I grew up in a rough neighborhood. As a Child, people would cover me in chocolate, cream, and then put a cherry on top.

It's was tough in the Gateau

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The best joke I’ve ever heard which never fails to make me smile whenever I remember it.(NSFW)

Three explorers get lost in a huge jungle. After wandering around for days, they are found and captured by a jungle tribe. The tribesmen take the explorers to their leader and drop them at his feet. The chieftain looks at them for a moment and says, “ The three of you will die unless you manage to d...

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My wife thinks her ability to tie a cherry stem into a knot with her tongue is cool

but as a man with a cherry-stem-sized penis I'm horrified.

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?

Did you know that Cherry Pie is $15 in Barbados but only $10 in Antigua?

Arrr. Those be the Pie rates of the Caribbean today.

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After having their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough,...

...as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly al...

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A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor.

So the teacher gives them a hint and say it's what your parents call each other. A little girl shouts and says “ OMG their assholes.

George Washington's Cherry Tree

A man approaches his son and asks, "Did you push our outhouse into the ditch yesterday?"

The boy replies "No, father; I didn't push the outhouse into the ditch."

The man says "Did I ever tell you about George Washington, a great American hero? When George Washington was a child, he g...

Just a regular day in the Pope's life

This beautiful morning, the Pope woke early, excited for today's ceremony. It was a special day, and the Vatican will probably be even more crowded than usual. Standing there on the balcony and speaking to such a great audience is the purest joy of the Pope, second only to his closeness to God.
<...

What did the nervous cherry say?

I have a pit in my stomach.

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It’s a little boy’s seventh birthday.

For his birthday, his parents buy him a really superb cowboy outfit. I mean, it’s got everything: the boots, the spurs, the tiny plastic revolvers. The boy is thrilled; he doesn’t take the outfit off all day.

That evening, the little boy’s parents take him out to an ice cream parlor for a ...

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole...

The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”

The guy says, “No, what?”

“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ...

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A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service...

...he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: "Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves."

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets ...

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A statistician was accused of selection bias in his work surveying virgins.

Apparently he was cherry-picking his data.

A girl from a strict family.

There was a girl from a very strict family. Her father absolutely hated fruits and no one in the family was allowed to eat them. As far as the girl knew her Uncle had died from choking on an apple which is why they were banned.

All through her school years she longed to taste any fruit, s...

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Joke from my southern grandmother

I haven’t seen this one on here before, but maybe I’ve just missed it. Here goes:

Back yonder in the olden days, little Johnny would have to walk to the school house for class. As with many young children, Johnny was very imaginative and would play pretend with sticks and branches, sword figh...

What type of tree is a cherry blossom?

A Nevergreen.

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A man with his pet monkey walks into a bar

As he is ordering a drink the monkey sneaks away and, when no one is looking, it steals the cherry on top of a woman's drink and eats it. This annoys the woman and the man apologises for the actions of his pet monkey and leaves. He returns the next day and once again, when no one is looking the monk...

All day I felt like I forgot something very important, then Don Cherry reminded me..

I need to start looking for a job.

Why do Cherry trees smell?

Because George Washington cut one.

Walter and Agnes have been married for 50 years.

They’ve had a beautiful life together, but as they’ve gotten older, they’ve become more forgetful. Walter even went to play a round of golf the other day and forgot his clubs!

Agnes decided it was time to go to the doctor and see if anything could be done about their memory problems. The doct...

A man walks into a bar and orders a gin and tonic

Out of nowhere a monkey comes by and takes the lime, eats it, and downs the rest of the drink.

Shocked the man sits in stunned silence as he watches the monkey eat some cherries, lemons and oranges out of the garnish tray behind the bar.

The man stands up and yells to get the barten...

Came home from work and my wife is crying.

What is it, honey?

She said I knew you'd be tired, so I baked you you're favorite, a cherry pie. But the dog ate it.

That's okay, dear. I'll buy you a new dog.

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Did you know elephants paint their balls red to blend in with cherry trees? What’s the loudest noise in the jungle..?

A giraffe eating cherries

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"NSFW" Peter Paul took Peppermint Patty behind the Powerhouse and stuck his Butterfinger up her Cherry Bing.

She let out a Snicker.Nine Mounds later she had a Baby Ruth.

What’s red and has 7 little dents?

Snow White’s Cherry

The Farmer and the Cherry Tree

A farmer rounded up his three sons and said sternly "I want to know which of you boys pushed the outhouse over, but before I do I want to tell you a story. When George Washington was a boy, he chopped down his father's favorite cherry tree. When his father asked, George admitted his deed, saying, ...

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

George Washington had enacted a strict army policy about cherry trees

Dont axe, dont tell

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Pop my Cherry

A man was driving down a remote road when his car broke down. There was no cell service so he walked to the nearest farm. He was approached by a farmer.

“How can I help you?” asked the farmer.

“Can I use a phone, my car broke down?”

“All the phones are down, I can drive you i...

A young man takes a girls cherry

Afterwards she say's, "Will I ever get my cherry back?" He replies "No, but you will always have the box it came in"

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Lifesavers, get a hole lot more outta life

A teacher gave each of her students a packet of Lifesavers candy and had them all identify the flavours by colour.

Red = cherry
Yellow = lemon
Green = lime
Orange = orange

Finally, all the class were stuck on the last lifesaver flavour, the translucent Honey flavoured lifesa...

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for help. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 1...

What does Eevee evolve into when you give it money?

Patreon

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They just offered me sex in exchange for advertising a new detergent brand, can you believe it?

Of course I did not accept, because my will is strong, as strong as the new Axion liquid cleaner, the only true grease and stain remover, now with a new and irresistible vanilla-cherry scent.

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One day at school the home room teacher was absent and the kids had a substitute. He started class and took attendance. 15 minutes late, a boy showed up.

Trying do do his job well he asked, where have you been?

The boy, John, responded " I was on Cherry Hill."

"ok" said the teacher. "Well take a seat." So the boy did.

Than 7 minutes later another boy, Lenny, got to class. "Why are you so late?!" The confused substitute teacher a...

I bought the original ax that George Washington used to chop down the cherry tree.

The antique dealer told me that the handle had been replaced a couple times, and the blade was replaced once, but it's the real deal!

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a guy walks into a bar

the guy sit at the bar, order a beer and starts looking around. at the opposite of the bar, a man is there with a little monkey on his shoulder.
the monkey is eating peanuts and every peanut he pick up he first put into his butthole then proceed to eat it.
the guy think this is really odd but ...

I didn't get my GF's cherry

Just the box it came in

An old couple had trouble remembering anything

An old couple, Agnes and Fred, had trouble remembering anything.

During a checkup, the doctor tells the couple they are okay physically but should repeat everything to one another to help them remember things.

One night, Fred offered to make a bowl of ice cream for Agnes while they wer...

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I bought some cherry lube the other day but I didn't end up using it.

Turns out cherries are already pretty easy to shove up your arsehole as they are.

An old couple talks to their doctor about their memory loss. The doctor suggests that they write things down so they don't forget.

One day, both of them are sitting on the couch when Grandma asks for a bowl of ice cream.

"Coming right up," Gramps says, slowly getting onto his feet and heading towards the kitchen.

"Aren't you going to write that down?"

"Write that down? Of course not. I can remember a bowl o...

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A highschool is having a talent show

The first act is a girl trying to tie a knot with a cherry stem in her mouth. She tries and tries, but she just cant do it.

A guy from the audience yells out, "Hey, maybe you should practice with my dick!" Most of the audience laughs.

The girl requests a microphone and a nearby teacher...

A man wins $100 000 at Las Vegas.

When he returns home he hides it in his backyard, only to wake up the next morning and find it stolen, with a trail of muddy footprints leading to the mute-deaf a few blocks away. Enraged, he enlists the help of the sign language professor next door, and together, the man armed, they confront the mu...

Hey you like cherry preserves ?

Never mind, its probably not your jam

Memory loss (Long)

A man and his wife are growing older, and the doctor tells them their memory isn't that great. He tells them they should start writing things down to remember better. At home, the wife asks for a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. She tells her husband to write it down, to which he responds that ...

I went shopping today and picked up a cherry and a microphone stand...

Bought a bing, bought a boom!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.

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A poor Irish family lives on a farm...

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the d...

New leaks reveal that George Washington didn't cut down that cherry tree

it was actually brought down by Russian hackers

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A man walks into a bar...

...with a little monkey on his shoulder. Man orders a beer and the little monkey is excitedly looking around at all the sights. Man sips on his beer and the monkey spies a bowl of peanuts at one end of the bar so he scampers over and proceeds to scarf down all the peanuts. Bartender sees all this, l...

Little Timmy and the Outhouse

There was a child on a farm named Timmy. Now Timmy loved growing up on the farm with his family. He enjoyed helping out in the fields, he loved feeding the sheep and cows, and he was always happy to help out in the barn. The one thing Timmy did not like, was having to clean out the outhouse. He abso...

An elderly couple is arguing about which one of them has the worst memory.

An elderly couple is arguing about which one of them has the worst memory.

\- You have the worst memory - says the wife.

\- No, you forget everything all the time! - says the husband.

\- Well, test me, and I'll show you my memory is as good a new - challenges the wife.

\...

The Outdoor Toilet

A young man wanted to invite his girlfriend to their farm but was embarrassed by the old-fashioned outdoor toilet.

He kept bickering his dad for a modern, indoor one, but the old-timer didn't want to give in.

Out of sheer desperation, he slips out one night, puts a lot of dynamite be...

Have you been on Cherry Hill

One day, a boy walked into class late.
"Why are you late?" The teacher asks.
"I was on top of Cherry Hill." He takes his seat.
5 minutes later, another boy walks into class late.
"Why are you late?" The teacher asks.
"I was on top of Cherry Hill." He takes his seat.
5 minutes later...

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A farmers daughter wants to have a sleepover with three of her guy friends(NSFW)

The farmer agrees but when the friends get there he sits them down and tells them "ok I'll let you sleep at my house, but if you sleep with my daughter I will kill you" And he leaves them for the night.

The following morning he wakes up early to tend to his crops and finds them already awake...

Southern man getting a Vasectomy, no not the cherry bomb joke.

A man from the southern US goes to the doctor to get a vasectomy. He wears his finest 3 piece suit with his best shoes. When the nurse is getting him ready she asks him why he's dressed so fancy. The man replies, "Well heck, if I'ma be impotent, I'ma look impo'tant too."

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A teacher handed out Lifesavers to her class.

She began to ask the children if they could identify the flavor by each candy’s color.

Pretty soon, the class had identified red for cherry, green for lime, yellow for lemon, and orange for orange. So the teacher tried a harder question. She handed out honey-flavored Lifesavers. Nobody cou...

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What do you call a virgin on a water bed?

A cherry on a float.

What do you find hanging from cherry trees?

Your arms have gotten sore.

In Jamaica

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, t...

What is worse than a worm in a cherry?

Half of a worm in half of a cherry.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red.

A: To hide in the cherry trees!

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?? Then I guess it works!

(As told by my mid-70s, overall wearin, Southern Comfort drinkin neighbor.)

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