The 118+ Best Band Jokes

Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport?

Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.

I’m in a band called “The Palindromes.”

Our first single is called “If I had a HiFi.”

If Will Smith, Amber Heard, and Chris Brown formed a band, what would its name be?

The Heavy Hitters.

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A groupie meets a band for the first time.

She is introduced to the singer and guitarist, then the bass player, who only has one arm. She asks how he plays with only one arm, and he says "watch!"

He proceeds to pull out his enormous erect penis and while he frets his bass he uses his dick to play the strings. He's thrusting and gyra...

I started a band called 999 Megabytes

We still haven't gotten a gig.

What's Hank Hill's favorite band?

PROPAIN!

I found a cd at a thrift store for a band actually called PROPAIN, made up this joke on the spot (maybe it's old idk) and made myself giggle, so I had to buy it, now I keep it in our minivan and break it out as my favorite dad joke whenever I have someone in it lol

I used to be in a band called The Prevention

We were better then The Cure, but nobody came to see us.

I often wondered why the UK would be attracted by a band called Spice Girls.

Then i tasted their authentic cuisine.

Why did the Chicken want to join a rock band???

He was the only one with a set of drum sticks...

I was in a band called Constipation.

We stunk. We didn’t go anywhere.

I used to be in a band called Missing Cat

You may have seen our posters.

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What does a stripper do to her asshole before going to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band

But I had to quit as it was just one ting after another

So an IT guy is really bad at his job and decides to quit and start a Nu Metal band.

It was named: System Always Down

What makes a great emo band?

Lots of Deep Cuts

i was in a 3 person band called "Three-play"

It was named "Four-play", but we had to get rid of the keyboard player. He kept messing up the intro by trying to enter too early.

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A horse is sitting in his stable one day when he hears music coming from the farmhouse. He waits patiently for the farmer to go out before making his way across to the farmhouse to see what's going on. As he peers through the window he can see MTV is on the television.

Horse goes into the house and sees a rock band on the screen. He is instantly taken by the guitar and decides there and then he wants to play. He uses the telephone and calls the local music shop. He explains that he has seen the band on TV, that he is a horse and that he wants to play guitar, The m...

What's the name of the nu-metal band reaching the billboard top 100?

PopKorn.

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

What's a necrophiliac's favourite band?

Coldplay

Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band.

We’re calling ourselves OC/DC.

I asked my daughter why Harry Styles left his band to go solo.

She said he wanted to go a different direction.

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.

Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

My friends and I started an emo salsa band

We call ourselves HisPanic at the Disco

I was working in a record store when a gentleman asked me if we had anything from the most popular prog-rock band from Canada.

I said I'd be with him in a moment. He said "OK. No rush.".

I replied "Sorry. I can't help you then."

Why did the drummer's girlfriend leave him?

When they started dating she loved his sloppy enthusiastic banging but he joined a band and started getting more serious about it, and eventually - while he was very good - it would just be the same repetitive thing every night.

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An upset man has filed a lawsuit against Nirvana over the band's iconic 1991 album cover.

Sounds like a baby just trying to grab some money.

I used to be in a band called Pangea…

but then we drifted apart and split up

Did you guys hear about the hippie heavy metal cover band?

They release a song today called, “Enter the sand, *man*.”

What did the band teacher say when the tuba player played too high?

We don’t know, but he was in big treble.

Two lobsters were in a tank.

The one said to the other, "It sure would be easier driving this thing without rubber bands on our claws."

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A horse...

... sees a rock band perform and thinks "Hey, I could do that." The horse calls up his local music store and is like "I wanna learn guitar, just one problem, I'm a horse." The employee says "don't worry we can do that." The horse goes, learns guitar for a few months, gets really good, and is pretty ...

A band of russian friend are in their hotel room, joking about Stalin’s regime and cracking political jokes.

Worried that they were going too far, Sasha decides to play a practical joke on his pals and lighten the mood a bit. He slips downstairs to the lobby and asks the receptionist for an orange juice to be brought to room 304.

When he comes back to the room, he tells his friends “Guys, stop playi...

There is a band called 1023MB

Unfortunately, they haven't had any gigs yet.

A mariachi band was in a car accident..

Unfortunately some of the instruments were damaged and the band members injured. Don’t worry, they made a maracaless recovery.

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

Once I tried to start a metal band...

...but gave up as I couldn't find a good conductor.

I work as the lead singer in a U2 tribute band that provides free performances for charities and at protests

I'm a pro bono pro Bono

What’s a cookie’s favorite rock band?

OREO Speedwagon

I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band...

I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!

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Three friends explore a cave

While in the cave, the friends find a genie’s lamp. Of course, as anyone in this situation would do, they excitedly rub the lamp. The genie of the lamp pours forth in a cloud of magical smoke.

The genie begins his spiel: “Gentlemen, for summoning me forth from the lamp, I shall give each...

What is an Italian plumber’s favorite band?

Mario Speedwagon

Gonna start a musical group called "SPHINCTER OF DOOM"

Our music might stink, but we'll be a tight knit band.

My disabled friend wants to be a Band-Aid for Halloween but he’s got no arms…

I don’t know how he expects to pull it off

I'm in a band called The Introverted Pessimists.

You've probably never heard of us, but that's fine.

What is L. Ron Hubbard's favorite band?

Bad Religion.

Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation.

I mean...that's the point, isn't it?

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.

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A sadist, a masochist, a zoophile, a necrophile, a pyromaniac and a serial killer are having a stroll in the park.

This merry band of weirdoes and deviants are getting a bit bored. Then the zoophile whispers: "Oooh, I know what we should do. Let's catch a cat!"

The sadist nods approvingly: "Yes! Let's catch a cat... and let's torture it!"

The serial killer licks the blade of his knife, and chimes i...

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

My band has a polish sound guy

And a czech one too. A czech one too.

What were the drummer's last words before getting kicked out of the band?

Hey guys - let's play one of these songs I wrote for us!

Two band members go on a date to a dock…

The boy, a trumpet player brings his instrument to play a song for his date. As the song proceeds, the crew members on all the ships begin to run away. Confused, the boy stops. A crew member from a ship nearby runs past them shouting “Run!”
The two ask why. As he is running away, the sailor yells...

I was once in a band called "1023MB”,

I thought we had potential, but we just couldn't get a gig.

A Little Known Fact About the Works of J.R.R Tolkien

For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party.

This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.

A band was about to start a performance, when all of a sudden crazed lunatic rushed onstage, trashed all the instruments, tore everything apart, and ran off.

It was disconcerting.

Why was the band named "Books"

So no one would judge them by their covers

What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?

The Greek Squad

(Stolen from my band teacher) I broke up with my console recently,

It’s now my ex-box. It wasn’t anything personal I just wanted a switch.

Everyone in my family has become a huge fan of 80's pop band The Knack

We all have Sharona virus.

An elastic band runs into a bank with a gun.

"Nobody move, this is a rubbery!"

How many musicians does it take to start a ska band?

At least 4. One to drop it, three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.

A horse, a sheep, and a chicken lived together on a farm.

The horse had long dreamed of learning to play the guitar.

So the horse rings a music shop and he says, “Hey, I’d love to learn to play guitar. Is there anyone who can teach me”?

The music shop manager says “That’s not an issue, let’s get you started on some music lessons.” ...

Did you hear about the coniferous Ent who carried the entire E Street Band to a 13 year old Make A Wish kid?

It's all over the newspapers – "SPRUCE BRINGS TEEN CONCERT"

My neighbors have a band playing Mexican music since 6pm it is now 9:45pm. I couldn't take it anymore....

I had to go get chips and salsa.

Why couldn’t the police catch Jack the Ripper?

Because they were a rock band and not detectives.

What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?

Fall Out Boy

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle

The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems.

The Stones.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly, the woman gathers courage to go ask him out. She walks over, takes a seat next to him, turns and says...

"Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure...but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were...

Aside from King Crimson, did any other seminal progressive rock bands form in London in 1968?

Yes

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

I asked my Apple Watch "what's the time?"

It said "an 80s funk band."

What does Travis Scott and the band on the titanic have in common?

Even when people are dying the show must go on

A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons.

After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourt...

Kitty

A cat walks into a bar and orders coffee. The waiter is speechless and seeing this, the cat asks:

\- Is anything the matter?

\- Well, yeah.. you're a cat.

\- So?

\- You can talk..

\- I fail to see the problem. Please get me my order.

\- Right away, it's just...

Our bands bassist was always coming in late

He just couldn't get the timing right, so we kicked him out of the band. He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus.

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!

What is a carpenters favorite band?

Nine inch nails.

I tried to make an ABBA cover band using entirely woodwind

Unfortunately, the world just wasn't ready for OBBO.

Why do married people spin their wedding band?

They are trying to figure out the combination

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine

What do you call a bunch of janitors who made a band?

The bleach boys.

I finally managed to get some Cymbals for my one man band outfit

The only trouble is, now the trousers clash

What's the difference between pop punk and hardcore punk?

A hardcore band is a Minor Threat. A pop punk band is a threat to minors.

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

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My friend is such a homophobe…

He thinks the Trans-Siberian Orchestra is a band of cross dressing Russians.

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Favorite bands

What’s an ornithologist’s favorite band? The Byrds

What’s a geologist’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones

What’s a herpetologist’s favorite band? The Turtles

What’s a vaccine developer’s favorite band? The Cure

What’s a pyromaniac’s favorite band? Arcade Fire

...

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

Just been listening to Ghislaine Maxwell's favourite band.

Scouting For Girls.

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the m...

What is a 100-year-old's favorite metal band?

Age Against the Machine.

I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.

They said I violated it.

Why did the farmer start a rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin oats

Why did the African band win the battle of the bands?

They were Moroccan

Why do Ska Bands make the best Door Dash drivers?

Because if you order food they'll *pick it up, pick it up, pick it up*.

What did the group of urologists name their band?

I See Pee.

My sister's band opened for the Manic Street Preachers tonight

Before their set, she said "If you tolerate this, the Manic Street Preachers will be next."

My Father says he was in an 80's band...

I don't believe him but he's ADAMANT (sorry, I made that up!)

A bar owner is looking for some new musical acts to spice up the ambiance of his establishment.

He goes online, trying to find some local up-and-coming bands. He finds a couple of okay options: some country, some rap, some metal… Nothing really sticks out as the next big thing to him though. He keeps at it for an entire weekend, struggling to find something he really likes.

He then stum...

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Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? Th...

So I thought I'd start my own rock band

I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.

But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.

What genre of music do Czech bands play?

Prague Rock

U2 is the most beloved band.

Every time someone hears "I love you" they reply "I love U2."

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Barnyard Blues

There’s this horse in a barn and he’s watching TV and he sees a rock band playing music so he calls up a music teacher “Hey, I wanna learn to play guitar, there’s only 1 problem I’m a horse” music teacher says “no problem I can teach anyone anything” 2 months go by and horse is shredding it on the g...

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr

Our band always gets announced last at every event we preform at, no matter where we are in the show...

Probably should not have chosen Partridge in a Pear Tree as our band name.

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

I really thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band play in Switzerland.

And then I saw her face, now I’m in Geneva...

A high school music instructor walks into a bar

A high school music instructor walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I lost my job today. The superintendent said that I was too controversial," he tells the bartender. "He heard I was making the students read band books."

Did you hear about that music band formed from ex potato chip workers?

They called themselves “panic at Nabisco”

What's President Trump's new favorite band?

Air Supply

I think we need to pay the band more...

Why do you say that?

Because I saw them outside all having to share the same cigarette!

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