What do you call a pile of cats?

A Meowtain


My daughter's joke.

What the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies.

There isn’t a Lamborghini in my garage.

What do you call a religious pile of hay?

A Christian bale.

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will sell me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls, and the souls of all your friends.

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

My wife said childbirth was the worst pain, until I told her how I once landed barefoot on a huge pile of toy bricks.

She didn't have a Lego to stand on.

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce

A chicken sees a salad

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.

He only had his shelf to blame.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

I came into a pile of cash when my grandmother died.

Weird fetishes help me deal with grief.

Why did the safety manager avoid the pile of LSD in the middle of the floor?

He felt it was a tripping hazard.

Whenever I receive a large number of resumes for a job posting, I seperate them into two piles...

Then I throw one of the piles in the garbage. I don't want to risk hiring someone unlucky.

Today my 10 year old daughter referred to the pile of dirty laundry that my wife is doing as.

Mount Wash More.

My friend Tom was breaking into a mall from the roof while Aiden was keeping watch. Aiden slipped and fell through a skylight into a large pile of sheets and pillow cases...

Now he's Aiden in bedding

Sean Connery was recently injured by a pile of books that fell on him.

When asked about the incident, he responded, “I had nobody but my shelf to blame.”

Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank next to a pile of shells...

One turns to the other and asks "Do you have any ideas about how we can load the gun on this thing?"

Two flies land on a pile of manure.

One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, “Hey do you mind? I’m eating here.”

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A guy walks into a bar and slips on a huge pile of dog shit.

He gets up and goes to the bartender to tell him about the mess. Meanwhile another guy walks into the bar and slips on the same pile of shit.



The first guy walks over and points at the mess and says "I JUST did that"...he woke up a few seconds later with a black eye.

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Saw a guy betting anyone $50 to see if he could fire a bullet into a pile of cow dung 30 yards away.

I thought to myself, “that’s kind of a crapshoot.”

Why was the snowman looking through a pile of carrots?

He was picking his nose

A child psychologist had twin boys—one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games. In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings.

That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying.

“What’s wrong?” the father asked.

“I have a ton of game manuals to read … I need batteries … and my toys will all eventually get broken!” sobbed the pessimist.

Passing the optimist’s room, the father fou...

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs sitting in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

Two Eskimos sitting, paddling along in a kayak, when one felt a little chilly so he made a little pile of sticks and lit a fire in the craft.

His friend shouted at him to put it out, but the warning was ignored.
Unsurprisingly, the kayak sank quite quickly and finding themselves in the (cold) water, the second Eskimo whacked his idiot mate over the head with a now redundant paddle.
"Ouch!!" said the previously warm Eskimo, "what di...

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Fred Phelps, leader of Westboro Baptist Church, found dead in home surrounded by piles of partially chewed food. Cause of death: starvation. Next to his body was a note in his own handwriting

"Can't swallow cause that's gay"

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A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim find a pile of coins.

They start arguing what they should take and what they should give to God.

The Christian draws a circle and says, “We throw the coins into he air, and whatever lands in the circle, we keep.”

The Muslim says, “No no no. Whate...

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A fly is sitting alone on a pile of crap. A fly lands next to him and says,

Is this stool taken?

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Do you ever look at a pile of shit and think, that was inside of me?

As you can tell, I don’t think of my ex fondly

Did you hear that there’s a table over there with a pile of free cocaine one it?

You better get there quick. It looks like people are already starting to form a line

What does a pile of ceramic make when it falls?

A tile wave.

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

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Did you hear about the guy who had sex with his sister in a pile of lemon peels?

It was in zest

As a lawyer i work on a huge pile of cases every day

I can't afford a real desk.

When you get new tires and accidentally drive over a pile of nails the next day..

The struggle is wheel.

What do you call a legless, armless amputee wiggling around in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What is the difference between an old light bulb and a pile of salt?

One is an incandescent.
The other is Incan dessicant

We had a job opening with 60 applicants. I threw the top half of the pile of resumes away without looking at them. My colleague asked why I did that.

I replied, "I do not want unlucky people working for me."

I told Sean Connery about how I was crushed by a pile of books.

He said 'you've only got your shelf to blame'.

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Two cowboys, Bill and Jim, are riding out when they see a pile of horseshit on the ground

"I bet you ten bucks you can't eat that pile of horseshit, Jim", says Bill, being a joking kind of a guy.

However Jim, being helluva tough guy, answers the bet and eats the pile of shit. Bill reluctantly give him the well-earned $10.

Still, Jim is somewhat upset after eating a pile of ...

What do you call that day when you finally do all the chores and work you've let pile up?

Tomorrow

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A lieutenant was walking down the road when he saw a boy playing with a pile of shit...

He walks up to the boy and asks, "What are you doing with that pile of shit?" The boy replies "Im building an NCO."

The lieutenant thought it was hilarious and goes and gets his captain to show him. The captain asks the kid "Why are you playing with that pile of shit." Again, the boy replies...

A man is cleaning out his house and finds a pile of old New York Post papers.

He decides he doesn't have any use for them, and goes to the local recycling center to dispose of them.

He sees the first recycling bin, marked "Glass". The man says, "No, this won't do. I need a different bin."

He sees the second recycling bin, marked "Plastic". The man says, "No, thi...

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Fell into a pile of my wife's bra's and couldn't get out.

It was a booby trap.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

Ferrari's give me indigestion.

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

What did a pile of sand say to another in sahara

Long time no sea

A man and a pile of mud begin to race...

The mud won by a landslide.

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A treasure hunter found gold inside a pile of dried turds.

He went through a lot of hard-shits to get it.

My wife screeched at me, "What's this pile of clothes doing on the floor!?"

I whispered, "It's a dead Jedi!"

Why were Gandhi's remains compressed to make piles of 50 rupee coins?

he said "be the change you wish to see in the world".

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

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A cannibal is crying next to a pile of shit.

"What's wrong?", another asks.

"I just dumped my girlfriend", he sobs in reply.

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A little man walks into a bar, and on the way in he steps in a pile of dog shit...

He totally wipes out and lands on his ass. He gets up and dusts himself off and continues into the bar.

A few minutes later a big guy is walking into the same bar and also steps in the same plie of dog shit and also wipes out. Same as the little guy, he gets up and dusts himself off and conti...

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(NSFW) What do you call the pile of Jizz rags near the side of your bed?

A Cumpost Pile

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That poor man fell into a pile of crap and glue

That shit sticks with you.

I once got in a fight with a pile of dirt...

The pile of dirt won by a landslide.

"Knock Knock", "Who's There?", "I ate a pile up..."

"Knock Knock",
"Who's There?",
"I ate a pile up..."
"I ate a pile up who--"

(Say it aloud for full effect. Brought to you by my 8-year-old.)

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Two drunk men are walking down the street when they see a pile of dog shit.

One of them says "Bet you 100 dollars you can't eat that shit." The other agrees, eats the shit, and gets his 100 dollars.

A bit further down the road they see another pile of dog shit. "I bet you 100 dollars you can't eat that shit" says the second. The first takes him up on it, eats the shi...

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