The 55+ Best Strawberry Jokes

I was down on my luck but got a date from a tinder profile with no pic.

I wasn't expecting mych, probably 400lbs or professional. But i got to her door and low and behold a perky smile and strawberry blonde hair, all the right curves in all the right places. I couldn't believe my luck. We exchanged names and i asked her what she did. She told me "sunday school teacher"....

What do you call a microscopic strawberry?

A strawbarely.

How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?

Paint it's toenails red.

Don't believe me? Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

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A teacher was testing her students' ability to guess what objects were without using their sight...

She had the kids all blindfolded and gave them things such as pine cones, little bars of soap, or small toy animals, and they had to figure out what they were by using their sense of touch or smell. Then she gave them a real treat, Life Savers in all kinds of flavors, and they had to taste them to g...

To celebrate their 10th anniversary, Fruit Ninja decides to host a live event.

They decide to commission for an arcade style game/exhibition to be made where the visitors can pick up physical weapons at each of the fruit stations and hit the designated fruit with them. After they hit the fruit the computer would display their score and play a congratulatory tune if they got ab...

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A man goes to the doctor with a strawberry stuck in his anus

the doctor: "ah, I have some cream for that."

I have a strawberry growing out of my ear...

I went to see my doctor about it, and he told me to put some cream on it.

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

What town is Strawberry Fields in?

Nothing, Israel.

A man has one day to live.

He’s lying in bed, dying. All of a sudden an amazing smell wafts across the bedroom. His wife had cooked his favorite, strawberry rhubarb pie.

He musters the strength to get to his feet, and slowly exits the bedroom and walks down the stairs, the sweet smell of pie growing ever stronger. He e...

I made strawberry preserves today.

It was a jarring experience.

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A guy is driving down a long road one night.

All of a sudden a little green man jumps Infront of his car, forcing him to stop.
The little man goes up to the window and says "I'm the asshole green dwarf, give me a lime or else!" The man is flustered and says "But I don't have a lime".
The dwarf breaks his driver side mirror and runs away....

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when I worked in a 7-Eleven a woman asked me for chocolate ice cream

Me: sorry, we only have strawberry and vanilla.
Woman: Do you have a pint of chocolate ice cream?
Me: no, we only have strawberry and vanilla.
Woman: do you have a half gallon of chocolate ice cream?
Me: Can you spell the "van" in vanilla
Woman: V A N
Me: Can you spell the "straw" ...

What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road?

There was a traffic jam

Why won't a truffle and a portobello mushroom take strawberry to the bar?

Why won't a truffle and a portobello mushroom take strawberry to the bar?

.

..

...

....

Because strawberry is not fun guy!

What did the strawberry say before robbing a house?

"Hands up, this is a stroberry."

An American man is traveling in Sweden. NSFW

He goes to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady. They go back to his hotel and start making out. They French kiss deeply, he pulls back and says “In America, we call that a Strawberry Sundae!” She responds “Yah, shuure, vee do too.”

He proceeds to undress her a...

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A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop... Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.” Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”

Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s *chocolate* we're out of,”

Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”

Kid: “...

Why couldn’t the strawberry shoot it’s gun?

Because it was jammed

A German a French and an English man crash with their plane on an island.

Immediately they start to explore the island and encounter a native tribe.

The chieftain of the tribe commands everyone of those 3 to get into the jungle and gather 2 different kinds of fruits, otherwise he has to banish them from the island.

First the English man arrives back at the c...

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?

If you weren't so sweet and juicy we wouldn't be in this jam.

What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil?

One's a fruit, you idiot.

I left my house and noticed the door wouldn't close because it kept hitting a container of strawberry jam

Guess you could say the door was held ajar

A woman goes to the doctor, and says "I've got a strawberry stuck in my ass".

The doctor says "I can give you some cream for that".

Where does Strawberry milk come from anyway?

To the best of my knowledge, Strawberries do not have nipples.

Why did the little strawberry cry?

Because her mother was in a jam.

Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because his mom and dad were in a jam

They say if you paint an elephant’s toenails red, you won’t see it in a strawberry patch

You are probably thinking, “That’s impossible. Elephants are huge!”

But ask yourself: have I ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?

Then it obviously works!

**Courtesy of a little book I read as a child and think is cute

How do you make a strawberry shake?

You put it in the freezer!

What do you call a crayon that looks like a strawberry?

A cranberry.

Orange, apple, strawberry...

April foods!

Today is the Dali Lamas 82nd birthday but he couldn't decide if he wanted a vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry birthday cake...

...so he decided to be made one with everything.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

A lady walks into an ice cream shop. "Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.

"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach h...

Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom?

The mushroom because he's a fungi.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Teen drinking story

As a teen I stayed over a friend's house one weekend. We thought we were far to young and clever to get caught raiding the liquor cabinet. I made a bit of a distraction asking for food while he opened the cabinet and grabbed the biggest bottle. We got snuck the bottle back to his room. We each had a...

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A genie grants a man one wish

"Budget cuts" said the Genie.
The man knew he had to make it count.
He said, "I wish I knew the answer to every question I'm asked."
The genie gave a nod then disappeared into a cloud of smoke.

The man didn't want to immediately melt his mind with the answers to the universe. Startin...

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I hear a woman with no legs just won the world strawberry picking competition.

Jammy cunt

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A woman walks into an icecream shop

W: Hi! May I get two scoops of chocolate please?

M: I'm sorry, ma'am. We are currently out of chocolate.

W: What a shame. Well, then could I have a scoop of strawberry, a scoop of vanilla annnnd... A scoop of chocolate please?

M: Ma'am, I will be happy to get you strawberry and ...

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What do you call a red-headed guy who's a very good prostitute and chef?

Strawberry Pound Cake

A man goes to a bakery

He tells the baker that he needs a cake, but doesn’t know what flavor.

The baker offers to let the man try all of his cake flavors.

The man tries chocolate, strawberry, lemon, raspberry, German chocolate, vanilla, blueberry, red velvet, carrot, and marble.

After finishing the l...

What did one strawberry say to the other.

If you hadn't been so ripe yesterday we wouldn't be in this jam!!

Was told this joke by a late night cashier. Good to see people can enjoy their work at any hour of the day.

A man is tailgating a large strawberry truck on the highway...

The truck tips over before an exit and starts a pile up. The man gets out of his car, and scratches his head, “Now this is a Traffic Jam.”

I made this myself in traffic lol.

My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.

Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.

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Johnny walked in the the ice cream store

He asked for one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of vanilla.

The man behind the counter says "I'm sorry, but we are all out of chocolate."

So johnny says "hmm, in that case I'll take one scoop of strawberry and one scoop of chocolate."

The man looks at johnny and says " I'm sor...

I was the pianist in a piano bar

Customer walks up to me and asks “Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?”

“No, after a few hours my fingers get tired”

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So a guy walks into an ice cream shop..

He asks the clerk 'hello sir may I have a quart of vanilla?'

The clerk politely responds 'Im sorry we're fresh out of vanilla'

The man clearly disappointed says 'ah shucks alright I guess I'll just take a pint of vanilla'

The clerk slightly agitated states 'Sir we are complet...

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Delicious

A husband and wife are sitting around one afternoon. The man is a little bored and horny so he turns to his wife.

“Hey honey want to 69?” He asks.

“Sounds lovely,” she replies “but I’m on my period”

“That’s ok with me.”

They go upstairs and start the act. After a few mi...

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Chocolate

An older woman is going to the ice cream parlor to order gallons of ice cream for her self. When she arrives, the man at the counter greets her and asks her what ice cream she would like.

So she asks "I would like a gallon of vanilla, strawberry, sherbert, and Chocolate."

The gentlema...

funny questions & answer

1.Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Ans - Because he felt crummy.

2 Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Ans - Because her mom and dad were in a jam.

3.What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Ans - Where is pop corn?

4. How...

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My friend told me this joke a while ago, and I thought that it was pretty good:

A man goes to a restaurant and sits down to eat.

The waiter comes by and asks him what he would like to eat.

The man says, “I’ll have one of your world-famous burgers with lettuce and onions on it.”

The waiter responds, “I’m sorry sir, but we’re fresh out of onions.”

“Oh,...

Don't mess with the farmer

It's a Friday, and there are three travelers. They were traveling down the road when it started to storm. They came across a farm. They knocked on the door and a man answered. "Please allow us to stay here for the weekend. We are tired and exhausted." The travelers pleaded. "Okay, fine. I'll let you...

A group of moles are hibernating for the winter in a burrow by a small farm on the countryside

One morning, one of the moles pops his head out of the hole.

“I smell maple syrup in the air!” Says the mole, “every start of spring the farmer’s wife cooks pancakes. It’s time for us to leave!”

The mole leaves the burrow. And a second mole sticks his head out.

“He’s onto someth...

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Woman comes into an ice cream store and the kid working says, “hi, what can I get for you?”

The woman says, “I need a gallon of chocolate, a gallon of vanilla, and a gallon of strawberry ice cream please.”

The kid says, “I can do the vanilla and strawberry but we’re out of chocolate.”

Oh, “says the woman, disappointed. Then just get me a pint of chocolate, a pint of vanilla, ...

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