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What does the Anti-Vax community and a clogged toilet have in common?

Both will leave you waist deep in shit if you tend to ignore them.

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

I bet you’d like a pair of clogs

Wooden shoe?

What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

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I came home to find candle light in my dining table,my favourite meatloaf in the oven and my wife dressed up in lingerie

She came close to me and whispered " I shaved my vagina . Do you know what that means ?"

"Oh fuck , you clogged the drains again! Where is the plunger? "

Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

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A good friend of mine asked a plumber the best way to avoid clogging the toilet. The plumber told him he should only pee and never poop.

My friend was like, "Really? No shit?"

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I was really on my game today. Then the toilet clogged.

Now I'm all flush-turd.

TIL wooden shoe failure is responsible for multiple deaths each year in the Netherlands. The incidents are archived on this government website.

The Broken Clog Croakin' Blog

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A priest walks into a bar

And asks the bartender if he can use the bathroom the bartender says of course father it’s right over there the priest says thank you and enters the bathroom about ten minutes later the priest comes out of the bathroom and says to the bartender I’m so sorry sir but do you have a plunger I accidental...

Plumbing

I like the Mario games and all, but... I have a hard time seeing Mario as a plumber when his entire life revolves around clogging some pipes

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Last week I decided to finally let go of all the shit that was left from the last decade.

Clogged the bathroom tho

My wife and I are ill

My ears are clogged and she's lost her voice.

Our marriage has never been stronger.

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Jeff was running late for a union meeting, and really needed to take a dump.

Finding the men's room clogged, he went up a floor in the auditorium, to find another bathroom. When he got up the stairs, he found a long hallway, leading to a door.

He opened the door, and found himself in a dimly lit attic.

His stomach gurgled, just as he spotted some light comin...

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I'm tired of my wife complaining about the clogged septic system...

She keeps bringing that shit up.

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This morning the toilet was clogged...

and me and Dad insisted we only did #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other is full of crap.

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

My nose was clogged the other day.

A dutch woman kicked me right in the face.

A guy died from arteries clogging.

The doctors' efforts were in vein.

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Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

Someone asked me the other day, "What's with those clogs you keep wearing?" I replied,

"Wooden shoe like to know."

A lawyer, a priest and a schoolboy were sitting side by side on a plane.

Suddenly, they watched as one by one, the engines stopped working as the ash from the volcano they flew over clogged them.

The pilot announced sadly, “There’s not a damn thing we can do. We’re going to crash. Thank you for flying with us.”

While everyone was panicking, the three went t...

My blonde friend Charlene phones me up to ask for help with her jigsaw puzzle

I said "Surely, you can manage a simple jigsaw puzzle without needing help?"
She said "No honesty, it's really hard. The pieces are quite similar. I've been working on it night and day for a week and I've got nowhere"
I said "what's the picture of?"
"She said "It's a cartoon chicken."
I ...

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A man dies and goes to Heaven where he is greeted at the gates by St. Peter...

Who tells that man, "I am very sorry but I cannot let you through the gates of heaven."

The man who was taken aback replies, "But I have lived my life by the book, done everything I should when I should and have been a good honest god fearing man! Being a school janitor is a thankless job an...

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My girlfriend came out of the shower

and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"

I said yeah,"the damn drain is clogged again!".

Don't put your wooden shoes in the toilet

It clogs

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My girlfriend went to the bathroom

When she was done she said the toilet was clogged.

I told her even the toilet is tired of her shit

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A guy is walking when he suddenly falls and injures his hand.

On his way to the hospital, he sees this huge ad on a new machine, the ad claimed that the machine is able to diagnose any disease and write treatment plans for it only by taking urine sample.

The man walks to the machine puts a penny in it and then gives the sample.

After a few beeps,...

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

There once was an apple farm...

...which was ran by an old farmer, his daughter, and a hired hand. One day the daughter and the hired hand were working in the cider mill when one of the cider vats became clogged. The hired hand put on a long rubber glove and set to work un-clogging it. Just then, he received a phone call from the ...

Who’s going the wrong way?

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: “Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction”

The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, “What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of the...

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Jim the Plumber announces that he is running for office. Now he is appearing on a news show to discuss his candidacy.

HOST: “So Jim, what got you into politics?”

JIM: “Well, ya know, recently plumbin’ don’t pay very well, and I just wanted to try something’ new, I guess.”

HOST: “So you have NO political experience whatsoever?”

JIM: “Nope. My field is in plumbin’, sir.”

HOST: “Don’t you t...

Why don't dogs and cats mix?

Their bones clog up the blender.

A Dutch man goes to a cobbler

Wanting his wooden clogs fixed.

“What’s wrong with them?” asks the shop owner.

“Well you see,” says the Dutchman, “these are my work boots. They’re getting worn out and have some holes in them. Could you fix them up?”

The owner had never fixed wooden shoes, but he figured it ...

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

Many hands make light work...

But as my friend says, "to many corpses clog the wood chipper."

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Best jokes come from real life. This happened this morning.

The toilet is clogged. My wife and I both insist we've only gone #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other one is full of crap.

I like to start my mornings with a nice warm cup of Joe...

...But dammit, his fingers keep clogging up my blender!

What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.


^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

I had a stomach ache...

My SO asked what's wrong,
I said "I have a clog in my intestines"
she responds with "you need to stop eating shoes"

Found a wooden shoe in my toilet

it was clogged



saw on last comic standing

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