I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he didn't write anything on the left side of the picture though.

He said, "Alright, I'll write all right."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Matthew Lillard's shaggy get scared every time he brushed his teeth?

Because every time he looked in the mirror he saw a ghost face!

Did you hear that Matthew McConaughey lost his left hand in a motorcycle accident?

Now he's allright, allright, allright.

What’s Racist Matthew McConaughey’s catchphrase?

all white all white all white...

What did Matthew McConaughey say when he was asked to publish a book

"I'll write, I'll write, I'll write..."

Matthew Broderick has just announced a sequel to one of his biggest films!

He'll play Iron Man's nephew who skips school to go on a wacky adventure in Chicago with his friends!

Its called "Ferrous Bueller's Day Off".

George Clooney Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a new film.

George Clooney says he’s gonna direct Leonardo DiCaprio says he’s gonna be the producer and Matthew McConaughey says I’ll write I’ll writte I’ll write

Matthew McConaughey walks into a bakery...

Matthew: "Can I get three loaves of bread please?"

Baker: "What type do you want sir?"

Matthew: "All rye, all rye, all rye."

What’s the difference between Matthew McConaughey and a nascar driver?

While nascar drivers take all lefts... McConaughey takes alrights alrights alrights

Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Matthew McConaughey have decided to make a movie together!

Ben Affleck says: "I'll produce it!"

Matt Damon says: "I'll direct it!"

Matthew McConaughey says: "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

What did Matthew McConaughey have for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in China?

All rice, all rice, all rice.

Matthew McConaughey says he saw a ghost.

It was all white, all white, all white.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

My wife told me this one...

Leonardo DiCaprio, George Clooney and Matthew McConaughey are sitting around discussing a movie they want to make.

DiCaprio says “I’ll be the lead actor”

Clooney says “I guess I’ll be the director then”

McConaughey says “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write”

My wife told me to stop with my bad Matthew McConaughey impressions. So I told her.

OK, OK, OK.

Why can't Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln make left turns.

Because it just goes Alright, Alright, Alright.

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

Matthew McConaughey does not like to take left turns...

He’s all right, all right, all right.

With Matthew McConaughey Rumored as Two Face, How Will They Show His Burns?

I hope it's all right, all right, all right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Concerned about the rising drug problems on Earth

Jesus decides to send some of his disciples back to Earth to obtain some drugs so that they would better understand how to help mankind.

After 3 days they begin to return.

There is a soft knock on the side door at Jesus' pad. "Open up, man, it's Matthew."
The door opens just a cra...

Best Salesman of the year

At a sales conference, one of the awards went to Matthew for best salesman. He’d sold a record quantity of mouthwash. After he’d been presented with his award, he was asked for the secret of his success.

“Oh it’s simple really,” said Matthew. “I set up a mobile stall during rush-hour and give...

What’s Matthew McConaughey’s political affiliation?

He’s alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

I just heard Matthew McConaughey is teaching a class at the University of Texas this fall. His lucky students are excited because he's promised to reveal all the secrets of how he made it big in the movies. Which sounds awesome, but...

I hear the class is *just* "Alright, alright, alright."

A guy in a wheelchair once applied for Stars in their Eyes with his nephew and they both successfully got on the show...

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai...

What do you call a racist Matthew McConaughey impersonator?

"Alt right alt right alt right"

Some priests told their victims it was okay to touch them because it said so in the bible.

That is, according to John,10, Luke, 8, and Matthew, 12.

Did you hear about the time Matthew McConaughey drove backwards on a NASCAR track?

All right, all right, all right

What was Matthew McConaughey's least favourite part of Interstellar?

When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.

Did you hear that Matthew McConaughey took his Lincoln to the dealership after it couldn’t make left turns?

It could only go all right, all right, all right!

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child

It’s not true. I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally!

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.





What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

[OC] What's Matthew Mcconaughey's favourite Pokemon?

_Rhydon rhydon rydon_

Taped 4 pictures of Matthew Broderick to each of my rims.

Now I have Ferris Wheels.

Turns out Matthew McCoughnehey is a racist...

... I guess we should've known he was part of the alt-right alt-right alt-right.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold my new Lincoln continental to Matthew Mcconaughy and he brought it back an hour later.....

He was pissed that the car couldn’t turn left, it just goes all right, all right, all right.

I recently came down with Matthew Mcconaughey's disease

Don't worry, I'm alright alright alright now.

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

Matthew McConaughey, what kind of meat do you want off the turkey?

All white, all white, all white!

Did you hear about the klan meeting Matthew Mcconaughey attended?

It was all white, all white, all white!

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?

A right a right a right

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...?

Failure to Lunch?

Matthew McConaughey set to guest edit Breibart news next week

Alt-Right Alt-Right Alt-Right

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

What do North Korea and Matthew McConaughey have in common?

Failure to Launch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Matthew McConaughey's grandfather was recently found to be a Nazi sympathizer

The biggest clue was whenever he gave interviews, he'd keep saying "Altright Altright Altright".

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

Trump is like Hurricane Matthew

The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.

In light of hurricane Matthew

A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again "God will s...

Jesus meets the disciples at the table...

...and he sees a massive spread of Chinese takeaway dishes laid out in front of them.

"Where did all this food come from?" Jesus asks.

Matthew replies "This was ordered by Judas, apparently he came into a load of money recently."

I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey...

She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay.

Matthew McConaughey for president 2016:

Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!

Your mother is so massive...

Your mother is so massive that Matthew McConaughey went to visit her and lost 23 years.

Matthew 11, Luke 9 and John 12...

...are just three of the boys Father O'Reilly has to stay at least 50 yards from.

How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There are Dave Matthews fans?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just heard about the new sex tape with Paul McCartney's daughter and Matthew McConaughey...

It's called Interstellar McCartney.

A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in

Waiter: “Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?”

Jesus: “Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.”

Waiter: “How did you... oh right, you’re Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?”

Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant”

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

Father Patrick had one weakness as a priest

He *hated* the English. His favorite fire and brimstone line was "...and you'd go to Hell with the English!" He had been admonished by his Bishop more than once about this.

Well, the Bishop was visiting for Holy Week when Father Patrick again assigned the English to the nether regions, and he...

A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.

He picks it up,

“Matthew, are you driving home from work?”

“Yes! At least I'm trying!”

“Well be careful out there. There’s some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.”

“Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"

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