This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack?

The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer keep in his shower?

Heads and Shoulders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I still keep in touch with my ex We give each other presents on the day we broke up. Last year she gave me a pile of shit. This year I'm giving her a car

She'll never know what hit her

How did Jesus keep in such great shape?

CrossFit.

What type of sweet does a banker keep in his wastecoat?

InvestMints

What animal should U always keep in the kitchen?

A Pan..duh !! Get it

How does Thanos keep in shape?

With a balanced diet.

I bought my best friend a plush elephant to keep in his room.

Friend: "Thank's for the elephant!"

Me: "Don't mention it."

What does Snoop Dogg keep in his backyard?

His garden hoes.

What do old people always keep in their back pocket?

Depends.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I'm the strongest man alive"

said the drunk man to the bartender.

"Oh really? Well we actually have our own local strongman competition, if you're interested. Keep in mind, it's a bit obscure. You up for it?"

"Psh. I can do anything," he slurs.

"Okay. Your first test is behind that door. You need to hogtie...

A couple and their two sons are watching TV

She looks at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says, "Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and sees the door to his parents bedroom is ajar. He peeks in for a few min...

A violinist notices that he can't keep his violin in tune...

... so he asks the conductor of his orchestra to help. "Take it to Opporknockety," says the conductor. "He is a violin expert."

The violinist packs his things and makes the trek to the Swiss Alps where the expert lives. Sure enough, Opporknockety fixes the problem and the violin sounds great....

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