George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio, and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie.

George Clooney said, "I'll direct."

Dicaprio said "Ok, I'll produce"

And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, i'll write, I'll write."

Matthew McConaghey’s Car can’t make left turns...

It only goes, Alright, alright, alright.

What does your appendix, Republicans, and the slow lane have in common with Matthew McConaughey?

All right, all right, all right.

​

​

​

[OC] What's Matthew Mcconaughey's favourite Pokemon?

_Rhydon rhydon rydon_

What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house?

All white, all white, all white.

What was Matthew McConaughey's least favourite part of Interstellar?

When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.

I met Matthew McConaughey and asked him to sign a photo for me. I told him to make sure he doesn't write anything in the left side of the picture though.

He said "Alright, I'll write all right."

What is Matthew McConaughey’s least favorite sport?

NASCAR. It’s just all lefts, all lefts, all lefts

Taped 4 pictures of Matthew Broderick to each of my rims.

Now I have Ferris Wheels.

What did Matthew McConaughey say to me when he found out I made a joke that didn't make the front page?

"It'd be a lot cooler if you did."

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

My wife accuses me of favoritism over my children, which is not true.

I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In an upcoming film, Matthew McConaughey is going to play a Neo-Nazi

He’s gonna be alt-right, alt-right, alt-right.

Matthew McConaughey just bought NASCAR

And he's making racers drive the opposite direction. Now instead of making left turns, they're going all right, all right, all right

Turns out Matthew McCoughnehey is a racist...

... I guess we should've known he was part of the alt-right alt-right alt-right.

What did Matthew McConaughey say when his friends asked him if he wanted to go on a rollercoaster?

"I'll ride, I'll ride, I'll ride"

I recently came down with Matthew Mcconaughey's disease

Don't worry, I'm alright alright alright now.

What does Matthew McConaughey eat when trying to bulk up?

All rice, all rice, all rice

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I sold my new Lincoln continental to Matthew Mcconaughy and he brought it back an hour later.....

He was pissed that the car couldn’t turn left, it just goes all right, all right, all right.

What would Matthew McConaughey say if he were a judge entering a court room?

All rise, all rise, all rise.

Why does Matthew McConaughey only watch NASCAR in a mirror?

So the turns are all right all right all right.

Matthew McConaughey set to guest edit Breibart news next week

Alt-Right Alt-Right Alt-Right

What is matthew mcconaughey favorite bread?

All rye all rye

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How did Matthew McConaughey jerk off after he broke his left hand?

All right, all right, all right.

What do you call Jennifer Aniston, Matthew Perry and Matt LeBlanc during a recession?

Friends with Benefits.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner?

Failure to lunch.

Matthew McConaughey walks into a Trump rally

"Alt Right, Alt Right, Alt Right."

Why are people so worried about Hurricane Matthew's wind speeds?

I thought CAT4 was capped at 16Mbps.

Who does Matthew McConaughey say is the most dangerous group in America?

Alt-right, alt-right, alt-right

I heard Anheuser Busch is sending 9 truckloads of canned water to the areas affected by Hurricane Matthew.

Who knew there was such a demand for Bud Light after a disaster?

What do North Korea and Matthew McConaughey have in common?

Failure to Launch

Has anyone here seen the Matthew McConaughey movie where he keeps getting grouchy in the early evenings and no one can figure out why...?

Failure to Lunch?

What does Matthew McConaughey think about an all white, Republican Government?

Altright, altright, altright

Trump is like Hurricane Matthew

The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.

In light of hurricane Matthew

A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again "God will s...

How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's house?

A right a right a right

Matthew McConaughey for president 2016:

Make America Alright Alright Alright Again!

How many Dave Matthews fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There are Dave Matthews fans?

Christian Drugs

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did.

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciple...

What do celebrity horses eat?

Matthew McConaughay

A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.

He picks it up,

“Matthew, are you driving home from work?”

“Yes! At least I'm trying!”

“Well be careful out there. There’s some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.”

“Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"

I asked my wife if she wanted to watch a movie with Matthew McConaughey...

She said it's not a Matthew McKindaDay.

Father Patrick had one weakness as a priest

He *hated* the English. His favorite fire and brimstone line was "...and you'd go to Hell with the English!" He had been admonished by his Bishop more than once about this.

Well, the Bishop was visiting for Holy Week when Father Patrick again assigned the English to the nether regions, and he...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Narcotic Jesus

Jesus is sitting down one day and is visioning the high rate of drug consumption on earth in later years. He thought it was a bit hypocritical of him to condemn them without first trying them himself, so he sent his apostles out to find what drugs they could.

​

The secret op...

[Long] Tom arrives home to find his notoriously perverted roommate Matt holding a packet of ice to his cheek.

Curious Tom pulls Matts hand away to find that the right side of his face is completely red and swollen.


"Goodness, what happened this time?" He asks.


"I met a hot girl at the bar with a perfect pair of 34 Es. She caught me sneaking a peak a few times." Matt replied.

...

My whole family bonded over math. Calculus was our religion. Except my grandfather...

...he was against integration.

Credit: Matthew Broussard

The blob.

A child in class, when asked to draw a picture of the Holy Family, produced a picture in which Mary and the baby sat on a recognisably donkeyish steed, led by Joseph. on the ground nearby lay a black blob. 

"What is that?" asked the teacher. "The flea," answered the artist. 

"What flea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Letter home from summer camp

Dear Mum & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened...

A Roman Catholic priest, a Southern Baptist minister, and a Rabbi were all at a bar...

They were all arguing over who could convert the most followers to his respective religion.

A rather drunk man at the bar yells, "Anyone can convert a person! It takes real skill to convert a bear!"

The three religious mean agree, and set out to prove who could most effectively convert...

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

2016 Election

Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] There's two fellas way out in the woods in Virginia...

The name of one is Cecil. It's not important what the other one's name is.

They're bored, just trying to kill time while they whittle.

The more talkative fella, he says to Cecil, "Have you ever heard of the game 20 questions?" And Cecil says, "Nope."

"Well, the way you play i...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the Bible Is that true? Where can it be found?

Yes. Matthew 14:92: "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt "

Jesus called a meeting of the disciples in Heaven...

...When they all arrive he mentions that there is a massive drug problem on Earth and they need to find a way to rid the world of it. He suggests that they all go down to Earth, all over, and bring back samples of different drugs so they can examine them and figure out the best way to rid the world...

chapter 7 verse 7

GUYs i saw a catholic sister last
night and decided
to
give her a lift in my car. As the car
was
moving, then i placed my hand on
the
sister's laps pretending i was
looking for
the gear lever.
The sister cast a glance at me and
said;
Mtcheew
"matthew
chapter...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click herefor more information.