Ron Jeremy isn't fat...

He's big-boned.

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So Jeremy Corbyn went to see the Queen.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the Queen. "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient organisation? Are there any tips you can give me?"

"Well." Said the Queen. "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Jeremy Corbyn then asked. "But how do I know if the peo...

Jeremy Clarkson's 3 rules of car repair:

1. Always use the right tool for the job.

2. The right tool is always a hammer.

3. Every tool can be used as a hammer.

Jeremy the baker had a lot of robberies in the past ten years

But this one takes the cake

A milkshake was thrown at Jeremy Corbyn today

It's lactose versus intolerance

Two childhood friends, Thomas and Jeremy, won the first division lottery.

A week after having won millions of dollars, Thomas asked "Hey Jeremy, what do we do about the begging letters now we're millionaires?"

"Ah, we keep sending them out and seeing who responds."

Why Did Jeremy Corbyn smile when Theresa May offered to resign?

He thought he was getting rid of something overdue-ish.

What do you call 90 year old named Jeremy that's scored 3 goals?

Jerry Hat-Trick

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Jeremy Kyle

After the tragic suicide of a Jeremy Kyle participant, Ofcom said it is looking into other TV shows that may lead to suicide. Sky has said it will no longer be showing Manchester United games

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The owner of a sex shop, hires a new clerk.

After the owner taught him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand.

'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks.

'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.'

So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving you...

Little Johnny (Long)

A teacher asked her class how many of them were Jeremy Corbyn fans.
Not really knowing what a Jeremy Corbyn fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands . . . except for Little Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different . . aga...

Only a bad chef blames his tools, Jeremy..

Yeah, but trying to fillet a fish with a spoon just doesn't quite cut it.

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Two drunk girls stop to pee in a cemetery

Two drunk girls stopped to pee in a cemetery after a long night out drinking and partying.

The first girl squats down by the car and starts to pee. She then realizes she doesn't have anything to wipe with, so she takes her panties off and wipes herself, and throws them away.

The secon...

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."

"Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

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TIL Ron Jeremy is a porn star

I always thought he was just an actor but as soon as he came on the screen it was clear

Two whales sitting in a bar

One says to the other "oooooooaaaaauuuuyyaaaooooouuuiaaaaaoooeeeee"
The other replies "you're drunk Jeremy"

Jeremy Kyle Headline : Did my parents try to drown me as a baby

No! You might not be used to it but it's called a bath

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10 Identical Fruits

One day Daniel, Jeremy, and Lake are walking down the street and a van pulls up. Five guys hop out and kidnap the trio. Then after being drugged they wake up in a forest. One of the guys who was in the van speaks in a heavy Russian accent and tells the boys to go out into the forest and come back wi...

Jeremy Clarkson has been suspended. He must have done something that even the BBC find inexcusable

So that rules out child abuse then....

What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number?

Nought two sixty.

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

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Have you heard the one about Ron Jeremy's penis?

It's a real knee slapper.

Jeremy Clarkson is like Marmite

Disgusting

A grandpa and his 10 year old grandson are at a restaurant...

While they are eating, a baby screams across the restaurant.
The grandpa says "Was that you?"

The 10 year old looked very mad while the grandpa laughed
The next day, the two are watching a world war II movie

During the movie a soldier screams
The boy says "Was that you?...

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb.

One Jeremy! One! We've changed our entire lives, took on lower paying jobs. Spent years and time on therapy and pills and connections so you can have a normal life. So change the damn lightbulb Jeremey. CHANGE THE DAMN LIGHTBULB...

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Once in fifth grade this kid called me a homo.

I thought it meant homeless, I was so confused and I said: β€œJeremy you’ve been to my house!”

Mom's birthday gifts

3 guys, who were brothers, were all discussing what gifts they were getting for their elderly mother for her birthday.

The first brother, named Michael, said, "I bought mom her very own Lexus and chauffeur. She was always complaining about not being able to drive well."

Jeremy, the se...

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With all these workplace sexual assault cases it makes me wonder.

How has Ron Jeremy gotten away with it all these years?

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Yesterday my GF seemed very nervous about giving me head...

..and instead was wildly smacking and hitting my thighs and lower stomach.
She seemed to be beating around the bush.

People always say I should be lucky to be able to live off workers comp, but it cost me an arm and a leg!

I was out of town for a couple weeks and I decided letting m...

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general knowledge quiz

Teacher: "Good morning children, each Thursday we're going to have a general knowledge quiz.

The pupil who gets the answer right can have Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."

Wee Jock (a typical Scottish wag) thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ...

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My friend called me feeling really guilty,

He said "I feel really horrible, I had a dream last night that I cheated on my wife with a porn star and we had really nasty dirty sex." "Wow," I said, "Who was the porn star?" he looked at the floor and said "Ron Jeremy."

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