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Most YouTube ads are only unskippable for 5 seconds, so they try to cram something surprising + the brand name in the first 5 seconds of the ad.

Hence you get ads that are basically Samuel L. Jackson screaming "Capital One, mothafucka!"

Five Dutchmen crammed in an old Renault 4, are driving through Belgium when they get pulled over ...

Five Dutchmen are crammed in an old Renault 4 and driving through Belgium when they get pulled over by a traffic cop.

“Good morning, I guess you know why I pulled you guys over, don’t you?”

“Well officer, I actually don’t. We couldn’t have been speeding, this car won’t even make the s...

Two guys decide that they'd go out drinking on the night before their exam.

Wasted on the night before, the two arrive at the university well after the exam ended. They went straight to the professor, saying that they couldn't take the test because one of the car's tires had gone flat. Surprisingly, the professor allows them and promptly tells them to come back tomorrow....

Three lawyers and three engineers are travelling by train to a conference.

The three lawyers buy a ticket each while the engineers by only one. The lawyers laugh at the engineers crying how can three people travel by train using only one ticket. The engineers respond with “you’ll see”.



They all board the train and the lawyers take a seat while the engineers ...

I'm really claustrophobic and just walked into a room crammed full with married people...

Luckily there wasn't a single person in it

I have my prostate exam today

I've been cramming all week

Why do you see a lot more old people attending church than you see young people?

Cramming for the final.

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Three men all suffer an untimely death on the very same day.

They all wind up in purgatory and each has a sneaking suspicion that they will unfortunately end up in Hell for their various evil deeds committed on Earth. As this thought occurs to each of them, Satan suddenly appears before the three men. Much to their delight, Satan offers each of them one final...

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older

then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.

Three Irishmen and Three Scots are on a train

Three Scots and three Irishmen are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Irishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an Irishman.
"Watch and you'll see," answers a Scot....

Two university students had a week of exams coming up but decided to party instead.

When they got to their exam they decided to tell the professor their car had broken down the night before due to a flat tyre and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them they could have another day to study.

That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until th...

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Dave's wife is out for the night and he decides to eat some shrooms. He passes out and wakes up at the pearly gates of heaven.

St Peter greets him and explains that he's actually died from eating some bad shrooms. However, if he makes dinner for Jesus and his 12 disciples *AND* they happen to like it, he'll be revived back on earth.

He enters a huge kitchen, packed with every kind of ingredient imaginable. Dave coul...

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[NSFW] Thomas Edison is busy inventing in his basement, when his wife, Mary, goes to a friend's house to ask for her advice.

"Thomas just won't go down on me", Mary tells her friend.

"I'll let you in on a little secret", the friend replies, "If you want oral sex with Thomas, try coating your privates with something sweet tasting, it works for me!"

When Mary arrives home she checks in the cupboards and finds...

I had myself tested for AIDS, but made a terrible mistake

I crammed the night before

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West Virginia State Trooper

A state trooper from West Virginia comes across the scene of a single car accident. Taking stock of the situation he begins to write his report.

First he sees a car overturned by the side of the road and begins to write on his form: “k-a-r in d-i-c-h.” He pauses, thinks to himself, “that doe...

Engineers and Lawyers

Three lawyers are buying tickets for a train to Chicago. Ahead of them in line, three engineers purchase a single ticket.

One of the lawyers asks, "How are you going to travel with just a ticket between the three of you?"

"Watch and you'll see," winks one of the engineers.

The t...

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Two Calculus Professors Are Grabbing Dinner Together

Two calculus professors are grabbing dinner together.

The first one says to the other: “Why do we teach our students calculus? They just cram it for the tests then forget it.”

The second professor says: “They don’t forget it after the final I’ll prove it to you. The next time the wai...

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The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

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A man begins to suspect he has a tapeworm, so he goes to the doctor...

The doctor examines him and confirms that yes, he does have a tapeworm. "And it's a pretty wily one, too. Every time I try to yank it out, it just darts away. I'm gonna have to resort to more unorthodox methods..."

The man doesn't like the sound of that, but he's desperate to get rid of the p...

A Student is in Engineering Class, when the Teacher asks What is a Machine?

Student 1: A machine is anything that reduces human effort

Teacher: Will you please elaborate?

Student 1: Anything that simplifies work, or saves time, is a machine

Teacher: What is the true definition?

Student 2: Sir, machines are any combination of bodies so connected t...

Milk production at a dairy farm was low, so the farmer wrote to the local university, asking for help from academia.

A multidisciplinary team of professors was assembled, headed by a theoretical physicist, and two weeks of intensive on-site investigation took place. The scholars then returned to the university, notebooks crammed with data, where the task of writing the report was left to the team leader. Shortly t...

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Two college students have their most important final exam next week...

But they've chosen to spend the week partying instead. So, in their drunken stupour, after realising how badly they messed up, they beg their professor to give them an extra day for the exam. Even though sceptical, they told him that they had a flat tire on the way to university and couldn't reach c...

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Three men are confronted by the grim reaper [NSFW]

The grim reaper says to the three men, "I will spare your lives if you can each collect 12 pieces of fruit for me." All three men go their separate ways, and a few minutes later guy 1 comes back with 12 oranges.


The grim reaper says "before I can spare your life, you must complete one fin...

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A young newlywed couple were too poor to go on a honeymoon.

The husband came up with an idea: every time they had sex, they would each put a dollar into a piggy bank. When they reached their first anniversary, they would open the bank and use the money it contained for their honeymoon.

All went well for their first year, and on their anniversary, th...

What do you call a fruit that studies the night before a test?

A cram-berry.

How many chefs does it take to stuff a turkey?

One, but you really have to cram him in there.

A penguin on a road trip through...

...the desert noticed steam coming out from under the hood of his car pulled over in a small town. He found a walrus working in a service station who said he could fix it straight away. Penguin was understandably hot and asked where he could find a cool treat. Walrus mechanic told him about an ice ...

There once was a poet named Stan...

...whose limericks never would scan.
When told this was so,
He'd reply, "yes, I know,
But you see, the thing is, I seem to have gone and gotten myself into this really rather ridiculous habit recently of always trying to cram as many completely unnecessary additional syllables into th...

A mathematician was stopped in San Francisco by a cop for speeding.

The cop says, “Ma’am, you were going 25. But the speed limit in a dense neighborhood is 15 mph in California.”

“I’m sorry, Officer,” she says, “but you’re wrong. This isn’t a dense neighborhood.”

He looks around at the three-story Victorians crammed against each other and laughs. “It ...

A man is sitting on a barstool...

and eating from a bowl of peanuts. But instead of just eating them, he takes one peanut at a time, mutters "You suck!", and then crams it into his mouth. He continues to do this for a while.

Finally, the woman next to him can't contain her curiosity. "Why are you saying that?" she asks.
...

TIFU getting ready for my HIV test.

I spent hours "cramming" the night before the test.

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An old mechanic friend helps a drunk. (Kinda long, sorry.)

I was talking to this grizzled old mechanic friend one time, he looked like an old version of Yosemite Sam. Had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, sounded like an old cowboy, his big ol' handlebar mustache wiggling and twitching with every word. Suddenly he starts telling this story about how he ...

An Inspector goes to a Processing Plant

So an inspector goes to a processing plant. He walks up to the manager and says: ‘I hear you keep your animals in horrible conditions. I’m here to write a report.’

The manager gives a cold smile and says: ‘Where would you like to start?’

‘Let’s start with your pigs,’ says the insp...

So there are a group of engineers and a group of mathematicians heading to a conference

They are sitting on a train together when both groups spot the train's ticket collector coming down the aisle. Quickly two of the engineers scuttle into the washroom, leaving the mathematicians confused. After the collector stamps all the mathematicians tickets he approaches the washroom and knocks....

How was Jackie Gleason put into his casket?

Crammed in.

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A lonely old woman goes to a pet store to find a companion...

A lonely old woman goes to the pet store with the hopes of finding a pet to keep her company.

 

The store owner says "I have just the thing for you! We have a parrot that I think would be the perfect fit. He speaks over 500 words." The old woman is elated, buys the parrot, and...

You don't have to study for a pregnancy test...

but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.

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A guy gets home from his proctologist appointment...

His wife asked him how it went. He told her his bum hole actually fairly sore. "Yeah, he put his left hand on my shoulder and really crammed his right finger in my.........No, wait.....he put his RIGHT hand on my shoulder and really crammed his LEFT finger in my........No, wait...... I think he h...

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