My printer just told me it was joining a band

Which makes sense.

It loves to jam.

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

What did the band member say after he got tired of holding his own music?

"I can't do this anymore! It's time I took a stand!"

What’s ICE’s least favorite band?

Foreigner

A joke that nobody at my band camp enjoyed.

Why did the courier have to quit the band?

Because he couldn't CARRY a tune.

I like three Motown bands.

Four tops.

What do you call a hard rock band full of old people

Near death metal.

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I ran into the drummer from my old high school garage band...

After the usual "we should get the band back together" bullshit, we started talking about how life has been over all these years gone by.

I told him my wife (coincidentally, also a guitar player) and I have 6 happy and healthy kids now. And how, oh so cleverly, we named them after the common ...

I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"

We opened for The Doors

What do you call a boy band made up of misogynistic men?

Despise girls

Did you hear about the band called 1023MB?

They're good, but they haven't got a gig yet.

During a zoom band class the teacher asked a student to name different notes. As he was reading them he stopped suddenly and said, "I forgot what note this is"

A bandmate put an F in the chat.

I just listened to a heavy metal band singing about norse gods

Now that's what I call Ragna-rock!

A group of fans are discussing their favorite band members

The newest fan of the group can’t decide whether they like the guitarist or vocalist more. Both are hot and both are great musicians.

One of the older fans chimes in, “Well, then consider who’d be better in bed.”

Confused, they respond,” How do I do that?”

“Do you prefer someone...

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The Tale of the Animal Band

So there was this horse, and recently he had gone through some tough times. His wife left him, he lost his job, and rent day was coming ever closer. This is when he had a brainwave: He was going to get his childhood band back together. So the first member to convince was the cow. Now the cow was pre...

I've just joined a rock band that play the same songs in the same order at every gig.

We're OC/DC

What does the band Pearl Jam say when they’re discouraged?

Ugh, we’re not getting Eddy Vetter!

I was at a bar once, and the band played "Jump"

.. and everyone jumped. Then the band played "Twist and Shout" and everyone twisted and shouted.

Then the band played "Come on Eileen". Poor Eileen!

I've joined a band called the foreskins

We mostly play cheesy covers

What do you call people who enjoy the band U2?

Pro Bono

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A struggling rock band...

A struggling indies band from Brooklyn, The Spoonerists, was in the process of recording their debut album. The artistic sentiment of the group led them to use ambient sounds from nature in their arrangements. One of the members of the band took it upon himself to go out in to the field and make rec...

What's Indiana Jones's least favorite band?

The Rolling Stones

My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine...

It was a huge mist opportunity.

Did you know the 80's pop band "A Flock of Seagulls" is gaining alot of attention in the middle east? They're getting really popular in Pakistan, Afghanistan

And Iran, I ran so far away!

I’ve been diagnosed with a rare form of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80’s bands

There is no cure

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If I had a band

If I ever started a band I'd vote to name it something like "dicks in the ass" so when it was brought up in conversation, it would go something like this:

Person 1: Dude! I heard this awesome song yesterday!

Person 2: Oh yeah? Who wrote it?!

Person 1: Dicks in the ass

P...

I quit the band

now I just play with myself

How do emo bands prepare for their shows?

They self-harmonize.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

I used to be in a band called the radiators...

We were a warm up act. Then I joined the duvets. We did mainly covers.

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I Accidentally jerked off while wearing my fitness band...

Later found out you are supposed to wear fitness band on your wrist..

A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.

One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...

A group of scientists start a band. What's it called?

Ion Maiden

Why did the chicken cross the mobius band?

To get to the same side.

What's the most important part of a heavy metal band?

The lead singer.

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

I started a band called 999 Megabytes

Still haven't gotten a gig yet.

Have you heard about the band 999MB?

They haven't gotten a gig yet.



Edit to clarify: There are two systems. More people know about the one wherein 1024MB = 1GB. However, the IEC proposed a new one where 1000MB = 1GB. This change isn't well known, but it is more accurate. Sorry for the confusion!

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

The band was playing cheesy 80s music

So I ran, I ran so far away.

My friend and I were backstage with band U2 and two other people.

I said “hey look, I’m here with u2, you two, and you too!”

I've started playing the triangle in a reggae band

I stand at the back and ting

I counted 1500 lockdown protesters in our city.

Hold on, it's 900.

Edit: No, wait, it's 500.

I started the biggest rock band in the galaxy.

We're called the Asteroid Belt.

How come U2 band members still haven't found what they're looking for?

Because the streets have no names!

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A band needs a new member

A guy shows up and says "fuck black people."

They look at him shocked, and he goes on to say "Asians suck too."

They're gobsmacked, and then he says "don't even get me started on Mexicans."

Finally, the lead singer says to him "the ad was for a *bassist*."

I like to pick up women at Cover Band concerts.

Since I already know they are willing to settle.

I played bass on the original Scooby Doo theme song way back in 1969 and then went on to play with Metallica. AMA!

Fine, I didn’t actually play the bass on the Scooby Doo theme song, or in any band for that matter, but I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you metaling kids!

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A guy really wants to impress his girlfriend.

A guy had met a girl recently and he really liked her, so he would try to impress her on every chance that showed up.

One day, they were at a Rolling Stones concert. The guy excused himself for a moment to go to the bathroom, but made a turn and headed right to the band’s room. In there was M...

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.** 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confett...

Why is it so hard to find the world's best tribute band?

Because they cover their tracks so well

My friend's hobbies include photography and playing in an 80's band. He's a lot like a tree in that way

they both like to photo synthesize

The band members of Foreigner have been in quarantine since this pandemic started

They have fevers of 103F

Harry, Ron, Fred and George started a boy band together called...

Wand Erection

What was the Luddite's favorite band?

Rage Against the Machine.

In a small American town, a band of squirrels had become quite a problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had tak...

Who is the most popular band on earth right now?

Widespread Panic.

Who’s your favourite Christian rock band?

Mines psalm 41

Did someone lose a roll of 20 dollar bills wrapped in a rubber band?

Cause' I found the rubber band

The Ivory Throne of the King of Timbuktu

Hundreds of years ago, when glorious Timbuktu was nothing more than a large collection of grass huts, the King of that great city declared his wish for a throne fit for such a mighty ruler. Of ivory it was to be, exquisitely carved, inlaid with gold leaf, decorated with diamonds and emeralds and sap...

Which band had a hit single with “Jive Talkin’”?

A) Gees


B) Gees


C) Gees


D) Gees

I'm starting a Christmas themed thrash band.

Thinking of calling it Sleigher.

So I started this new underwater band-project

I hope you guys like aquapella!

What did Al Gores name his electric band?

The Algorithm

I showed my band the lyrics I composed and they said I should be a poet

Poet, fireman, accountant, anything but lyricist.

I know a friend who plays in a band...

He is saxually active.

My friends and I started a band called Duvet recently

We only do covers.

What's the difference between booze and weed?

5 drunk guys will start a fight. 5 stoned guys will start a band

I'm thinking about starting up a neurodivergent, mermaid-themed parody band of AC/DC. It's gonna be called

OCD Sea

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, once upon a time......

A horse sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is ...

I formed a rock group called the elastics, things aren't going so well so far though,

We have one song and it's band.

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There was a cat, a cow and a horse who lived on a farm.

It was a massive farm in Virginia which spanned a few acres, and every day the three animals would work on the farm. Even though it was exhausting, it was very rewarding.

One day, the cat decided to take the day off. While the cow and the horse worked on the farm, the cat sat down and watche...

I was attacked by a band of flying nuns.

It was a total Cloisterflock.

Me and my friend are going to form a band called 'the duvets'

Mainly going to be a cover band

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old "sound guy" joke: What's the difference between a bull and a blues band?

With a bull, you get the horns in the front and the asshole in the back!

If reddit had a favorite band, who would it be?

Radiohead, because they are the Karma police.

A bass player dies and goes to hell

when he gets there, he’s surprised to find Keith Moon immediately greeting him.

“Hey man, you’ve gotta join our band. We’ve got Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughn on guitar, and Im on drums”

the bassist looks confused and says “wait, this is hell right? that sounds awesome!”

“we...

What's the most popular band in China?

The Wuhan Clan.

I'm putting together a Christian Metallica all puppet cover band.

Gonna call it Pastor of Muppets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young sheep, out to pasture, is suddenly cornered by a farmer and tied up.

The young sheep faints of fright, and when he awakens immediately runs back to his flock.

Bleating wildly, he exclaims “how could the farmer do this to me!”

A wise elder sheep says, “calm down, son. What happened?”

The young sheep, still hysterical, cries “i was the most beau...

I listen to a band named Magma

It's pretty underground

What did the Janitor call his safety warning inspired metal band?

Slip not.

Did you hear that Mozzarella joined a band?

It’s a string band and he shreds on the grateir.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there’s a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

So there’s this farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the ...

TIL the band, the B52's, are huge Shaquille O'Neal fans.

It turns out they love Shaq

What do Kobe Bryant and the marshal Tucker band have in common?

Their last big hit was fire on the mountain.

Guitar Horse

A horse and his mother are in the barn watching TV when an ad comes on. It's for a music school that can teach anyone to play any insturment, guaranteed. The horse has always wanted to be play the guitar, so he calls them up.

"Hey, I want to learn to play the guitar," he says, "Can you teach ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke that’s got me various death threats

So there was a horse, and this horse was really talented. He was great on guitar. One day he found himself watching youtube and stumbled upon a Jimi Hendrix song which inspired him to start a cover. He practised this cover really hard, eventually becoming inspired to create a cover of a whole Jimi H...

The band A Flock of Seagulls is not concerned with WWIII. They've stated that conflicts typically happen with neighboring countries.

And Iraaaaan...Iran's so far awaaaay....

The band 4 Non Blondes changed their name to 3 Non Blondes...

Because the 4th one dyed.

We kicked the drummer out if the band because his timing was awful.

He was so upset he went to the station and threw himself behind a train.

A band should name themselves "rubber"

So they'll be known as the rubber band.

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

I'm in a Medieval-themed metal band

We're called "Bards of Prey."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A horse wants to start a band

A horse wants to start a band. However, he can’t sing; So he goes to a vet.



He asks the vet, “Can you give me vocal cords so I can sing?” The vet agrees and gives the horse vocal cords.

A chicken sees this and wants to join the band, so he asks the vet, “can you give me lips so...

What is Santa’s favorite band?

Sled Zeppelin

I used to play the triangle in a Reggae band but I left

It was just one ting after another

I heard Usain Bolt is joining a band

Turbonegro

Have u heard of the band 999mb?

No? Well it's probably cause they haven't had a gig yet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s trumps favorite band?

Pink Floyd ever since the wall album he’s been hooked.

(Only percussionists would get this) I play mallets in band class, and so periodically my teacher would see how I was doing.

I always pass the vibe check.

I’ll leave now.

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

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