des MacHale)

Bill, a tourist in Devon, spends the day sightseeing, then decides to finish the day at a pub in a nearby village. He gets absorbed in the rustic atmosphere, but in the midst of drinking a Guinness, he notices what appears to be a ghoul drinking from a small green bottle, across the room. This perso...

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The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

Hidden drugs in firewood

Johnny, calling the local police.

\- Yeah, my neighbour, Paul, is hiding drugs inside a big pile of firewood behind his shed.

The police answer; - We'll be right over.

A small force of officers arrive equipped with axes and chainsaws. They chop the whole pile up but find not...

[Doctor Who themed] Why was Sylvester McCoy afraid of Paul McGann

Because McGann Hurt Eccleston

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

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So the Deji vs Jake Paul boxing match is this Saturday

And if in the unlikely event of one of them dies,

Logan Paul will be there to record it

Logan Paul shouldn’t go so long without posting a new video

He’s leaving his subscribers hanging.

BREAKING - Paul McCartney disqualified from London Marathon

He was banned on the run.

After entering a limbo competition, Paul walks into a bar

He lost

So Logan Paul just called out Chris Brown to fight him

Too bad for him Chris Brown doesn't hit women anymore

Why didn't Jake Paul dress up for Halloween?

He didn't need a costume to go as a failure.

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