Archangel Michael has just created a duck-goose with giant teeth and wants to show his magnificent creation to God.

He comes to God's presence and says: "look what beauty I made, I'm just not sure where to put it"
God thinks for a moment and says: "how about you put it in Australia with all the other nonsense you've created."

Archangel Starbase, Status Report

Archangel Starbase is operational.

Courier/cargo wing, Gabriel Bay, operating at 90% of capacity.

Medical/Search & Rescue wing, Raphael Bay, ready at three minutes’ notice 24/7.

Military wing, Michael Bay, keeps exploding.

God has a meeting with the board of Archangels. He turns to Archangel Joe.

G : "So where are you at with the punishment list for the 2020s??"

J : "All done"

G : "What?"

J : "Yeah, all the punishments for 2020 have been passed"

G : *facepalms* "That was supposed to be for the whole decade not one year you idiot."

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

Pope Francis dies and goes to Heaven

An Archangel awaits him. The Archangel asks who he is:



The Pope: "I am the Pope."



Archangel: "Who? THere's no such name in my book."



The Pope: "I'm the representative of GOd on Earth."



Archangel: "Does God have a representative? He didn't t...

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

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God Creating Spiders

God: Let it be, that from here onwards spiders shall have eight legs.

Archangel Gabriel: As you command, lord.

God: Also they shall have eight eyes instead of the normal two.

Archangel Gabriel: That seems slightly excessive doesn’t it? But as you wish lord.

God: And gi...

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The 10 Commandments

So an Archangel comes from heaven to give humanity these nifty new commandments from God.

First he goes to the French and says:

"I have new Commandments from God, would you like to hear them?"

"Ah, oui? What do zey say?"

"For example: Thou shalt not commit adultery"
...

God wants to take a vacation

But he has no idea where to go. His archangel, Michael, is helping him decide.

"How about Pluto?" He asks

"Nah, it's too cold there."

"Well, what about Saturn?"

"Nah, not a fan of the rings."

"Well then how about Earth?"

"Are you kidding me? I vacationed the...

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3 guys stand in front of the heaven gateway waiting to enter

Archangel Gabriel greeds them but tell them that because of new rules only the ones with a worthy death story may enter.

First guy in line: "Well.. I came home early from work and found my wife naked and exhausted in bed. I realized her deed and in fury I started looking for her lover and soo...

God is creating the world

The Archangel Michael flies up to him just as god is creating a piece of land. "So what are you going to call this place, sir?" asks Michael. "I am going to call it Israel. I'll make it the most beautiful land in the world, an oasis in the desert, with rich land, beautiful women and magnificent beac...

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