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What does "Secure the Building" mean to veterans?

If you're a veteran, I can tell what branch of the military you were in based on how you understand the phrase "secure the building."

If you were a Marine you think it means to hit the building with mortar and machine gun fire.

If you were in the Army you think it means to go from r...

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Blind Pilots

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.


Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and th...

The just erected a statue of the first insane man to be locked up at Ashworth secure hospital.

It's a Monumental.

A frog walks into a bank

... and approaches the teller. He can see from her name tag that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti stares at the talking frog in disbelief but recovers herself quickly and asks him how much he wants to bo...

Two Council workers, Jim and Dave, are staring up at the flagpole outside the council offices

A young lady walks past and is intrigued by them, just standing there, staring.

she walks over to them and says "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you, staring at the flagpole. Is there anything wrong?"

"The boss told us we got to measure the height of this flagpole," Said Jim. "He...

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.

The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

When you're in a relationship, you don't need a secure channel to talk to your partner.

Communication is already encrypted.

I managed to secure tickets to the indoor arthritic athletics championships.

I’m expecting to see some stiff competition.

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don't speak the same language.

For instance, take the simple phrase - Secure the building.

The Army would post guards around the place.

The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters.

The Air Force would take out a five year lease ...

My partner suggested getting married to make our relationship more secure...

I suggested we called it our rElaT10nsh!p.

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

The Secretary of Defense directed members of different services to secure a building.

The Navy personnel turned off the lights and locked the door.

The Army personnel occupied the building and ensured no one could enter.

The Marines attacked it, captured it, and set up defenses.

The Air Force secured a two-year lease with an option to buy.

The ring leader hired the best safe cracker for their bank job...

In criminal circles he was known to crack any safe and the police never caught him. When the day of the heist came, they entered the bank, secured the building, corralled the hostages in the bank managers office and the safe cracker proceeded to the locked vault.

After a few quick inspection...

I'm vaccinated against chicken pox AND monkey pox.

I'm 2Pox Secure.

Three women die and end up at the entrance of heaven.

There, the three women meet the caretaker of heaven. He points out that there is only one rule in Heaven; do not step on the turtles. An odd rule but the women agree with a pinch of confusion. When they enter, the only thing they can see are turtles. Everywhere turtles. A croak croak here, a croak c...

Why don't Jamaican people secure their homes?

Because they dread locks

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "it would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little plano. The piano man starts pla...

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A man came home early from work one day and found his next-door neighbor in bed with his wife.

Quickly pulling a gun, he marched the naked fellow into the garage where he tightly secured the neighbor's private parts in the vise on the workbench.

Still holding the gun to the man's head, he bent the handle of the vise with a crowbar. Putting the gun in his pocket, he then took out a very...

How to differentiate between the branches of the US armed forces:

If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do:

The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors.

The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire.

The MARINE CORPS would assault the b...

A man gets a flat tire outside the fence of an insane asylum.

While he's changing the tire he sees a patient on the other side of the fence observing him so he hurries. He gets the flat off and puts the spare on, but since he was rushing to get out of there, he accidentally drops all 4 lug nuts down a drain. While he's standing there staring at the spare wit...

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A man walks into a bar

He orders a drink and the bartender serves him. The man said "hey, if I show you something really cool, can I have free drinks for the night?" The bartender says, "if you can impress me, then we have a deal".

The man pulls out a box and opens it. Inside was a dwarf who was a foot tall and a m...

IT security experts have published a list of the 20 most secure passwords.

Reportedly, the first companies are already enforcing their use.

You can tell a lot about the different branches of the armed services by their use of the word "secure":

Order Marines to secure a building and they'll attack it.

Order soldiers to secure a building and they'll post guards around it.

Order airmen to secure a building and they'll buy it.

Order sailors to secure a building and they'll turn off the lights, lock the doors, and go out d...

Why are Rastafarians afraid to secure their houses at night?

Because they dread locks.

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A truck driver and his pet parrot are hauling a load of chickens

When all of a sudden he stops to pick up an attractive hitchhiker. He swings the door open and asks, "You want a lift?" She tells him "yes! Omg thank you!" As she starts to climb on in. When the parrot exclaims, "wanna fuck?" Which she stutters, "N-nnno." The parrot screeches, "No fuck! No ride!...

I emailed Hillary that to secure a win, she had to pick Bernie as VP.

I guess she deleted it.

When asked to secure the building, the different branches of the military all took unique approachs.

The Army set up a defensive perimeter. Surrounding the building with 50cal implacements, tanks, sandbags, barbed wire and strategically placed snipers.

The SAS approached under the cover of night and stormed the building with a hard and fast two pronged ground and air assault.

The Na...

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a classically dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".


The smartly-dressed man says "Th...

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A man came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man to the shed and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, removed the handle and picked up a hacksaw...

The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

The husband said "No, you are. I'm setting the shed on fire."

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