Pile Jokes - 72 Hilarious Pile Jokes

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Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

Two economists are walking in a forest when they Come across a pile of shit.

The first economist says to the other "Ill pay you $100 to eat that pile of shit." The second economist takes the $100 and eats the pile of shit.

They continue walking until they come across a second pile of...

I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7.

The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”

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A mailman walking down the street saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit.

He had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.

The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said "Making a mailman.”

This pissed the mailman off. He went up the street, saw a fireman, and told him what the boy was doing and what a smartass the kid was. T...

What does a chemist say when his cat jumps into a pile of sand?

"Oh, you silicate"

What do you call a pile of cats?

Meowtain.

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What do you call a dinosaur with Piles?

Ihaveasoreass.

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NSFW In honor of my Father, his favorite joke of all time. No one could tell it like he did.

Christmas was coming and Little Johnny’s Mom and Dad took him to the mall to a see Santa Claus.

Johnny walked up and sat on Santa’s lap and said “Santa, for Christmas I want a god damn new baseball bat and I want it to be put under my god damn bed. I want a god damn new baseball glove, and I...

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Stumbling home from the bar last night I tripped and fell in a pile of dog poop.

Boy was I shitfaced.

A guy was sitting on a park bench when he suddenly produced a loud long fart. When he got up there was a pile of coins.

It was the wind of change.

What do you call a man under a pile of leaves? - Russell. What do you call a man under a pile of leaves for thousands of years?

Pete.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.

He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of s...

Man crushed by pile of old books

His wife said he only had his shelf to blame

My wife asked me what that pile of clothes was doing on the floor

I told her it must be a dead Jedi.

She was not amused.

A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti…

It says, “Damn, that was one hell of an orgy!”

Someone has left a pile of plasticine on my desk

I don't know what to make of it?

A battalion of Russian soldiers were marching through Ukraine..

From behind a huge pile of rubble they hear a faint yell.

"One Ukrainian soldier can kill 10 Russian soldiers!"

The Russian colonel laughs, then sends 10 of his soldiers over the pile. After a short battle and the ensuing silence, another yell:

"One Ukrainian soldier can take ou...

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A man goes to a costume party with nothing but a naked woman on his back.

"What the hell are you supposed to be, then?" the host asks.

"I'm a turtle," the man replies.

"What a pile of shite!" the host replies. "How can you be a turtle when all you've got is that naked woman on your back?"

"Oh her?" the man smiles. "That's just Michelle!"

The missus keeps sorting coins into neat, separate denomination piles

I'm not sure if she has OCD or if she's just going through the change

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Yesterday at the zoo I was allowed into the lion enclosure

I said to the lion handler “What do I do if the lion tries to attack me?”

He replied “Don’t be afraid it’s very simple, if the lion charges you, reach behind your back, grab a pile of shit off the ground and throw it in the lions face”

I said to him “But what if I reach behind me and t...

A man is cleaning out his house and finds a pile of old New York Post papers.

He decides he doesn't have any use for them, and goes to the local recycling center to dispose of them.

He sees the first recycling bin, marked "Glass". The man says, "No, this won't do. I need a different bin."

He sees the second recycling bin, marked "Plastic". The man says, "No, thi...

A man is playing golf, but keeps missing all his shots, and swearing, until a priest comes up to him and tells him not to use the lords name in vain.

"Jesus's christ! Missed again!" The golfer shouts in anger. "You mustn't swear like that, or God will enact his wrath on you." The priest explains. But the man doesn't listen.

His next shot is even further off. "Jesus christ! Missed again." The man yells in anger. The priest explains again, h...

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Jim and Tom are walking in the woods, when they find a pile of crap

Jim turns to Tom and says “I’ll give you $1,000 to eat a spoonful of it?”
Tom says “I could really use the money, it’s a deal!” and proceeds to eat a spoonful.

He then turns to Jim,“Hey Jim, I’ll give you $1,000 if you can also stomach a spoonful?”
Jim says “I could really use the money...

Ever tried to pick up a pile of books?

It's pretty heavy reading

What's the difference between me and a pile of bricks?

The bricks will get laid.

A lawyer was working in his office when Satan appeared. "I can make it so you win every case in your career and make huge piles of money. In exchange you will give me your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your parent's souls, your grandparent's souls and the souls of all your friends!"

The lawyer thought it over for a moment and then asked, "What's the catch?"

If you fall in a pile of french bread, will you die?

No, but you will be in a lot of "pain"

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

What do you call a religious pile of hay?

A Christian bale.

Did you hear about the French man who fell off his roof onto a pile of bread?

He survived, but was in a lot of pain.

(Le pain means bread in French)

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Morals from a Pile of Shit

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.

In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing unt...

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Two economists are walking in the park when they come across a pile of dog shit

One economist turns to the other and says, "I'll give you $500 if you eat that dog shit." Tempted by the sum, the second economist picks up the dog shit and eats it. True to his work, the first economist gives him $500 and they continue on with their walk.

After a while, the pair come across ...

How much does a pile of bones weigh?

A skeleton

What the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies.

There isn’t a Lamborghini in my garage.

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Two scientists going for a hike on a hill see a big pile of poop.

One of them said pointing "that poop is made by a male". The other one looks for few seconds at the poop, "nope, that's a female poop, no question about it".

They argue for a few minutes and seeing that they are getting nowhere they decide to ask a shepherd that was watching his sheep nearby...

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Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit

Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit. One says to the other "I'll give you $20,000 if you eat that shit" so he does, and collects his money. They walk a while longer and come upon another pile of horse shit. The shit eater, wanting to get even, t...

Can’t believe what I saw in McDonald’s today.

An old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front...

There was a pile up on Spaghetti Junction today.

Reports say that 4 people were injured and 3 pasta way.

What do you call a pile of coins in the rain?

Climate change

What do you have if you are unable to remove a paperweight from your pile of timber industry investment certificates?

A stuck stack of stick stocks.

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Cop: So when did you notice your wife was dead?

Man: Well, the sex was still the same but the dishes started to pile up

What do you call a pile of cats?

A MEOWTAIN.

Told this one at work after two weeks straight of 12+ hours days and laughed so hard I got sent home for the rest of the day to get sleep. To this day, every time I tell it I start giggling uncontrollably... Yep.

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A redneck walks into a bar with a huge pile of shit in his hands...

and says,"Hey, look what I almost stepped in."

A wizard turned my cat into a pile of Indian spice!

Oh lawd, he cumin!

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.

The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and al...

Woman driving down the freeway topless, causes a multi-car pile-up.

Tomorrow's newspaper headline;

Bears 2, Rams 7

Two flies land on a pile of manure.

One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, “Hey do you mind? I’m eating here.”

I came into a pile of cash when my grandmother died.

Weird fetishes help me deal with grief.

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We now have the technology to build a new penis.

Doctor Cohen comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The m...

Sean Connery was recently injured by a pile of books that fell on him.

When asked about the incident, he responded, “I had nobody but my shelf to blame.”

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A cannibal is crying next to a pile of shit.

"What's wrong?", another asks.

"I just dumped my girlfriend", he sobs in reply.

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."

The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspecti...

Did you know all the web addresses are piled together in Russia?

They're callrd the Url mountains

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

I told Sean Connery about how I was crushed by a pile of books.

He said 'you've only got your shelf to blame'.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline.

What do you call that day when you finally do all the chores and work you've let pile up?

Tomorrow

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

I had to go back to see my doctor today. I said, 'I applied the pile cream that you gave me this morning and I got a very nasty reaction.' 'Where exactly did you apply it?' he asked.

'On the bus' I replied

A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.

When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".

I hate it when British people talk about the big pile of trash in the ocean.

They shouldn’t talk about their country like that.

A priest and a nun in a desert cabin

A priest and a nun are caught in a blizzard.

They find a deserted cabin and take shelter.

They find a sleeping bag, a bed, and a pile of blankets.

The priest, being a gentleman, offers the nun the bed and takes the sleeping bag for himself.

As they get tucked in for the...

What do you call a big pile of kittens?

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A Meowtin.

/told by my 7 year old niece this morning. I lol'ed pretty hard.

A Saudi Prince wants to buy a bull, so he goes to see a famous Russian bovine breeder.

The Russian tells him "I have many good animal. Here is Swedish bull, is born black color, but color turns white when grows.”

"Over there is American bull. Color when born is red, but become dark brown when full grown.”

"And here, Turkish bull. They is born dark brown, but grow up to b...

Your mom is like a pile of bricks.

Constantly getting laid by Mexicans.

How do cows avoid stepping into their own piles?

They outmanurever them.

With a pile of 300 resumes on his desk and a need to pick someone quickly, my boss told me to make calls on 50 and toss the rest.

“Throw away 250 resumes?” I asked, shocked. “What if the best candidates are in there?”

He thought for a moment and said, *“You have a point but then again, I don’t need people with bad luck around here.”*

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A fly is sitting alone on a pile of crap. A fly lands next to him and says,

Is this stool taken?

As a lawyer i work on a huge pile of cases every day

I can't afford a real desk.

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A drunk man was at the checkout waiting to buy more beer when...

..a young women behind him began placing her items down. She had a bottle of wine, ice cream, scented candles, a magazine, and some tampons. She notices the drunk man watching her and decides to add condoms to her pile from off the rack. The man looks the at the items, then back at her and drunkenly...

A man and a pile of mud begin to race...

The mud won by a landslide.

A child psychologist had twin boys

one was an optimist; the other, a pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on Christmas Day he loaded the pessimist’s room with toys and games.

In the optimist’s room, he dumped a pile of horse droppings. That night, the father found the pessimist surrounded by his gifts, crying. “What’s wr...

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A boy and a pile of sh**

A Scotsman, Irishman and Englishman were walking down the street. They notice a little boy playing in some horse shit. So the Scotsman went up to the little boy and asked, "What are you doing there lad." The boy looked up and said, "I am making me a Scottish warrior." The Scotsman gets all mad and s...

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