I used to know a guy who was in a band called 999 megabytes.

They were pretty good but they never made a gig.

So there was an angry band director...

His band wasn’t super good, but they managed. One day, they were rehearsing, when a flute player messes up a part. They keep messing it up, and he gets so frustrated he stabs the flautist to death with his baton.
He goes to prison, and gets sentenced to death by electric chair. Before he goes in...

What was Jesus's least favorite band?

Nine Inch Nails.

I was in a band called Dark Web.

We was always on tor.

I'm part of a big band group called The Megabytes.

Our thousandth member recently joined, finally readying us for our debut live performance.

It'll be our first gig.

Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

"There is no band on this ship."

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My band is hosting a benefit concert for women with no legs.

The place will be crawling with pussy.

TIL Charles XII once had an affair, about which Sabaton will be releasing a new single to celebrate the 20 years the band has been together

Its called Carolus' ex

So a horse wants to start a band...

The horse needs some of his friend from the farm to help him out so they can become a band.

First he needs a guitarist, and who better than his friend chicken who played guitar for 3 years. He asks chicken if he wants to join and he agrees.

Next he needs a drummer, so horse thought a...

My friend once showed me a picture of a band of what he called "ogres"

I told him that they definitely weren't ogres, but They Might Be Giants.

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"

​

(Again from my son)

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band.

But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.

Did you hear about the guy who got an award for taking down a thrash band selling drugs?

He got a metal mettle medal for metal meddle.

Everyone in our band has obsessive-complulsive disorder.

We're called "OC/DC."

Did you hear about Mike Tyson’s new band where he plays the sewing machine?

They really utilize their thimbles.

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

Has anybody lost a large roll of 20 dollar bills in a rubber band?

Because we found the rubber band.

Have you heard of the band 1023 megabytes?

Probably not they haven’t had a gig yet

I was listening to Uncertain Smile from The The. Man, I love that band...

...They are the genuine article.

Band most likely to be blasted out of the speakers at your local beehive?

Pollen Oates

Why are band and orchestra rated R?

All the sax and violins

I thought up a good band name last night. Hillary and the Emails.

Would be HYUUUGE in 48% of the US.

A bus carrying a jazz band has broke down on the highway

Witnesses are reporting a massive jam

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a bull and a band that plays at weddings?

On the bull, the horns are in front and the asshole is in the back.

I've been recently obsessed with the band Fish

They're having a few shows, I'm hoping to catch a live one!

What is the band “Foreigner’s” favourite car to drive?

4 -Runner

Have you ever heard the band 1023MB?

Probably not, they've never made a gig.

What is Elon Musk's favorite band?

30 Seconds to Mars

I was in an 80's band called The Prevention

We were better than The Cure.

What is President Trump's least favorite rock band?

Foreigner.

A band of adventurers accept a quest, to slay the Ork King.

Before heading out to fight the Ork King, they head to town to hire a mercenary.
The first one is a swordsman, who asks for 1000 gold to join them.
The second is an archer, who wants 2000 gold for her services.
The last one is a Spearman, who is willing to do it just for the experienc...

Why is “1024 MB” the best name for a band?

You’ve always got a gig.

Soviet Russia used to have a leader who was also a singer in a rock band.

He's none other than John Lenin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the official electro-pop band of the New England Patriots?

Kraftjerk

I was in a band with a group of anti vaxxers.

We didn't live long enough to become popular.

What is R. Kelly’s favorite band?

Alice In Chains.

Why did Martha pull her kids out of band class?

Too much Sax and Violins.

What is a kid with asthma's favorite band?

Weezer

Did you hear about the Band Aid that got scammed

he was ripped off really bad

If you wanna find the band Smash Mouth in the Bible,

Just open your Bible to Psalm... BODY ONCE TOLD ME

When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert

we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits

TIL Christian bands have a favourite chord.

G sus

The Pope is going to start a Bluegrass band at the Vatican.

He says he likes fiddling with the kids.

Did you hear the largest rubber band ball has 200 Million rubber bands?

I think it’s a bit of a stretch.

Why was the band teacher arrested?

Because he fingered a minor.

What's the difference between a band of pygmies and a woman's track team?

**The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts...**

I like the band Ghost

I just can't stand the Phandom though.

Heard this joke a long time ago in highschool.. when band aid and Ethiopia were big news..

Ahmed runs a little eatery in Ethiopia.

One day, just when he was about to close up, an Ethiopian runs in, grab a plastic fork from the self serve area and runs out.. before Ahmed can process whether he's just been robbed.. another runs in, grab a fork but this time, the Ethiopian says thanks...

Who is the drummer for the Austrialian Beatles cover band?

ɹɐʇs oƃuᴉp

What is Santa's favorite metal band?

Sleigher

I feel uncomfortable watching a band pack up their gear after a show.

It's disconcerting.

The singer for the band Steppenwolf has been decapitated in a motorbike accident...

They found his head out on the highway...

Why did the all-pharaoh brass band break up?

They didn’t have a Tutankhamun.

What do you call a band full of whales?

An ORCAstra

What's a marching bands favorite Germanic Tribe?

The Saxons

How many musicians in my band does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, we get the drummer to do it.

Who is Tesla's favorite band?

AC/DC.

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that also makes Christmas music?

They're called sleigh-er

My band used to have a Polish sound guy.

And we also had a Czech one, too.

What’s a dirty dishes’ favorite band?

N’sync

What is the CIA’s favorite band?

Dead Kennedys

What did the Captain yell when he saw the mariachi band?

A BAND ON SHIP

Pangea was my favorite band

Earth just hasn't been the same since they broke up.

What's was the cookies favorite band?

OREO Speedwagon...

(I heard it from a friend, who heard it from a friend...)

What do you call a baby metal band?

Ultrasound

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

Hey, didja hear that Johnny Rzeznik and Stefani Germanotta are forming a new band?

They're going to call it "Googoo Gaga".

Did you hear about the bed bug band?

They mostly play covers

(OC my dudes, read em and weep)

Bought a new sat nav made by the band U2 , bloody things useless.

The streets have no names

In 1985, new wave band, A-Ha, wrote a song for a new Broadway version of Peter Pan that was never used. In the musical, Tinkerbell was supposed to sing to Peter, urging him to try and fight Captain Hook’s right hand man with the intent of demoralizing Hook and his pirate crew...

Taaaaake oooooon Smeeeee

Why did the bar owner flash the band after their last set?

To pay them with exposure.

I asked someone what their favorite band was, they said it was Green Day.

I replied, “you probably walk a lonely road then”.

What do you get when you combine Mr Clean with a 60's surf band?

The Bleach Boys

What's Demi Lovato's favorite band?

The one she uses to tie-off.

My girlfriend is in a band

My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.

It was a cymbal of my love.


I hope this is an original joke.

What's an alchemist's favorite classic rock band?

Gold Zeppelin

Apparently they're getting the old band based on the 2006 Nintendo console back together

It's a Wii union

I'm about to be fired from a Sublime cover band...

I don't practice Santeria.

A horse wanted to start a band.

It has always been a dream of his, the horse. He always fantasized about the day he’d sell out avenues with his talented bandmates. He thought to himself, “today, I will make my dream come true. No more waiting around.” Only problem is, he doesn’t know how to play any instrument, though he did have ...