Two well dressed lawyers, Milind Kale and Ram Jethmalani went to an expensive restaurant...

They ordered 2 coffees
and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat...

Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...

The lawyers quietly looked at each other and
EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals!
<...

battering rams...

were a real breakthrough at the time

A few days ago Apple introduced the new Mac Pro with up to 1.5 TB of RAM...

I can finally use Google Chrome.

Why does Putin's laptop have 1 TB of RAM?

KGB

Babri Masjid or Ram Mandir?

An amicable solution is to build a hospital over the site

for erectile dysfunction.

Millions of Muslims and Hindus will benefit equally.

How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

Put her in a Patriots jersey

What's the difference between Gordon Ramsay's favorite dish and a slow running computer?

One is a Rack of Lamb, the other is a Lack of RAM

Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots

make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night

I guess the Rams ended the Super Bowl the way they ended the season.

13-3.

What was the ram’s favourite Christmas carol?

All I Want for Christmas is Ewe

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I told a girl my dick was like a computer

She asked if that was because it had loads of RAM and a big hard drive.

Oh, the surprise she got when she found out it was microsoft and full of viruses.

What's the difference between a dollar and the Los Angeles Rams?

A dollar is good for 4 quarters.

It’s a great time to date a Rams fan..

They are used to disappointment and aren’t expecting a ring.

I found my boomerang with RAM glued to it

Man that thing brought back memories

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't kn...

10 years ago to this day, I cut myself with a stick of RAM

I guess you could say I have a pretty sharp memory.

Why did the ram run off the cliff?

He missed the ewe turn

How much RAM does a great white shark have?

A killer-bite.

The Dodge Ram has always confused me.

I mean, which do you want to do? Dodge it or Ram it?

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and sta...

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What's the difference between a sheep and a ram?

I can't sheep my dick into ur ass

My friend didn't get my RAM joke.

DIMM wit.

I always have the hardest time seeing laptop RAM

It's just that the sticks are sodimm.

Why can't you use RAM as a flashlight?

It's SO-DIMM.

My memory is like a stick of RAM

It forgets everything by the time I go to sleep

What does a car do when a ram is running towards it?

Dodge.

A horse and a ram were sitting in a bar.

"Fancy another beer?" said the horse. "It's thirsty work pulling that cart all day."

"I know what you mean," replied the ram. "I've been stuck in a field all afternoon with no protection whatsoever from the sun. And the only water we get comes in a through that is filled with grass, muck and ...

Making love to a woman is like a Ram playing a violin...

He may not be very good at it, but it's still better than ewe

A Michael Sam joke

After being drafted by the St. Louis Rams, Michael Sam celebrated by kissing his boyfriend. This is historic because it’s the first time anyone has celebrated being drafted by the St. Louis Rams. - Conan O'brien

I was trying to find some spare RAM sticks in our stock room but I couldn't see any...

Because it was SO-DIMM.

What did the RAM stick say to the politician?

I'm PC2!

What do you call it when a shepherd can't find his ram?

Memory loss.

What did the ram say as his lover lay on her deathbed?

There will never be another ewe.

A farmer decides its time to tell his son how he breeds the animals.

He explains about the cows and the bull, the mares and the stallion and the ewes and the ram. But he also decides to tell his boy about their one lame pig.

‘Unfortunately she can’t walk far, so when she’s in heat I put her in the wheelbarrow and cart her down to my friend’s farm for some alo...

My computer's RAM isn't that great...

...but it still has faster processing than the DMV.

Super Bowl Halftime

At halftime it's Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0

what did the ram say when his mom found drugs in his dresser drawer?

I learned it from watching ewe!

Football joke

How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?

Paint an endzone on it.

I ran into the back of car the other day.

This gorgeous, leggy blonde got out and screamed " ram me up the ass, why dont you?"

And that your honour is where i believe, the confusion began.

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A man wakes up after a plane crash

he finds himself on a beach with nothing around but palm trees, sand and the noise of the water hitting the sand bay.

Despite his pain in every single part of his body, he manages to get up and walk along the beach. Some airplane parts are lying around too and slowly the man realises, he must...

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Chatting up a woman at a bar

I said "my dick is like a computer"
She said "what, you mean it's powerful with lots of ram?"
"Nah, its microsoft & full of viruses".

Why are sheep biased when it comes to car sales?

They only buy and sell Ram

My wife is like a 1974 Pinto.

She always blows up when I try to ram her in the ass.

One of my old theater director’s favorites

In an old, medieval village, there was a church, with a high bell tower. The bell hadn’t been rung in many a long year.

One day, a man with no arms finds the priest of the church and says, “Father, I’d like to be your official bell ringer.”

Confused, the priest responds “But how can y...

A man wakes up one day and notices he’s shrinking. (Long)

He checks his height everyday but today, he has lost an inch. The man thinks nothing of it and continues about his day.

The next day he wakes up and checks his height again. This time he has lost two inches. Concerned, the man calls his physician and scheduled an appointment for the followin...

Did you know that the Super Bowl was just on??

Apparently, neither did the
Los Angeles Rams.

An elderly man is having difficulty keeping up with his wife any more

so he goes to see the doctor and is gone for most of the day.

When he gets home, he arrives in a chauffered Cadillac, and is resplendently turned out in pinstripe trousers, waistcoat, frock coat, top hat and spats. He has a gold pocket watch in the waistcoat, a gigantic cigar, and an ebony ...

What do you call a goat that works at a bakery?

A battering ram

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An Old GF of Mine

I used to date a girl a while back who was a huge fan of St. Louis. Unfortunately, she was also dyslexic. When the Rams came to town, I picked her up to go to the game and she had "ORGASM!" painted across her forehead.

Do androids dream of electric sheep?

Yes, but it takes a lot of ram.

First impression (NSFW)?

A guy meets a girl at a bar, and they're having a good time. So, they decide to head over to his place. As he is about to open the door, she takes a step back and looks at him.

"What are you doing looking at me like that?"

"Oh, I can tell a lot about how a man makes love by how he open...

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The Bravest and Fiercest

The king was getting old and did not trust his sons to rule his kingdom after his passing. He decided that he must find a husband for his daughter. This man, who would one day take the throne, had to be the bravest and fiercest warrior in all the land.

The king devised a test. his engineers ...

A drunk German and Russian are walking around town with a sober Brit

After a few too many, the group decides to head home but the two drunks can't seem to walk in a straight line, bumping into everything in sight as the Brit keeps them from hurting themselves. Fed up with babysitting them, the Brit decides to have some fun.

The German and Russian first bump in...

A man is walking home one foggy night,

When behind him he hears:

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

He looks back, but the source of the sound is obscured by the fog. He continues walking.

Thump...

Thump...

Thump...

He begins to walk faster, and looks back over his shoulder as he hurries a...

Where does steel wool come from?

Dodge Rams.

A group of sheep walk into a buffet.

The waiter approaches the group and says, "the ladies can eat, but the men will only be able to order drinks".

"Baaa... care to explain yourself?" asks one of the rams

"I'm sorry Sir, but as the sign stated on the door, this is an all ewe can eat buffet".

I've been having trouble meeting girls, so I asked my dad for some advice. He said that if I wanted to break the ice, the next time I go out, I should use this pickup line...

"Ford F-150, Chevy Silverado, Dodge Ram, Toyota Tundra, Nissan Titan, GMC Sierra, Honda Ridgeline..."

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Two DEA officers were called into their superiors office after an operation didn’t quite go to plan.

Superior: “Gentlemen, do you want to debrief me on this latest raid?”

Officer jones: “Well, sir, as I recall it, first of all I used the battering ram to flatten the door. Then, within a few seconds of getting inside, I found at least 25 ounces of coke and weed all over the coffee table.” ...

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Voodoo Dick [Long]

a husband married a wife and the wife was the horny type, he had to satisfy her often. but when he had to go away on a business trip he found that his wife would most likely cheat on him. so he went to the nearest pawnshop and shared these details with them. they offered him a voodoo dick, the husba...

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Just one minute

A fellow walks into his doctor's office, complaining that he thinks he
might have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical examination and
listens to the symptoms, and concurs with the self-diagnosis.
"I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. And bring a
banana and a cookie w...

How do you think the unthinkable?

You ram an itheberg.

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I...

The Genie and the Demon

Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges.

"You have freed me from my near-eternal captivi...

Mary had a little sheep

Mary had a little sheep.

And with the sheep she went to sleep.

The sheep turned out to be a ram.

Mary had a little lamb.

Which parts of a laptop are best suited for laying siege?

The battery and ram.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the teacher said, 'Johnny, do you have your report done?'

He replied, 'no ma'am.' She said, 'if you don't have it done by tomorrow then I'm going to make a call to your parents.'

As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two greyhounds racing,and one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just stops and the other one ra...

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If Dr. Seuss wrote instruction manuals.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-...

I love the latest version of Firefox

"Now with 85% more RAM usage!"

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

After his death, Steve Jobs wakes up in Hell and asks Satan, "Why am I here?"... (It's not in bad taste.)

After his death, Steve Jobs wakes up in Hell and asks Satan, "Why am I here? Certainly I've changed the world for the better through an innovative technological revolution."

"That's quite true," says Satan. "You belong 'upstairs' and I'm only borrowing you for a few days. But see, whenever ne...

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Some great one-liners.

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought. I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

My neigh...

Dad's Surgery

So my dad owns a computer repair company, and he needed surgery for a cyst in his neck today.

He sent me a picture of his head wrapped in bandages when he was on his way home saying "Added in some memory today".
To which I responded: "Did they have to RAM it in?".

Should have asked ...

Red Neck Computer Dictionary

* LOG ON: Makin’ a woodstove hot.
* LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
* MONITOR: Keepin’ an eye on the wood stove.
* DOWNLOAD: Gittin’ the farwood off the truck.
* MEGA HERTZ: When you’re not keerfull gittin’ the farwood.
* FLOPPY DISC: Whutcha git from trying to tote too much far...

Bought a new high-end Alienware for Goat Simulator 2017.

Can’t wait to play with those gigabytes of ram.

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Beth had her Dodge truck stolen

Beth had her dodge truck stolen. She called the police and they told her they'd send their best detective out in search of her Dodge. The woman called her son John and told him all about what had happened. When John told his girlfriend about it, she was wrought with distress. John said to her, "don'...

Joke translated to English

Once upon a time, there was a young Indian man named Ram who fell in love with a beautiful white woman. Although his parents did not approve, he stubbornly married the woman and brought her to live in the home he shared with his parents.

The next day, Ram's mother, named Sita, made breakfast...

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

computer humor

Graphics card says to the RAM "did you see that?" he replies "I Know".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who's the most 'merican...

Shortly after 9/11, Achmed and Abdul were terrified with what Muslim men had done to their adopted country.


The shaved their beards, changed into western clothes, and made a pact to meet in a years time, and see who had the most "american life".


So a year goes by, and the two ...

Why did the blonde get into a car accident?

She thought "dodge" and "ram" were instructions

I was suffering from short term memory loss

But then I found my ram.

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