I was once in a band called "1023MB”,

I thought we had potential, but we just couldn't get a gig.

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle

Why did the farmer start a rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin oats

What do you call a hentai-themed band?

My tentacle romance.

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

What did the group of urologists name their band?

I See Pee.

What's the one note a black metal band will never play?

Gsus.

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

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Here's a great idea for a boyband. Go to an old age home, assemble a group of old men and give one of them Viagra. The bands name you ask?

One erection

I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.

They said I violated it.

There needs to be an all female Incubus tribute band...

... named Succubus.

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

Why do Ska Bands make the best Door Dash drivers?

Because if you order food they'll *pick it up, pick it up, pick it up*.

I keep having flashbacks to the time I saw a K-Pop band in concert.

I think I have BTSD.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine

Our band always gets announced last at every event we preform at, no matter where we are in the show...

Probably should not have chosen Partridge in a Pear Tree as our band name.

How did the musical band get into treble?

They fell off a cleff.
















no regrets

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr

TIL that the wife of one of the members of the band Chumbawumba had to take a brief hiatus from her breakdancing job while she was pregnant and nursing.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

There’s a new band called 1023MB.

They haven’t had any gigs yet.

Hey have you heard of the sommeliers that formed a rock band?

They're called *Effervescence*. Their hit singles include *"My Last Breathalyzer Test"* and *"Bring Me More Wine"*. And who could forget *"Lacrymismosa"*?

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

How did the worst band in the world come up with their name?

After their first gig, the crowd was shouting that they wanted their nickle back.

I used to play triangle in a reggae band.

I would stand at the back and ting.

Two farmers each own a horse which they keep in the same field.

Each horse has a different coloured rubber band on its tail. Whenever the farmers visit, they feel carefully down the tail of each horse to find the rubber band, check the colour, and then take their horse for a ride.

This system works for many years until they arrive at the field one morning...

What's the name of the band who's music helps people sleep?

ZZZZ Top.

What's a Karen's favorite band?

The police.

Did you hear about the bird that joined a reggae band?

'e was flappin' de bass mon

I think we need to pay the band more...

Why do you say that?

Because I saw them outside all having to share the same cigarette!

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

What is Mike Tyson’s favorite rock band?

Kith

A Russian diplomat was visiting Washington DC

While there, he was invited to a large dinner celebration being held by members of the US government. As he entered the dining hall, he was taken aback by the decor. It was very impressive. Everyone was served fillet mignon. The plates forks and knives were real silver. A small band was playing clas...

I called my home insurance company today. I asked them to insure my antique rubber band collection.

They said “that’ll be a stretch”

Have you heard of a French ABBA cover band with just 3 members?

They're not any good, completely butcher the songs.

They're called ABBA Trois

New Band Name Idea: Suspicious Circumcision

They do mostly deep cuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy was the first person in his small town to go to college.

After he’d been there a few weeks, he lost all his money at a fraternity card game. He thought about his options and had an idea.

His father had just written him to ask how things were going. Billy wrote back and said, “Dad, you won’t BELIEVE what they can do at this school! They can teach...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A band is practicing before the concert

The vocalist stops the rehearsal and says:
\-Tell the bass player that the bass is too quiet
The band continues to pratice and suddenly the vocalist stops the rehearsal again:
\-Tell the bass player that I can't hear him
The band continues practice once more, but the vocalist rea...

So I thought I'd start my own rock band

I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.

But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

What do the Apostle Paul, Bon Jovi and Manfred Mann's Earth Band all have in common?

They were all "blinded by the light"

I used to be in a ska band...

Some would say I have a checkered past.

I really thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band play in Switzerland.

And then I saw her face, now I’m in Geneva...

I used to be in a band called boomerang

We’re about to have a big comeback.

Seeing how it’s saint Patrick’s day there is only one band you should listen to

Green Day

What does Cardi B say when fondly remembering the band Nirvana

Oh Kurrrt..

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

What's the difference between alcohol and weed?

Five drunk guys will start a fight. Five stoned guys will start a band.

My Grandfather really liked Fall Out Boy

I never understood why, considering the age gap between him and the band. Every week, I’d go sit with him on his porch and we’d listen to the band, jamming out to some sick tunes and laughing our hearts out at each other’s awful singing. Unfortunately as time passed, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’...

My friends and I are starting a Cover band

We're called Saran Saran

My Father says he was in an 80's band...

I don't believe him but he's ADAMANT (sorry, I made that up!)

My band just decided to change our name to "ACAPELLA"...

...as we walked out of the pawn shop.

A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH.

I said Yes.

I was at a bar once, and the band played "Jump"

.. and everyone jumped. Then the band played "Twist and Shout" and everyone twisted and shouted.

Then the band played "Come on Eileen". Poor Eileen!

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

What band do elderly people try to avoid?

The Strokes

What do you call a group of condoms who make music.

A Rubber Band.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of five park wardens decided to start a band together...

... They all agreed on playing music of a rock subgerne kind, mixed in with symphonic elements, fantasy based subject matter and strong choruses. However they could not agree on a specific aesthetic, as each one of them turned up for their first practice session with a different color scheme.
...

I want to make a lord of the rings themed metal band called

Nightmare on helms deep

Paddy was at the airport going through Customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?

Paddy: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.

Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?

Paddy: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,

He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could

I br...

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

What is the dumbest band ever?

Moron 5.

What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn?

Pink Flamenco

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A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

What do you call a drummer in a heavy metal band who doesn’t have a girlfriend?

Homeless

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

What's President Trump's new favorite band?

Air Supply

Three musicians are killed in an automobile accident. They arrive together at the pearly gates, where they are greeted by Saint Peter.

"Hello," says Saint Peter. "I suppose you'd like to get into Heaven!"

"Yes, we would," says the first musician, a band director.

"Well, there's just a little test you have to take. Nothing too difficult. Related to your earthly profession," says Saint Peter.

"OK," says the band ...

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Dusty Hill Blinked his eye open.

His head felt fuzzy. His eyes sticky. Dusty Hill Blinked his eyes open. "Wake up Dusty" said a familiar voice. His eyes focused, his brain whirled. It couldn't be who it seemed to be. Jimi mother fucking hendrix?

.

"Wake up Dusty. It's showtime!" Said the coolest voice ev...

What’s the worst band to play at a house fire?

The Talking Heads

A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

... thanks for every ting.

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What time is it ?

I took my 13-year-old son with me to a large charity barbecue. A few thousand people there and several different rib joints you can sample. It was awesome, the food was fantastic.

There was also a large beer tent that had a band with many people in it. Band was pretty good the music while peo...

What's it called when chemistry teachers share a favorite band?

A Co- Van Halen bond

I can't believe there's a band named after diode flow...

One Direction

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

I am thinking of making a cover band of Beatles without the drums.

I would name it The Beatles with an extra 's'.

TIL Out of boredom and to create more band chemistry early in their careers, the Ramones used to go on single's cruises together around New York harbour looking to pick up chicks.

They wanted to be sea dated.

The special ed students made a metal band.

It’s called Syndrome of a Down.

Why is the bass player always the happiest person in the band?

The guitar player needs to know how to score weed

The singer needs to know how to score chicks

The drummer needs to own a van big enough for the gear

And the bass player gets weed, chicks, and a ride home

I watched a UB40 tribute band called WD40.

They were a bit rusty at first, but got better as the evening went on.

Al Gore and a computer scientist started a band.

The Al Gore Rhythms

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you guys heard about the 80s tribute band releasing an album via OnlyFans?

They’re called Huey Lewd-is and the Nudes

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with the band Garbage.

Stupid Girl.

What do you get when you cross the ultimate jam band with the ultimate cheesy arena rock band?

Phish Styx

I used to be in a band named "fizzy tablet"

But we dissolved pretty quickly.

A group of politicians started a band

with Al Gore as the drummer. Old Al could never get the hang of keeping time, though: he would play 3/4 beats on 4/4 songs and 2/4 beats on 3/4 songs. It was always a mess, but the band tried to work through things and kept playing shows in spite of Al's problems. Obviously, they weren't very suc...

What did the band member say after he got tired of holding his own music?

"I can't do this anymore! It's time I took a stand!"

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

Going to the local tattoo shop to get a realistic tattoo of a band aid on my elbow.

I'm just hoping that they can pull it off!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a stripper do with her asshole before she goes to work?

She drops him off at band practice.

Why are band students so offensive?

They use alot of slurs...

There were two farmers who each had a horse in the same field

In order to tell them apart they had a little rubber band tied round one of the horse's tails. every day they would come to the field and feel up and down the horses' tails until they found the rubber band.

One day they lost the rubber band and didn't know what to do. Then one farmer said to ...

What's a Ferengi's least favourite band?

The lost prophets

What do you call Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison's band?

AC/DC

Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs..."

I'm in a band!

It's called Lost Cat.

You're probably seen some of our posters.

if you replace all the members of a band one by one over time is it still the same band ?

Yes

Did you hear about the one man band on the New York subway?

Probably not, he's an underground artist

One of my band members asked why I was using such a thin plectrum...

I told him it was slim pickin’s at the music shop.

Excuse me, did anyone lose a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because I found the 20 dollar bills...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea

The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Nazi leader who only listens to obscure bands?

Adolf Hipster

What band was named after an oyster’s least favorite bedroom activity?

Pearl Jam

My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

I've been having dreams about being in an alternative rock band

must be all that R.E.M. sleep I've been getting.

A band group was practicing the night before their big performance...

The rehearsal was going great! But the guitarist went up to the band leader.

“I’m not so sure that I’m going to do well tomorrow. I really don’t want to screw it up.”

The leader replies: “our performance will be just fine as long as you don’t fret!”

The guitarist has a puzzled l...

I've written a musical about a band of London pick-pockets set in modern times...

It's basically Oliver! with a twist.

What do you call people who enjoy the band U2?

Pro Bono

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

I quit the band

now I just play with myself

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