I’ve been battling my addiction to the ‘Hokey Cokey’ dance for a number of years now..

It’s been a long and hard challenge, but I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.

A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.



He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.



H...

Cop: Suspect is dancing naked downtown.

Dispatcher: Copy that.

Cop: I'll try but I'm not much of a dancer.

What do a lap dance and a pizza delivery driver have in common?

You can smell it but you can’t eat it.

A skeleton decided not to go to his school dance

He didn’t go since he had nobody to go with.

My girlfriend asked if I remembered to get tickets for the 80s dance party she was really looking forward to. I had to tell her...

Domo arigato, totally forgoto

Why can't dinesaurs dance

Because they're dead

Why don't Native Americans do rain dances in April?

Because April showers bring May flowers and May flowers bring white men.

How do you make a hankie dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

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I tried to teach my dog to dance today

It was fucking useless. He's got two left feet.

My family loves to have dance parties.

My dad will play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect.
Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing!
It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since th...

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Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude in a garden, while a sexy and beautiful big breasted nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded do...

What is an addict's favorite dance?

Depen-dance

What do you call a dance that starts at 10?

Attendance

His first time visiting white church, my black friend danced for joy and shouted "Hallelujah!" every time the preacher spoke.

That's the last time I invite him to a funeral.

What's a wired favorite dance?

The tangle.

TIL that Neopagans love "Safety Dance"

I say, Wiccan dance, Wiccan dance
Everything is out of control
Wiccan dance, Wiccan dance
We're doing it from pole to pole
Wiccan dance, Wiccan dance
Everybody look at your hands
Wiccan dance, Wiccan dance
Everybody's taking the chance

A sniper rifle and an assault rifle meet eachother at a dance party

They get along quite nicely and go out for a drink. The assault rifle falls in love with the sniper rifle, and decides to ask if the sniper rifle wants to be her boyfriend. However, the sniper rifle declines. Distraught, the assault rifle asks why he said no, to which the sniper rifle replies:
...

Girls at dances who are sitting by the wall waiting for a partner are called wallflowers...

So does that make men doing the same ‘wallnuts’?

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just as it's going by. As he gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Impeccable timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Fe...

What makes a heart dance

You give it a beat

Have you heard about the latest dance craze?

Social Dis-dancing.

What's the difference between a dance instructor and a doctor

How fluid they want your movements

What's an egg's least favorite dance?

Break dancing.

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Once upon a time there was a boy with a wooden eye...

At his high school dance he was standing with his friends, too nervous to ask any girls to dance. "I'm afraid they'll make fun of my wooden eye..." he said.

His friend pointed to a girl with a wooden leg standing by herself in the corner, and said, "Hey, see that girl with the wooden leg? ...

I am sick of people claiming that white people can't dance

Have they never heard of Michael Jackson?

How many dance teachers does it take to change a light bulb?

5678

What is the most unexpected dance?

The coincidance.

A drunk guy goes up to a lady dressed in black

A drunk guy goes up to a lady dressed in black and says:
- Will you dance with me, lady?
- No and for three reasons.
- And what are the reasons?

With a very serious look on her face she says:

- Firstly you're drunk in a funeral, secondly you don't dance during the Nacional a...

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How do you make a Kleeex dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

I have a little Christmastime request!! I am actually here for some good jokes for a 9 year old boy! I am looking to make him a joke book for Christmas. (Things are a little tight this year)
If anyone has a good one that's kid friendly I would really appreciate...

I asked the carnival worker how the trainer had taught the duck to dance.

He said I don't know, I only turn the hot plate on.

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Halloween party

A young couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party and have a good time. Being the devoted husband he protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed. She told him the...

I hate it when they say, "white people can't dance"...

Like Hello? We had the king of pop himself micheal Jackson.

A girl dances with you regularly but isn't into you. What does she see you as?

A step-brother

...sorry

They say that you can tell how a man is in bed by how he dances.

You can clearly tell I am white, awkward, and do alot of dancing alone.

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Once upon a time, there were two native tribes who were bitter enemies

One tribe lived in houses made of sticks, and the other tribe lived in houses made of grass. Each tribe had a sacred throne on which the tribe elder would sit and judge his people.

On day, the tribe who made their houses out of grass raided the village of the tribe who made their houses out ...

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What do you yell when a sex worker falls at a square dance?

"It's a hoe-down!"

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Timmy and Sally were at a school dance.......

At the dance Timmy and Sally sat on opposites sides of the hall. Timmy with the boys and Sally with the girls.

They were both born with genetic disorders.

* Timmy was born without a left eye but he wore a wooden prosthetic in its place.
* Sally was born with a cleft palate, the corr...

My Hungarian boss' favorite joke

In the midst of the Cold War, the CIA sends its best spy into Russia. He has spent the last 10 years learning how to blend in with the locals. He speaks perfect Russian, he can dance the kalinka better than anyone, and he can drink an entire bottle of vodka without batting an eyelash. As soon as he'...

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A woman decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says,

“Hey, Dave! How ya doin’?”

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before.

“Oh no,” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team.”

When they are seated…

A waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual and brings over ...

There are dedicated detectives who investigate especially heinous crimes as members of an elite squad known as the SVU. This is one of their less successful stories...

In a stake-out operation at a local bar, an undercover SVU officer was approached by Eva, an exotic dancer, who offered him a private lap dance in the back room. Within seconds, before starting her routine, she was arrested and charged with solicitation.

Later at trial, her defence lawyer i...

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A little girl goes to her very busy father to ask various questions

“Papa, Papa!” she calls out to him, “I hate my dance lessons, can I not go today?”

“Quit it. Can’t you tell I’m in a meeting right now? Go talk to your mother,” her father tells her and shoos her from the room.

A little while later the girl returns and says, “Papa, Papa! I found a disc...

How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it!

(My 6 year olds favorite joke)

Asked the Mrs "Do you think your mother would prefer Riverdance or something more Fred Astairish?"

She replied "I think she'd prefer you didn't dance on her grave at all"

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A man walks into a bar...

he leans over and says to the bartender, "Hey, will you give me a free beer if I show you something so amazing that I can guarantee you've never seen it before?"

The bartender says, "Okay, but it had better be good."

The man reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He sets...

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A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam.

A woman goes to her gynecologist for a routine exam. During the exam, the doctor remarks, "My, you have a big vagina...My, you have a big vagina."

Upset, the woman tells the doctor that he didn't need to say it twice. But the confused doctor replies that he only said it once.

Intrigued...

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A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

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Me and my friends had great times at the local dancehall.

Run by a guy named Frank. Very nice guy. Not always in a good mood, he told us it was because he sometimes suffered from severe depression.

Anyway, after the huge success of the movie, he decided that weeks dance would have a Saturday Night Fever theme.

I only found out because a frie...

Dude is getting ready for prom night

He thinks to himself; "I'm gonna need to make this night perfect so I can get laid!".

He thinks about what he'll need. "I'll need a perfectly fitted tuxedo so I look good so I can get laid!" So he goes to the tailor and sees an incredibly long line. It's prom day so he's not the only one thin...

Do you wanna know what my epileptic cousin's favourite dance is?

The Worm

What was Chip's favorite dance style?

Salsa.

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

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A TV crew was on a remote village making a documentary…

…they stopped a villager and asked him if he would tell a happy anecdote for the camera. The man smiled, gave a deep, longing breath and told “well, there was this time when Sven’s sheep got lost, so it wandered up the mountain, so we got together to look for it. We searched and searched all day lon...

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst

You can't drink alcohol
Or dance.


Women can get Stoned though, no questions asked.

I went to a middle school dance back in the day.

It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.

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Guy in town on business goes to a local bar...

Guy is in town on business and goes to local bar. As he is drinking he starts talking to the attractive woman next to him. They get up and start dancing.

As they are dancing she says “for $10 I can give you and amazing hand job.” He’s interested but replies “how do I know it will be amazing?...

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Went to a club with the wife and there was a guy on the dance floor going mental - twerking, breakdancing, spinning, moonwalking, back flips, the whole lot . My wife turned to me and said, “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

I said, "By the looks of it, he’s still fucking celebrating!”

A trip to Paris

Rufus, a furniture dealer from St Catherine, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.  To celebrate t...

You know your dad is drunk when

He stops turning the lights off in empty rooms


He leaves the front door unlocked past 4pm


The lines where he's mown the lawn look like a bowl of noodles


When his favorite hat falls and touches the ground, he acts like it was no big deal


When you as...

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Guy in the pub accused me of being gay...

I was so offended I immediately challenged him to a dance off

Franky was enjoying himself at a nightclub

During the events of the night he lost his watch and couldn't find it anywhere he looked, so he figured he'd just settle his losses and move on.

Later in the night he saw a man standing on his watch, this man was harassing a girl who clearly didn't want to dance with him, so Franky walked up ...

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People say that dancing is like fucking.

They say people dance like they fuck.

Which is completely false for me, because I can dance for more than 30 seconds.

Do you want to learn how to dance in a few seconds for free?

Step 1: Remove your shoes

Step 2: Go on the street

Note : Higher chances of success if you live in Europe

A dentist shoots a kid doing a fortnite dance.

"You're bleeding because you were flossing"

Generally speaking, there are three different styles of cancan dances, 'French Cancan', 'British Cancan', and 'American Cancan'. In my opinion, French Cancan dances are able to outperform American Cancan dances and American Cancan dances can also outperform British Cancan dances.

In other words, Cancan Cancan can can can can Cancan.

I had a gold fish who could break dance on a carpet.

... for 20 seconds.

... And only once.

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An old prospector shuffled into the town of El Indio, Texas leading a tired old mule.

The old man headed straight for the only saloon in town, to clear his parched throat.

He walked up to the saloon and tied his old mule to the hitch rail.

As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in...

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Where do anti Vaxxer strippers dance

Around a polio

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A well-traveled man goes to a strip club

When he gets a lap dance from one of the strippers, he asks if she is Chilean

‘Yes, I am!’ she says ‘How did you know?’

‘Well’ says the man ‘Much like Chile, you are tall and slim’

He later gets a lap dance from another stripper, and asks if she is Swiss

‘Yes, I am!’ she ...

Why did the girl invite the mushroom to the school dance?

Because he was a Fun-gi

A pianist, a dancer and an alcoholic are attending a party

The doorman asks the pianist "what are you here for?", "I'm here to play music" and the doorman directs him to the instruments on stage.

The doorman asks the dancer "what are you here for?", "I'm here to get my groove on" and the doorman directs him to the dance floor.

The doorman asks...

School dances this year are going to be like Fortnite lobbies...

Lots of stupid dance moves and unnecessary shooting

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I went to a strip club.

Got a lap dance from a stripper named Cinderella. At first I thought it was a strange stage name, but it checks all the boxes. Dad wasn't around, stepmom treated her like shit and she wears see through shoes.

How do you make a tissue dance?

You threaten to kill its entire family.

A kid asks her crush out to the prom and she says yes. So he really wants to impress

He wants to buy her some nice flowers, rent a tuxedo, and a limo.

So he goes to the flower store and there's a really long flower line. He waits for hours and finally gets to the desk and buys the flowers

He then goes to the tuxedo store and, again, there's a really long tuxedo line. H...

Its the homecoming dance, and so far the gym is split between boys and girls.

Several minutes pass until the boys start talking to the girls and asking them to dance. One after another the girls get asked to. All but one remains. Nobody has asked her out due to her fake wooden eye that she has.

Then suddenly, one boy realizes her sitting alone and wishes she was havin...

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

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