Wife: "I shaved down there. You know what that means..."

Husband: "Yeah, the drain is clogged again."

My nose gets clogged and unclogged periodically

It's sinusoidal

What always clogged the toilet on the USS Enterprise?

Captain's Log

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctors of reddit - who is that one patient you really wish you'd seen again?

It was actually during my junior year. A man, about 50, came in with walking difficulties - you could tell he was really struggling when he arrived at the surgery and even looked uncomfortable when he sat down. I was expecting a leg, hip or even back complaint but once the door was shut he admitted ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A good friend of mine asked a plumber the best way to avoid clogging the toilet. The plumber told him he should only pee and never poop.

My friend was like, "Really? No shit?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was really on my game today. Then the toilet clogged.

Now I'm all flush-turd.

My blonde friend Charlene phones me up to ask for help with her jigsaw puzzle

I said "Surely, you can manage a simple jigsaw puzzle without needing help?"
She said "No honesty, it's really hard. The pieces are quite similar. I've been working on it night and day for a week and I've got nowhere"
I said "what's the picture of?"
"She said "It's a cartoon chicken."
I ...

I bet you’d like a pair of clogs

Wooden shoe?

Someone asked me the other day, "What's with those clogs you keep wearing?" I replied,

"Wooden shoe like to know."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning the toilet was clogged...

and me and Dad insisted we only did #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other is full of crap.

A lawyer, a priest and a schoolboy were sitting side by side on a plane.

Suddenly, they watched as one by one, the engines stopped working as the ash from the volcano they flew over clogged them.

The pilot announced sadly, “There’s not a damn thing we can do. We’re going to crash. Thank you for flying with us.”

While everyone was panicking, the three went t...

What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common?

They both slowly remove clogs.

My nose was clogged the other day.

A dutch woman kicked me right in the face.

What're a plumber's least favourite shoes?

Clogs.

A guy died from arteries clogging.

The doctors' efforts were in vein.

Don't put your wooden shoes in the toilet

It clogs

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My girlfriend came out of the shower

and said "I shaved my pussy, you know what that means?"

I said yeah,"the damn drain is clogged again!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend went to the bathroom

When she was done she said the toilet was clogged.

I told her even the toilet is tired of her shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking when he suddenly falls and injures his hand.

On his way to the hospital, he sees this huge ad on a new machine, the ad claimed that the machine is able to diagnose any disease and write treatment plans for it only by taking urine sample.

The man walks to the machine puts a penny in it and then gives the sample.

After a few beeps,...

There was a family of moles underground.

They were just relaxing down there when the father mole pokes his head out the hole and says “wow, I smell sugar”. The mother mole is interested so she pokes her head out the hole and exclaims” wow I smell glucose!” Then the mother mole calls her son over and he says “ holy cow I smell fructose!” Th...

Why shouldn't you let a shoe maker use your bathroom?

They'll clog your toilet.

Who’s going the wrong way?

A man is listening to the radio in his car when the broadcast is interrupted: “Attention! Attention! A driver is heading down the highway in the wrong direction”

The man scans the road, clogged with oncoming traffic, and nutters to himself, “What do you mean *a* driver? I see hundreds of the...

There once was an apple farm...

...which was ran by an old farmer, his daughter, and a hired hand. One day the daughter and the hired hand were working in the cider mill when one of the cider vats became clogged. The hired hand put on a long rubber glove and set to work un-clogging it. Just then, he received a phone call from the ...

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Jim the Plumber announces that he is running for office. Now he is appearing on a news show to discuss his candidacy.

HOST: “So Jim, what got you into politics?”

JIM: “Well, ya know, recently plumbin’ don’t pay very well, and I just wanted to try something’ new, I guess.”

HOST: “So you have NO political experience whatsoever?”

JIM: “Nope. My field is in plumbin’, sir.”

HOST: “Don’t you t...

Why don't dogs and cats mix?

Their bones clog up the blender.

A Dutch man goes to a cobbler

Wanting his wooden clogs fixed.

“What’s wrong with them?” asks the shop owner.

“Well you see,” says the Dutchman, “these are my work boots. They’re getting worn out and have some holes in them. Could you fix them up?”

The owner had never fixed wooden shoes, but he figured it ...

Sean Bean is walking down the street

Heard you guys like long OC.

 

Sean Bean is walking down the street, enjoying his Sunday night. Suddenly, a black paneled van pulls up next to him. Four massive dudes in ski masks wearing all black leap out and try to grab him. Sean remembers his GoT training and manages to ta...

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

I like to start my mornings with a nice warm cup of Joe...

...But dammit, his fingers keep clogging up my blender!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Best jokes come from real life. This happened this morning.

The toilet is clogged. My wife and I both insist we've only gone #1.

One of us is full of crap and the other one is full of crap.

What's the biggest similarity between a bottle of Draino and a Danish stripper?

They both slowly remove clogs.


^^They're ^^also ^^both ^^in ^^a ^^barrel ^^in ^^my ^^garage.

Found a wooden shoe in my toilet

it was clogged



saw on last comic standing

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