UPJOKE
ringslipcollarstripmusical groupneckbandwristbandsweatbandstripemusicdrummerbassistsongarmbandwristlet

Band Jokes

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones
upvote downvote report

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt
upvote downvote report

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.
upvote downvote report

Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport?

Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.
upvote downvote report

I’m in a band called “The Palindromes.”

Our first single is called “If I had a HiFi.”
upvote downvote report

I started a band with friends called 999 Megabytes

Still haven't gotten a Gig though
upvote downvote report

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’

You've probably seen our posters.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four musicians are arguing about who gives the best blowjobs in the band.

The first says, “Clarinet players are the best, because they can put so much in their mouth and still play beautifully.”

The second says, “No, it’s flute players! They can handle the mouthpiece sensitively while still using their fingers.”

The third still disagrees, and says “It’s oboe...

I was once in a band called "1023MB”,

I thought we had potential, but we just couldn't get a gig.
upvote downvote report

What's a necrophiliac's favourite band?

Coldplay
upvote downvote report

I started an emo salsa band

We're called Hispanic at the Disco
upvote downvote report

If Marie Antoinette, Anne Boleyn, Charles I, and Louis XVI formed a band, what would its name be?

The Talking Heads.
upvote downvote report

Mariachi bands are like hookers.

Bottom line, you're really paying for them to just go away
upvote downvote report

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.
upvote downvote report

Steve Winwood once asked me to be a part of his band

Ultimately, I declined his offer after remembering what my dad always told me.

"Son, remember to never play in traffic."
upvote downvote report

What is South Korea’s most popular rock band?

Lee Kim Park
upvote downvote report

I was in a band called Constipation.

We stunk. We didn’t go anywhere.
upvote downvote report

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm in a band called Delusional Bastards.

I know what you're thinking...great name.

I used to be in a band called Pangea…

but then we drifted apart and split up
upvote downvote report

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their la...
upvote downvote report

If you ask me what my favorite rock band is and I'm being subjective, I'd say The Who.

If I was being objective, I'd say it was The Whom.
upvote downvote report

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...
upvote downvote report

What is the Grinch's favorite band?

The Who.
upvote downvote report

Why are the compounds in garlic like a Seattle rock band?

They're both Allicin chains.
upvote downvote report

Why did the Chicken want to join a rock band???

He was the only one with a set of drum sticks...
upvote downvote report

I used to be in a reggae band once. I played the triangle.

I ended up leaving though, it was just one ting after another.
upvote downvote report

What is Jesus Christ's favorite metal band?

Nine Inch Nails
upvote downvote report

What's Hank Hill's favorite band?

PROPAIN!

I found a cd at a thrift store for a band actually called PROPAIN, made up this joke on the spot (maybe it's old idk) and made myself giggle, so I had to buy it, now I keep it in our minivan and break it out as my favorite dad joke whenever I have someone in it lol
upvote downvote report

I'm opening a bar that hosts brass bands every weekend.

I'm calling it "HornPub".
upvote downvote report

There's a band you HAVE to check out

and check out and check out and check out. They're called OCDC.
upvote downvote report

The band Static X just designed a lawn mower

Yeah... you push it.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a 70's cookie band?

OREO Speedwagon
upvote downvote report

I was thinking of dressing up as a Band-Aid for Halloween, but then decided against it.

It would be really hard to pull off.
upvote downvote report

Hey, do you remember that 90's boy band which advocated for a way to save water while peeing?

It was called "in sink" or something like that.
upvote downvote report

What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he was fired?

Oh snap.
upvote downvote report

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle
upvote downvote report

I recently met the singer of the band 4 Non Blondes

My friend asked me what I said to her

I said "Hey, what's going on"
upvote downvote report

I used to be in a band called The Prevention

We were better then The Cure, but nobody came to see us.
upvote downvote report

What’s a cookie’s favorite rock band?

OREO Speedwagon
upvote downvote report

Trump: "Let's get that Muslim band going"

"Band? We thought you said ban"

Trump: "No way, that's harsh. Also, how's the Mexican mall going?"
upvote downvote report

My friend said, “Do you want to come see my band play this weekend? The doors open at 8.”

Me: How’s that possible? I thought Jim Morrison was dead.
upvote downvote report

What did the children of the Polka Band's Tuba Player call him?

Their Oom Papa
upvote downvote report

A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Ork King.

Before heading out to fight the Ork King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 1000 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 2000 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experienc...
upvote downvote report

What makes a great emo band?

Lots of Deep Cuts
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about the out-of-tune Egyptian band?

They didn't have a Tutankhamun.
upvote downvote report

Why did the African band win the battle of the bands?

They were Moroccan
upvote downvote report

Why was the band named "Books"

So no one would judge them by their covers
upvote downvote report

A mariachi band was in a car accident..

Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don’t worry, they made a maracaless recovery.
upvote downvote report

I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists.

You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.
upvote downvote report

i was in a 3 person band called "Three-play"

It was named "Four-play", but we had to get rid of the keyboard player. He kept messing up the intro by trying to enter too early.
upvote downvote report

Once I tried to start a metal band...

...but gave up as I couldn't find a good conductor.
upvote downvote report

My band has a polish sound guy

And a czech one too. A czech one too.
upvote downvote report

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!
upvote downvote report

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do band members take viagra before a show?

To make them rock hard for a long time!

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.
upvote downvote report

What do you get when you cross a hurricane with a cruise ship full of 1990's boy bands?

Washed up musicians.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Favorite bands

What’s an ornithologist’s favorite band? The Byrds

What’s a geologist’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones

What’s a herpetologist’s favorite band? The Turtles

What’s a vaccine developer’s favorite band? The Cure

What’s a pyromaniac’s favorite band? Arcade Fire

...

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine
upvote downvote report

I heard a bunch of former soviet space engineers started an 80's cover band...

they called themselves Buran Buran
upvote downvote report

What is L. Ron Hubbard's favorite band?

Bad Religion.
upvote downvote report

What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?

Fall Out Boy
upvote downvote report

My Father says he was in an 80's band...

I don't believe him but he's ADAMANT (sorry, I made that up!)
upvote downvote report

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.
upvote downvote report

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.
upvote downvote report

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

An elastic band runs into a bank with a gun.

"Nobody move, this is a rubbery!"
upvote downvote report

Our bands bassist was always coming in late

He just couldn't get the timing right, so we kicked him out of the band. He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus.
upvote downvote report

I asked my daughter why Harry Styles left his band to go solo.

She said he wanted to go a different direction.
upvote downvote report

How many musicians does it take to start a ska band?

At least 4. One to drop it, three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.
upvote downvote report

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.
upvote downvote report

What's Santa's favourite heavy metal band?

Sleigher
upvote downvote report

What's Donald Trump's least favorite band?

Foreigner.
upvote downvote report

My girlfriend is in a band

My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.

It was a cymbal of my love.


I hope this is an original joke.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My poem about a heavy metal band's best album is being read on British radio

ABCB on ACDC's ace CD on BBC

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.
upvote downvote report

Just been listening to Ghislaine Maxwell's favourite band.

Scouting For Girls.
upvote downvote report

Everyone in my family has become a huge fan of 80's pop band The Knack

We all have Sharona virus.
upvote downvote report

Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band.

We’re calling ourselves OC/DC.
upvote downvote report

I named my band "Band"

Because we're never allowed back anywhere.
upvote downvote report

Why do married people spin their wedding band?

They are trying to figure out the combination
upvote downvote report

Life is hard in a band

Me and the guys started a rock band, we call it 1023MB. But no matter how hard we look we cant find a gig.
upvote downvote report

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr
upvote downvote report

What do you call a "Gulf and Western" singer who's gained way too much weight?

Jimmy Hit the Buffett



What do you call a band that agrees with anything?



Yes.



What do you call a band that you don't know any of the members?



The Who?



What do you call a band that likes to play childish games?



...
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about the bed bug band?

They mostly play covers

(OC my dudes, read em and weep)
upvote downvote report

The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems.

The Stones.
upvote downvote report

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars
upvote downvote report

Breaking: Dexter Holland from The Offspring has declared bankruptcy after pouring most of the band's savings into this week's lottery tickets.

He asked for a 13, but they drew a 31.
upvote downvote report

What do you get when you cross the ultimate jam band with the ultimate cheesy arena rock band?

Phish Styx
upvote downvote report

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC
upvote downvote report

What does Travis Scott and the band on the titanic have in common?

Even when people are dying the show must go on
upvote downvote report

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

What is the dumbest band ever?

Moron 5.
upvote downvote report

So after Sonic Youth broke up Thurston Moore was asked did he have any regrets when it came to the band

And he said “Yeah, 100%”
upvote downvote report

What did the group of urologists name their band?

I See Pee.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

if you replace all the members of a band one by one over time is it still the same band ?

Yes
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information