Kind Of Jokes - 112 Hilarious Kind Of Jokes

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What's a mathematician's favourite kind of boob?

Quantitties

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!

I’ll see myself out

Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

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What kind of sex does a priest have?

Nun

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Chrysler

What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?

Boo tea.

(Courtesy of my 6 year old)

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

What’s the worst kind of cheese?

Click here for answer: >!Ou!<cheese

what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Courtesy of my 6-year old.

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange.

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kind of strange. So she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."

Husband: "What’s up?"

Wife: "According t...

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na

What kind of candy do you offer a woman with a foot fetish?

Mentos

What kind of bird doesn't get pregnant?

A swallow

What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper?

A FIZZICIAN.

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What's the rudest kind of elf?

A go fuck yours-elf

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist!

...

I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be?

A Non-Prophet organization.

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Poop jokes aren't my favorite kind of jokes.

But they are a solid number two.

It’s kind of silly we’re trying turning plants into burgers

Haven’t cows been doing that for like, forever?

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

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What kind of porn do roosters watch?

Hen-tai

What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?

A subwoofer

What kind of monkey only stands 7 inches tall?

Macaque.

Name a vegetable that's kind of cool.

Radish

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

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Click to find out what kind of motherfucker you are

•
•
You a curious motherfucker.

What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!

What kind of music do balloons really hate?

*POP* music

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

What kind of berries are these?

\- What kind of berries are these?

\- These are red Currants

\- Then Why are they yellow?

\- Because they are green

Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke.

So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So fo...

A kid is playing video games in his room, minding his own business. His mother walks in. "Honey, come meet my new boyfriend!" "I'm kind of busy right now. Can you bring him in here instead?"

A minute or so later, her boyfriend walks in. "Hey, champ! How you doing?"

The kid ignores him.

"Don't like champ, huh? That's fine. How about BlueDragon72?"

The kid turns his head quickly. "I haven't heard that name since I was ten..." He then realized. "It can't be.."

"...

What's a stoners favorite kind of coffee?

Iced Mocha Latte

What is the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?

Deer balls, they're under a buck.

What do you call this kind of jokes? (That ends with "What? What?")

Her: My lips are dry.
Him: Doesn't it hurt when you walk?
Her: What?
Him: What?

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What kind of poops do Stick Bugs make?

Dowel Movements.

(an original from my 10 year old)

What kind of condoms do frogs use?

Ribbed.

I was offered a good hot time today by a hot 21 year old redhead In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course I said no as I have high moral standards and very strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available in scented lemon or vanilla.

What kind of car does a famous sushi chef drive?

>!A rolls rice.!<

My girlfriend is kind of like a ninja attack..

They're two things I'll never see coming.

(I've never been so proud of myself for writing a joke)

What kind of soup does a vampire make?

Nosferastew.

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What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

My Girlfriend said last night, "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!".

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.

What kind of grades did Tommy Wiseau get in school?

Oh, high marks

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels

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What is a hippies favorite kind of sex?

Aural

What kind of shoes do Ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

I’m not really a one night stand kind of guy

I’ve actually got two of them by my bed.

(This is one from a list of stand-up jokes I’ve been writing)

What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear?

Oakley Dokelys

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

What kind of tree fits in your hands

A palm tree

what kind of fish works in a hospital?

A sturgeon

What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday?

Nun.

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?

That's a Moray.

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean

Heavy rock

What kind of vehicle does a pirate drive?

An Arrrggghhh ... V.

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

What kind of coffee do they serve in a cat café?

affoGato

What kind of maracas do skeletons play?

The death rattle.

What's an abductor's favorite kind of shoe?

Unmarked, white Vans

What is a pervert’s favorite kind of stationery?

A Barely Legal Pad

What is Forrest Gump’s favorite kind of pasta?

Pen-nay (penne)

What kind of doctor was Dr. Huxtable on the Cosby Show?

Anesthesiologist

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Reali-tea.

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What kind of women are computer programmers attracted to?

BASIC bitches, obviously..

What kind of paper likes listening to music?

Rapping paper

not NSFW: Watson sees Sherlock Holmes planting a tree and asks him, "What kind of tree are you planting?"

Holmes: "A lemon tree my dear watson"

What kind of diet does an overweight astronaut go on?

A low orbit diet

What kind of martial arts do monkeys do?

Flungpoo

What is Jesus’ favorite kind of exercise?

Crossfit

What kind of degree does a shipyard recieve?

A dock-torate

What’s a rooster’s favorite kind of anime?

Hentai

What kind of ceremony do you have for a catholic stoner who died?

Wake & Bake

What kind of shoes does Optimus Prime wear?

Truck Taylors

What kind of ice cream do they sell at airports

Plain ice cream

Q. What's the best kind of triangle to ask out on a date?

A. Acute Triangle

What kind of tree is it?

There are two trees in the forest, a beech and a birch and one day, they notice a small tree has sprouted up in between them. The birch says, "Man, that really looks like a son of a beech!" The beech retorts, "No way! That's gotta be a son of a birch!"
So, they start arguing back and forth. "Son ...

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.

First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie

What kind of instrument would a plant play?

A photosynthesizer.

What's a dictator's favorite kind of tea?

Cruel tea.

Ba dum tiss.

Of all the elements, carbon is kind of a tramp

it dates everything

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what kind of bees make milk?

Boobees

What kind of car did Mr. Miyagi drive?

Focus, Daniel-san

kind of ugly

A guy picking up his kids at school sees another kid and says loudly "sheesh, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says "he's my son..."

The guy, pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father"

"I'm his m...

What kind of cheese does a cat eat?

Purrmesan

What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat?

Kix

What is a scarecrow's favorite kind of joke?

A corny one.

What is the scariest kind of oil?

A Gargoyle!

Asked a guy what kind of music he likes. He told me he's really into "blackgaze"

I should have asked him how it's spelled before I googled it.

A different kind of Jewish joke

A man, visibly distracted and upset, walks toward his synagogue and finds the rabbi on the front steps.
"Rabbi, rabbi, it's my son!"
"What is wrong, Joseph, what has happened to your son?"
"Well, rabbi, he just came back from his Birthright trip to Israel, and he tells me that he's now a Ch...

What kind of wreaths do fish hang on their doors?

Coral wreaths

What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks located in?

A gaited community.

Do you know what kind of bra is my favourite kind of bra?

The one on the floor!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's the type of bra that only serves dyslexic people.

My own dyslexic joke!
\#OC

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.

What kind of phones do squids use?

CephaliPods

What kind of investments does a clown make?

Laughing stocks!!

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what kind of bee produces milk?

a boobee

what's Homer Simpsons favorite kind of bread?

Sour doh!

I'm the kind of guy that knows what every woman really wants

Pockets. Women want fully functional pockets.

What kind of beer does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage?

A Rolling Rock!

What kind of tea is easiest to make?

A simplici-tea.

What kind of tea is most calming?
A sereni-tea.

And what kind od tea is most bitter?
A reali-tea.

What’s Leonardo DiCaprio’s least favorite kind of wine?

Aged.

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan

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What is a chicken's favorite kind of porn?

Buhgawke

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

reality

what kind of pasta does a cow eat?

moodles

What kind of animal makes the best shrinks?

Owls. They genuinely give a hoot.

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