UPJOKE
ratherkindathissameitexamplewellasthatmuchonefactmeansisparticular

Kind Of Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's a mathematician's favourite kind of boob?

Quantitties

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of sex does a priest have?

Nun

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Chrysler
upvote downvote report

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)
upvote downvote report

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.
upvote downvote report

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.
upvote downvote report

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.
upvote downvote report

What’s the worst kind of cheese?

Click here for answer: >!Ou!<cheese
upvote downvote report

what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Courtesy of my 6-year old.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What’s up?"

Wife: "According t...

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na
upvote downvote report

What kind of candy do you offer a woman with a foot fetish?

Mentos
upvote downvote report

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A swallow
upvote downvote report

What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper?

A FIZZICIAN.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the rudest kind of elf?

A go fuck yours-elf

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist!


...


I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.
upvote downvote report

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...
upvote downvote report

If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be?

A Non-Prophet organization.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes.

But they are a solid number two.

It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers

Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?
upvote downvote report

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of porn do roosters watch?

Hen-tai

What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?

A subwoofer
upvote downvote report

What kind of monkey only stands 7 inches tall?

Macaque.
upvote downvote report

Name a vegetable that's kind of cool.

Radish
upvote downvote report

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Click to find out what kind of motherfucker you are

•
•
You a curious motherfucker.

What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.
upvote downvote report

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!
upvote downvote report

What kind of music do balloons really hate?

*POP* music
upvote downvote report

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans
upvote downvote report

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow
upvote downvote report

What kind of berries are these?

\- What kind of berries are these?

\- These are red Currants

\- Then Why are they yellow?

\- Because they are green



Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke.

So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So fo...
upvote downvote report

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...
upvote downvote report

What's a stoners favorite kind of coffee?

Iced Mocha Latte
upvote downvote report

What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they're under a buck.
upvote downvote report

What do you call this kind of jokes? (That ends with "What? What?")

Her: My lips are dry.
Him: Doesn't it hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of poops do Stick Bugs make?

Dowel Movements.

(an original from my 10 year old)

What kind of condoms do frogs use?

Ribbed.
upvote downvote report

I was offered a good hot time today by a hot 21 year old redhead In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I said no as I have high moral standards and very strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.
upvote downvote report

What kind of car does a famous sushi chef drive?

>!A rolls rice.!<
upvote downvote report

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

They're two things I'll never see coming.


(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)
upvote downvote report

What kind of soup does a vampire make?

Nosferastew.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

My Girlfriend said last night, "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!".

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
upvote downvote report

What kind of grades did Tommy Wiseau get in school?

Oh, high marks
upvote downvote report

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a hippies favorite kind of sex?

Aural

What kind of shoes do Ninjas wear?

Sneakers.
upvote downvote report

I’m not really a one night stand kind of guy

I’ve actually got two of them by my bed.






(This is one from a list of stand-up jokes I’ve been writing)
upvote downvote report

What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear?

Oakley Dokelys
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

What kind of tree fits in your hands

A palm tree
upvote downvote report

what kind of fish works in a hospital?

A sturgeon
upvote downvote report

What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday?

Nun.
upvote downvote report

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?

That's a Moray.
upvote downvote report

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean

Heavy rock
upvote downvote report

What kind of vehicle does a pirate drive?

An Arrrggghhh ... V.
upvote downvote report

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!
upvote downvote report

What kind of coffee do they serve in a cat café?

affoGato
upvote downvote report

What kind of maracas do skeletons play?

The death rattle.
upvote downvote report

What's an abductor's favorite kind of shoe?

Unmarked, white Vans
upvote downvote report

What is a pervert’s favorite kind of stationery?

A Barely Legal Pad
upvote downvote report

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite kind of pasta?

Pen-nay (penne)
upvote downvote report

What kind of doctor was Dr. Huxtable on the Cosby Show?

Anesthesiologist
upvote downvote report

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Reali-tea.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of women are computer programmers attracted to?

BASIC bitches, obviously..

What kind of paper likes listening to music?

Rapping paper
upvote downvote report

not NSFW: Watson sees Sherlock Holmes planting a tree and asks him, "What kind of tree are you planting?"

Holmes: "A lemon tree my dear watson"
upvote downvote report

What kind of diet does an overweight astronaut go on?

A low orbit diet
upvote downvote report

What kind of martial arts do monkeys do?

Flungpoo
upvote downvote report

What is Jesus’ favorite kind of exercise?

Crossfit
upvote downvote report

What kind of degree does a shipyard recieve?

A dock-torate
upvote downvote report

What’s a rooster’s favorite kind of anime?

Hentai
upvote downvote report

What kind of ceremony do you have for a catholic stoner who died?

Wake & Bake
upvote downvote report

What kind of shoes does Optimus Prime wear?

Truck Taylors
upvote downvote report

What kind of ice cream do they sell at airports

Plain ice cream
upvote downvote report

Q. What's the best kind of triangle to ask out on a date?

A. Acute Triangle
upvote downvote report

What kind of tree is it?

There are two trees in the forest, a beech and a birch and one day, they notice a small tree has sprouted up in between them. The birch says, "Man, that really looks like a son of a beech!" The beech retorts, "No way! That's gotta be a son of a birch!"
So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son ...
upvote downvote report

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.
upvote downvote report

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.




First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.
upvote downvote report

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie
upvote downvote report

What kind of instrument would a plant play?

A photosynthesizer.
upvote downvote report

What's a dictator's favorite kind of tea?

Cruel tea.



Ba dum tiss.
upvote downvote report

Of all the elements, carbon is kind of a tramp

it dates everything
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what kind of bees make milk?

Boobees

What kind of car did Mr. Miyagi drive?

Focus, Daniel-san
upvote downvote report

kind of ugly



A guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "sheesh, what an ugly kid!"


The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."


The guy, pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"


"I'm his m...
upvote downvote report

What kind of cheese does a cat eat?

Purrmesan
upvote downvote report

What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat?

Kix
upvote downvote report

What is a scarecrow's favorite kind of joke?

A corny one.
upvote downvote report

What is the scariest kind of oil?

A Gargoyle!
upvote downvote report

Asked a guy what kind of music he likes. He told me he's really into "blackgaze"

I should have asked him how it's spelled before I googled it.
upvote downvote report

A different kind of Jewish joke

A man, visibly distracted and upset, walks toward his synagogue and finds the rabbi on the front steps.
"Rabbi, rabbi, it's my son!"
"What is wrong, Joseph, what has happened to your son?"
"Well, rabbi, he just came back from his Birthright trip to Israel, and he tells me that he's now a Ch...
upvote downvote report

What kind of wreaths do fish hang on their doors?

Coral wreaths
upvote downvote report

What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks located in?

A gaited community.
upvote downvote report

Do you know what kind of bra is my favourite kind of bra?

The one on the floor!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's the type of bra that only serves dyslexic people.

My own dyslexic joke!
\#OC
upvote downvote report

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.
upvote downvote report

What kind of phones do squids use?

CephaliPods
upvote downvote report

What kind of investments does a clown make?

Laughing stocks!!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what kind of bee produces milk?

a boobee

what's Homer Simpsons favorite kind of bread?

Sour doh!
upvote downvote report

I'm the kind of guy that knows what every woman really wants

Pockets. Women want fully functional pockets.
upvote downvote report

What kind of beer does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage?

A Rolling Rock!
upvote downvote report

What kind of tea is easiest to make?

A simplici-tea.

What kind of tea is most calming?
A sereni-tea.

And what kind od tea is most bitter?
A reali-tea.
upvote downvote report

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.
upvote downvote report

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a chicken's favorite kind of porn?

Buhgawke

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

reality
upvote downvote report

what kind of pasta does a cow eat?

moodles
upvote downvote report

What kind of animal makes the best shrinks?

Owls. They genuinely give a hoot.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information