There’s a new band called 1023 Megabytes

They haven’t got any gigs yet.

The band U2 recently developed a GPS...

It's terrible! The streets have no name, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

What's a Karen's favorite band?

The police.

I want to make a lord of the rings themed metal band called

Nightmare on helms deep

My band just decided to change our name to "ACAPELLA"...

...as we walked out of the pawn shop.

My friends and I are starting a Cover band

We're called Saran Saran

The history of boy bands proves the theory of evolution

They all descended from The Monkees.

What do you call a drummer in a heavy metal band who doesn’t have a girlfriend?

Homeless

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

What band do elderly people try to avoid?

The Strokes

I really thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band play in Switzerland.

And then I saw her face, now I’m in Geneva...

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

So I thought I'd start my own rock band

I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.

But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.

What would you call a progressive rock band that plays psychedelic Spanish guitar on your front lawn?

Pink Flamenco

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.

What Armie Hammer’s favourite band?

Fine young cannibals

A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH.

I said Yes.

My Father says he was in an 80's band...

I don't believe him but he's ADAMANT (sorry, I made that up!)

What is the dumbest band ever?

Moron 5.

What’s the worst band to play at a house fire?

The Talking Heads

What’s a woodworkers favorite band?

Staind

What's it called when chemistry teachers share a favorite band?

A Co- Van Halen bond

I can't believe there's a band named after diode flow...

One Direction

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so ...

I am thinking of making a cover band of Beatles without the drums.

I would name it The Beatles with an extra 's'.

TIL Out of boredom and to create more band chemistry early in their careers, the Ramones used to go on single's cruises together around New York harbour looking to pick up chicks.

They wanted to be sea dated.

What's President Trump's new favorite band?

Air Supply

Al Gore and a computer scientist started a band.

The Al Gore Rhythms

What do you get when you cross the ultimate jam band with the ultimate cheesy arena rock band?

Phish Styx

A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

... thanks for every ting.

I watched a UB40 tribute band called WD40.

They were a bit rusty at first, but got better as the evening went on.

Why are band students so offensive?

They use alot of slurs...

Several churches started having problems with squirrels damaging their buildings.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had ...

I used to be in a band named "fizzy tablet"

But we dissolved pretty quickly.

I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"

We opened for The Doors

I was at a bar once, and the band played "Jump"

.. and everyone jumped. Then the band played "Twist and Shout" and everyone twisted and shouted.

Then the band played "Come on Eileen". Poor Eileen!

Going to the local tattoo shop to get a realistic tattoo of a band aid on my elbow.

I'm just hoping that they can pull it off!

The special ed students made a metal band.

It’s called Syndrome of a Down.

Did you hear about the one man band on the New York subway?

Probably not, he's an underground artist

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band

Had to leave cause it was one ting after another

Have you heard that new dog sled team from Canada that formed a rock band?

They're called Mush.

What's a Ferengi's least favourite band?

The lost prophets

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with the band Garbage.

Stupid Girl.

What do you call Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison's band?

AC/DC

Why shouldn't you let kids watch big band performances on TV?

Too much sax and violins.

One of my band members asked why I was using such a thin plectrum...

I told him it was slim pickin’s at the music shop.

A group of politicians started a band

with Al Gore as the drummer. Old Al could never get the hang of keeping time, though: he would play 3/4 beats on 4/4 songs and 2/4 beats on 3/4 songs. It was always a mess, but the band tried to work through things and kept playing shows in spite of Al's problems. Obviously, they weren't very suc...

I'm in a band!

It's called Lost Cat.

You're probably seen some of our posters.

What did the band member say after he got tired of holding his own music?

"I can't do this anymore! It's time I took a stand!"

if you replace all the members of a band one by one over time is it still the same band ?

Yes

What band is most appropriate in an office setting?

A rubber band.

Excuse me, did anyone lose a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because I found the 20 dollar bills...

What band did Dr Seuss make?

The Who

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea

The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Nazi leader who only listens to obscure bands?

Adolf Hipster

What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs..."

What band was named after an oyster’s least favorite bedroom activity?

Pearl Jam

My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band?

The Rolling Stones

I've joined a band called the foreskins

We mostly play cheesy covers

I've been having dreams about being in an alternative rock band

must be all that R.E.M. sleep I've been getting.

What is Cookie Monster’s favourite band?

OREO Speedwagon!

I gotta confess, it’s not my joke.

I heard it from a friend who,
Heard it from a friend who...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

I've written a musical about a band of London pick-pockets set in modern times...

It's basically Oliver! with a twist.

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A male band member’s manager learns that a local tabloid is looking for something scandalous to write a story about.

Trying to get ahead of whatever is coming, they go ahead and write out a list of rules for their client to follow to try and avoid catching the press’s attention. They emailed the list to the celebrity and told them to follow the instructions very closely.

A few days later, one of the manage...

During a zoom band class the teacher asked a student to name different notes. As he was reading them he stopped suddenly and said, "I forgot what note this is"

A bandmate put an F in the chat.

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

I was thinking of going as a Band-Aid this Halloween, but then I decided against it.

I think it would be hard to pull off.

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

Paddy was at the airport and was stopped by customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?

Paddy: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.

Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?

Paddy: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,

He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could

I br...

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Once upon a time...

A horse lived on a farm with a pig, a sheep, and a cow. Now these were no ordinary barnyard animals - for they were bestowed the miracle of Disney animal anthropomorphism - subsequently, the farmer was very happy to have these animals in his posession and the people who came afar to see them made hi...

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

I like three Motown bands.

Four tops.

I've just joined a rock band that play the same songs in the same order at every gig.

We're OC/DC

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If I had a band

If I ever started a band I'd vote to name it something like "dicks in the ass" so when it was brought up in conversation, it would go something like this:

Person 1: Dude! I heard this awesome song yesterday!

Person 2: Oh yeah? Who wrote it?!

Person 1: Dicks in the ass

P...

What do you call a boy band made up of misogynistic men?

Despise girls

I quit the band

now I just play with myself

A joke that nobody at my band camp enjoyed.

Why did the courier have to quit the band?

Because he couldn't CARRY a tune.

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan

And Iran, I ran so far away!

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they’re discouraged?

Ugh, we’re not getting Eddy Vetter!

What's the most important part of a heavy metal band?

The lead singer.

What do you call people who enjoy the band U2?

Pro Bono

The Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the ...

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The tale of Daniel Morgan

This is a tale of Daniel Morgan,
Who had a tiny sexual organ
This gave the girls a sudden shock
When they held his tiny cock,
He laboured hard to find a cure
And poulticed it with fish manure
He tied it up with bits of string
But still it was a poor wee thing
It was j...

Your typical rock band

In my history of Rock and Roll class, chapter 13 focused on the early rock artists post punk era. At the very beginning of the chapter the band King Crimson is briefly mentioned, they seemed to have qualities that later artist would adopt and were quite popular, with songs such as 21 century schizoi...

What's the difference between Logan Paul and BTS?

One is a boy banned from Asia and the other is a boy band from Asia

Have you heard about the band 999MB?

They haven't gotten a gig yet.



Edit to clarify: There are two systems. More people know about the one wherein 1024MB = 1GB. However, the IEC proposed a new one where 1000MB = 1GB. This change isn't well known, but it is more accurate. Sorry for the confusion!

I used to be in a band called the radiators...

We were a warm up act. Then I joined the duvets. We did mainly covers.

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I Accidentally jerked off while wearing my fitness band...

Later found out you are supposed to wear fitness band on your wrist..

I got kicked out of school for playing an instrument

I got band

My friend and I were backstage with band U2 and two other people.

I said “hey look, I’m here with u2, you two, and you too!”

Harry, Ron, Fred and George started a boy band together called...

Wand Erection

A horse is sitting at home, bored, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the ...

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

Why is it so hard to find the world's best tribute band?

Because they cover their tracks so well

The band was playing cheesy 80s music

So I ran, I ran so far away.

I counted 1500 lockdown protesters in our city.

Hold on, it's 900.

Edit: No, wait, it's 500.

What did Al Gores name his electric band?

The Algorithm

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