Kinda Jokes - 100 Hilarious Kinda Jokes

I'm kinda scrawny, so I had to quit my job as a personal trainer

Yeah, I gave 'em my too weak notice

A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

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My grandad told this one to his friend and I kinda overheard it and knew where it should belong

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.
He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into ...

Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with?

Asking for a friend.

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After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leavi...

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A man walks into a bar... (kinda long)

A man walks into a bar and orders his first drink, about 5 minutes later he calls the bartender down.

He tells the bartender "I bet you $200 I can bite my eyeball." The bartender quickly agrees as he sees this as easy money. The man then pops out his glass eye and bites it.

"Damn it ...

I was in my room and saw 10 ants running frantically. I felt bad for them, so I built a house for them. This kinda makes me there landlord and that kinda makes them my

Tenants

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Kinda scared for 2017

Because 2+0+1+7 is 10 - the exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 8 more

Kinda long

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.
I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyway......I had the Vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the b...

I'm kinda new to gardening...

Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.

Well, I'm never doing that again...

I'll just stick to whipped cream.

what kinda bee doesn't fly?

Kobe

Jokes are kinda like planes...

Some of them just don't land

I feel kinda sorry for overweight dominatrixes

....always getting picked last for kickballs

I felt kinda sick at the airport earlier...

It could be a terminal illness.

What’s a Canadians favorite kinda footwear…

Aboot

Sunday was kinda sad

but day before sunday was a sadder-day...

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Sex is kinda like hide n seek

I close my eyes, count to 10 and yell ready or not here I come!

My friends are nice but kinda dumb.

I was just invited to a surprise party for myself.

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Having cats is kinda like being Louis CK ..

.. you always have an audience to masturbate to.

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Relationships are kinda like farts.

If you try to force it it’s probably shit.

What's a kinda cool vegetable?

A RADISH

I once dated a girl with twelve nipples, sounds kinda weird...

Dozen tit?

A teen drama movie is kinda like the jewish flag

It’s nothing without a huge star

Kinda corny but it did actually crack me up...

Q. What do you get if you insert human DNA into a chimpanzee?
A. Banned from the Zoo.

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Best bar joke ever (kinda long)

A man walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a beer while the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grab some olives off the bar and eat them, then he grabs some lemons and eat them. He jumps on the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it whole. The bartender shouts at...

Interview (NSFW...kinda....)

Sitting at a promising job interview panel, the moderator asked, "what is perhaps your greatest weakness?" To which I responded, "some people say that I'm brutally honest." She said, "some may consider that a strength." I say, "WELL I DON"T GIVE A SH\*T WHAT YOU THINK, KAREN!

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A musical joke [kinda NSFW]

A man won a weekend in 5 star hotel with all inclusive package - free food, drinks and presidential apartment.

Wanting to fully enjoy the package, the man visited each night the luxury restaurant and ordered the most expensive dishes and drinks.

At the end of his stay, one of the recep...

After the UN summit, it was really shameful to see so many people basically openly mocking a mentally challenged child.

Though to be fair, Trump kinda had it coming.

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Bad dream. Kinda inappropriate

So after a long weekend of partying on a beach in Florida, these three men all have to book a hotel room. They had to book it last minute and got a hotel room with a single queen size bed. The middle man was a tall blonde male. He slept in the middle of the bed because he was the tallest. So when th...

I found it kinda funny

You wanna know why women and rocks are similar?

The flat ones get skipped.

Kinda dark but still SFW

A woman was walking home with her 3 daughters.
The first one asked here
“Mom why did you chose my name”
and the mom says
“Well, when we were walking home from the hospital a rose petal fell on your head so we named you Rose”
The second daughter then asks.
“What about me?”
The ...

Non alcoholic beer is kinda like eating out your sister

It tastes the same, but it feels wrong

When the reservoir looks kinda holy

god dam

How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

What do you call a wild Russian pig that is just kinda meh?

Boris Godunov

(Also Putin is acceptable answer)

Im kinda proud of this one

I have this great joke about stomach contents?
Actually never mind you wouldn't get it, its an inside joke.

Every "yo momma" joke has been done thousands of times, by thousands of different people.

Kinda like yo momma.

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Why peas and pussy hair are kinda the same?

Because no matter how you try to put them aside, you always end up getting some on your mouth

(Sounds funnier on Spanish)

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Kinda long, but I couldn't get the flair to work.

An explorer gets lost in the Amazon rainforest. While searching for a way out, he stumbles upon a tribe of cannibals. They all want to eat the man, but the chief pities the man. He says to the explorer:

"Look. I know you're lost, so I'm gonna give you a chance to save your life." And with tha...

Reddit is kinda like Instagram, I hate to say

Nobody cares unless you show your cake

My parents are divorced, and my dad took it kinda hard

I once asked him for an xbox, and he handed me a container of my mom's stuff.

What kinda fancy footwear does Mr.Peanut wear?

Cashews

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A homeless man told me this one. (Kinda NSFW)

Why do women have two pairs of lips?

One to bitch with, and one to apologize with.

An old man used to call his wife "mother of six" since they had 6 children and this nickname kinda annoyed her

"Mother of six, could you bring my coffe?" He would yell to her from the living room.

"Mother of six, is dinner ready?" He would say every night just to mess with her, as he laughed.

She was becoming really angry at him because of this unwanted nickname, until Thanksgiving, where the ...

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You know, farts are kinda like prostitutes.

You should never trust them, they feel really good while its happening but the aftermath is almost always where you get in trouble.

Dark humour is kinda like food...

... not everyone gets it.

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My first football game was kinda like the time I lost my virginity. I mean I kinda cried a little,

But at least my dad came.

Anyone hear the news about the woman they found in the forest? (Kinda dark)

She was cut down the middle, and her right side was missing.

They could only identify her from what was Left.

So i asked a ouija board for the name of my future wife

Wtf kinda name is hahaha

For cake day, I wanted to share my grandpa’s favorite joke when I was growing up: “Wanna hear a dirty joke?”

-A man fell in a mud puddle.

Wanna hear a clean joke?
-The man took a bath with bubbles.

Wanna hear a dirtier joke?
-Bubbles was the woman next door.

Edit: thank you for my first silver and gold

Edit 2: I really only expected maybe 1 comment, lol. This really kinda...

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Two warring nations....(kinda long)

Two warring nations have been fighting over their "holy land" for hundreds upon hundreds of years. One day, they decide to send their best philosopher to a duel of knowledge, to determine who truly deserves the "holy land". The only dilemma is neither nation speaks the same language.

So the t...

I kinda stole this

The worst part about liking classical music is when you forget the name of a piece and you can't google the lyrics because there are none

⚠️ No Results For "there was a really good bit with a flute"

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This is kinda a long one

A dad decided to buy a lie detector and use it on his family at dinner one night. It beeps when a lie is said. The guy has a son, and a wife. “So” says the dad to the kid “what did you do at your friends house?” “Uh we went on his trampoline”. The lie detector beeped. “What did you really do?” “Fine...

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Sex is kinda like pizza...

It tastes better without rubber.

What kinda murderer only kills in the mornings?

A cereal killer

What kinda person doesn’t like pizza?

A weirdough.

What kinda beans cannibals eat?

Kidney beans

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God kinda fucked us...

Even from the beginning, man came first.

Kinda of a dad joke.

What is Harry Potter’s favorite way of getting around?
Using a broom.
JK Rolling

With so many posts online telling me to vote, I kinda feel bad for not voting today

And I'm not even an American.

TIL: bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

Yoga studios are kinda aggresive.

When I go to leave they always tell me "Nah must stay!"

What kinda snake has a lisp?

A Mike Python

What kinda room has no doors and no windows?

A mushroom.

Thematically kinda Halloween

Three vampires meet each other in a dark alley completely covered in blood.

1st vampire: Blah! Fellow night dwellers, see that plain with dead herd of cows over there? Yes, my work, is why I'm all bloody.

2nd: Weakling, see those 4 dead people in this alley? Totally sucked all their bl...

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I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

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I gotta warn you I’m kinda kinky

Guy meets a lady in a bar. They immediately hit it off and after a few drinks decide to take it to a hotel room. Before they leave the guy says “I gotta warn you, I’m into some pretty kinky stuff.” She giggles and says that’s fine and she’s looking forward to it.

They have their fun and whe...

Getting injured in America is kinda like an arcade machine

You gotta input more money or you die.

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Two kinda oldish guys visit a casino...

And they arrive at the Roulette table. "Hey, what number should we bet on?" "I dunno. How often do you have sex in a week?" "12 times." "AWESOME! Me too! Let's bet on 12!".

The ball spins around and around and finally settles on the Zero.

Moral: Be honest.

Heaven is getting kinda full...

Heaven is getting kinda full, so St. Peter thinks of an idea to only let people in if they had a really bad last day on earth.

A man walks up to the pearly gates, and St. Peter asks him about his last day on earth. The man responds, "It was horrible. I just KNEW my wife was cheating on me, so...

The cowboy and his very smart horse (kinda long)

A cowboy is kidnapped by bandits. After taking him back to their hideout, they tell him that they're going to execute him at noon tomorrow. Now, these bandits seem to be pretty nice guys who just happen to be in a nasty line of work, and they ask the cowboy if he has any last requests before he dies...

Penguin Joke (kinda dirty)

One day there was a penguin driving in his car on a hot day. He is driving along when his car breaks down. He has his car towed to a mechanic who tells him that it might be a while to find out what's wrong with his car.

The penguin is getting impatient and it is really hot out. He sees a...

kinda weird that my wife thinks I'm apathetic

I never knew that the "a" was silent though

I’m a glass is always half empty kinda guy.

I’m not pessimistic, I’m just a raging alcoholic.

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A woman is having an affair...

... with a man.

One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.

Son: " Kinda dark in here."Man: "Yes."Son: "I have a baseball."Man:...

God wrote an email....( kinda long )

So apparently god decided recently to check up on the earth and see how things were going. God summoned one of his angels. God told the angel to go down to earth and evaluate how humanity was doing. After several months the angel returns and reports that about 95% of humanity isn’t really following ...

Milk mustaches are kinda cute . . .

Pistachios are just nuts.

It's kinda corny...

What did baby corn say to momma corn?

"Where's pop corn?"

My wife keeps telling everyone I’m kinda like Macgyver.

Always solving our problems with a knife and duct tape.

Not my joke but thought that it was kinda funny

Husband: What would you do if I won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave you

Husband: Ok... here's 6 bucks and have a nice life!

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Kinda of a shitty joke but......

Shortly after a British Airways flight had
reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced:

'Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your Captain.
Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to Toronto .
The weather ahead is good, so we should have
a smooth uneventful fli...

I think the world’s greatest dad trophy my kids just got me is kinda silly.

I think I was the only one that knew it was a competition.

Their bio dad definitely didn’t.

What kinda meat does a priest eat on Friday?

nun

The flu is kinda like my last girlfriend

Lasted for 2 weeks and got it from my best friend

The taxi drivers in my town are kinda loopy and a little stupid.

I mean they always recommend I take an Uber next time!? They're always forgetting basic skills like the English alphabet so I have to spell it out for 'em, I've had to show them how to use their inhalers several times and without fail they're always asking if I know why they pulled me over.

Coordinate planes are kinda like relationships.

You meet a person, decide to take it to the next level, they break up with you, and you wonder why they did.

I guess you could say they are now your x and you’re wondering y

Children are like farts.

You're proud of your own, but other people's are kinda gross.

This one's kinda long

Quasimodo is getting a little old, and he's starting to think about retiring. So he puts out an ad in the Paris Times asking for prospective bell ringers to come meet him at the cathedral for an interview. One of the first applicants is a man who doesn't have any arms. Quasi says to him, "I'm sorry,...

I kinda understand how batteries feel...

...because I'm rarely ever included in things either.

[Long] [Kinda British] There was a man in search of the dumbest pun in the world.

He travelled the globe for months and finally stopped at a campsite with 26 tents. The man went into the first tent, tent A. Three men came in to talk with him and they told jokes for a while. Two of the men said they knew what the dumbest pun in the world was. "It's in tent A!" they said. The last ...

I kinda want Hillary to win the US election

Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under.

Woman and the news paper( kinda short)

A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you ...

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3 dwarves. (kinda nsfw)

3 dwarves (very short fellas. Like the size of a thumb) are all looking for a place to live. They go around the world looking and finally decide the best place to settle down is on a womans body. The first one decides that he wants to live between the breasts. The second one chooses the stomach and ...

I'm kinda like Titanic when it comes to meeting people

Not that great at breaking the ice

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So a man and women are sharing drinks at the bar...(kinda gross)

...when they decide to go the nearby hotel and hook up. They get into the room, turn off the lights and begin to have sex. The man puts on a condom and goes to put it in. But when he tries to insert it, the condom tears. Thinking it is just an old condom, he takes it off and figures she looks clean ...

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The undertakers dirty secret.... (kinda nsfw)

A man was having a quiet beer with a friendly undertaker. After a few drinks he built up the courage to ask him "you must have some crazy work stories?" The undertaker quietly nodded as he finished his beer. He went on to explain "the woman's vaginas change, quite dramatically". "Go on..." insists t...

What kinda ants do software developers like?

A constANT.

A 3rd party app walks into a bar

The bartender says "Hey pal, how you doing? You look kinda low". The app says "Yeah, I had a friend but they decided to end it. It was good while it lasted". Bartender says "Hey, I know how it feels. I'll make the first one a double; no extra charge". The app says, "No, thanks. I've already experien...

I've kinda felt like my headphones recently

I've got a severe lack of anything to jack inside of.

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Your face is kinda similar to a planet...

''Oh yeah, Which one?''

''Uranus''

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