Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Matthew McConaughey have decided to make a movie together!

Ben Affleck says: "I'll produce it!"

Matt Damon says: "I'll direct it!"

Matthew McConaughey says: "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write!"

Why doesn’t Matthew Mcconaughey’s car go left?

Because it only goes alright, alright, alright.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father Matthews?

You ever wake up with a raging boner between your legs and then realized it wasn't yours?

My wife told me to stop with my bad Matthew McConaughey impressions. So I told her.

OK, OK, OK.

Why can't Matthew McConaughey's Lincoln make left turns.

Because it just goes Alright, Alright, Alright.

Matthew McConaughey says he saw a ghost.

It was all white, all white, all white.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Matthew McConaughey and Andre 3000 released an album together.

The reviews were
AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright AlrightAlrightAlright
AlrightAlrightAlright

Matthew McConaughey is the opposite of NASCAR

NASCAR is all left's and McConaughey is all right, all right, all right.

With Matthew McConaughey Rumored as Two Face, How Will They Show His Burns?

I hope it's all right, all right, all right

Matthew McConaughey does not like to take left turns...

He’s all right, all right, all right.

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

Matthew McConaughey’s first initiative as owner of Austin Football Club will be to cut the Left Backs and Left Wingers. Their going to be “alright alright alright”

Got banned from r/soccer for this, they take their no jokes rule seriously. I’d been sitting on it other than that for a while.

What do you call a racist Matthew McConaughey impersonator?

"Alt right alt right alt right"

What’s Matthew McConaughey’s political affiliation?

He’s alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Did you hear about the time Matthew McConaughey drove backwards on a NASCAR track?

All right, all right, all right

What kind of grass does matthew mcconaughey have in his yard?

“All rye, all rye, all rye”

Did you hear that Matthew McConaughey took his Lincoln to the dealership after it couldn’t make left turns?

It could only go all right, all right, all right!

The DOJ Recently Awarded a $500k Grant to "Hookers for Jesus" (OC)

As Jesus stated during The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:16, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good twerks and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

What was Matthew McConaughey's least favourite part of Interstellar?

When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.





What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

[OC] What's Matthew Mcconaughey's favourite Pokemon?

_Rhydon rhydon rydon_

Taped 4 pictures of Matthew Broderick to each of my rims.

Now I have Ferris Wheels.

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

Turns out Matthew McCoughnehey is a racist...

... I guess we should've known he was part of the alt-right alt-right alt-right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In an upcoming film, Matthew McConaughey is going to play a Neo-Nazi

He’s gonna be alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

I recently came down with Matthew Mcconaughey's disease

Don't worry, I'm alright alright alright now.

[OC I think] Sure, Matthew McConaughey jokes are pretty predictable...

But they're all right, alright? Alright.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, ...

Matthew McConaughey, what kind of meat do you want off the turkey?

All white, all white, all white!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold my new Lincoln continental to Matthew Mcconaughy and he brought it back an hour later.....

He was pissed that the car couldn’t turn left, it just goes all right, all right, all right.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

What did Matthew McConaughey say when his friends asked him if he wanted to go on a rollercoaster?

"I'll ride, I'll ride, I'll ride"

Your mother is so massive...

Your mother is so massive that Matthew McConaughey went to visit her and lost 23 years.

A waiter is working and sees Jesus come in

Waiter: “Hello sir, welcome to our restaurant! What can I get for you?”

Jesus: “Hello Matthew. Today I would like a steak please.”

Waiter: “How did you... oh right, you’re Jesus! Duh. Anyways, how would you like that?”

Jesus: “Well done, good and faithful servant”

What does Matthew McConaughey eat when trying to bulk up?

All rice, all rice, all rice

Matthew McConaughey set to guest edit Breibart news next week

Alt-Right Alt-Right Alt-Right

What do you call Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc during a recession?

Friends with Benefits.

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?

A right a right a right

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner?

Failure to lunch.

Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...?

Failure to Lunch?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Matthew McConaughey's grandfather was recently found to be a Nazi sympathizer

The biggest clue was whenever he gave interviews, he'd keep saying "Altright Altright Altright".

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

Trump is like Hurricane Matthew

The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.

In light of hurricane Matthew

A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again "God will s...

I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey...

She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay.

My wife always accuses me of having a favorite child.

It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There are Dave Matthews fans?

Have you tried out the new celebrity voice feature for Google Maps?

I chose Matthew McConaughey, but now I can't turn left...

Father Patrick had one weakness as a priest

He *hated* the English. His favorite fire and brimstone line was "...and you'd go to Hell with the English!" He had been admonished by his Bishop more than once about this.

Well, the Bishop was visiting for Holy Week when Father Patrick again assigned the English to the nether regions, and he...

A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.

He picks it up,

“Matthew, are you driving home from work?”

“Yes! At least I'm trying!”

“Well be careful out there. There’s some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.”

“Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Narcotic Jesus

Jesus is sitting down one day and is visioning the high rate of drug consumption on earth in later years. He thought it was a bit hypocritical of him to condemn them without first trying them himself, so he sent his apostles out to find what drugs they could.



The secret operation is e...

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather...

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

The blob.

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. 

"What is that?" asked the teacher. "The flea," answered the artist. 

"What flea...

A Roman Catholic priest, a Southern Baptist minister, and a Rabbi were all at a bar...

They were all arguing over who could convert the most followers to his respective religion.

A rather drunk man at the bar yells, "Anyone can convert a person! It takes real skill to convert a bear!"

The three religious mean agree, and set out to prove who could most effectively convert...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Letter home from summer camp

Dear Mum & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened...

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

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