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Jonathan Jokes

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Jonathan died in a violent car crash and his body was horribly mangled

Because of this, the police were having a hard time confirming his identity. So they brought in Jonathan's two best friends friends, Cletus and Buba to help identify Jonathan.

They bring Cletus into the mortuary to view the body, Cletus carefully studies it and says "Well it could be Jona...

Did you see the news about Jonathan Ross, dressing up in a blue uniform and trying to provide antenatal care?

They say he’s having a midwife crisis.

Jonathan Joestar asks Zeppeli for 1 thing

Zeppeli asks "What would that be?"

Jonathan:...a Hamon Cheese sandwich.

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What did Jonathan Ross say after filming his first porno?

That's a WAP.

What is Jonathan joestars favorite sandwich?

Hamon whole wheat.

I asked my niece

if she had learned her colours yet. I pointed out something and asked what colour it was.

Each time she answered correctly.

Then, while heading for the door, she said, “Uncle Jonathan, I think you should try figuring out some of this stuff for yourself!”

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A man came to the doctor

Doctor: Name?



Man: Jonathan



Doctor: Sex?



Man: Yes all the time



Doctor: No, I mean male or female?



Man: Yes, male, female, sometimes a sheep or a pig



Doctor: Oh dear



Man: oh no, dears run fast

What did Jonathan Ross say after breaking in to a large kitchen to steal some utensils?

It was worth the whisk

Think Positive for 2018. Jonathan Ross was out walking when he was knocked to the ground by a giant dog which stood over him barking. He thought..

..it's good to have a woof over your head.

In the year 1897 a young man named Jonathan Quimby set out for adventure from the frontier city of Seattle. He'd risked his entire life savings to make the trek to the Yukon to prospect.

He started his journey full of excitement and hope. he'd purchased his nearly 2,000lbs of gear and supplies and two fine stock horses to help him carry it.

The voyage to Skagway was difficult. The seas were rough and Jonathan spent many hours at the rail, emptying his stomach into the frigid,...

(Translated from polish) During a math class, teacher was asking first graders how many watermelons could they lift if one of them weighted about 3kg

Teacher: How many watermelons could you lift Sarah?

-I can lift one watermelon in my hands.

Teacher: Very good. What about you Tom?

-I could lift two watermelons! First one in my left hand and second one in my right hand.

Teacher: Great! And you Jonathan?

-I could ...

Happy anniversary to the love of my life..

and her husband Jonathan.

Scientists have found the gene for shyness.

They would have found it years ago, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. - Jonathan Katz

When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head ofhuman resources.

Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. Itread, "Jonathan Peters worked for our compan...

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Detective Shakespeare and his new partner Jameson are on a case...

the Murder of a young man named Jonathan, Detective Shakespeare arrives first and asks the neighbors and the witnesses, he writes the name of 10 people as suspects, after further investigations, he narrows the number of suspects down to 2 young men, Maximilianus and Tobias, then Jameson, who oversle...

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Blueberry Hill

So this is a joke I heard as a kid really too young to even get it. Sorry if it's a repost, I don't read anything but what comes up in my feed.

A teacher is taking roll in an old rural schoolhouse and realizes several of the students are missing. She isn't too worried as the rural nature of t...

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