My wife asked me, “Hey, can you give examples of jobs that don’t exist anymore?”

I said, “Steve.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There are several distinct cultural differences between Australian and America. For example, Americans are really offended by the word cunt...

Conversely, Australians are really offended by schools being shot up.

An example of the word tragedy

Trump is visiting a school in an elementary classroom where they are talking about words and meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”. (Not the punchline).

So he asked the class if anyone can give him an example of the word trag...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Interviewer: "In your CV, you wrote that you can perform under pressure. Can you give an example?"

Interviewee: "Sure. Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh, pressure pushing down on me..."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

At a job interview: "What's your greatest weakness?"

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes, yes I could.

Teacher: Give me an example of a bird that has wings but can not fly...

Student: A dead bird.

Kurt Cobain was an example of using opportunity.

He got his big shot, and didn’t miss.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Give me an example of when you've gone the extra mile for someone?" asked the job interviewer.

"Well," I said. "One time a prostitute refused to walk down the block to my car."

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

My ex says I set a bad example to our kids.

How's that true? They never even see me!

I failed my chemistry exam today. They asked me to give an example of free radicals.

Apparently, 'ISIS fighters' was not the correct answer.

Comas really do make a big difference in sentences. For example :

Joe is in a hurry

Joe is in a coma.

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

My career has many perks. For example, my company just sent me abroad.

I wasn't comfortable with it though, so I sent her back.

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

What Is An Example Of A Failure And A Success At The Same Time?

Children

A good example of irony would be

dying in the living room.

School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advise that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they...

There are extreme biases everywhere you look these days, for example..

It's totally okay for everyone paint red freckles on their face for Saint Patrick's Day, but when I wear black face on MLK Day it's a hate crime.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

When I was in high school, I followed Jesus' example

I got suspended.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What are some jokes that start get worse and worse? Example inside.

I was eating out my grandmother and I tasted horse semen. "Oh, grandma," I thought, "so that's how you died."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fine example or a dad joke

What do you call a three legged donkey - a wonky

What do you call a three legged male donkey - a willy wonky

A lot of things can be unexpected in life. For example...

you thought I would be giving an example.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.

Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word.
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
O...

Trump asks a man to give an example of a tragedy

The man: “Well, my cousin passed away, that was a tragedy.”

Trump: “No believe me that was a loss, not a tragedy.”

The man: “Okay well my sister tripped and sprained her ankle, that was a tragedy.”

Trump: “Hmm, no that was an accident.”

For the third time, the man says: “...

JCPenney just moved the women's Plus Size department downstairs. Is this yet another example of fat acceptance?

Or are they just tired of the escalator breaking?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

That means you are Gay

A Man In Night Club..
Bartender: Who Are You? I’ve never seen you before.
Man: Yeah! I just lost my job and came here for a drink.
Bartender: What kind of Job?
Man: Well. I am a Consultant.
Bartender: Whats that?
Man: Its a logical thinker.
Bartender: Logical Think, what? <...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

give me an example of a tragedy?

Tony Abbott was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in
the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Abbott if he would like to lead the discussion on
the word 'Tragedy'.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a '...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

LPT: When Reddit is down it is a perfect time to do something away from your computer, like for example crying in a corner

Well Reddit was down and I had to do something

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman.

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday!”

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful

Thought of this in traffic yesterday

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old Armenian joke.

*roughly translated, please excuse any incoherence*


A scholarly looking man is strolling around with a book under his arm and is noticed by a stranger. The stranger (who is a musician) is curious about the book and approaches the man.

"What is that book you have there?"

"Th...

Give me an example of a genius:

The man who put the 'b' in subtle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Definition by example - a short family story!

Youngest Son: Dad, whats the difference between 'hypothetical' & 'real'?

Dad turns to wife: Would you sleep with Tom cruise for 1 million?
Wife: Of course! I would never waste such an opportunity.

Then Dad asks daughter: Would you sleep with Tom cruise for 1 Million?
Daughte...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

NSFW Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-...

The best example of once in a life time opportunity..

..is a bug on your boss's face.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra...

But did he listen...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

2nd grade teacher asks Nick "Give an example of a compound sentence"

Teacher asks Nick: "Give an example of a long compound sentence."

Nick stands up and says: "My mom gets up early every day, she brushes her hair, does her makeup, puts on her prettiest dress, nicest earrings, her highest heels, and then leaves the house to go to work."

Teacher says "...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines tgey use at home

Little Kevin promptly raises his hands and says, "Tylenol! For headaches!"

The teacher says, "Very good, Kevin, anyone else?"

Little Lisa answers from the back, "Um, Ambien, my Mom tells me it helps her sleep...?"

The teacher smiles at her and says, "Good job, Lisa," then turns ...

My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.

I literally had no answer.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

Sometimes instead of saying "For Example", I'll say something such as

"such as", for example.

Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of...

Therefore he should continue as England Manager

She asked me for an example of a double entendre

So I gave it to her.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

&#x200B;

"Mary had a little lamb,
Whose fleece was white as snow,
And everywhere that Mary went,
The lamb was sure to go."

&#x200B;

She explained this was an example of poet...

One-liners for when you're leaving - example: "I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."

I also use "Let's make like a chapped-ass, and split."

What are some other good ones?

I hate it when people want to argue over the use and meaning of words. For example, I like to think of myself as a "ladies man."

But the jury preferred the term "rapist."

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

When someone asks you to give an example of an idiom

Just tell them you can't recall any from the top of your head.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest decides to show some concrete examples about a sinful life during sunday mass.

He brings 4 closed jars. The first jar is filled with alcohol. The second one with cigarette smoke. The third one with sperm. The fourth one with clean water.

Inside each jar, there is an earthworm.

The priest starts talking about the examples of sinful life and shows each jar to the p...

Some people are named after where they were conceived. For example Brooklyn, Paris...

My friend Ally doesn't agree.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy comes home from school and tells his father that his homework is to learn the difference between theory and reality...

The father says ‘son, that’s easy. I’ll give you an example. Go into the kitchen and ask your mother if she would sleep with the plumber for a million dollars’.


After a short while the son comes back from the kitchen and says ‘father, I have spoken with mother and she said she would sleep...

Sayings always said with sarcasm. Any examples?

I hate to say I told you so.

No sarcasm: I...I truly hate to say I told you so.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two American journalists are in London.

Two American journalists are in London attending a press convention. That evening they are in the bar chatting to fellow UK journalists when the subject of how headlines are written came up. The UK journo's commented that the Headlines in America are far too long. They need to be much shorter, and t...

What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example?

A roe model.

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Gambling jokes

**Husband**: How do you lose $150 in the slot machines!

**Wife**: You lost $15000 at the tables!

**Husband**: Yeah but I know how to gamble.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

&#x200B;

**Bettor**: My god, I had a terrible day today. ...

You guys got any good old jokes (example inside)

Example: Did you go to school by horse?

I like to mess with my tennis teacher, he is over 50 and he gives it right back to me by how bad i play.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

A boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between potential and realistic?"

The father says, "Well, son, it's easier for me to show you with an example. Why don't you ask your brother, your sister and your mom the same question, and then come back with what you've learned."

"O...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny was bored in class...

The teacher asks Emily to stand up and state a verb and use it in a sentence.

"Walk!" The teacher says very good, use it in a sentence now.

"I always walk to school in the morning!"

She then asks Adam to stand up and use a word in a sentence.

"Teaching!" The teacher says ...

An old woman walked into a bank with a huge bag of money.

She told the receptionist that she would like to meet the president of the bank as she wanted to deposit a large sum of money. The receptionist objected but the old lady wouldn’t move, so with no option left she went inside the office.

She came back and said, “You are lucky this morning, ...

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics.

At school, a teacher is teaching little kids Mathematics. She says: "Does anybody of you already know how to count? For example you, what's your name?"
"My name is George Lucas. Yes, I know how to count."
"Please show me."
"Four, five, six, one two, three."

My lawyer is worth every penny...

...he charges because of the time he saves me.

This year, for example, he probably saved me five to ten years, in prison.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My life completely changed after I learned Morse code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Had to explain what irony was to someone at church.

Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.

Countries take on attributes of their ruler

For example, there's a king on every kingdom, an emperor rules an empire, and Theresa May is causing mayhem.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The little old lady who makes bets with bank presidents (NSFW)

NSFW

A little old grey-haired lady went into the bank one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the pr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A gambling problem.

So there's an 80 year old man who one day gets a call from the IRS.

IRS: hello sir we've noticed large amounts of money moving into and out of your account and I need you to come down for a meeting tomorrow and explain some things or we may have to perform an audit.

The old man agree...

When she says "I want a boyfriend exactly like you, but not you.", which zone am I in?

For example zone

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

In an American history discussion group, a professor is trying to explain how society’s idea of beauty changes with time.

“For example,” he says, “the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1921 stood five foot one, weighed only 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she’d do in today’s version of the contest?”

&#x200B;

The class was silent until one woman comments, “She’d lose ...

Small fishing town

There is a small town by the side of a lake where fishing is allowed and quite popular. There is a shop that sells fishing supplies. Differently skilled people use different quality baits. For example: a novice would use novice bait, a mediocre fisher would use mediocre bait, a good fisher would use...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

He walks into a bank

# NSFW
^(sorry i forgot to flair the post)

A man walks into a bank. At the teller’s window, he deposits $5,000. When he leaves, the manager walks up to the teller, concerned.

“Where does he get all that money?” said the manager to the teller, “There’s something mighty suspicious ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Sugar in Semen

A professor is lecturing a class and says, "Today's lecture will be about glucose. Glucose is sugar and can be found in lots of stuff. For example, semen, candy, etc."

A blonde girl responds with, "How come you can't taste sugar in semen?"

The professor says, "Well, sweety, that's be...

Reverse joke challenge

This is a game I came up with, the rules are pretty simple:

Post a question in the form of: "What do you call an (animal) with a (object)?" And I (or someone else) will respond with a laffy taffy quality pun as a response. This creates a new terrible joke as a result!

Keep in mind thes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen... Aleve is also called Naproxen.   

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.   

After careful consideration by a team of...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Logical Scientist

Two Aussie builders (Keith & Ken) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.

Ken: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Keith: - No ...

I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

Trumps wall is fool-proof...

Take china for example, they've had a wall for 2000 years and still no mexicans.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] What are you known for?

Three young kids walk up to an older man sitting on a park bench.

"Can you give us any advice, sir?"

He begins...

"Be careful what you do in life because that's what you'll end up being known for. Look at me, for example. I donated the land for this beautiful park we're in right...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Weed-eater

Two guys are sitting out side of college registration comparing schedules. We'll call them Larry and David

Larry: What did you get on your schedule for this semester?

David: Oh... College algebra, Psych 101, English 101, you know.. just the basics.

Larry: I got college algebra...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Job Interview

Interviewer: "What would you consider one of your strengths?"


Me: "I perform under pressure..."


Interviewer: "Can you get give me an example?"


Me: (deep breath) "Mm ba ba de Um bum ba de Um bu bu ba de PRESSURE, pushing down on me..."

A Genie Grants an Irish Man Three Wishes.

The Genie inquires what his first wish will be.

&#x200B;

"A bottle of Jameson!" the man declares.

&#x200B;

The Genie snaps his fingers and a bottle of Jameson appears. The man quickly opens it and drinks the entire bottle of liquor. "What would you like for your...

Ladies, you can tell a lot about a man by how dogs react to him.

For example, if a police K9 is bitting him, he may not be ideal.

A colon in a sentence can make a huge difference

For example:

Johnny ate his own lunch after school.

Johnny ate his own colon after school.

eBay is great for finding rare items, but there is a lot of bad search results that come with it

For example, I did a search for "Vintage Zippo Lighters" and I got 10,000 matches.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"Dad, what are politics?"

And the father tries to explain:

"You see son, for example, i earn and bring money to this house so i'm capitalism. Your mother uses that money so she is the government. We care about you son, meaning you are the people. Our house maid is the working class and your little baby brother, he is ...

Bill Cosby and a surgeon have a lot in common

For example, they both want the person that they are inside to be unconscious

I’m very successful but I have my humble upbringing to thank

For example my father was just a blue collar road worker...but he really paved the way

The police are having a math class

On the board it is written 5-7+2=0.

The policemen are very confused so the teacher says "Look, it is very simple. Let me give you an example".

Let's say that there is a bus with 5 people in it. On the next stop 7 people get off the bus. How many people need to get in the bus so the bus...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Some neighbours had just moved in to the house next-door so we invited them over to our house for a meal,

We were having a barbeque outside in the garden as it was a nice sunny day, and as the family had small kids we let the dog out to play.

I had been talking to the father, a really nice guy in his 40s, like me, when he told me that he actually worked as the professor of logic at the local uni...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

from an old book

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob, are sitting at tue bar, drinking beer. Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow, I think I'll go to the community college and sign up for some classes." The next day, Jim goes down to the college and meets th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The dirty professor

The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke. After a real objectionable example of that one day, the female students got together and decided that next time, when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he ent...

The gambler.

This is a long one.
During the depression a guy walks into a bar and asks for a round for the house. The bartender skeptical due to the hard times requires payment. When the guy pulls out a huge wad of cash the bartender’s eyes get huge and he asks, “where did you get all that from?!”
He res...