A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

A girl dances with you regularly but isn't into you. What does she see you as?

A step-brother

...sorry

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the g...

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded do...

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I am writing a film script about going back in time to stop Hitler's parents meeting at the Austrian Enchantment ‘Under The Sea' dance.

It's called 'Back to the Fuhrer’

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Timmy and Sally were at a school dance.......

At the dance Timmy and Sally sat on opposites sides of the hall. Timmy with the boys and Sally with the girls.

They were both born with genetic disorders.

* Timmy was born without a left eye but he wore a wooden prosthetic in its place.
* Sally was born with a cleft palate, the corr...

How do you make a hanky dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it!

(My 6 year olds favorite joke)

I once had a gold fish that could break dance on the carpet

But only once and only for twenty seconds

What was Chip's favorite dance style?

Salsa.

I hate it when they say, "white people can't dance"...

Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.

How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

5678

Trust me, you can dance

yours sincerely,

Vodka

I went to a middle school dance back in the day.

It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.

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People say that dancing is like fucking.

They say people dance like they fuck.

Which is completely false for me, because I can dance for more than 30 seconds.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no body to go with

Do you want to learn how to dance in a few seconds for free?

Step 1: Remove your shoes

Step 2: Go on the street

Note : Higher chances of success if you live in Europe

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

Where do anti Vaxxer strippers dance

Around a polio

A dentist shoots a kid doing a fortnite dance.

"You're bleeding because you were flossing"

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Control your Woody

Trevor has a dance coming up and he wants to ask out Sally. He would do anything to go with her and he knows she doesn't have a date. The only problem is that whenever he sees her he gets an extremely large boner. Before he asks her, he practices not getting a boner but nothing works. So he decides ...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday

They arrive at the club and the doorman says,

“Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated…

A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings o...

Did you hear about the elevator dance?

It has no steps.

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My school took my MP3 after I sung the song “Pumped Up Kicks” loudly in class.

When I brought my new MP4, they took it, and my friends laughed at me.

Today I brought my MP5 and everyone started screaming and some weird kids danced.

Why did the girl invite the mushroom to the school dance?

Because he was a Fun-gi

Why aren't more men into learning how to pole dance?

We prefer ballroom

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

How do you make a tissue dance?

You threaten to kill its entire family.

The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’

Me: ‘Good, I’m being buried at sea.’

What is the brother of Thor's favorite dance?

The lokimotion.

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Went to a club with the wife and there was a guy on the dance floor going mental - twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the whole lot . My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

I said, "By the looks of it, he’s still fucking celebrating!”

A man is sitting in a bar looking sad....

(friend of mine told me this forever ago. I'm sure its been posted here before)

The bartender asks, “Why you so down?”

Man replies, “Well, no girls will talk to me because I have this wooden eye and it freaks them out.”

Bartender thinks for a moment, “See that cute girl sitting ...

Went to a dance last night...

They played The Twist. I did The Twist.

They played The Macarena. I did the Macarena.

They played Come On Eileen. I got thrown out.

What do you call a sequence of dance moves made by Al Gore?

An algorithm.

The Ugly Girl

Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the other one was beautiful. Akpos walked straight to the ugly girl.

**Akpos:** Hello!

**Ugly girl:** Hi!!

**Akpos:** Wanna dance?

**Ugly Girl:** Yes (excited)

**Akpos:** OK, Go and dance, I wanna talk to...

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A woman went to a dance and hit it off with a guy there.

They both liked what they saw and decided to go back to his place. One thing led to another, and soon they gravitated to the bedroom and proceeded to undress.

The first thing he removed was his socks and shoes. She noted his feet were withered and crooked. When asked, he responded that when h...

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[NSFW] The Vatican is about to select 5 archbishops from a group of 30 religious and pious priests. Due to previous scandals and accusations the Pope has decided to make the appointment procedure different and complicated so that only the best remains.

All the priests were stripped naked and a bell was tied to their penis. After that right in front of them, a group of 30 gorgeous nude women were brought. The goal was to find out how much resistance the priests have and how strong their devotion to God was. The ladies started to dance, twerk, even ...

I made up a dance about an old guy and a kid going on an adventure and asked everyone to name the movie it’s based on.

Someone just guessed it. The jig is Up.

A hippopotamus walks into a bar. He buys a drink for the rabbit on the bar stool. She bats her eyes at him. He asks for a dance..

The rabbit says "tango?"

He says "nope.... Lets do Hip Hop!"

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What kind of moves does 242 year old ink bust out on the dance floor?

Indapendance

Fucking crucify me

What do the worlds greatest dance halls and best underwear have in common

Lots of ball room

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

Why do mice have such small balls?

Because not many of them know how to dance.

My family loves to have dance parties.

My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect.

Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing!

It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especi...

A boy has a crush on a girl at his school. He sees that a dance is coming up soon so he decides to ask her to the dance.

Shes says yes, so he decides he should get some flowers for her. He goes to the flower shop and there is a huge line. He waits and waits for almost and hour, he eventually gets to the front and buys some roses for her. He then decides it would be a good idea to get a limo. He goes to the limo rental...

School dances this year are going to be like Fortnite lobbies...

Lots of stupid dance moves and unnecessary shooting

I don't like Fornite and would love to dance on their grave

But I'm afraid they might steal it.

I used to date a woman who had a breast on the center of her back

It looked funny but she was fun to slow dance with

A boy asks a girl to prom

So there's this boy in highschool, around 16 years old and he very nervously and timidly asks this beautiful girl out to prom. Out of his league and the most beautiful I'm the school. He's shocked and quite startled when he hears "id love to go!" Leave her lips.
Short on time with days till or, h...

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talk...

Why do skeletons hate Halloween party’s?

They have no-body to dance with

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A Drill Sergeant goes to a strip club...

A drill sergeant stationed at Fort Benning heads down to the strip club on a friday night. He's having a good time, having a few drinks. One of the strippers takes a liking to him and offers a private dance. He agrees and they head to the back room. While she's dancing, she asks him what he does for...

The dancing aliens (LONG)

On the first contact mission to Mars two astronauts where sent up to make contact with the other worldly beings. After 300 long days in the space ship the astronauts finally landed on Mars what they saw deeply surprised them they saw 2 beautiful humanoid figures welcoming them with open arms. The as...

Coca Cola employees can't dance...

But they can Tango.

What do you call a lap dance from a girl with 3 or less limbs?

Amputease

My friend rip me this joke and I can’t stop laughing

Lawyer: my client is stuck in a penny

Judge: what

Lawyer: he is in a cent

Judge: he is in a cent?

Lawyer and client leave the courtroom doing the joker and spider man dance

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At a local college dance,

a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance.

While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, w...

Dance like no one's watching!

Just be careful of the creepy guy in the corner with the video camera who hasn't moved all night who wants the make you famous on YouTube.

When I went to Poland I saw the greatest dancing group in the country

When my wife asked what I did there I told her I saw the worlds best pole dancers!

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

What dance move catches everyone by surprise?

The Plot Twist!

Why don't women like to dance with German men?

Cause they're all Hans

(this is my first attempt at writing a joke, go easy)

The homecoming dance

A somewhat socially awkward lad asked a girl he liked to the homecoming dance, and she said yes.

The boy asked his dad for advice, and his dad gave him several tips: get her a nice corsage that matches your boutonniere, show up 10 minutes early to pick her up and speak pleasantly and respect...

Johnny was a bright, charming boy

and he was even fairly good-looking. The only problem was that he had lost his eye in a fishing accident when he was younger. They were too poor to afford a glass eye, so his father made him a wooden one.

He was made fun of all through school for his eye and it completely destroyed his self e...

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This happened in the old South

A rich white woman calls the captain of a ship that docked in her port town and tells him: "Captain, I am having a high end party tonight. I have six young daughters. I'd like you to send six handsome and fit sailors to my home to dance with and entertain my daughters. I will compensate you well. Ju...

What do you call it when a white man on a dance floor has a seizure?

An improvement

An old Irishman walks into a bar, hauls his bad leg over the stool, and asks for a whiskey...

"Hey," he says, looking down the bar, "is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nods, so the Irishman orders Jesus one too.

An ailing Italian with a humpback walks in, shuffles up to the bar, and asks for a glass of Chianti. Noticing Jesus, the Italian orders Him a glass of Chianti too.
...

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As old as the Hills and twice as dusty but no, I've never seen it here

The traveling salesman's car breaks,so he asked a farmer if he can stay there for a few days while his car gets fixed.

The farmer had 2 beautiful daughters, Nellie and Venus.

One night TS takes the older daughter "Venus"on a date to the drive in,using the farmers car.

The next...

What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?

A hootenanny.

Scientists have recently discovered a new bioluminescent bug that performs a strange dance any time there is a full moon.

They are calling it a Raving Luna Tick.

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A guy gets hit by a bus and finds himself in front of iron gates. Confused he asks where he is, "Hell," said the devil "but before you get overly concerned, it's not as bad as you think it is..."

"What!!" said the guy, starting to panic. "How can that be, I'm a good person, this can't be right, it can't be!"

"Calm down," said the devil, "the rules for going upstairs are a lot stricter than people realise - and besides, like I said before, it's really not that bad here."

Unconvi...

What is Link's favorite dance at the club?

Macarena of Time

High school dance.

My friend James only has one eye and was embarrassed to ask anyone to his first high school dance. Since I’m taking wood shop, I agreed to make him a wooden eye. My girlfriend is an artist and she made this eye look perfect. I found him a date for the dance and he said, “what does she look like?” I ...

I can teach you how to break dance so fast

It'll make your headspin

Why don't Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?

April showers bring Mayflowers.

In order to join our club, you must perform the dance

It's called 2 step verification

A kid in high school really likes this girl and finally gets the courage to ask her to prom.

To his surprise and delight, she says yes. He wants to make this night very special so he decides to get a tuxedo, a limo, and really nice flowers. First, he goes to the tux rental store and sees there is a line, but he waits and finally gets the perfect fit. Next he goes to the car rental store and...

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