BREAKING: Stevie Wonder suffers major laceration in horrible accident

The wound too big for regular stitches, doctors were forced to use very super stitches

I knew this lightbulb that was in a really toxic relationship with her boyfriend. They kept breaking up and getting back together again. It happened dozens of times before I finally told her-

“You really need to get out of this on-off relationship.”

If you spell Breaking Bad backwards, you will get "Dab Gnikaerb"

Which still makes more sense than Game of thrones\` entire season 8

What do you say to a blacksmith who's angry about breaking his sword

Ooh, temper temper!

What would you call Breaking Bad if it were good?

Breaking Bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS!! .. Man hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass

Doctors describe his condition as stable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

*BREAKING NEWS* A baby is born without eyelids, and doctors use his foreskin to replace them.

The surgery was a success. The baby should make a full recovery, but he will always be a little cockeyed.

BREAKING : Prison guard responsible for watching Jeffrey Epstein killed in tragic house fire

Time of death was 11:26am, tomorrow.

The shovel is a ground breaking invention, but it was the invention of the broom that truly swept the nation by storm. However, the invention of the wheel got things rolling...

And I’m just here wondering why our feet smell and our nose run...

God calls Satan.

"Hey, I think we misplaced an engineer and he ended up in Hell."

"Yeah, Carl. Been doing a wonderful job. We finally got an AC system up and running and the heaters are fixed. He even designed an auto-poker for the pitchfork teams."

"Send him back here, he belongs in Heaven."

"Y...

#Breaking news

A clown recently had to retire earlier this week.
#
After sustaining an injury, the clown was found to have broken his funny bone.
#
Looks like he got the last laugh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend told me "I'm breaking up with you because you keep slapping my ass to see it jiggle"

I said "Fine. I hope the door hits you on your way out"

Breaking Bad Joke

Walter: Hi Skyler, got us some breadsticks and pizza

Skyler: How much do I owe you.

Walter: It’s on the house.

My girlfriend texted me that we were breaking up.

I was relieved when she said, “Sorry, wrong number.”

BREAKING NEWS!

Willie Nelson got hit by a car last night.

He was playing on the road again....

My girlfriend sounded happy while she was breaking up with me over the phone, but I could barely hear her because of the bad reception.

I guess you could say she was ex-static.

My Gramps just passed away. This was his favorite joke to tell.

*Sorry for the meta of this, I'm still reeling a little. I post two or three (or ten--sorry for breaking rules) jokes on this sub every day. A lot of them are simply awful, but they're all original, and my Gramps was a huge inspiration for me becoming a comedy "writer." But this is an old joke, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm breaking up with you

What, why?!

"Because all you ever talk about is fucking video games"

But babe please, this is such a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

My girlfriend is breaking up with me. She says I don’t understand her

I really don’t know what she’s talking about though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so hard breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice for them to understand.

I got arrested for breaking and entering a car dealership ..

In my defence, the salesperson told me I could sleep on it.

Joe's Talking Trees

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

Breaking News: Cheese factory explosion!

De Brie everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING NEWS!!!!

A woman is in the process of suing one of the country's leading hospitals, stating that following treatment her husband has lost all interest in sex with her.
The hospital concerned in their defence stated: "We merely rectified his vision."

A confectioner was bad at breaking bad news

People told him to stop sugar-coating everything

My friend Tom was breaking into a mall from the roof while Aiden was keeping watch. Aiden slipped and fell through a skylight into a large pile of sheets and pillow cases...

Now he's Aiden in bedding

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes?

So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

It wasn't fun breaking my neck last year

But now I can look back and laugh

Breaking through the glass ceiling

A wife comes home one night bragging about her new promotion at the office, "Its taken years, honey! But I think they finally are starting to respect me. I've added another crack towards breaking the glass ceiling!"

The husband replies, "If you want to break through so bad, hire a woman cont...

Breaking Noose!

Man fails to commit suicide!

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

Breaking News: A cure for procrastination has been discovered.

I’ll probably take it tomorrow.

In breaking news, Triple Crown winner Justify has turned down an invitation to White House.

When asked why he answered, “If I wanted to see a horse’s ass, I would have finished second.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Hypnotist was hired at a retirement home.

He was trying to hypnotize 150 old folks. He was swinging his pocket watch back and forth. The watch had been passed down from generations. As he was swinging the watch, the chain snapped, sending the watch plummeting to the ground, breaking into thousands of pieces. “Shit!” He yelled. It took them ...

A man was walking home past a cemetary in the middle of the night.

when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncin...

I find it strange how everyone suddenly cares about straws killing dolphins…

…because they've been breaking camels' backs for years.

An astronaut was trying to communicate with the control room but the connection kept breaking up.

Annoyed, he yelled out "What on Earth are you talking about?".

Breaking :A man was arrested yesterday for impersonating a helium balloon.

A spokesperson for the police said.. We held him for a while and then let him go..

Breaking News***

Ringo Starr plans to reunite the Beatles.


Meanwhile, Scotland Yard investigating a murder-suicide.

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