Why did God create war?

So that Americans could learn geography.

TIL that fanta was created during WWII, when Coke Germany invented a way to efficiently process juice.

You should have seen Adolf's face when he realised he had misheard his receptionist.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

The people who create math worksheets are so lazy.

They create a bunch of problems and expect other people to solve it for them.

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When God created woman..

When God created woman,

He gave her not two breasts but three.

When the middle one got in the way

God performed surgery.

Woman stood before God,

With middle breast in hand.

Said "What do we do with the useless boob?"

And God created man.

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

One day an atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. " And to think they were all created by a cosmic accident" As he was walking alongside the river he suddenly heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to see a seven foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path but he looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
Suddenly he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear right on top of him...

Todd Howard & Gabe Newell have planned to create a game to together, it's called...

To Be Announced

I tried to create a great new chemical compound using oxygen and potassium...

It wasn't great, it was just OK.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...

Then after that, everything else was made in China. Lol 😅

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth….

...guess I’ll call it a day”

Alfred Nobel was a great guy. He was a scientist, engineer, and he created dynamite. He also created the Nobel Prizes.

He was so amazing that he blew everyone away

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

The guy who created cough drops died last week.

There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

Why did God create Eve?

He looked down and seen that man was too happy!

Colt joined with ArmaLite to create a new firearm called The Congressional.

But it never works properly and you can't fire it.

I created a graph explaining all my past relationships

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Doctor Frankenstein created life, via great skill with a surgeon's knife. Igor loved to say, an easier way,

Would have been knocking boots with his wife.

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What do you call the sweat created from sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity.

I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

Thanks for everything dad.

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What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? [OC]

A cuckoo-n!

I haven't seen a Chuck Norris joke in a long while so I created one...

Chuck Norris can decide which sound a music instrument makes

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

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Why did god create vaginal mycosis?

So women can experience living with an annoying cunt, too.

The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump

However, the stamp wasn't sticking to the envelopes. This enraged the President, who demanded a detailed enquiry into the matter

After weeks of testing and $ 1 million in Congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings

"The stamp is in perfe...

Human Life Explained

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the o...

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died.

Resturant In Peace.

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With a very seductive voice the woman asked her husband…

“Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 buttons of her blouse, slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.

He...

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Headache & testicles

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.

He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor says, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require removing your testicles.

You have a very rare condition...

How to create your very own Bermuda triangle?

1. Surround yourself with relatives.
2. Submerge in their expectations. Watch all your hopes and dreams disappear!



PS:- Extra effective if you are Asian, especially Indian!

Edit : True Story.. I am an Indian and I approve this >\_<

How do you create a school shooting at a black school?

Call the cops.

If the Bible was to be summed up in one sentence it would be “ God created a man and a woman ...

... and then promptly lost control of events.”

Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it

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A girl and a boy go to Sunday school together,

They sit on the same table next to each other. The girl falls asleep on the desk with her head on her arms.

Soon, the leader asks a question, “Who is our lord and saviour?” The boy pulls a drawing pin from the display board and pokes the sleeping girl in the arm. She wakes up with a start and...

I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced

It was a breeze

I've created a company whereby people hire us to insult the people they don't like.

We're doing a diss service.

Create Your Own Fun

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a senior a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a name, he g...

How do you create tension?

I’ll tell you tomorrow

it is my dream to create a performance entirely based on puns about invertebrates

and it will be called 'a play on worms'

A scientist is asked by the government to create the first teleporter.

Knowing that this will be an incredibly hard task, the scientist devotes every day to the task, until they have created the teleporter.

First, the scientist discovers that titanium and sulfur, when combined create a metal that would make a great base and projector for the teleporter, so they ...

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

I created a better way to defrost chicken

It was well thawed out.

I had to give up on my idea to create the world’s smallest flamethrower.

It was burning a hole in my pocket.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

Thanos, Hulk, and IronMan created a group chat...

..It’s named SnapChat

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In the beginning, when Man was first created, all the members of the body held a meeting to decide who should be in charge.

The brain said that it should be in charge because it had the power of decision making and so controlled what everything else in the body did.

The eyes pointed out that they were the ones who saw everything, including whatever objectives the brain was going to decide to pursue, so they shou...

I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our forefather's created.

One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Why did God create women?

Because Y not

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The Greeks vs. The Italians

The Greeks say, “We have the Parthenon.”

The Italians say, “We have the Coliseum.”

The Greeks say, “We had great mathematicians and philosophers.”

The Italians say, “We created a world empire and established Pax Romana.”

And so on and so on for hours, until final...

A mad scientist walks into a bar..

..carrying 3 glass jars.

He puts the jars on the bar and says to the barman, "I have created life! Here, I have 3 jars, one containing Ice, one containing Water, and one containing Steam. They are all alive!".

The barman laughs and says, "ok, prove it then".

The mad scientist sa...

Create new password: Tomato

Confirm new password: Tomato

Error: Passwords don’t match

If America changed from pounds to kilograms overnight, would it create..

mass confusion?

Why did the jelly cross the road?

He wanted to create a traffic jam.



I am aware that these are 2 different substances

God created the earth, he wanted one perfect place, so he made France.

Then, seeing what he had done, he decided he had gone too far, so he made Frenchmen.

I created a new word.

I call it, "Plaigiarism"

If i create a Java class public Class Woman{}

Am I objectifying women?

Jesus likes to drink wine.

As we all know, Jesus liked to drink wine. One day, however, he got tired of wine. He said unto John and Thomas, "Go, and fetch me some ingredients so that I may create another kind of drink." And so they went to the market, and John asked Thomas "So, what should we get Him?" Thomas responds, "The r...

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More pearly gates.............

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.


They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted." ...

A corn flake, just created was cruising down the conveyor belt feeling like he was on top of the world.

Totally content with his life he moved along until he was dumped into a large mixer and thousands of other corn flakes landed on top of him.

Not happy with no longer on top he determined to get back above the others. So, he climbed and climbed, pushing other flakes out of his way until finall...

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Why did God create women?

Because hopes and dreams cannot crush themselves.

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The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

Scientists have recently created a new plan to get rid of the large trash island in the ocean

They call it "Brexit".

I taught my brother how to make his own cheese and now he can't stop!

I created a muenster.

What banner phrase did the art sculptures create to christen their upcoming race?

“Finish line or BUST!”

My friends and I created a boysband of classical music.

We are the Bach Street Boys

I tried to create a business that makes talking candles

It didn't make any dollars or scents.

My friend told me that he could create a biological electric current to run through a capacitor.

I said, "weird flux but ok."

A group of Engineers are in a bar and the conversation turns to religion,...

The System Engineer says, "God must be an Systems Engineer, look at the design of the human nervous system. Millions of signals flying back and forward at enormous speeds, all controlled by a massively powerful processing system that can make billions of calculations every second. Only the greatest ...

James Charles has just created a large and complex theory regarding the origins of the universe.

*And thats the-sis*

[Spoiler]

A flap on the wing of an aircraft or glider that can be projected in order to create drag and so reduce speed.

I’m going to create a political institution based on eliminating vaccines. I’ll call it...

The Donner Party

Created a profile on Tinder

when I was in California and in my bio had California >< Florida on it. Got a match who said she right swiped because she wanted a parcel delivered from California to Florida . Apparently I have been Fedex zoned .

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland."

When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. A voice calls out, "But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" To which the painter replies, "Lenin is in Poland."

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Little Jack (6 years old) goes with his parents to the nudist beach.

He is playing with sand and creates castles or swims in the water. After 30 minutes he comes back to his mom and asks:

“Mom Mom, why have all the women different sizes of their breasts?”

Mom answers:

“oh hmm, see my son, the women with small breasts are poor, the ones with big b...

Trying to create a decent graph of my data but some mystery guy keeps adding more samples to it.

The plot thickens.

The teacher noticed that a girl was falling asleep in Sunday school

She knew the girl wasn't paying attention so she asked her, "Who created the world and everything in it?" The boy sitting behind her poked her with his pencil, hard. She screamed, "Oh, God!" and she got that question right. The teacher could swear she wasn't paying attention so she decided to ask th...

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I want to create a machine that would smash two boners together at nearly the speed of light.

I'll call it the Large Hard-on Collider

Good jokes are like anti vax kids

They come in many shapes and sizes, normally created by people that have less-than-average intelligence, and most importantly never gets old

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

My dream is to create a bioengineering startup that solves world hunger by developing a self-replicating noodle

Laugh now, but one day you're going to see my Copy Pasta everywhere.

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two old men are arguing about history and the spendors of athens and rome.

the Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge ...

If Trump's favorite movie is WALL-E and his favorite store is Wal-Mart, what's his favorite nut?

The one that created Ivanka

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A junior journalist is given his first article

For this, she was asked to make the best-possible artivle abut a little town near the city where the newspaper is located.

She went to the town decided to make her best with this, and even create a great article, but no one is on the streets.

She kept walking on and on, and finally mee...

I made a generator which created electricity through jokes that were confusing but funny regardless.

It created lots of gigglewhats.

I still remember the last time I created my own version of Fight Club.

Come to think of it, it was around the same time I was fired from the YMCA...

Quick, you have ten minutes to create an absolute vacuum

no pressure

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

A man exclaims, "I would die to fulfill my quest.. to create the perfect grain blend. I would make..

..the ultimate sack of rice."

I created a Reddit competitor. It's failure was poetic, given its name:

Blue-it

What’s the difference between an optimist and a pessimist?

An optimist created the airplane; a pessimist created the seat belts.

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