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A dumb kid walks into an ice cream shop... Kid: “I’ll have a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate please.” Clerk: “Sorry kid, we're out of chocolate.”

Kid: “OK. Make it a scoop of strawberry and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “No, no, you don't understand, it’s *chocolate* we're out of,”

Kid: “Ah, OK. Then gimme a scoop of raspberry, and a scoop of chocolate.”

Clerk: “Listen kid, can you spell the VAN in vanilla?”

Kid: “...

I left my house and noticed the door wouldn't close because it kept hitting a container of strawberry jam

Guess you could say the door was held ajar

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I was desperate and I couldn't get a date with a girl to save my life until...

I swiped right on a blind date, a profile picture. She asked me to pick her up, so i did, but I wasn't expecting much. I went up to the door expecting 400 lbs of desperation, but she answer the door 5 foot 2 with baby blue eyes, strawberry blonde curls and all the right curves in all the right place...

I made strawberry preserves today.

It was a jarring experience.

What do you call a sad strawberry

A blue berry

A lady walks into an ice cream shop. "Can I get a chocolate scoop on a cone?" she asks.

"Sorry, ma'am, but we're out of chocolate ice cream," says the man behind the counter.
"Oh, well then can I get a chocolate sundae?" she asks.
"We're out of chocolate," he repeats.
"Well, how about a chocolate milkshake?"
The man is frustrated at this point and decides to teach h...

Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Her mom was in a jam

A woman goes to the doctor, and says "I've got a strawberry stuck in my ass".

The doctor says "I can give you some cream for that".

The vegetarian did not like the new strawberry jelly...

It just wasn’t his jam

I was the pianist in a piano bar

Customer walks up to me and asks “Can you play Strawberry Fields Forever?”

“No, after a few hours my fingers get tired”

Where does Strawberry milk come from anyway?

To the best of my knowledge, Strawberries do not have nipples.

Why couldn’t the strawberry shoot it’s gun?

Because it was jammed

Me: “Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”

Them: “Why?”

Me: “To hide in the strawberry patch”

Them: “……..”

Me: “have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?”

Them: “no?”

Me: “then I guess it works”

Cue applause.

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A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on itallian bread, make with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the sa...

What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road?

There was a traffic jam

What does a strawberry say when it’s robbing a bank?

Hands up, this is a strawbery.

What is grey and pink,grey and pink?

2 elephants hiding in a strawberry patch

Why won't a truffle and a portobello mushroom take strawberry to the bar?

Why won't a truffle and a portobello mushroom take strawberry to the bar?

.

..

...

....

Because strawberry is not fun guy!

What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?

If you weren't so sweet and juicy we wouldn't be in this jam.

They say if you paint an elephant’s toenails red, you won’t see it in a strawberry patch

You are probably thinking, “That’s impossible. Elephants are huge!”

But ask yourself: have I ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?

No?

Then it obviously works!

**Courtesy of a little book I read as a child and think is cute

A group of moles are hibernating for the winter in a burrow by a small farm on the countryside

One morning, one of the moles pops his head out of the hole.

“I smell maple syrup in the air!” Says the mole, “every start of spring the farmer’s wife cooks pancakes. It’s time for us to leave!”

The mole leaves the burrow. And a second mole sticks his head out.

“He’s onto someth...

Why did the little strawberry cry?

Because her mother was in a jam.

What do you call a crayon that looks like a strawberry?

A cranberry.

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Delicious

A husband and wife are sitting around one afternoon. The man is a little bored and horny so he turns to his wife.

“Hey honey want to 69?” He asks.

“Sounds lovely,” she replies “but I’m on my period”

“That’s ok with me.”

They go upstairs and start the act. After a few mi...

I went to the doctors as I had a strawberry growing out of my ear.

He put some cream on it.

A farmer purchased a new oxen to help plow his field.

The animal hadn’t been well-tamed and the farmer struggled to keep the beast under control. One day, the oxen freaked out and started tearing through the field, dredging up all of the seeds and plants that they had already sewn into the soil. The farmer’s corn and soybean plants were all destroyed. ...

Orange, apple, strawberry...

April foods!

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Johnny walked in the the ice cream store

He asked for one scoop of chocolate and one scoop of vanilla.

The man behind the counter says "I'm sorry, but we are all out of chocolate."

So johnny says "hmm, in that case I'll take one scoop of strawberry and one scoop of chocolate."

The man looks at johnny and says " I'm sor...

Who do you hang out with, a strawberry, a celery stick or a mushroom?

The mushroom because he's a fungi.

Today is the Dali Lamas 82nd birthday but he couldn't decide if he wanted a vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry birthday cake...

...so he decided to be made one with everything.

What's the difference between a strawberry and a pencil?

One's a fruit, you idiot.

How do you make a strawberry shake?

You put it in the freezer!

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Berries and Nuts

What you have when you have a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

What do you have when you have nuts in the wall?

Walnuts.

What do you have when you have nuts on your chest?

Chestnuts.

What do you have when you have nuts on your chin?

A dick in your mouth.

An 18-wheeler spilled a load of strawberry preserves on the interstate today

It was a real traffic jam

Don't mess with the farmer

It's a Friday, and there are three travelers. They were traveling down the road when it started to storm. They came across a farm. They knocked on the door and a man answered. "Please allow us to stay here for the weekend. We are tired and exhausted." The travelers pleaded. "Okay, fine. I'll let you...

I recently found an ice cream man dead, covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips and strawberry sauce.

He topped himself.

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I hear a woman with no legs just won the world strawberry picking competition.

Jammy cunt

Two elderly men sitting in park

Two elderly men sitting in park. Both are starting to have Alzheimer symptoms. They discuss as they usually do on Monday PMs.



One of them sees a food truck across the park and tells the other one: "I'd like an ice cream, chocolate almonds ice cream. Do you want me to get you one ?"...

My wife is like a delicious strawberry popsicle.

Cold on the inside and 90% artificial.

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One ticket to Boobston

The year is 1993 a young upstart business executive has to take a quick trip to Boston for a board meeting.

Running late he didn't have time to have his administrative assistant call ahead and book his flight, so he decided just to do it himself once he got to the airport.

After being ...

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

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Give me some chocolate ice cream, please!

she said to the clerk.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate".

"Ok, then, give me some chocolate ice cream".

"I told you, we don't have any!"

"Well, I'll settle for chocolate ice cream".

The exasperated clerk says
"Can you spell 'straw' as in st...

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