This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Bl...

A Jamaican fireman...

...came home from work one day and said to his wife: "Y'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station. Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole. Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go. From now on, when I says 'Bell one' I want you...

I once worked with a very musically talented Jamaican

I once worked with a very musically talented Jamaican who, after years of auditions for various instruments, got a gig in the local orchestra playing the triangle- not his first choice. One day he came in super stressed looking.

I said “What’s up...can't handle the pressure of performing on ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country ...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it...

Why did the Jamaican spice dealer turn his life around?

Because he was a cinna-mon

A new episode of my favorite Jamaican cooking show just came on...

What-Jamaican

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my Jamaican friend to explain to me what "Jerk Chicken" is...

...he said it's the chicken that none of the other chickens liked.

I'm thinking of opening a Hawaiian-Jamaican fusion restaurant...

and calling it Pokemon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Jamaicans go to a dress up party

The theme is 'emotions' with a strict entry policy. No costume, no entry.

The first guy knocks on the door dressed as a giant pear. The host says "this is an emotions party, what are you supposed to be?"

He replies "I'm in dis pear" and walks in.

The 2nd guy doesnt have a costu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaican brothers are getting ready to attend their friend’s annual costume party. “Dante, we need to do better this year, we got to do better this year. We got to think of something extra special to wear!”

So Lamont and Dante take 3 hours coming up with the perfect costume to blow away the guests at the party. They’re determined to beat the annoying couple who took home last year’s prize as Tom and Jerry.

A while later, they arrive at Bob’s house, whose jaw hits the ground when he opens the fro...

What did the Jamaican guy say to the Mexican guy when he asked him if he likes ham?

Ja món

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was surprised to meet a very mean Jamaican...

At the Jerk Festival.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I did my Jamaican stepfather proud by making a successful career in pornography

He always said I would amount to nuttin'...

How often do Jamaican farmers milk their cows?

Every udder day

"Dad," said my son during the music performance, "who's that dead Jamaican man waving his stick around?"

I said, "Son, he's decomposer."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jamaican debaters only want one thing

and it's to fucking discuss tings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian...

... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camero...

I'm really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.

Now every little *ting* is gonna be all right!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the Jamaican burn his dick?

Jerking it.

What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?

Pokemon

A Canadian, a Swiss, a German, a Mexican, a American, a Korean, a Austrian, a Brazilian, a Estonian, a Filipino, a British, a Egyptian, a Icelander, a Jamaican, a South African, a Puerto Rican, a Chinese, a Latvian, a Moroccan, a Taiwanese, a Spaniard, and a Romanian walk into a fancy restaurant.

The waiter stops them and says “Sorry, you can’t come in here without a Thai.”

Having a Jamaican hairstyle theme at work tommorow.

Im dreading it.

What is a Jamaican's favorite variety of snake?

Cottonmouth or something, I wasn't paying attention.

Trump, walking and arguing with a critic, stops a random person in the street to ask their opinion on the matter at hand.

Trump: Sir, maybe you can settle something for us; what do YOU think of how I performed as president of the United States?

Random Guy: Monumental

Trump: Thank you sir, you've been very helpful!

(To the Critic) See?! What did I tell you?

Critic: uhhhhh...that guy was Jama...

What a jamaican reccomends for a healthy diet

Everybaddi needs to eat a three fruits a day maan, an mi hav a way to learn while dem doin dat yaknow? Ya kyan always remember to eat dem fruits by remembering di presidents maan.





George Bush? Im be a banana man.





Barack Obama? Im apple.



<...

It’s almost National Jamaican Hairstyle Day.

Everyone’s dreadin’ it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For a wedding gift a guy decides to tattoo his wife's name on his penis.

When erect it proudly reads "Wendy" on the side of his shaft, but when soft it only shows "Wy". While on his honeymoon in the Caribbean, he is using the bathroom and notices the guy in the urinal next to him also has a "Wy" on his penis. He then asks the guy if his wife is named Wendy. The guy re...

I'm gonna open a Jamaican poke fusion resturant

Called Poke Mon

One Jamaican walks up to another Jamaican in the park.

'Aright man, nice puppy ya gat there,' said the first Jamaican. 'What's it breed?'

The second Jamaican replied, 'Dis ting breed air like all da other puppies, man.'

My Jamaican buddy is dating a Spanish chick. He doesn't like her granddad, Juan...

But he does like Hernando.

A man comes home, sees his wife cooking and says “watcha makin?”

The wife says “I’m baking a cake in honor of a famous Jamaican. It will have his face on it”.

The man says “yeah I know that. I asked ‘what Jamaican?”

I was baking the other day and as I was baking, my Caribbean friend came into my kitchen with a slice of cake and asked, "Jamaican cake?" so I replied,

"No, I'm making a pie."

A Jamaican man has stormed into my hairdressers and demanded I give him a new style.

I'm dreading it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jamaican Sandals

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop..’

So t...

What do you call a Jamaican lizard that always wants to know what’s going on?

A Whataguana

(I made this up when I was quite drunk and I thought it was hilarious)

How can you tell if a car is Jamaican

By the reaggestration plates

What's a Jamaicans favorite noodle?

Raaahmon

What do Jamaicans call their fingers?

*Digimons*

P.S. my wife wanted a divorce after this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Jamaican spicemaker who had sex before marriage?

He was a cinna-mon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you heard about the new Japanese-Jamaican raw fish dish?

It's just pokemon...

Teacher: Use the word Dandelion in a sentence

Jamaican Student: Da Cheetah is faster Dandelion

Why don't Jamaican people secure their homes?

Because they dread locks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a bunch of Jamaican chefs got together and had a cooking contest...

Would it be called a “jerk off”?

What does a Jamaican eat for breakfast?

A beer can sandwich.

What did the greedy Jamaican from Utah say?

More, mon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Jamaican guys were invited to a fancy dress party where people had to dress up as an emotion.

The first one turns up in a dress.

Confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to be?"

"I"m in distress, mon," he replied.

The second Jamaican guy turns up stark naked but with a teddy bear on his knob.

Even more confused, the host asks, "what are you supposed to ...

To The Jamaican Bobsled Team

After the Winter Olympics, one fellow is so taken with the Jamaican bobsled team that he decides that they deserve an epic scale statue in Jamaica. He travels to Jamaica, and talks with every government official and rich person he can find. All of them chase him off saying that it's a crazy idea, ...

A Jamaican walks into a bar.

He loses the limbo competition.

Why do Jamaican pilots make really good spies?

"Cos they're always in de' skies mon".

What do you call a deadly Jamaican rock?

A Diemond

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call two Jamaican cooks having a battle?

A jerk off.

I went to a Jamaican hairdresser once

It was dreadful

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

To the Jamaican guy that got my girlfriend pregnant...

Thanks for nuttin.

What do you call a Jamaican murder weapon

A blunt object

How does a Jamaican close a prayer?

Ayy mon'

Today I was given a box of Jamaican hair extensions....

It was dreadful

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a Jamaican nudist bar

A woman vacationing in Jamaica walks into a nudist bar and approaches two guys. She notices that both the white guy and the Jamaican guy have W Y tattooed on their penises. She asks the white guy why he has W Y tattooed on his dick and he says “because when I’m erect it says Wendy my girlfriends n...

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

What do you call a Jamaican guy exhaling deeply?

Simon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jamaican eating pussy joke.

It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tat...

A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...

..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will crash."

So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jama...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets married...

...but just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, thi...

Why do Jamaican foot fetishists love to lose?

Because they love de feet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jamaican tattoo

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y.
Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica the man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaicans...

***If you have a thing against bad accents, you're going to have a bad time.***

...Are browsing thru some generic, privately-owned shop. On their way out one of them remarks, "Dere's nuting to do in dis town." The couple who owns the shop overhears this while clerking at the front counter and...

What do you get when you cross a Jamaican with a ginger?

A gingerbreadmon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Jamaican men are invited to a costume party…

The invitation read “come dressed as an emotion”. Both of the men were stumped as to what to go as and thought long and hard for weeks. Finally on the day of the party, while they were sitting in the kitchen, an idea came to one of them. He jumped up, ran to the fridge and grabbed a large bowl of cu...

What's a Jamaican's favorite pasta?

Reggaetoni

Why can't Jamaicans count to 10?

Because there's a *tree* in the way!

A Jamaican man was recently employed in a butchers...

...one of his jobs that night was to prepare bacon sandwiches for the next morning but he ended up wasted on a 6 pack of beer and when he sampled the bacon he found it to be too delicious and ended up scoffing the whole lot.

In the morning when the owner asked to try a sandwich, the guy panic...

What do you call someone making trouble in a Jamaican church?

A Cinnamon

(sound it out)

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar...

A spice walks into a Jamaican bar, the bartender says in a thick Jamaican accent, "hey don't I recognize you from church?" The spice replies "no, I'm an atheist" The bartender exclaims "SINNA-MON"

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier

A Jamaican walks into a bank with a 25kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier… Shocked, the cashier asks..’What’s this for?’ The Rastafarian replies..’Me here to open a joint account’

A Jamaican guy asks another Jamaican guy...

"Hey mon, do you know what the thing that casts the shadow in a sundial is called?"

The other guy thinks for a moment and then responds: "Gnomon".

My workplace has "Jamaican Hair Day" next week...

...I'm already dreading it.

How does a jamaican propose?

Marry Ju Wanna?

2 Jamaicans are lost in the desert..

After wandering aimlessly for hours, one of the two spots an oasis in the distance. As they draw nearer, the other man spots an odd tree growing at the oasis, a tree with bacon for leaves. He turns to his friend and says "Look man, it's a bacon tree!!". His friend replies " No way man you're halluci...

Why was the Jamaican footballer sad?

He was kicked off his team's rasta

How do you call a Jamaican mountain?

High ground

What do you call a Jamaican that just finished his reggae album?

Ben-jamin

What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jamaican, an Italian, and Jew.

So these three long time friends meet at the pub every Sunday night for beers and a chat to close out the week.

One of these Sunday nights the conversation turns to sex, and as some bragging starts happening they decide to challenge each other to a sexual prowess contest. They agree to meet ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A white man was on holiday in Jamaica

The man had recently gotten a tattoo on his penis. When it stretched out, it would spell «Anne», but it only said «Ae» when flaccid.

One day after he and his wife were done at the beach, he went to the public showers and saw a Jamaican with the letters «Wy» on his schlong.

«Does it sp...

What is the difference between Jamaicans and Jewish people?

Their reaction when someone asks if they want to get baked.

What do the French call a yellow Jamaican man?

Lèmon.

I thought of this one myself shut up

Jamaican Nudest Tattoo

A white guy takes a vacation at a Jamaican nudest resort. He sits at the bar next to a local. The Jamaican notices the white guy has the letters "WY" tattooed on his junk. He asks, "What does that mean." The white guy responds, "My wife's name is Wendy so when I get hard it spells it out." The white...

A man walks past a house that has a sign posted up saying "Boat for sale" and decides to check it out

As he's walking up the driveway, all he sees is an old car and a grill.

Confused, he knocks on the door and asks the Jamaican home owner, "hey, I can see that you have a sign out front saying you've got a boat, but all I can see is an old car and a grill.."

"Ya mon!" the Jamaican home...

How do Jamaican's end their prayers?

Ey mon.

This joke is like a Jamaican barbershop...

Dreadful

What did the Jamaican say after winning the barefoot marathon?

"Da trill of victory always betta dan de agony of de feet!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a Jamaican cooking competition?

A jerkoff

What do you call a Jamaican with a broken leg?

Usain Halt.

Proud Jamaican father

A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar, announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy pains....

What do Jamaicans eat when they're on a budget?

Jahmon noodles

What did the the Jamaican daddy spice say to his son when he was being bad?

Your a cinnamon

I want to open a Jamaican/Irish/Spanish small plate breakfast restaurant

And call it "Tapas the Mornin' to Ja."

RIP Harris Wittels.

So the Jamaican said to the Arab..

"Aye where you from? You from tha beach mon?" The Arab replied "Yemen!'

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.