A teacher in Ireland is giving an English lesson and asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word "contagious" being used…

One eager child says, "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious!"

"Very good!" replied the teacher. "Has anybody else got an example?"

"My mummy says my laugh is contagious!" said another child.


"Great answer!" said the teacher, "How about you...

"Can someone give an example of things that are useless?" The teacher asked.

Me: *raises hand*

Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

Interviewer: give me an example of when you’ve been a team player?

**Me:** once my friend wanted to sleep with this girl but she was married.

**Interviewer:** and you?

**Me:** distracted her husband with an interview

I searched Google images for examples of Rorschach tests...

But all I found were pictures of my dad hitting me.

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The Logical Redneck

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me giv...

A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

Comedy is hard. For example:

I tried writing a joke about toilets, but it tanked

My wife asked me, “Hey, can you give examples of jobs that don’t exist anymore?”

I said, “Steve.”

What is the best example of mixed feelings?

Your Mother in Law drives off a cliff.. In your new Ferrari

I'm always amazed at the wonders of nature and how in tune they are with the Earth itself. For example, when ducks fly in V-formation, do you know why one side is often longer than the other?

Its because that side has more ducks in it.

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot!”

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:

Jane ate her friend's lunch.

Jane ate her friend's colon.

Lot of good things about having a mum who's a hairdresser. Getting my hair dyed at home, for example.

That's a personal highlight.

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

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There are several distinct cultural differences between Australian and America. For example, Americans are really offended by the word cunt...

Conversely, Australians are really offended by schools being shot up.

Trump is visiting a class in an elementary school where they are talking about words and meanings

The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word “tragedy”.

So he asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, “if my best friend who lives on a farm is playing in a field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him...

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I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

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Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is.”

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, ...

The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar

But there were only 23 stab wounds

The time to fight against climate change is upon us, and this sub is setting fantastic examples.

Everything here is recycled anyway...

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Interviewer: "In your CV, you wrote that you can perform under pressure. Can you give an example?"

Interviewee: "Sure. Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh, pressure pushing down on me..."

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. .

A good example: “I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday...

It’s funny how random songs just pop into your head sometimes. For example I saw the same full size white van driving around the neighborhood a couple times today and I automatically started singing

“It’s Mr. Steal Your Girl.”

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

I don't like people who take drugs

For example : airport security

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

The English we Speak....

**Helen:** Hello and welcome to The English We Speak from BBC Learning English, I'm Helen. With me today is quite a frustrated-looking Neil. Neil, what are you doing to that mobile phone?


**Neil:** Argh, I can't get it to make a phone call. It does everything else: it takes photos, it c...

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A little old lady walked into the Bank of Canada

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because "it’s a lot of money." After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office. The ...

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Two rednecks are at work, digging a trench

Two rednecks, Billy and Bob, are at work digging a trench. The sun is beating down on them, sweat is dripping off their faces, and their hands are blistered from the shovels.

After slogging away at this for days, they start to grumble at the misery of their lot. Eventually Billy says to Bob,...

A biologist, statistician and a mathematician are watching a house

A biologist, statistician and a mathematician are watching a house. They see two people enter and three people leave.
Biologist: “We have just witnessed an example of reproduction.”
Statistician: “This falls within the statistical error.”
Mathematician: “If one more person enters the house...

Everybody has an angle at which they look bad or unflattering.

Mine, for example, is 360°.

School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advise that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they...

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

Socrates the philosopher . . .

Keep this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumor or spread gossip.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a mom...

The interviewer asked me to show him an example of leadership skills.

"OK," I replied. "I'm hired."

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Viagra

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it’s generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra...

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Respect

So a son with an 90 year old dad needs to take an extended business trip. As his dad can no longer care for himself, he needs to find a spot in some assisted living place.

Unfortunately, all of the Jewish homes are full. Luckily the son finds a Christian organization that takes his dad.
...

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

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NO SEX TONIGHT!

I've never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing or why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example… One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed.

We...

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There are 2 farmers, Jim and Bob, sitting in a Bar having a beer..

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

Kurt Cobain was an example of using opportunity.

He got his big shot, and didn’t miss.

You’re not completely useless,

You can always serve as a bad example.

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Jim and Bob, are sitting at their local bar having a few beers.

Jim turns to Bob and says, "You know what, I'm tired of going through life without a real education. Tomorrow I think I'll go down to that community college and sign up for some classes."

Next day, Jim goes to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic clas...

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"Give me an example of when you've gone the extra mile for someone?" asked the job interviewer.

"Well," I said. "One time a prostitute refused to walk down the block to my car."

I failed my chemistry exam today. They asked me to give an example of free radicals.

Apparently, 'ISIS fighters' was not the correct answer.

My ex says I set a bad example to our kids.

How's that true? They never even see me!

Comas really do make a big difference in sentences. For example :

Joe is in a hurry

Joe is in a coma.

When I was in high school, I followed Jesus' example

I got suspended.

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

My boyfriend and my dad have the same name

This causes me to mess up a lot. For example I accidentally sent a nude to my boyfriend

Job interviewer: "What would you say is your greatest weakness?"

Me: Interpreting semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.

Interviewer: Could you give an example?

Me: Yes, I could.

There once was a woman who had 100 children...

She named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. The first was "One", then "Two" and so on. Tragically, there was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving. One day they found an injured dog. They took it home ...

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Bob and bill are looking over the star destroyer blueprints

"Hey bob, do we need any turrets on the bottom half of this Star Destroyer?"

"What d'you mean Bill?"

"The bottom half. It looks like we have about a dozen of these massive building-sized rotating double-barreled turrets on the top half, but pretty much nothing on the bottom half."
<...

There are extreme biases everywhere you look these days, for example..

It's totally okay for everyone paint red freckles on their face for Saint Patrick's Day, but when I wear black face on MLK Day it's a hate crime.

A small quiz

Think of a number between 2 & 5.
Now times it by 9.
Now take the sum of the two numbers in that number(example: 42: 4+2=6).
Now subtract that number by 5.
Next see which letter corresponds with that number(1=a 2=b 3=c and so on).
After that think of a country that is NOT in North ...

A good example of irony would be

dying in the living room.

The subject of a painting

Outside the castle, in front of two deep, dangerous troughs of water filled with piranhas and barracudas, the royal coterie of lupine dog-men assembles on two long tables, facing the masses on the other side of the water. The wolf-king raises his glass and gives a piercing howl, to which the rest of...

Punctuation is important. Improperly used periods can alter the meaning of the entire sentence.

For example:

Teresa was on her trampoline, moving up and down in utter bliss.

Teresa was on her period, moving up and down in utter bliss.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

&nbsp;

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

What Is An Example Of A Failure And A Success At The Same Time?

Children

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Pay attention

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary
medicine it is necessary to have two impor...

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Many surnames come from the job people's ancestors used to have. For example, the Smith family were related to a smith, the Baker family were related to a baker and then there's the Dickinson family...

Who were related to people from Alabama.

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired, 'Where have you been?'
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, 'Look, Michael. Look what I've made.'
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, 'What is it?'
'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's...

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A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

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Hygiene was an issue at the farm

John, the farmer was an old man who couldn't tend to his farm any more. His children had left for the city for greener pastures.
Few years back his wife passed away of old age.

Seeing the farm in neglect, all the domesticed animals on the farm called for an urgent meeting.

The cow, ...

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What are some jokes that start get worse and worse? Example inside.

I was eating out my grandmother and I tasted horse semen. "Oh, grandma," I thought, "so that's how you died."

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English Class

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class:

"Mary had a little lamb,

Whose fleece was white as snow.

And everywhere that Mary went,

The lamb was sure to go."

The teacher explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to p...

Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra...

But did he listen...

A lot of things can be unexpected in life. For example...

you thought I would be giving an example.

Virtually every Harry Potter character can teach us a lesson.

For example, Barty Crouch Jr. taught us that drinking can make you Moody.

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The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable.

Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?
After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.
Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day
Does anyone know another word.
I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny.
Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead.
O...

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful

Thought of this in traffic yesterday

Capitalization really changes a sentence.

For example:

I love candy.

I love capitalization.

JCPenney just moved the women's Plus Size department downstairs. Is this yet another example of fat acceptance?

Or are they just tired of the escalator breaking?

Give me an example of a genius:

The man who put the 'b' in subtle.

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A calculus pun for you math people

A calculus professor explains an example problem to her class.

"To do this, you need to find the initial position of the object."

A confused student asks, "y?"

"y₀," says the professor.

TIL The higher you drop a piano, the higher the note that plays when the piano hits the ground

For example, drop it all the way down a mine shaft and it'll hit A minor

When Uncle Charlie died of old age, Bill was bequeathed his uncle's prized Amazon parrot...

This parrot was fully grown -- with a bad attitude and a worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the very least, extremely rude.

Bill tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft musi...

Your favourite sport says a lot about your life.

For example: rugby has a breakdown every ten seconds, and so do I.

In Celebration of my Cake Day, here's a terrible joke: the Olympic Swimmer and his Son

Michael was a famous Olympic Swimmer. Recently retired, it was his dream to continue his legacy by teaching his son the art of swimming. They had practiced for years, and when Michael's son was ready, he was entered into his first ever tournament.

The first round was easy. After all, t...

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

LPT: When Reddit is down it is a perfect time to do something away from your computer, like for example crying in a corner

Well Reddit was down and I had to do something

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Multi tasking

My wife and her friend were having a conversation about how useless men
are when my wife said, "They can't do two things at once."

At this, I interrupted and said, "Actually I can!"

"Give me an example," she replied.

"Well, while I was fucking you last night, I was thinkin...

In a relationship, it's always important to push one another to achieve goals.

For example, my wife seems intent on helping me succeed at no-nut November, whether I like it or not.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

You can do and achieve anything that you want to.

Look at me for example. Two years ago I was in a dead end job that I hated.

But then they fired me and I don't have to go there anymore.

“I’ve been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week.” Said my neighbor Mike.

Mike: “For example, do you know who Euclid is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the father of geometry. If you take night courses you would know this.”

The next day the same discussion took place:

Mike: “Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?”

Me: “No.”

Mike: “He is the...

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night for example, I couldn't fall asleep, because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

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NSFW Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-...

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Why did a blond decide to be a virgin for the rest of her life?

Because she wants to be an example for her children.

Had to explain what irony was to someone at church.

Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

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The teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines tgey use at home

Little Kevin promptly raises his hands and says, "Tylenol! For headaches!"

The teacher says, "Very good, Kevin, anyone else?"

Little Lisa answers from the back, "Um, Ambien, my Mom tells me it helps her sleep...?"

The teacher smiles at her and says, "Good job, Lisa," then turns ...

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[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

The best example of once in a life time opportunity..

..is a bug on your boss's face.

-It’s not the look that counts, but what is inside.

-OK, but to convince me, you need to provide an example.

-Fridge.

-You got me.

Recent studies have shown that first names have a significant impact on pregnancy rates.

For example someone called Mary is much more likely to get pregnant than someone called Tom.

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A man goes to a casino

He stays there the whole day and he's always losing. The next day he comes once again and loses everything. The third day he does the same and the dealer asks him what his job was so he could afford to lose so much money and he says that earning money has to do with personality. He says: "I for exam...

My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.

I literally had no answer.

Smoking marijuana has imbued me with cat-like abilities.

For example, just one brightly colored piece of paper can now entertain me for hours.

She asked me for an example of a double entendre

So I gave it to her.

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A black guy, Jew and a homosexual walks into the bar

What a fine example of an integrated community

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Boris Johnson walks into a Bank

He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?

BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Bor...

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

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