Clog Jokes - 54 Hilarious Clog Jokes

What’s worse than having diarrhea and a clogged toilet?

Nothing, please someone help me out

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Some times this world makes me feel like a clogged toilet.

I just can't take any more of this shit.

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How do you describe an angry Mike Tyson after clogging his toilet?

Flushturd

A doctor's toilet gets clogged up

He calls a plumber. Plumber shows up, unclogs the toilet and gives the doctor bill for $200.

Doctor: $200? For 15 minutes worth of work? That's $800 an hour! I'm a top neurosurgeon in this city, 15 years of medical school, 3 years of residence, and even I don't make $800 an hour!

Plum...

My friend and I saw a pair of clogs.

They said, "I think those go on your feet."

I said, "you would say that, wooden shoe."

It can get hairy.

A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"

The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

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What does the Anti-Vax community and a clogged toilet have in common?

Both will leave you waist deep in shit if you tend to ignore them.

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This morning the toilet was clogged...

and me and Dad insisted we only did #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other is full of crap.

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I was really on my game today. Then the toilet clogged.

Now I'm all flush-turd.

A guy died from arteries clogging.

The doctors' efforts were in vein.

My nose was clogged the other day.

A dutch woman kicked me right in the face.

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I'm tired of my wife complaining about the clogged septic system...

She keeps bringing that shit up.

A husband and wife are having breakfast

The wife asks him: ‘Honey could you take a look at the bathroom door, it seems a little stuck’

‘Do I look like a carpenter?’

‘And the toilet is also clogged.. i’d take a look at that as well’

‘Do I look like a plumber?’

‘Oh and theres a tile loose on our kitchen floor’...

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What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold !

An out-of-work plumber decides a good career move would be to move to the Netherlands.

He heard that everyone has so many clogs.

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Best jokes come from real life. This happened this morning.

The toilet is clogged. My wife and I both insist we've only gone #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other one is full of crap.

Someone asked me the other day, "What's with those clogs you keep wearing?" I replied,

"Wooden shoe like to know."

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A good friend of mine asked a plumber the best way to avoid clogging the toilet. The plumber told him he should only pee and never poop.

My friend was like, "Really? No shit?"

What did the fish say to the beaver?

"Excuse me sir, you've clogged my toilet."

Why don't Dutchmen use Drano?

Because it destroys clogs.

I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet.

Worst clog ever.

(Navy Joke) why do chiefs hate kidney stones ?

It clogs the P ways

What causes a pirate to have a heart attack?

Something clogged their arrrrrrteries

I have my own tunnel of love!

Other people call it a severely clogged artery, but I don't care.

Why is it a bad idea to flush old wooden Dutch shoes down a toilet?

It would start Clogging up

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A wife calls her husband.

"The plumber is gonna come in 7, to fix the clogged sink."

"Oh no. You think he's still angry at me from the last time?"

"What happened last time?"

"He said he's here to replace the toilet. So I pissed on him"

A Dutch man goes to a cobbler

Wanting his wooden clogs fixed.

“What’s wrong with them?” asks the shop owner.

“Well you see,” says the Dutchman, “these are my work boots. They’re getting worn out and have some holes in them. Could you fix them up?”

The owner had never fixed wooden shoes, but he figured it ...

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"Honey come here a minute!" called Jenny.

"What is it?" said Tim entering the bathroom.

"I thought you might like to know", whispered Jenny, "I'm completely shaven down there."

Tim raised an eyebrow

"You know what that means." Jenny said seductively.

"Oh, I know what that means." said Tim.

"The fucking dra...

What happened to the inventor of the inflatable shoe?

He popped his clogs.

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

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A Married Woman Tries to Spice Up Her Sex Life

Woman: Hey baby, I just shaved my Pussy. Do you know what that means?...........
Man: Yes, the fucking shower drain is clogged again.

I lost 1kg on the first day of the pandemic

Coincidentally, my toilet's clogged.

My wife didn't like the wooden shoes I made for her, tried to flush them down the toilet.

Now the damn thing's clogged.

An eccentric dutch inventor whom invented inflatable shoes has died.

A member of the family said it was only a matter of time until he popped his clogs.

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Last week I decided to finally let go of all the shit that was left from the last decade.

Clogged the bathroom tho

So a pimpled man goes to the doctor...

He comes in, but refuses to sit down. The nurse asks if there is anything she could help him with.

He waves her away politely, and holds his suitcase in the air, bumps the top of it and an entire stool comes folding out. He places the stool on the ground and tries to small talk with the nurse...

Why don't dogs and cats mix?

Their bones clog up the blender.

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What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.

^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

A lawyer, a priest and a schoolboy were sitting side by side on a plane.

Suddenly, they watched as one by one, the engines stopped working as the ash from the volcano they flew over clogged them.

The pilot announced sadly, “There’s not a damn thing we can do. We’re going to crash. Thank you for flying with us.”

While everyone was panicking, the three went t...

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

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My girlfriend went to the bathroom

When she was done she said the toilet was clogged.

I told her even the toilet is tired of her shit

I used to go out with a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes

But she popped her clogs.
(Credit: Tim Vine)

I had a stomach ache...

My SO asked what's wrong,
I said "I have a clog in my intestines"
she responds with "you need to stop eating shoes"

Found a wooden shoe in my toilet

it was clogged

saw on last comic standing

My blonde friend Charlene phones me up to ask for help with her jigsaw puzzle

I said "Surely, you can manage a simple jigsaw puzzle without needing help?"
She said "No honesty, it's really hard. The pieces are quite similar. I've been working on it night and day for a week and I've got nowhere"
I said "what's the picture of?"
"She said "It's a cartoon chicken."
I ...

Plumbing

I like the Mario games and all, but... I have a hard time seeing Mario as a plumber when his entire life revolves around clogging some pipes

I like to start my mornings with a nice warm cup of Joe...

...But dammit, his fingers keep clogging up my blender!

Who’s going the wrong way?

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: “Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction”

The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, “What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of the...

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

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Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

A joke my Polish friend loved.

[Full of errors I'm sure. On to the brilliant joke.]

A polish farmeris tilling his field. It's another beautiful spring day when suddenly his plough hits something. Upon inspection he sees that it's some sort of golden lamp. He dusts it off and a genie comes out of it and says to the humble p...

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