UPJOKE
ringslipcollarstripmusical groupwristbandstripemusicdrummerbassistsongarmbandu2brass bandjazz band

The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.

They called the song “Helen Keller”.


Courtesy of my adult daughter onto which my ‘dad humor’ has clearly rubbed off!!

I was just on the phone with a company that said I won my choice of either $500 or tickets to see an Elvis Presley tribute band...

I had to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show!

My friends and I started an emo salsa band

We call ourselves HisPanic at the Disco

What's a necrophiliac's favourite band?

Coldplay

I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’

You probably saw our posters

What do you call a heavy metal band With financial problems?

Megadebt

There once was a man named Mr. Evans who pursued a law degree, even though his passion was music. All through law school, he yearned to drop out and play in a cover band, singing Beatles songs all night to a crowd of fans. Eventually, though the man became a lawyer instead.

Through the years, he became a highly esteemed practicioner of law. He rose in his practice of jurisprudence until one day he even became a county judge. He came home and told his wife that he still wasn’t satisfied. Despite everything, singing the Beatles was still his dream. She told her next door...

Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert?

Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.

Have you heard of the band 923 Megabytes?

Probably not, they haven't had a gig yet.

I used to play the triangle in a band, but I had to leave.

It was just one ting after another.

What is Count Rugen's favorite rock band?

Finger Eleven

What’s a cookie’s favorite rock band?

OREO Speedwagon

A few members of the Obsessive Compulsive support group decided to start a band

The called it OCDC

Why was the band named "Books"

So no one would judge them by their covers

There is a band called 1023MB

Unfortunately, they haven't had any gigs yet.

A band was about to start a performance, when all of a sudden crazed lunatic rushed onstage, trashed all the instruments, tore everything apart, and ran off.

It was disconcerting.

What do you call it when Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon band together to fix a computer?

The Greek Squad

How many musicians does it take to start a ska band?

At least 4. One to drop it, three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up.

What was the Mexican Aerosmith cover band's favorite song to play?

Guac this way.

(Stolen from my band teacher) I broke up with my console recently,

It’s now my ex-box. It wasn’t anything personal I just wanted a switch.

Did you hear about the coniferous Ent who carried the entire E Street Band to a 13 year old Make A Wish kid?

It's all over the newspapers – "SPRUCE BRINGS TEEN CONCERT"

An elastic band runs into a bank with a gun.

"Nobody move, this is a rubbery!"

My band has a polish sound guy

And a czech one too. A czech one too.

The worst band to listen to if you have kidney problems.

The Stones.

Everyone in my family has become a huge fan of 80's pop band The Knack

We all have Sharona virus.

What was the Vegan Metal Bands name?

Plantera

What do you call someone who plays in multiple bands?

PolyJAMorous!

My neighbors have a band playing Mexican music since 6pm it is now 9:45pm. I couldn't take it anymore....

I had to go get chips and salsa.

What's the most popular band in Chernobyl?

Fall Out Boy

What’s Sisyphus’ least favorite band?

Rolling Stones

A horse had a life long dream of playing the guitar

So there was a horse, and this horse always had a dream of playing the guitar.

So the horse calls up a music shop and he says, “Hey, I want to learn how to play the guitar.”

The music shop employee goes “That’s great we’ll set you up for music lessons.”

The horse responds “We...

I was once in a band called "1023MB”,

I thought we had potential, but we just couldn't get a gig.

I haven’t heard of the band: “The Rolling Stones” in a while,

I guess they went downhill

Why do married people spin their wedding band?

They are trying to figure out the combination

I finally managed to get some Cymbals for my one man band outfit

The only trouble is, now the trousers clash

Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...

Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.

She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People danc...

During this period of the pandemic, a group of extraordinarily thin people came together to form a band.

It was a massive success. They were the best in their fields. The violin, oh so melodious! The synth on point everytime. The acoustics, superb.

One time they were offered to perform a virtual concert. All the tickets sold out.

But when the time came for them to perform, they couldn't c...

John manages a band where his dog plays guitar and his cat sings

Everyone is amazed. No one understands how they're doing it and it becomes a huge hit. The band travels around the country and John makes a lot of money from the band's success.

Eventually, it catches wind in Italy and Berlusconi wants to hear the band live. He invites John to Rome and he com...

I tried to make an ABBA cover band using entirely woodwind

Unfortunately, the world just wasn't ready for OBBO.

Our bands bassist was always coming in late

He just couldn't get the timing right, so we kicked him out of the band. He got so depressed, he threw himself behind a bus.

Aside from King Crimson, did any other seminal progressive rock bands form in London in 1968?

Yes

Just been listening to Ghislaine Maxwell's favourite band.

Scouting For Girls.

A horse in a barn was listening to some rock and roll on the radio...

And he was inspired. The guitarist was masterful, and the horse knew, then and there, that he needed to play guitar. More than anything he'd ever needed before.

So he calls up his buddy, who is a guitar teacher, and asks his buddy to help him learn guitar. The horse takes to it quickly and p...

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Favorite bands

What’s an ornithologist’s favorite band? The Byrds

What’s a geologist’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones

What’s a herpetologist’s favorite band? The Turtles

What’s a vaccine developer’s favorite band? The Cure

What’s a pyromaniac’s favorite band? Arcade Fire

...

What does Travis Scott and the band on the titanic have in common?

Even when people are dying the show must go on

What do you get when an industrial rock band invents a gaming console?

A NINtendo

I like to pick girls up at cover band concerts

Since I already know they're willing to settle

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.

Patient: What’s the Cure?

Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

What is a carpenters favorite band?

Nine inch nails.

What do you call a bunch of janitors who made a band?

The bleach boys.

U2 is the most beloved band.

Every time someone hears "I love you" they reply "I love U2."

What is a 100-year-old's favorite metal band?

Age Against the Machine.

What genre of music do Czech bands play?

Prague Rock

What do you call a hentai-themed band?

My tentacle romance.

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Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

My friends & I just started a band called Missing Cat.

You’ve probably seen our posters around town.

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Q: What does a stripper do with her asshole before heading out to her shift?

A: Drops him off at band practice.

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A band teacher is giving a quiz to her class where you have to guess the name of a famous song based on a clue.

She starts with the easy clues: "Comedian".

"The Entertainer!" one of the flute players says immediately.

Then the teacher goes to a slightly more difficult clue: "Metal container is able to".

"The Cancan!" a saxophone player responds instantly.

Pleased with the results s...

Why did the African band win the battle of the bands?

They were Moroccan

Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band

Rage sponsored by the machine

I got kicked out of band camp for trying to play a guitar with a bow.

They said I violated it.

Why did the farmer start a rock band?

Because he was tired of haulin oats

My sister's band opened for the Manic Street Preachers tonight

Before their set, she said "If you tolerate this, the Manic Street Preachers will be next."

What did the group of urologists name their band?

I See Pee.

Why do Ska Bands make the best Door Dash drivers?

Because if you order food they'll *pick it up, pick it up, pick it up*.

An old school practical joke that may work today...

My dad always tells me about a practical joke played on an assistant in a big office setting when he was younger.

The assistant was the guy with the least experience and was in charge of answering the phone. He was not known as someone who was particularly bright.

My dad called posing...

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What does a stripper do with her a**hole before she goes to work?

She drops him and his drum kit off at band practice.

The churches in town were all suffering from a squirrel problem.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they certainly should not interfere with God’s will.

 
At the Baptist church, the squirre...

My friends dad went and joined the band called hinges

and they support the doors

Def Leopard is the safest band to air drum to while driving

Because you can keep one hand on the steering wheel.

Yeah, I know its Def Leppard, auto correct messed that up for me.

What's a pirate's favourite 60's rock band?

C C Arrrrrrrr

Our band always gets announced last at every event we preform at, no matter where we are in the show...

Probably should not have chosen Partridge in a Pear Tree as our band name.

I formed a new musical group called Katniss...

It's a tribute band.

What is the difference between BTS and Logan Paul?

BTS is a boy band from Asia; Logan Paul is a boy banned from Asia.

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Here's a great idea for a boyband. Go to an old age home, assemble a group of old men and give one of them Viagra. The bands name you ask?

One erection

There needs to be an all female Incubus tribute band...

... named Succubus.

A new study indicates that listening to albums by the band Queen might be bad for your health.

They have a high Mercury content!

TIL that the wife of one of the members of the band Chumbawumba had to take a brief hiatus from her breakdancing job while she was pregnant and nursing.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Smart kid

A young, attractive first-year teacher was standing at the front of her class presenting a lesson to her fifth graders when she noticed Mikey wasn't paying attention. In an effort to engage him, she called on him and asked him a simple math question, "If there are three rabbits in the yard and you s...

Hey have you heard of the sommeliers that formed a rock band?

They're called *Effervescence*. Their hit singles include *"My Last Breathalyzer Test"* and *"Bring Me More Wine"*. And who could forget *"Lacrymismosa"*?

I started a band called "1023 megabytes".

We still haven't got angig yet

So I thought I'd start my own rock band

I wanted to call it The Rubber Band.

But I thought that was a bit of a stretch.

My Father says he was in an 80's band...

I don't believe him but he's ADAMANT (sorry, I made that up!)

What's the one note a black metal band will never play?

Gsus.

I think we need to pay the band more...

Why do you say that?

Because I saw them outside all having to share the same cigarette!

What is Elon Musk's favourite band?

Thirty Seconds to Mars

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A husband liked to fart in bed (Long).

A husband liked to fart in bed, much to the dismay of his spouse. He named his farts, he gave them scores, and he often invited anyone around to smell it. He even farted in his sleep without waking. His spouse told him, “One day you’re gonna fart your guts out.”

Months later, on Thanksgiving,...

How did the musical band get into treble?

They fell off a cleff.
















no regrets

Why did the orchestra sound so out of sync from each other?

They couldn’t band together

A global crisis broke out, affecting every nation and people of all kinds

In response, the world banded together and quickly solved the problem through mutual cooperation and understanding

What did the jam band groupie say when she broke up with her boyfriend?

So long, and thanks for all the phish

Some crocodiles formed a band that does parody songs.

It's a pun croc band.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"<...

I really thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees tribute band play in Switzerland.

And then I saw her face, now I’m in Geneva...

How did the worst band in the world come up with their name?

After their first gig, the crowd was shouting that they wanted their nickle back.

What's a Karen's favorite band?

The police.

Recently joined a Styx cover band

We play the same songs, but heavier. We’re called Logz.

Have you heard of a French ABBA cover band with just 3 members?

They're not any good, completely butcher the songs.

They're called ABBA Trois

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prize winning pig [long]

The Johnson brothers have had longstanding rivalry with fellow farmers the Taft brothers for a decade. The Taft brothers constantly show them up, and Billy (the oldest) decides he's finally had enough, and this year they are going to win the prize for biggest pig at the county fair. He comes up with...

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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

New Band Name Idea: Suspicious Circumcision

They do mostly deep cuts.

British teenager Emma Raducanu has just won $2.5m by winning the US open final

Sadly she needed 2 band-aids and a bandage for a cut on her leg in the last game, so she still owes about $25k

I called my home insurance company today. I asked them to insure my antique rubber band collection.

They said “that’ll be a stretch”

I used to be in a ska band...

Some would say I have a checkered past.

Did you hear about the bird that joined a reggae band?

'e was flappin' de bass mon

My friends and I are starting a Cover band

We're called Saran Saran

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A band is practicing before the concert

The vocalist stops the rehearsal and says:
\-Tell the bass player that the bass is too quiet
The band continues to pratice and suddenly the vocalist stops the rehearsal again:
\-Tell the bass player that I can't hear him
The band continues practice once more, but the vocalist rea...

A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH.

I said Yes.

A Priest dies and goes to heaven. As he's approaching the gates, he hears a band of singing and dancing angels approach, and he begins to get excited.

The lead angel approaches the Priest and asks if he would mind stepping aside for a moment.

Surprised, the Priest does as he's asked.

The angels march out of the gates and encircle a man who has also approached the gates. The man is in a bus driver uniform.

The joyous parade of ...

What's the name of the band who's music helps people sleep?

ZZZZ Top.

A band visited the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone without a guide.

Everyone suffered from radiation poisoning, except the lead guitarist.

What's President Trump's new favorite band?

Air Supply

What band do elderly people try to avoid?

The Strokes

Which is an electrician favorite band ?

AC/DC

What does Cardi B say when fondly remembering the band Nirvana

Oh Kurrrt..

Seeing how it’s saint Patrick’s day there is only one band you should listen to

Green Day

A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

... thanks for every ting.

What is the dumbest band ever?

Moron 5.

I just formed a grunge band and named it "1023 Megabytes"

... haven't gotten a gig yet though.

I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once...

That's me in the corner.

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

What do the Apostle Paul, Bon Jovi and Manfred Mann's Earth Band all have in common?

They were all "blinded by the light"

We had a band in High School called 1023 Megabytes.

We never made it to a gig.

"I like the way you think!"

Teacher calls on little Timmy in class one day, asking "If there are fourteen birds on a fence, and you shoot three of them with a gun, how many are left?"

Timmy says, "None--the gunshot would have scared 'em all away."

Teacher replies, "No, that's wrong--it's eleven, but I like the wa...

What’s the worst band to play at a house fire?

The Talking Heads

The special ed students made a metal band.

It’s called Syndrome of a Down.

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