God: *creates worm* Hey there little buddy!

Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome

God: *creates birds*

I believe that it is time for all the world's countries to come together and create one universal currency

I mean it's just common cents

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

I tried to create an organization for dads to protest drunk driving

But it was just a FADD.

If the Big Bang happened 13.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed, and all of our bodies are made up of matter, that means we are 13.8 billion years old.

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough.

You know what is the first thing you need to create steam?

A VALVe.

I just don't understand it when people create puns about Covid 19

Is there some sick joke that I'm not getting here?

Some people create happiness wherever they go.

Others, whenever they go.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of Hitler’s officer’s walked into Hitler’s office and asked, “Mein Fuhrer, what is the key to our plan to create an Aryan race?

Hitler responded: Concentration, my friend.

I head Thailand and Iraq are working together to create a new product.

It's called a Tie Rack

We need to show more appreciation towards people who created even the smallest joke

Because if it were easy, you would have came up with something funny by now.

I've created a simple and cheap period tracker

There it is -> .

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

I created a website for unfinished t's, i's, and j's.

crossand.me

The man who created autocorrect has died

May he restaurant in peace

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In celebration of my cake day, here's the worst joke I've ever created.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him ...

When Apple created the $700 wheels...

Did they expect profits to start rolling in?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that if you put your testicle on the opening of a beer bottle and put a lighter under the base, eventually the heat will create a vacuum and your testicle will be sucked into the bottle?

If you ever tried this, let me know how the reverse the process.

Need answers fast

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen

...are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals?


"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us f...

So God creates Adam...

...and soon after he notices that Adam is lonely.

God says "Do not fear, my child. For I will create a partner to accompany you and man from this time forth. She will be known, as a woman."

God continues "She will be obedient, loyal, passionate and nurturing."

Adam hesitates..<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just created a web site for English girls who got a sunburn at the nude beach.

It's called Redtit.

will glass coffins be created?

remains to be seen

Just created an ARG

Let's just say it wasn't what people were expecting.

Students, for your science exam you will be required to create a vacuum.

No pressure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

Why did God create Eve?

Because every Garden needs a hoe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did God say after he created the Japanese?

Ramen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japanese scientist have created a camera.

It has such an immense shutter speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

Humans advanced to the point of space domination and could create clones of themselves.

Two friends, Dill and Jeuk decided to play space tag. Dill was 'it'.

Jeuk had a clever trick up his sleeve. He created 50 clones of himself and hid them in the galaxy, while he himself hid in a cluster of comets.

After a lot of looking, Dill found the first clone in a nearby star syste...

What would IKEA be called if it was created by someone in the Soviet Union?

WEKEA

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When two people kiss, they create a long tube....

...with a butt hole at each end.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sunday: Greg. Monday: Ian. Tuesday: Greg. Wednesday: Ian. Thursday: Greg. Friday: Ian. Saturday: Greg

So this is how the Gregorian calendar was created.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Marketing: lets create a fun and exciting cereal

**Executive:** okay... go on.

**Marketing:** it’ll have cool colors and fruity flavors...

**Executive:** omg yes

**Marketing:** and rabbits can fuck right off if they think they can have some!

Why did God create war?

So that Americans could learn geography.

A man creates the smartest AI and presents it to the UN, boasting it can solve any problem

“Oh yeah?” Said the president of the United States. “Ok how do we solve poverty?”

“Calculating” said the AI, moments later printing out a sheet of paper for the UN to read.

Leaders from all over the world applied the proposals on the paper and in a month everyone starts living a bett...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists are predicting that an aurora will be created from all the self-isolating people stuck at home watching porn...

Due to the resulting coronal mass erection.

Bill Gates created the Coronavirus so people would start using Microsoft Teams

dont know if this belongs here but I posted this in r/conspiracy and r/showerthoughts but everyone thought it was serious

Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards...

Creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Children in the back seats of cars create accidents

Although its only natural as accidents in the back seats of cars create children

The guy who created cough drops died last week.

There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A virgin man and a virgin woman...

A virgin man and a virgin woman who never saw anyone from the other sex naked before, were riding on a camel through the desert. Then in the middle of the desert, the camel stopped walking and was tired, it was hungry, thirsty and there wasn’t any water or food. They waited for a while, but the came...

I’ve been convinced: Trump really is trying to create more jobs

I hear the unemployment rate for military analysts in Iran is at a record low!

A geneticist makes a breakthrough, enabling him to create a cross-breed of any two living organisms

He sets up his own lab and hires an intern to help him out. After explaining to the intern what the technology is capable of the intern is amazed and asks: "So you can really create a cross between ANY two living beings?"


The geneticist replies, "Yes, but I advise you to exercise cautio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school...

Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and t...

I've created the world's best labyrinth

It's a mazing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, little Susie was sitting in Sunday School

Susie was a good kid who liked to pay attention in here sunday school bible classes. The only problem was the she sat in front of the class delinquent, Joe. While the teacher was teaching, she decided to ask the class a question to make sure all the kids were paying attention.


"So class, ...

Friend: "I created the brightest star in the night sky."

Me: "You can't possibly B Sirius."

Who created Scientology in Middle-Earth?

Elrond Hubbard

Sorry it’s a bit Long but worth it

A kid walks up to his dad and ask “how were humans created” his dad said “Adam and eve had babies and their babies had babies and so on” t kid then goes ask his mom the same question his mom replies “we were once monkeys then we evolved to humans” the kid goes back to his dad and says “you lied to m...

One day an atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. " And to think they were all created by a cosmic accident" As he was walking alongside the river he suddenly heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to see a seven foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path but he looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
Suddenly he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear right on top of him...

The people who create math worksheets are so lazy.

They create a bunch of problems and expect other people to solve it for them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When God created woman..

When God created woman,

He gave her not two breasts but three.

When the middle one got in the way

God performed surgery.

Woman stood before God,

With middle breast in hand.

Said "What do we do with the useless boob?"

And God created man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Greek man and an old Italian man are arguing. The Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!"

The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!"

The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!"

The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!"

The Greek man says "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Johhny asks his teacher for help getting his shoes on

From the get go it is a struggle to get them on, and when his teacher reached the second shoe she is already out of breath. When she finally manages to get the second shoe on, Johhny looks at her and through his only four teeth says: "Mith, I think my feet are the wrong way round". She looks down an...

Why did God create Adam before Eve?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it

The Ungent family owns a successful soap business

They recently created a brand new soap to release to their customers, and all things went well until it became time to name their soap.

“It should be named after the scent,” one declared.

“No, no, no,” another corrected, “it has to be after our family name.”

“Why can’t we just c...

Matter cannot be created or destroyed

nor can it be returned without a receipt.

I tried to create a great new chemical compound using oxygen and potassium...

It wasn't great, it was just OK.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth...

After that, everything else was made in China.

God is talking to one of his angels and says

“Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?”

The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”

God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A MAN went to the doctors suffering from a severe headache for years on end.

The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is it will require castration.
“You have a rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the test...

TIL that fanta was created during WWII, when Coke Germany invented a way to efficiently process juice.

You should have seen Adolf's face when he realised he had misheard his receptionist.

I created a website for orphans,

but forgot to make a homepage

I created a graph explaining all my past relationships

It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Why did the man get arrested after illegally downloading "Every Breath You Take"?

The file was created by The Police as part of a Sting operation.

Without anyone's help, I created mints that each weigh 1/16 of a pound...

I make my own announcemints now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the sweat created from sex in Alabama?

Relative humidity.

Gonna start a petition to change Reddit's name

How does Re-post-ddit sound?


...sounds bad? Gimme some slack, it's hard to create original content on here

The first/ last joke my third grader got to tell before quarantine

I set up a joke minute for of my 3rd graders as a way of helping him create healthy boundaries to meet his needs (attention), and this is the first one he got to tell. As far as I know, he made it up himself:

You know when you're at a restaurant, and the waiter is taking forever and ever? W...

Why did God create Eve?

He looked down and seen that man was too happy!

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere...

I've heard Mars has no atmosphere, can we create an atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing smooth jazz?

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

So there was this king in Hawaii living in a straw thatch style palace whose hobby was collecting thrones...

Anytime some local carpenter created a new ornate chair, he had to have it for his collection. The guy was wild about them, it was his one true passion in life.

Well one day, lightning strikes during a thunderstorm and his palace burns down including his entire collection. He was crushed, ne...

I created a dating site for people over 70.

It's called hot wheels.

The Reason God created marriage..

So death wasn't so disappointing.

I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

Thanks for everything dad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did god create vaginal mycosis?

So women can experience living with an annoying cunt, too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little sozzie

One day little sozzie fell asleep in church and the preacher is asking questions and sees little sozzie sleeping.

He walks ove to here and asks “who died for our sins” and the little boy sitting behind her doesn’t want her to get in trouble so he pokes here with a pen Lillie sozzie jumps up a...

What do you call a disabled girl with gonorrhoea?

Handi-Clapped....

I don’t know if it’s an actual joke or I have created a masterpiece but here we are boys.

My son is so creative...

That he creates new problems everyday.

Alfred Nobel was a great guy. He was a scientist, engineer, and he created dynamite. He also created the Nobel Prizes.

He was so amazing that he blew everyone away

Colt joined with ArmaLite to create a new firearm called The Congressional.

But it never works properly and you can't fire it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a crazy caterpillar create in order to turn into a butterfly? [OC]

A cuckoo-n!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...



\*\*SOCIALISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



You give one to your neighbor.



The government charges a gift tax.







\*\*COMMUNISM\*\*



You have 2 cows.



The...

A doctor, an engineer, and a lawyer...

were debating whose profession is the oldest. The doctor said, “In the book of Genesis, God took a rib out of Adam’s side. So obviously God was a surgeon.”

The engineer said, “Yes, but long before that, He created the world out of chaos. So God was an engineer.”

And the lawyer said, “Y...

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

How to create your very own Bermuda triangle?

1. Surround yourself with relatives.
2. Submerge in their expectations. Watch all your hopes and dreams disappear!



PS:- Extra effective if you are Asian, especially Indian!

Edit : True Story.. I am an Indian and I approve this >\_<

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