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My team decided to establish a tradition

Everyone on the team would sit in a circle surrounding the team captain before the start of the season. He would then headbutt the ball at one of us, and they would have to headbutt it back at him. The captain would then headbutt it at the person sitting next to them. This would repeat as it cycled ...

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Why did the Jews in Germany not establish an organization against the Holocaust?

There was too little interest.

No leader or government should establish communism in their country...

...after all, in history, there have been so many red flags.

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident...

...In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask fo...

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

## But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:

Error: failed to establish connection with server.

Professor and his students

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?"


"Sadness," said the student.


"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"


"Elation."


"And you, sir, how about the opposite of woe?"


"I...

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3 Men and a Woman are stranded on an Island

Like everyone, they try to establish contact to other people at first and they build a shelter.

After about 3 Weeks the Men approach the Woman with a proposal to let one of the 3 have sex with her every other day so that everyones Sex drive could be fulfilled.

The Woman agrees and the...

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Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest?

Because it would be economically unsound to attempt to establish a pharmaceutical distribution network in such a sparsely populated area

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A ventriloquist walks into a bar (Long)

Starts doing his stand-up routine, where he’s really trying to establish himself. After too many jokes ending with awkward silences punctuated with a few small titters of laughter, he decides to go to ol’ faithful and break out the ol’ ventriloquist dummy. He hones in on the easiest target he can th...

Southern University Psychology Joke

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “what is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he ...

Letter from North Korea

When my friend moved to North Korea, he knew his mail would be read by censors, so he told me: "Let's establish a code. If a letter you get from me is written in blue ink, it is true what I say. If it is written in red ink, it is false."
After a month, I got the first letter. Everything was wri...

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Once upon a time...

...there lived a great ruler in India, Emperor Akbar. This great emperor had the most beautiful wife in all the realms.

At the palace, there lived a certain Ahmed who was a low-ranking official. He took a liking to the queen, and his greatest desire was to kiss the queen's gorgeous breasts....

The Generic Ethnic Joke

A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes ...

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A Trip to the Brothel

One day a man comes home to find his wife having an affair with the neighbour, obviously Infuriated by this he storms out of the house and goes on a ride to the towns brothel. Upon entering he is greeted by a beautiful lady in skimpy lingerie, seething with anger he walks up to her and says "I want ...

A blond girl walks in to a restaurant

While she was there, she met a man who worked as a server. They both fell in love at first sight. At the end of his shift, the girl Safari and the server met up and decided to start dating. Both were passionate about their relationship. After a while, they decided to get married. To make sure that t...

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...

...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume...

Working Redditors: What is your favorite joke about your own profession?

Retired U.S. Air Force here and this is my favorite military joke:

The biggest difference between the branches of the U.S. Armed Forces is that if you give the order to **"Secure that building!"**

* The Army will kick the doors down, enter with weapons drawn, eliminate all hostiles...

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

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A 50 year-old woman decides to spend a lot of money on her birthday...

...on cosmetics, wrinkle reduction treatments, a new hairdo, new clothes, etc. When she decides she's done the most she could, she feels really good about herself and decides to go for a walk.

First, she enters a shop to buy a magazine. While she's paying, she asks the cashier:

'How ol...

A journalist is writing an article about a mental hospital

He asks the head doctor the following question.

'How do you establish whether a patient can leave the asylum?'

'Well, we have little exercises to establish their mental state. If they complete such exercises correctly, they're judged fit to leave.'

'Could you give me an example?...

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Farmer Bill and Farmer Joe

Farmer Bill and Farmer Joe were sitting in a bar, drinking and joking around, the conversation soon falls silent.
"Ya know what Joe?" Says Bill "I aint had enough education, tomorrow im going to night school!"
"Good idea Bill," says Joe "Tell me how it goes!"

The next day Bill visits ...

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