In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

BREAKING: A new drug is being trialled to increase semen output.

More to come.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

Breaking News: Putin orders full investigation and promises severe punishment for whoever poisoned opposition politician Navalny...

insufficiently.

BREAKING NEWS!

Man gets hit by a rental car.

Says, “It Hertz.”

BREAKING NEWS: Man arrested due to possessing a stolen calendar

He got twelve months

BREAKING NEWS! A hurricane has just hit New Jersey...

It has inflicted about $25,000 worth of improvement.

Dad, are we breaking the law by starting all these fires?

Yes, we arson.

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whats the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl

You have to drop the bomb twice before she finally gets it

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

In breaking news

My arm.

Breaking News in North Korea: 11.47PM - 1 active Covid case detected !

Update at 11.48PM - 0 active Covid cases

An electron is breaking the speed limit going along a motorway...

...When he is pulled over by a Proton. Proton: do you know how fast you were going?
Electron: yes, but now I have no clue as to where I am.

Breaking News! Cartoonist found dead in his home.

Details are sketchy

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

Girl: im breaking up with u.

guy: why?
girl: because u keep quoting Chicago lyrics.
guy: but, if u leave me now, u take away the biggest part of me 😭

Breaking News: The Washington Redskins have changed their name.

They will now be called the DC Redskins.

BREAKING NEWS: Ghislaine Maxwell, former on again / off again partner of Epstein, has been arrested by the FBI.

In other news, Prince Andrew has just suffered a heart attack, Bill Clinton has suddenly developed Alzheimer’s, and all prison guards at Maxwell’s detention centre have suddenly had to take long naps...

Breaking: Police are on the hunt for a 5 foot fortune teller.

She's a small medium at large.

A couple is arguing and breaking up

And he says:
- You don't love me because I'm colorblind, right Violet?
- You stupid! I told you my name is Amber!!

My alarm system kept breaking down

The alarm system kept breaking down so, instead of repairing it I decided to get a guard dog instead.

I went to the pet store and the shopkeeper showed me a lot of breeds to choose from. A Rottweiler, a German Shepherd, A Doberman, but there was this one tiny little pug that caught my eye. I...

Breaking news: Amidst all the chaos, Eminem just got kicked out of a very high end bar.

Apparantly he asked the bartender for 4 shots but the bartender refused service and said you only get one shot.

My son calling me dad was my breaking point

I finally shaved my legs

Breaking news!

Corona Virus claims a black belt. Chuck Norris, Dead at 80.

Carlos Ray “Chuck” Norris, famous actor and fighter, died yesterday afternoon at his home in Northwood Hills, TX at the age of 80.

Chuck Starred in dozens of movies and Tv series which have, and continue to entertain millions ...

My girlfriend just called me up and told me that we were breaking up.

I went outside and the signal improved.

A burglar is breaking into a house when a voice quietly says: "Jesus is watching you."

The burglar gives a groan and looks around himself.

He sees a parrot in a cage, to whom the thief asks, "And what's your name?

"Moses", answers the parrot.

The burglar gives a smile at that. "What jackass calls his parrot Moses?" he asks.

To which the parrot replies: "The...

Two men were breaking into a high security software company...

They couldn’t get their code breaker to work for the back door, so, in a last desperate attempt to short circuit the security, one of them peed on the access panel.

It began smoking, a couple sparks flew, and boom, the back door clicked open.

They looked at each other, impressed and r...

I got punched by my X-Box controller for breaking his charging cord.

He was charged with battery.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You heard about the guys breaking into stores and having sex with all the fruit?

They always come in Pears...

(Was literally just watching a live stream as I thought of this hopefully it hasn’t been done before lol)

Breaking news! A group of ornithologists have recently published a study concerning the primary cause of death among Swallows:

Apparently, they don’t chew their food.

BREAKING NEWS: The leader of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, is brain-dead following an invasive medical procedure.

Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.

BREAKING NEWS

The inventor of predictive text was injured in a traffic accident.

He's been bacon by ambience to the horse piddle.

BREAKING NEWS: Music shop burns down.

Scores injured.

BREAKING: The President's recent suicide attempt failed last night when the rope broke. His statement:

"Fake noose."

BREAKING NEWS: EMINEM just convert to Islam.

He is the real Muslim Shady.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple is golfing on a golf course when their ball flies out of the course and smashes right through the window of an old mansion.

Shocked, the couple hastes to the old mansion and knock on the door.

A mysterious voice from within the mansion calls the couple to enter.

The couple enters the mansion and in the hallway they see an old man standing next to the broken window and a broken chinese vase with their golfba...

BREAKING: Cure for corona has been discovered in North Korea

New treatment involves shooting patients in the face, and has recorded a 100% success rate in getting rid of the virus.

BREAKING: The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

Breaking news KIM JONG UN just lost 50 lbs

He is now addressed as Slim Jong Un

A woman picking apples at a farm fell from a ladder, breaking her neck...

Fortunately, another farmhand saw her and quickly brought her in to where the horses were housed.

She's now in stable condition.

Breaking news...

A nine year old girl has disappeared after using moisturiser that makes you look ten years younger.

So I was about to propose to my girl friend when. . .

My roommate Joseph, barged into the room out of no where and tripped over a glass table, breaking it with his face. Totally ruining the mood.

Now I don't know Joseph that well, don't even know where he's from, but I decided to put my plans on hold to help him with his injury.

Joseph ha...

Breaking news: Sean Connery had a bunch of books fall on him.

When asked what happened, he said, "I'm ok, I only have my shelf to blame."

Breaking news.

Black guy shot with a starting pistol.

Police think it's race related!!!

Breaking up in 2020

"we need to practice social distancing"

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