UPJOKE
playbackoutoverawayputupdownbreakwhileturnbutpastbehindinto

What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus?

Alcmene triple-dog-dared him.

I was disappointed at the sudden cancellation of the Int’l Leprosy Association’s annual hockey game…

Apparently there was a face off in the corner

A Viking sailed across Europe challenging people to staring contests.

He was so confident in his abilities that he promised to hand over all of the gold he had pillaged to anyone who could defeat him. The news spread throughout Europe, catching the attention of a couple in Ireland whose daughter was born without eyelids.

Believing that their daughter was guaran...

A German man is sitting in a waiting room.

The clock on the wall is going Tick,.....Tick,.....,Tick,.....,
Suddenly he jumps up, rips the face off the clock, bends it's hands behind it's back and says...
"Ve have vays of making you Tock!"

If you do these things every day for 30 days straight you will be unrecognizable

1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.

2. Drink four 8oz glasses of water minimum daily.

3. Get outside in the sun everyday.

4. No sugar.

5. Read for 30 mins each day.

6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week

7. Capture someone, cut their face off then sew it onto your face....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst animal to play cards with?

A cheetah.

Because it'll rip your fucking face off.

A man wearing a mask walks into a bank

He yells for everyone to get on the ground and fires a couple of shots into the air. He takes one of the female clerks hostage and tells her to lead him to the vault .
'' I am sorry sir but I don't think that you understand. ''
'' Just take me to the vault .'', he responds quietly.
'' Pleas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Family First (original joke)

Mr. Scott Lood was a poor little farmer from Illinois who paid the bills by churning butter all day and all night. He came from a family of dairy farmers: his father was a cream maker, and his father before him a cheese maker. There was little money to be made in this line of work- so little in fact...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband wakes his wife up on a Saturday morning....NSFW

The wife asks the husband "morning hun, what should we do today?"

Husband says "I'd like to go hunting"

Wife: "I don't want to go hunting today! That's boring"

Husband: "Well then if I can't go hunting then I'd at least like to get some action. Lets try something new. I want t...

A penguin is driving his car

When suddenly the car starts making rattling noises, smoke starts pouring from under the hood, and it continues to move forward by jumps and lurches. The Penguin sees an auto-shop up ahead and slowly pulls his car into the lot. The mechanic comes out and informs the penguin that's going to take ab...

Leper Jokes

Why did they stop the leper football game? There was a hand off at the fifty yard-line.



Why did they stop the leper hockey game? There was a face off in the corner.



Why did they stop the leper baseball game? Somebody dropped a ball in left field.



(I us...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.