4 million of these people enter our country every year. They are uneducated, unskilled, and contribute nothing. They are a burden to honest, hardworking Americans and our government is doing nothing to stop them, not to mention they're dirty and they smell bad. THEY DON'T EVEN SPEAK ENGLISH!!

Man, I hate babies.

What do Polar Bears contribute to the local newspaper?

The Arcticles.

A boy tells his father, "I can't wait until I contribute to society!"

Father: "So you don't want to be a part of it?"

The Red Cross knocked on the door...

of an elderly Bostonian, and asked if he could contribute towards the floods in Missouri. He replied he'd love to, but his garden hose only reaches to the end of the driveway.

A lawyer and a United Way officer

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you did not give a penn...

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a b...

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The Physics Student

Some time ago, I received a call from a colleague who asked if I would be the referee on the grading of an
examination question. He was about to give a student a zero for her answer to a physics question, while the student
claimed she should be given a perfect score and would, if the system we...

A Republican and a scientist were together during the last moments of the Titanic...

The scientist said "In a hundred years that giant iceberg would melt and contribute in the rising of the sea level."

Then the Republican said "If we're sinking, why are we a hundred feet up in the air?"

The Crusading Nun.

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tea...

Army Wargames

During an Army war game, a commanding officer's jeep got stuck in the mud. The C.O. saw some men lounging around nearby and asked them to help him get unstuck.

"Sorry sir, "said one of the loafers, "but we've been classified dead and the umpire said we couldn't contribute in any way."

...

A joke that my grandpa told me: An American, a Russian, and a German are stranded on an island,...

...desperate for food they decided to each contribute a part of their body for everyone to eat.

On the first night the German cuts off his arm, and everyone eats for a week.

Next, the Russian cuts off his leg and everyone eats for another week.

On the third week, as the American...

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3rd Grade Classroom in a Chicken Farming Community

Miss Coral is a 3rd grade teacher in a rural community where almost all of the residents are chicken farmers. She decides to do a lesson with her students on stories with morals, and gives her students the homework of finding a story from their families that have morals.
The next day she asks ...

Miracle cure

A plumber, a violinist, an astronomer and a redneck*, all suffering from various infirmities, were sitting in a convalescent home when suddenly an angel appeared. The angel spoke to them:

"I have come to give you the gift of health! Mr. Plumber, what is your ailment?"
The plumber answered...

Starcraft joke.

It's been 15 years since North Korea broke the Korean Armistice Agreement (cease fire agreement), and both North and South Korea are desperate to end the war since they are running low on resources. One South Korean general decided that he needs every help he can find to win the war so he brings Jae...

A bear, a wolf, and a rabbit.

A bear, a wolf and a rabbit were traveling through the forest together.In order to survive more easily, they maintained a strategy by which everyone would contribute a little something to the group.The bear, being the strongest, hunted the for the most part, the wolf chased the ones who would try to...

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party

A zoophil, a murderer, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac and a sadomasochist were gathered at a party. After a while they started to get bored, and the zoophile suggested they go out to find a cat they could rape. The killer was enthusiastic and suggested they kill it afterwards. The necrophilic was happ...

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The new pope visits a small church.

Upon hearing the news that the new pope would be visiting his small parish Father O'Leary decided to something special for the dinner. The morning of Pope Francis' arrival he went down to the docks and found a young member of his congregation and said, "I would like to help honor the new pope by con...

Mary Poppins

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night.

"Certainly madam," he replied courteously.

"Is the restaurant open still?" inquired Mary.

"Sorry, n...

Two old friends run into each other at a bar

Two old friends run into each other at a bar. The one friend says to the other "Nice to see you, you're looking really good. Have you lost weight?" "Yeah I have, actually." says the other friend. The first friend asks, "How did you manage to get so fit?" The friend replies "Well, I'd like to contrib...

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