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BREAKING: New Study Shows Getting Hit in the Testicles is More Painful than Childbirth

After childbirth 34% of women said “Yes” they would like to have another child.

After getting hit in the testicles ~0% of men said “Yes” they’d like to do that again.

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

Anybody caught breaking rule will be fined....

The first day of university and Dean addressing the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “A...

Breaking News !!!

Breaking News !!!

A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some breaking English football news.

Arsenal are to allow their goal keepers, to train without a mask,

club doctors confirm.

There's no way they can catch anything..

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Doctor breaking the news

A patient is at the doctors office, it is the end of his appointment and he is discussing the results with his doctor. The doctor says: “Why don’t you go downstairs to the vending machine and buy yourself a drink on me, this next bit of news might be tough to hear.” The doctor rummages around his po...

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In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist, he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.





Edit: Wow! Thank you for all of the awards, I didn't anticipate that. Some people need to relax though. This is just a freakin' joke, not the agenda of a movement.

Also,...

A guy in my glass has a habit of breaking my glasses

His name is Dwayne, and I hate him. I have really bad eyesight, so without my glasses it’s basically impossible for me to see anything, and it was negatively affecting my grades.

Dwayne broke my first pair when I left them on my desk and he “accidentally” sat on them.

He broke my secon...

Breaking: Donald Trump has just won another state.

Denial.

How do you throw an egg againts a brick wall without breaking it?

It doesn’t matter, there is no way an egg would actually break brick wall.

[BREAKING NEWS] There’s been a kidnapping at Lakewood Elementary School today

It’s ok, he woke up.

MY gf said we where breaking up , i was confused

Then i went out and the signal was lot clearer

Breaking News: The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.

He's currently assembling his cabinet.

In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one.

Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were arrested for allegedly breaking into a Spanish man's house

They reportedly took some of his belongings (only what they could carry). When the police asked the homeowner about it, he said "They took what they could, but then.... The Rolling Stones gathered no más."

Breaking News - Devon and Cornwall Music Festival

The Devon and Cornwall Music Festival due to take place this weekend has had to be cancelled. They couldn't decide who to put on first, The Jam or Cream

Breaking bad

I was talking to someone about Breaking Bad and they asked me if I remembered who Hector Salamanca was, I told them that he rings a bell

I decided against breaking into the Home Depot to steal their largest egg beater...

It was too big a whisk

Breaking news: Germany is advising people to stock up on sausages and cheese.

This is starting to look like the Wurst Käse scenario.

The United Kingdom is breaking up!

Soon it will be the Untied Kingdom.

Breaking News: police station toilet stolen

Cops have nothing to go on.

Breaking: English to be made the official language of the EU!

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-E...

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Breaking News: Elon Musk & Bill Gates have joined hands

to make a Penis Enhancer.....They will call it
ELONGATES

The year is 1939, Soviet troops are marching on Finland

As they cross the border, the general hears a Finnish voice just over a hill saying "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!".

The general laughs and sends 10 soldiers to take the hill, after a minute or so of gunfire, the same voice says "one Finnish soldier is better than 1...

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BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of viagra instead. The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

My girlfriend messaged me to say she’s breaking up with me because I’m too childish. So I marched over to her house, rang her door bell and ran away

That’ll teach her

What was the most ground-breaking invention in human history?

The shovel

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A guy said to his girlfriend before breaking up, "A relationship is like a fart."

"How is that?" She mockingly said.
He then replied, "If you have to force it, it's probably crap anyway."

Some protestors are breaking into congress

I hear it is a capitol offense

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

Did you hear about the guy breaking into peoples houses and drinking all their coffee?

I don't know how he sleeps at night!!

I asked my girlfriend if she'd like a day of eating ice cream and hanging with her girl friends.

She said "Yes!". I said "Good, because I'm breaking up with you."

My boyfriend was breaking up with me and started to walk out the door

So I jammed my knee into his stomach.

“You can’t leave, I kneed you”

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the local cheese factory!

Da Brie is everywhere.

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

SpaceX have developed a new type of rocket that can fly to the moon in record-breaking time.

It's a regular rocket, with "GME" written on it.

BREAKING NEWS: Missing Child Spotted With Pied Piper Of Hamelin

More to follow

BREAKING: North Korean leader in a vegetative state following surgery.

They've begun calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive

An ice fishing joke never before posted here.

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t...

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Here It Is! The Poopie list!

Ghost Poopie--The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie--The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie--The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unw...

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An American, Englishman and a Russian applied to be CIA agents.

They go through every single test and pass with flying colors. For their final test they are given a pistol and led inside a room with their wife tied to a chair and they have to kill her. The american goes into the room and comes out 5 minutes later.

-"I couldn't do it, I'm sorry." He says a...

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BREAKING: A new drug is being trialled to increase semen output.

More to come.

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

Breaking News: Energizer Bunny Arrested

Charged with battery

BREAKING NEWS: The president was found in his office after trying to commit suicide, his statement:

"Fake noose."

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

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BREAKING NEWS: A shipment of Viagra has just been stolen

The police are still on the lookout for the hardened criminals

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The White Ape

A man was driving down the road in the middle of the night when, naturally, his car broke down. There was no one around, but he saw a light up ahead. He walked towards it and soon figured out that it was a farmhouse.
The man knocked on the door, and a farmer answered. "Sir," he said to the farmer...

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A man has a habit of starting every morning by breaking wind.

Of course, his wife finds this habit disgusting, and even as she asks him to stop, he only snickers, continuing the habit every morning.

After one of the husband's daily bouts of morning flatulence, the woman tells him that if he continues to fart every morning, his intestines will come out ...

There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.

He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:

...

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The parrot and the plumber

A woman who has a pet parrot also has a problem with her plumbing, so she calls a plumber. While she is waiting for him, she decides she needs some items from the store. She thinks she can probably make it to the store and back before the plumber arrives, so off she goes.

Shortly after she ...

Breaking News: Putin orders full investigation and promises severe punishment for whoever poisoned opposition politician Navalny...

insufficiently.

Breaking News: Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan and North Korea to send a joint expeditionary force...

...to Washington D.C. in order to bring peace, democracy and the rule of law to the troubled nation of United States of America.

Rockstar Just Annouced A GTA Spinoff About Breaking And Entering

Its called GTFO

Two Americans in the Arabian desert.

Two Americans were walking in the Arabian desert one morning, when they come across a mosque.

They hadn't had food or water for days, and thought maybe the people in the mosque would give them some.

"Ok, Joe, we will tell these people we are Muslims, and maybe they will give us some fo...

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