How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

A guy asks a girl to the school dance

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally bu...

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At a local college dance, a guy from America asks a girl from Sweden to dance....

While they are dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America,

we call this a hug.”

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call

this a kiss.”

She replies, “Yaah...

Did you see that viral Indian dance video?

They’ve got some Sikh moves!

A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

Where does the tomato and pasta go to dance?

At the Meat Ball

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

I asked a girl at the disco if she’d like to dance.

She said, “Yes”, so I said, “Great, can I have your chair?”

Did you know that Vision gets mad whenever Wanda tries to give him a lap dance?

She really grinds his gears.

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

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"Your sign outside says 3 strippers for 4.99... We talking topless or fully nude?"

"Sir this is Dominoes pizza. They're chicken strippers."

"Ok ok, now the price makes sense... How long is each dance?"

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A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party.

They were ready to leave when the wife came down with a headache. She told her husband to go to the party, no need to miss it because of her headache. So the husband left for the party.

About an hour later his wife's headache went away and she felt better. She put on her costume and went to ...

There's a winner of a recent dance competition who just got exposed as a huge racist.

She had alt the right moves.

Did I ever tell you about the time I tried to give a girl in a wheelchair a lap dance?

She wasn't feeling it.

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Naked Cowboy

A sheriff of a small town is patrolling the town one night when he comes across a cowboy walking up Main St. The cowboy is wearing nothing except his hat, boots, and gunbelt. The sheriff is a bit surprised at first but gets over his initial shock and arrests the cowboy for indecent exposure.

...

What is a drill's favorite dance?

The Twist, but they also like de walts on occasion

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:

"Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance. They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be e...

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained.

The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would n...

I went to a dance with one girl and came home with another- and there’s still resentment all these years later...

I said- “C’mon, Honey, there’ll be other, Daddy/Daughter dances!”

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A man with a wooden eye watches people at the dance...

After always being the butt of jokes or bullying, he was scared to ask any girl to dance with him. He always had a fancy for Betsy, who was born with a hairlip. He always figured since they shared a similar fate, she might sympathize with him. He finally mustered up enough courage and asked Betsy, "...

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

A girl was throwing stones in her backyard one day

She threw one a little too hard and it came back and hit her in the eye. She ran inside yelling and crying and her parents drove her to the hospital

The doctor tells the family that her eye is going to have to be removed and she’ll need a prosthetic. The family doesn’t have a lot of money and...

I can't seem to make a joke about how bad a school dance is,

I always get stuck at the punch line.

I'm actually glad there are people who would dance on my grave, because the joke is on them.

I'm getting buried at sea.

Why does Trump dance to "YMCA" and "Macho Man" but not "In The Navy"?

Because he dodged the draft, so he can't relate to it.

What did Santa say to his wife when she gave him a private dance?

Make it reindeer!

- Credit to my brother

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A police officer gets a new case

A police officer is minding his own business when his partner drops a case on his desk. His partner says "Leonid, a dance studio is running a drug operation, clear as day, open and shut case". Leonid has had a long day but is excited because open and shut cases don't happen often around this precin...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman... he's a guy who did everything right all the
time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like
that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not ...

A young man was shipwrecked on a remote island.

Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself. After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection . Now, completely without any happiness, he started to lose his sanity. One morning, as he is lying on the beach,...

How do you make a napkin dance?

You put a little boogie in it. Dad jokes are lowkey hilarious also it’s my cake dayyy!

What do you call birds that just want to dance?

Ravens

John was at a party...

John was at a party, sitting alone. There were a lot of people, but his eyes were fixed on a perticular girl. She was absolutely stunning, dancing freely, laughing and chatting with others.

Suddenly, the girl turned her head towards John, and a smile appeared on her lips. As she started to wa...

To being able to dance with your girlfriend during quarantine

First imagine you have a girlfriend

What do a lap dance and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

You can smell it but you can’t eat it.

Two single people met up on handicap singles night after having no luck in years...

The man had a wooden peg leg, and the woman has a wooden eye. After finally getting up the courage, the woman asks the man if he would like to dance.

“Would I? Would I?” he yells excitedly.

In complete disgust, she yells back, “Peg Leg! Peg Leg!”

Inspector: What do you see ?

Sub-inspector: Idk why but, the suspect is dancing naked in the middle of the street

Inspector: copy that



Sub-inspector: I'm not much of a dancer, but I'll try my best.

I walked into a disco, and there were Orcs, Trolls, and Nazgûl doing their best moves.

It was Mordor on the dance floor.

What happened to the compulsive dancer who wasn't allowed to dance?

he had a breakdown.

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My Sisters From Another Mister

Its Little Johnny's 18th bday. He gets home and sees his mom baking a cake for him and cooking dinner. She says, "Happy birthday son" and gives him a hug and a kiss.
Dad comes home and says,. "Son go put on your best clothes because tonight you're going to become a man.Yep I'm taking you out t...

What do you call a set of calculations to determine the fluidity of a former Vice President's dance moves?

Al Gore rhythm algorithm

How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

5678

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What did John say when he attended the paraplegic women's awareness dance?

"Yo this dance floor is crawling with pussy"

If it's a rule when a man dances with a woman, what is it when it's two men?

Guidance

Trust me...you can dance

-Love alcohol

The hamster dance

I was asked to perform the hamster dance
once, even though I wasn’t aware of how to perform it.

did a deed I didn’t know, though

A guy with a wooden eye goes to the club and sees a beautiful woman standing at the bar. She happens to have a peg leg. He walks up and asks her to dance...

She says “Would I!”

He says, “I didn’t want to dance with you anyway, peg leg!”

What's creepier than taking your daughter to a Daddy-Daughter dance?

Asking another couple if you can cut in.

I’ve been battling my addiction to the ‘Hokey Cokey’ dance for a number of years now..

It’s been a long and hard challenge, but I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

I love dances at weddings ...

Especially since I'm not a great dancer. Most of the songs tell you what to do. Like when they play "Do The Twist," you twist. They play "Jump Around", you jump around ... There was, however, that unfortunate night I got kicked out when the DJ played "Come On Eileen."

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I asked one of the strippers if I could have a topless dance. She said, "Of course."

I was escorted out shortly after for "indecent exposure"

There once was a farmer...

There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.

"As soon as your dates arrive," said the farmer, "1 will talk to them personally. If I don't like them, I will shoot them."

Just then, a knock was heard at the door. The farmer answere...

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An American spy comes into a Soviet bar

And orders a drink.

"No drink for US spies" said the barkeep.

The spy goes pale. He pulls out a bottle of Vodka and drains it in one big gulp.

"You drink like Russian, but you are American spy"

The spy pulls out his accordeon and plays a wonderful Russian folk song, every...

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On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

On his 90th birthday his friends chipped in to hire a hooker.

She danced seductively, then sat on his lap.

She whispered in his ear "I'm here to give you super sex!"

The man thought about it and then asked her "what kind of soup?"

Why can't dinesaurs dance

Because they're dead

Why can't the internet dance?

Because it has an Al Gore Rhythm.

Where did the two hamburgers go to dance?

The meatball

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I tried to teach my dog to dance today

It was fucking useless. He's got two left feet.

What do you call an introductory dance party for obese people?

Meet ball.

My girlfriend asked if I remembered to get tickets for the 80s dance party she was really looking forward to. I had to tell her...

Domo arigato, totally forgoto

Why don't Native Americans do rain dances in April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and May flowers bring white men.

What is an addict's favorite dance?

Depen-dance

An elderly couple is dancing a waltz.

Halfway through the second dance the guy, an old sailor, asks his wife:"Darling, would you mind spinning the other way round?"
"Of course, why?"
"Because you're unscrewing my wooden leg!"

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Jane was a very beautiful lady

But she had one issue: her breath was horrible, and because of that, she had a really hard time with getting to know new people.

Despite that, she was determined to get a date. One night, she went to a club. A guy approaches her, and says: "Hey, wanna dance?"

Jane just nodded her head...

At the dance, Wood-Eye Pete stood awkwardly to the side

Deciding there wasn't much to lose he decided to ask Pudgie Peggy to dance.
"Would you care to dance?" He asked her, gamely.
With enthusiasm Pudgie Peggy eagerly expressed her delight almost yelling, “ Would I??!!“
Pete blushed with shame and quickly defended himself yelling “Well you're ...

What do you call a dance that starts at 10?

Attendance

A teen goes to a party one day.

He dances for a bit, then he decides to get some punch but sees the line is long so he goes back to dancing. He enters the line but sees the line is still long. So, he dances some more, grabs some food, and scrolls through social media. Eventually he enters the line again. Finally he says: "This pun...

A cop sees a dancing suspect

Cop: Suspect is engaging in high-profile break-dancing in the main square

Radio: Copy that

Cop: I’ve had a couple breakdance lessons but I’m no way as good as him sir

Roses are red, violets don't dance

I'm having a stroke
call a anbulous... ambivalence... weewee wagon pls

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