UPJOKE
saulmichaelkevingarysteveapostle paulpaul the apostlesaul of tarsusapostlethomasjohnpatrickdavidadamssimon

Paul Jokes

what's the difference between Paul Walker and Betty White?

Paul Walker hit 100 before he died.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly man living alone in Manchester wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard.

His only son, Paul, who used to help him, was in prison (strange ways) . The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Paul,

I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul?

Hitler knew when to kill himself.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To kill his career.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

”Hello. My name is Paul, and I am a sex addict.“

Group leader: ”Hello Paul. Nice to meet you. But I have to tell you that the sex addicts meet three rooms further down the hall. This is the group for single moms.“

Paul: ”I know.“

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My mate Paul said he superglued his asshole as a dare once

I'm pretty sure he is full of shit

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

I hope Rand Paul doesn't pick Scott Walker as his VP

I have a feeling Paul/Walker would crash and burn.

Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar...

The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die.

Paul O'Grady has died

They're not sure what the cause of death is, but they're trying to fill in the blankety blanks.

I added Paul Walker on Xbox,

but he spends all his time on the dashboard.

Paul: "So lads, any idea how we're gonna end 'Hey Jude'"?

John: Nah.

George: Nah.

Ringo: Nah.

What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common?

They have the same middle name.

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

A man was away on a business trip, and decided to call his wife and to let her know he had arrived safely

A little girl picks up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Honey. This is Daddy, is mommy near the phone?" Daddy asks

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Paul."

After a brief pause, Daddy says "But, honey, you haven't got an uncle Paul."

"Oh, yes I do, and he's upst...

Did you know Paul Atreides was a psychic?

He had quite a few Fremenitions .

Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says,

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?

Because Logan Paul left him hanging.

I can see why Paul Walker jokes aren't funny anymore.

Poor guy can't catch a "brake".









(P.S. Happy Birthday Paul Walker. I wish u were still here)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar....

He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong. "Well," replies Paul, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. "Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and sh...

Stop with the Logan Paul jokes...

It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas.

Stuttering Bible Salesman

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who wo...

Why did Aaron Paul do such a good job portraying Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad?

Because he’s a meth-head actor.

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".

Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...

Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul goes to the doctor…

And is complaining of pain.

When the doctor asked him to describe it Paul said It’s a throbbing at the entrance to my asshole.

Ah….Said the doctor. “See the problem is you are calling it an “entrance.”

Congratulations to Jason Pierre Paul

He's won a Super Bowl ring for every finger.

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who fai...

Did you know that Paul Walker had dandruff?

I didn’t know either, until I saw his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

Glen and Paul meet at a Bar...

... Paul mentions that he just bought a giant Pink Ape. Glen is like" No way, they don't exist" Paul decides to prove it to him.

So, they hop into Paul's car and head 5 miles to a small shed with a wooden door with wooden steps, that lead down to a steel door with steel steps, that lead down ...

What happened when Pope John Paul II got shot?

He became ‘His Holeyness’
(No offence to Catholics/Pope/God)

What deodorant does Paul Maud'dib use?

...Old Spice

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John, Paul and Frank go to heaven

When they arrive at the gate, St. Peter checks the list and tells them a bit about heaven: "It's a great place. The fountains are full of the best wine, we have the best food that appears when you think of it. Your housing will be the most beautiful and luxurious villa you couldn't even dream of on ...

Paul McCartney celebrates his 80th birthday with Stella in Mykonos.

You would think with all his wealth, he would have bought at least ONE bottle of Champagne.

In honor of Paul Walkers birthday I plan on having a Paul Walker shot

It’s an Irish car bomb followed by a shot of fireball.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once were two airplane mechanics from New Jersey...

... Who were also drinking buddies.

One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.

"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."

"Well," replied Pau...

Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together

Best friends Peter and Paul were about to graduate seminary together. While Peter was very smart, Paul had a difficult time with schoolwork, so Peter would let him copy his homework to make sure he could pass his classes.



As the time approached for their interview with the bishop, Pau...

Ron Paul’s favorite medicine?

Sudafed

My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.

**Her list:** Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum

**My list:** Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend

Just found- Lost Scriptures from the Book of Paul.

It is Good Friday and there are multitudes of people gathered around Mt. Calvary wailing, worshiping, and witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, now nailed to the cross atop this hill for all to see. Jesus cries out, "Paul...Paul... Paaaulll.." Paul hears this and to prove he is a good disciple...

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that s...

If RuPaul owned a horse, what would it eat?

Hey girl heyyyy

Who sent Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel a friend request on Facebook

Darkness.

I've known Paul for years

He's always been such a nice guy. In middle school, our teachers would always ask if he finished his homework. Paul would hold up his homework and say yes. During lunch, kids would always ask if they could sit with him, and Paul would say yes. A kid would ask if he's trade his pudding cup for an app...

What was Paul Walker last words?

I could have had a V8.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul and Barry...

Paul and Barry were out walking past a lake.

They saw a pregnant woman swimming suddenly get into difficulty and started to drown, quickly they pulled her to safety.

She wasn't breathing so Barry starts giving her a mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Paul quickly opens her legs and puts h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul goes to school...

Paul goes to school...

Teacher announces, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable word. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”

Clara says " Att-ract-ive"

Miss Reynolds " Clara, that's great! well done!"

Barry "Dan-ger-ous"

Again Miss Reynolds ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nsfw Whats the difference between hitler and Jake Paul

At least people will remember hitler

Why did Paul McCartney quit the Beatles?

He drank RedBull.

What would Sir Paul McCartney sing to an octopus?

I wanna hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

What do both Paul Walker and Vin Diesel have in common?

Both of their last big hits were trees

Paul was 6 feet tall, Bob was 5 feet tall, John was 5'5.

John was the mean one.

What’s the difference between Wolverine and Paul Bunyan?

One’s a Hugh Jackman, the other is a huge ax man.

“To be is to do”—Socrates. “To do is to be”—Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Do be do be do”—Frank Sinatra.

Why is Pope John Paul II a good boxer

He can take body shots really well.

Did you hear about Paul Walker on the radio?

And the dashboard and pretty much the rest of the interior

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between Logan Paul and Hitler

People will still be talking about Hitler in 50 years.

If Paul Walker was alive right now, I bet he would be

Frantically scratching at the inside of his coffin.

Logan Paul...

Certainly started this year off with an absolute hanger of a video!

Banger... I meant banger.

Paul Revere’s Chicken (OC)

Paul Revere has a chicken named Gallo. When the American Revolution was well underway, he spent several nights training the chicken secretly in his barn. When he finally felt Gallo was ready, he brought it with him to the Sons of Liberty. At first, they laughed.

“Well, now, laugh if you want,...

Paul Simon and Julio knew where it's at..

"..Goodbye to Rosie, the Queen of Corona".

Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen died today

Unfortunately ctrl-alt-delete will not bring him back to life.


RIP Paul Allen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul Simon, Art Garfunkel and Peter Fonda are hanging out towards the end of the Swinging Sixties...

*Easy Rider* has just come out, Simon and Garfunkel are about to release *Bridge Over Troubled Water*, and the three men are the epitome of counter-culture cool. They're all pretty stoned, and Paul Simon turns to Peter Fonda, and says, "Hey, Peter, you wanna see something really groovy?"

Pete...

What does the E in Logan Paul stand for?

Empathy

What did the aluminium say to Paul Simon?

You can call me Al

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul wanted to marry Sophia.

Alas, Sophia preferred men six feet in height, and poor Paul was 9'. (Sophia had weird affinities for six-footers, don't ask me why.) He came to know from his magical friend John that there was a parrot in the middle of the forest who can make a person one foot shorter by saying "no".
Paul encoun...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a big fan of the Beatles, in particular Paul McCartney.

I made an account on the official Beatles website and made my profile picture an album of Paul McCartney throughout the years. However an admin told me I was going to be banned, I asked why and was shown the list of rules and the first was "Users are not allowed multipaul accounts."

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princ...

Pope John Paul II...

...was on a tour of the United States some years ago. During a stop in Atlanta, an admirer presented him with a beautiful handmade ring. But somehow, in the hectic confusion of the tour, the ring was misplaced.

"Don't worry, Your Holiness," said the pope's aide. "I'm sure it will turn up b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The tale of Paul and Old Joe

There once was a man named Paul who, after some trouble with the law, found himself homeless behind a fast food joint just outside of Wichita, Kansas. He stayed there for a few days, drinking from the bathroom sinks and eating scraps from the trash, when an old rancher named Joe found him and took p...

Do you guys remember Paul the Octopus?

The one who predicted Spain winning the World Cup some years ago?

Well, a friend of mine told me that if you get hit in the face with the ink of an octopus from there, you can see your future self and predict the future.

I called him out on it at first, but curiosity got the best of me...

Racecar backwards is still racecar.

But racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.

NSFL People should go easy on Logan Paul

After all, he wasn't the only one there taking a *selfie*

Selling Paul Walker's keyboard on ebay ( $100 )

Disclaimer: it's missing a key ( previous owner lost CTRL ).

Jean-Paul Sartre goes into a coffee shop

He says to the waitress “May I get a coffee with no cream?” The waitress says “ I’m sorry, Mr. Sartre, we’re all out of cream. Would you like one with no milk?”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this guy, let's call him Paul Yankee.

So Paul Yankee had been dating this girl Wendy Norris for a few years, so he finally proposed and she said yes.

Fast forward to the wedding and they are the happiest people to ever exist. Mr Paul Yankee and Mrs Wendy Yankee decided to go to Jamaica for their honeymoon. As a surprise for his ...

The KSI and Logan Paul fight

title

What do Logan Paul and the kid from The Sixth Sense have in common?

Their careers ended after seeing dead people.

Bill Gates is having a conversation with Paul Allen.

Bill: "How come Bing failed?"

Paul: "Well, let me Goo..."

Bill: "Never mind."

What do the Apostle Paul, Bon Jovi and Manfred Mann's Earth Band all have in common?

They were all "blinded by the light"

How does Paul Ryan expect to sell books

without a Spine?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paul Bernardo and a woman go into a forest....

The woman says:Paul I’m scared


Paul:you’re scared? I’ve to walk out of this fuckin place alone

Paul: I got these really nice hearing aids. It was an amazing deal!

Bill: Oh yeah? What kind is it?

Paul: It is half past 9.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.