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Guy visits his favourite Dominatrix

He puts his money on the bedside table and says “I’ve been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.”

She makes him strip and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.

She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he...

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?

Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.

(Credit to my cousin)

Afghanistan is sending 1200 troops to Washington D.C.

on a mission to secure the fragile democracy.

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A cabbie is waiting outside a Vegas casino when a smartly-dressed man runs out in a state of extreme distress.

He comes up to the cab and says "You've got to get me to the airport straight away! I'm needed in New York as soon as possible, there's millions at stake!" and the cabbie says "Sure, no problem, fella, just fifty bucks for the fare and we're good to go".

The smartly-dressed man says "This is ...

I biked to the liquor store and got a bottle of vodka, but since I didn't have anywhere to secure it I drink the whole thing right there.

It's a good thing I did, because I fell over seven times on the way home.

IT security experts have published a list of the 20 most secure passwords.

Reportedly, the first companies are already enforcing their use.

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Ladies Night Out

3 women were discussing how they each loved a "Well Hung" man, but were amazed at how different their method was for finding one.

The first woman said she knew if a man was confident and secure he definitely was packing a Big Rigg.

The second woman said she liked men that wore tight pa...

Why don't Jamaican people secure their homes?

Because they dread locks

A well-dressed older lady walks into a bank, and asks to see the loan officer.

"What can we do for you today?", asks the loan officer.

"I'm going on vacation today, and I need a $20,000 loan."

"That's a substantial amount of money, ma'am. The bank will need collateral."

The woman fished into her purse and pulled out the title and keys to a very nice Merced...

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

There was once a woman called Patricia Whack

She worked in a bank and generally dealt with secured loans. One day she calls for her next appointment when a frog hops into the room and sits on the chair opposite her. Confused, she asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes," says the frog "Kermit Jagger, I'm here for a loan, uh 100k please"
Patty is ta...

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan.

He approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.

"Kermit Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your m...

A man won $100 million dollars in the lottery. Realizing he could buy whatever he wanted, he switched to gold toilet paper and secured a generous supply of daily burrittos

In a single year, his entire winnings were wiped out.

Why are Rastafarians afraid to secure their houses at night?

Because they dread locks.

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A man came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man to the shed and put his penis in a vise. He secured it tightly, super glued it shut, removed the handle and picked up a hacksaw...

The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

The husband said "No, you are. I'm setting the shed on fire."

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