UPJOKE
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Example Jokes

A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example:

*Ben is in a hurry.*

*Ben is in a coma.*

What’s an example of a palindrome?

Daughter: What's an example of a palindrome?

Dad: Mom.

Daughter: Ugh. Fine. Mom, what's an example of a palindrome?

Mom: Dad.

Daughter: OHMYGOD WHY WON'T YOU GUYS HELP ME

It must be hard for people learning to spell in English. For example, there is one silent K in "knight", four silent K's in "knickknack"

And three silent K's in "Republican".

Punctuation really can change the meaning of a sentence…for example…

I ate my friend’s lunch.
I ate my friend’s colon.

Punctuation can really change a sentence. For example, "Let's eat kids" becomes

"Let's eat punctuation"

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Life is all about perspective. Take my friend for example...

...The guy has sex at least twice a week. He works out like everyday. He reads a book at least every few days... but the guy is constantly complaining to me about hiw bad prison is.

Viruses can mutate over time. Take Covid for example...

It started as a pandemic illness and turned into an IQ test.

give me an example of a tragedy?

Tony Abbott was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in
the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Abbott if he would like to lead the discussion on
the word 'Tragedy'.
So our illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a '...

My wife asked me, “Hey, can you give examples of jobs that don’t exist anymore?”

I said, “Steve.”

A teacher is explaining the concept of statistics with an example: "Statistically, every time I breathe out, someone dies."

Student: "Have you tried antiseptic mouthwash, sir?"

It's very important to not leave out the word "each." For example, when the price of 4 tacos is $2 vs $2 each, or

When you tell people that you and your sister each have a child

"Can someone give an example of things that are useless?" The teacher asked.

Me: *raises hand*

Teacher: Very good. Any other examples?

A teacher in Ireland is giving an English lesson and asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word "contagious" being used…

One eager child says, "Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious!"

"Very good!" replied the teacher. "Has anybody else got an example?"

"My mummy says my laugh is contagious!" said another child.


"Great answer!" said the teacher, "How about you...

Give me two examples of a pronoun.

Who? Me?

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I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

Comedy is hard. For example:

I tried writing a joke about toilets, but it tanked

“You over there, give me an example of a pronoun.”

“Who, me?”

“Correct. Well done.”

My step-sister asked me for an example of a double entendre...

So I gave it to her.

Everyone is a good example

Some are just a good bad example.

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

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The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"

The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"

Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."

The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."

L...

What is an example of absolute trust?

Two cannibals doing 69

What is an example of redneck social distancing?

Sleeping with your 3rd cousin instead of your 1st.

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Give an example of a business failure due to careless management

A prostitute getting pregnant

School students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advise that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they...

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

What is an example of a Facebook paradox?

Discovering one of their user's is trying to build a bomb and having to decide between reporting him to the FBI or serving him ads for digital timers

What's the greatest example of arrogance?

A mouse with a hardon is floating down a river and sees a bridge. He starts shouting "Raise the bridge! Raise the bloody bridge!! "

I always seem to say the wrong thing. For example yesterday I complimented my best friend's moustache.

Now she's not talking to me.

My Korean girlfriend makes some cute mistakes when speaking English. For example:

"Fishing stick" instead of "Fishing rod"

"Tropical tree" instead of "Palm tree"

"Ant-licker" instead of "Uncle"

Here's an example of a sentence in French:

Guillotine

My psychology professor asked for an example of a "Pavlovian Response".

I said that thanks to my Mom's cooking, I salivate when I hear a smoke alarm.

My younger brother is an example of what can happen to people who get involved in drugs.

......an Audi Q7 & his own house by the age of 20.

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Interviewer: "In your CV, you wrote that you can perform under pressure. Can you give an example?"

Interviewee: "Sure. Mmm num ba de, dum bum ba be, doo buh dum ba beh beh, pressure pushing down on me..."

I searched Google images for examples of Rorschach tests...

But all I found were pictures of my dad hitting me.

A good example of irony would be

dying in the living room.

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There are several distinct cultural differences between Australian and America. For example, Americans are really offended by the word cunt...

Conversely, Australians are really offended by schools being shot up.

Today I saw perfect example of playing safe .

US Media posting the count of Trump's lies after he lost the elections.

Class can you give me an example of the word contagious?

Sally 'My friend had a cold and my mum said to keep a distance because the cold is contagious.

Teacher: very good!

Ben: when I yawn it causes people around me to yawn as well, it's a contagious action.

Teacher: nice one, creative as well.

Johnny: I was with my dad and ...

TEACHER: Today you'll give an example of a pronoun each and form a sentence with it.

JOHN: HER

TEACHER: Ok, your sentence?

JOHN: Give her her book. It's hers.

TEACHER: That's good. Yes who's next?


DAVE: HIM

TEACHER: Your Sentence?

DAVE: Give him him book. It's hims.

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

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[NSFW] Urban Dictionary word example

Tony: "Bro, I rage fucked Taylor last night!"

Frankie: "What!? She ha......"

Tony: "Hell ya! It was awesome. I took all my anger out on her! Felt so good!"

Frankie: "But she ha......"

Tony: "Best day of my life! Wait sorry I interrupted you again. What were you going ...

There are extreme biases everywhere you look these days, for example..

It's totally okay for everyone paint red freckles on their face for Saint Patrick's Day, but when I wear black face on MLK Day it's a hate crime.

Kurt Cobain was an example of using opportunity.

He got his big shot, and didn’t miss.

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English is my first language (50+ years) and I still get confused on how to use some words. For example:

Is it *buttcheeks* or *butt cheeks?*

Are they together or spread apart?

Women's underwear is a great example of how you can make something half-assed and it still become very successful

Thought of this in traffic yesterday

It’s true women do make less money than men

But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.

My ex says I set a bad example to our kids.

How's that true? They never even see me!

It’s ironic that “rain on your wedding day” is a poor example of irony.

And a “free ride when you’ve already paid” isn’t any better.

I've got another example of the importance of Oxford commas:

I passed a headstone the other day which read, "Here lies Tyler Goetz, a lawyer and a good man."

 

I just can't believe the three of them agreed on such ambiguous syntax.

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

A lot of things can be unexpected in life. For example...

you thought I would be giving an example.

I don’t like people who take drugs...

For example: airport security.

The killing of Julius Caesar is a perfect example of group project. 60 dudes agreed to kill Caesar

But there were only 23 stab wounds

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The Logical Redneck

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks.

The professor answers by saying, "Let me giv...

Lot of good things about having a mum who's a hairdresser. Getting my hair dyed at home, for example.

That's a personal highlight.

I failed my chemistry exam today. They asked me to give an example of free radicals.

Apparently, 'ISIS fighters' was not the correct answer.

When I was in high school, I followed Jesus' example

I got suspended.

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What are some jokes that start get worse and worse? Example inside.

I was eating out my grandmother and I tasted horse semen. "Oh, grandma," I thought, "so that's how you died."

Here in Portugal we call bad jokes 'dry jokes'. Do you want to see an example?

The desert

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Proof-reading is vital - for example, you may accidentally type "I helped my uncle Jack off a horse."

When in reality, all you did was sit and watch.

Marriage is about accepting each other’s flaws. For example, if I fart, my wife calls me disgusting and hits me.

If my wife farts, she calls me disgusting and hits me.

The best example of once in a life time opportunity..

..is a bug on your boss's face.

Looking for "A__is like a__, it__." For example: A dark sense of humor is like a make-a-wish child...

....It never grows old.

If you have one, please share. Joke, not make-a-wish child.

Super Smash Bros. is a good example of how NOT to do minority representation in video games

The only black character is incredibly two-dimensional

Sayings always said with sarcasm. Any examples?

I hate to say I told you so.

No sarcasm: I...I truly hate to say I told you so.

Sometimes instead of saying "For Example", I'll say something such as

"such as", for example.

My wife and I were arguing about who has better self control. "Clearly me," she says, "For example. I put a candy bar on my desk on Monday and it hasn't moved an inch"

"That's nothing!" I retorted. "All six times I ate it I put a new candy bar on your desk exactly where you left it."

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A sad example of the witch hunt caused by the flood of sexual abuse allegations

A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical training has been fired for one minor indiscretion.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying off his school loans.

This just goes to show...

One-liners for when you're leaving - example: "I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."

I also use "Let's make like a chapped-ass, and split."

What are some other good ones?

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions.

The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?"

"Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three...

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The old professor started each lecture with a dirty joke.

After a real objectionable example of that one day, the
female students got together and decided that next time,
when this happens again, they will all walk out in unison.

The professor got wind of this plot. Next morning, after he
entered the lecture hall, he said: "Good morning! Ha...

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It's English class and a female teacher asks students to give her example of a sentence which contains "just in a case" in it.

The first student raises his hand and responds:

\- "There is no ongoing war, but we still keep the army, just in case"

\- "Excellent! Anybody else?" - asks the teacher.

\- "There is no fire but we still keep the fireman, just in case" - answers the other student.

Vova rai...

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"Give me an example of when you've gone the extra mile for someone?" asked the job interviewer.

"Well," I said. "One time a prostitute refused to walk down the block to my car."

TIL "sugar" is the only word in the English language where "su-" makes a "sh" sound.

At least, I'm pretty sure...

FP Edit: Jesus RIP my inbox with "sure." Thanks for all the support and hilarious counter examples provided!

FP of Reddit! I'd like to thank all of you commenters and my dad and I love you all so much! Oh! And the ones salty about my edits, you guys really ...

The time to fight against climate change is upon us, and this sub is setting fantastic examples.

Everything here is recycled anyway...

Two students, James and John were given a grammar test by their teacher. The question was,"is it better to use 'had' or 'had had' in this example sentence?"

The teacher collected the tests and looked over their answers.

James, while John had had 'had',had had 'had had'. 'Had had' had had a better effect on the teacher.

JCPenney just moved the women's Plus Size department downstairs. Is this yet another example of fat acceptance?

Or are they just tired of the escalator breaking?

Some people are named after where they were conceived. For example Brooklyn, Paris...

My friend Ally doesn't agree.

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics

Interviewer: Could you give me an example?

Me: Yes I could

When someone asks you to give an example of an idiom

Just tell them you can't recall any from the top of your head.

Did you know: If you say a number loud enough, you increase its value?

For example: 5 equals 5, but

5! equals 120.

What is communism?

- Let me explain.. If you had 2 yachts and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course.
- Well, that's communism. Another example, if you had 2 homes and your friend had none, wouldn't you give him one?
- Of course I would.
- See, its easy. If you had 2 coats for example...

A teacher asks a sleeping student to give her an example of a palindrome...

The student stammers, looks around the room confused, and says "huh!?"
"Well done!" Replies the teacher.

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The teacher asks her class for some examples of medicines tgey use at home

Little Kevin promptly raises his hands and says, "Tylenol! For headaches!"

The teacher says, "Very good, Kevin, anyone else?"

Little Lisa answers from the back, "Um, Ambien, my Mom tells me it helps her sleep...?"

The teacher smiles at her and says, "Good job, Lisa," then turns ...

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The king of a country has planted a razor in the queen's vagina in order to find out which guard she is cheating with.

in the evening, while she is sleeping.

Next day comes, and he orders them to get undressed to check on their penises, and sees that each one's was cut except for a single one's. The king yells:

\- Finally, a loyal guard to his king and country! All of you traitors should have followed ...

My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.

I literally had no answer.

In an African tribe village, the chieftain's wife gave birth to a white skinned child.

The chieftain quickly figured the voluntary doctor from Europe might be to blame. So the chieftain asked him to talk in his tent.

Chieftain: "Today my wife gave birth to a white child. She and I are dark skinned. You are white. It doesn't take a doctor to figure out that you have slept with ...

There have been few historical examples of wars with three opposing sides.

One such example occurred in the 11th century, with the three belligerents being the French, the English (Anglos) and the Vikings. The rivalry between each group was quite intense, and unlike other situations, the two weaker groups at the time did not join together to fight the strongest. Instead, t...

LPT: When Reddit is down it is a perfect time to do something away from your computer, like for example crying in a corner

Well Reddit was down and I had to do something

Had to explain what irony was to someone at church.

Apparently, "Being a carpenter and getting nailed to a wooden cross" isn't a good example.

Sam Allardyce is a disgrace and needs to be punished, humiliated and made an example of...

Therefore he should continue as England Manager

With cannabis now legal in my country, we would be remiss not to discuss the negative impacts of smoking weed. For example, after smoking...

...you have less weed.

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Capital Letters Are Important

Capital letters can be just as important as commas and full-stops. For example, the sentence: "Let's help your Uncle Jack off his donkey" does *not* mean the same as "Let's help your uncle jack off his donkey".

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A priest decides to show some concrete examples about a sinful life during sunday mass.

He brings 4 closed jars. The first jar is filled with alcohol. The second one with cigarette smoke. The third one with sperm. The fourth one with clean water.

Inside each jar, there is an earthworm.

The priest starts talking about the examples of sinful life and shows each jar to the p...

Commas can change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I like to eat apples. ---> I like to eat commas.

In the future, whenever they try to give examples of what can go wrong due to bad decisions, they will point to this year...

Coz hindsight is 2020.

Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.

For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, idiot!”

I love when street names or city names kind of match where you live.

For example, I grew up on Old Dike Road. You can guess who my neighbors were.

That's right, a couple of civil engineers.

Wait, what were you thinking?

I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents

One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.

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Why Moses was the one who received the Ten Commandments

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'

And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'

'Not kill?  We're not i...

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

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