There was a slightly long bridge, wide enough for only one car and one day, two cars tried to cross over from opposite directions and met at the middle of the bridge, obviously unable to get past the other......

One driver poked his head out of his window and yelled - "I don't make way for idiots!"

The second guy rolled his window down and yelled back - "I do!" and backed up his car...

Why is the math teacher unable to have a good relationship

He has way too many problems that need solving

Ever since my covid vaccine I've been feeling tired and unable to get out of bed

Glad to see there are no side-effects.

Why was the bicycle unable to move?

Because it was two tired.

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I’m hosting a charity event for men unable to ejaculate.

If you can’t come let me know.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

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A pregnant woman was robbed and shot One night while out buying groceries, a pregnant woman was robbed and shot three times. She managed to survive, but the doctors were unable to remove the bullets from her body.

Even with the trauma her body sustained, she was still able to deliver a healthy set of triplets a few months later, two girls and a boy. The years went by and there was never any indication that the children were harmed by the attack, so she was eventually able to move past the whole ordeal, never ...

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I've been unable to sleep due to severely sunburned legs. I went to the doctor and he prescribed Viagra.

Me: "Wow, I didn't know Viagra helps for sunburn."

Doc: "It doesn't, but it will help keep the bedding off your legs."

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.

A farmer owned a nice car which would get ruined because his chickens kept pecking the hood.
After several weeks of fuming at his chickens for making scratches and small dents in the hood of his car he decided to find a solution.
Coincidentally a salesperson came by his house and offered a s...

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there's more between him and his roommate.

Reading his mom's thought, his son volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, we are just roommates."

About a week later, his roo...

A grandfather sits flustered in his workshop unable to recall where he left his toolbox. He calls over his grandson and asks him, "son, what's the name of the German that keeps stealing my tools?!"

"Alzheimers granddad, Alzheimers."

Being unable to find my stuff at home while she could, my wife taunted me the other "Without me, could you ever find anything?"

"...Peace", I said.



P.S: I enjoyed my smart retort while I slept in the car with a thin blanket.

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During a church service,

the pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
Suzie stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was crushed.”

There was a muffled gasp from the men i...

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A woman goes through border control on her bicycle with two panniers filled with sand.

The border guard was suspicious about it and searched through the sand, but couldn’t find anything hidden, so he had to let her through.

The next day, the same woman passes by, again riding a bike with two bags brimming with bright sand. The guard was still unable to find anything. He felt so...

Q. Why were the cops unable to catch the hacker?

A. Because he ransomware

90% of people are unable to solve this riddle by guessing the opposite of each word.

Always



Coming



From



Take



Me



Down

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I tried sending a dick pick.

Got an alert back saying "Unable to send message, file too large"

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How to cure Snoring (Dog & Husband version)

A couple has a dog who snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.

'Yeah right!" she says.

A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snori...

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Here's a joke told to me by my ancient high school band director in rural Oklahoma many years ago

Mr. Band Director loved to tell the story of how his ancestors came to settle in Oklahoma during the days of pioneers, covered wagons, and frequent, often bloody misunderstandings with the local natives.

One day his great-grandfather was leading the conestogas when off in the distance he hear...

A man falls over unable to breathe

The woman he's with scans around the area and spots a man with a gi and black belt on.
"Do you know anything about choking?"
The man responds that he does, due to teaching Jiujitsu.
The woman urgently yells, "help I think he's going to pass out!"
To which the JiuJitsu teacher replies, "T...

3rd times someone's charm

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a stunningly beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight black leather mini skirt with matching leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on the bus, she became aware that her skirt was too t...

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Use The Camel

Having joined the French Foreign Legion, Pierre focused on becoming the best soldier he could. Day in, day out he trained; long marches with full pack, hand to hand combat, shooting range etc... but even all this activity couldn't take away the yearning he had, after all he was a young viral man. T...

What message did the cyborg see upon his failed attempt to flirt with the waitress?

Error! Unable to establish a connection with server.

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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it...

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

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Doctors of reddit - please help! My wife is unable to sit.

We were having naughty time on bed while I was blindfolded.

She wanted to try this new fancy butt plug we had bought earlier. Here's the thing: Instead of using the lubricant, I may have used super-glue by mistake.

I woke up confused and unable to smell

I feel like nothing makes scents anymore

The Devil sat at the gates of hell... (Story Joke)

An old man suddenly arrived in a burst of flames, looking confused and lost. The Devil looked at his paperwork, and frowned. He was unable to find this old man’s data file.

“This can’t be right,” the old man grumbled, looking at the Devil, “I’ve been a good man my whole life.”

The Dev...

Two men are roommates in a hospital. Because they are both weak from sickness, the men are unable to speak for weeks.

Finally, one man says to the other, “American.”



His roommate replies, “Canadian.”



Another week goes by and the first man says weakly, “Danny.”



The roommate can only reply, “Phil.”



Another week passes and the first man mutters to his roommat...

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Three nuns are waiting in their monastery, each equally as tired and sweaty in the mid-summer heat

One of the nuns offers to disrobe, which the other two agree upon, seeing the brutal sun. Each of them stand nude in the empty cathedral, doing their daily duties until a knock is heard upon the door.

"Wardrobe man." Says the man, and the first nun repentantly opens the door. The man, unable ...

Professor Martins at the University was giving a lecture on "Logic and Legality" to his first year students.

This day one of his students was perturbed because he had just received his results and was shocked that his professor had failed him.

After sitting through the lecture for an hour, the student raised his hand. "Professor, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

The profe...

A bride gets drunk at her reception and wakes up with a hangover, unable to remember anything she did at the reception. She asks her maid of honor what happened.

"Your groom and I got drunk and started dancing together," says the maid of honor. "Then you got drunk, and the alcohol must have made you so aggressive that when you saw us dancing, you kicked him in the balls."

"Ouch!" says the bride. "That must have hurt."

"It sure did!" says the ma...

An ice fishing joke never before posted here.

Billy Bob and his family decided to go ice fishing. So they loaded up all their tackle and headed up north and found a lake where they could go ice fishing with a tackle shop nearby in case they needed anything. When they got there the man behind the counter said they'd need ice picks for breaking t...

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A man sees his doctor about terrible headaches he has had for most of his adult life.

The doctor isn’t sure what is going on, so arranges a scan. The scan comes back as normal, so the doctor refers the man to a neurologist who is also unable to find a cause though does offer some advice.

“I did meet one man who had similar headaches, the only thing that helped was having his t...

A young man was showing of his new sportscar to his girlfriend

she was thrilled at the speed.

"If i do 200 km/h, will you take all of your clothes off?"

The girlfriend felt adventurous, and said "yes, of course"

He brought the car up to the 200 km/h benchmark. However, he was unable to keep his eyes on the road and the car swerved, then ...

A dog lover, whose female dog was in heat, agreed to look after her neighbor’s male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she was drifting off to sleep late that night she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs passionately locked together.

Despite her best attempts she was unable to se...

A man is in bed with his wife when there’s a knock at the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's 3:30 in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

Then a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the doo...

A man was walking home one night.

A young man was walking home one night. The street was pitch black. As he passed the gates of a small cemetery, he felt as if he was being followed. Suddenly, he heard a bump behind him. Afraid to look back, he increased his pace.

Bump, bump, bump.

The bumping behind him continued, ge...

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A man is sitting next to a woman...

A man is sitting next to a woman. man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of a plane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes la...

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his blonde brother and told him, 'Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and then send me the bill.'

Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense.
But when the $200.00 bills kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on.

'Well,' sa...

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

John was unable to choose between two girls...

So he asked his friend Gary for help deciding which girl to be with.

John: I'm devoted to Kate but Edith is my dream girl, she's all I've ever wanted.

Gary: Then you should be with Edith.

John: But I love Kate and could never leave her...

Gary: Then you should stay with K...

Hot Dog

A foreign tourist was taking a walk around New York, but was getting very hungry and had only 2 dollars on him . Then, he saw a hot dog stand with a sign "Hot Dog - 2$". Unable to understand what's the meaning of "hot dog", he took out the dictionary. After a brief moment, he looked up in confusion ...

"Windows was unable to establish a network connection"

"would you like to go online to find further assistance?"

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An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

He goes to see the Indian and the medicine man says, "I can cure this."

With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a fl...

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A businessman is called up for an IRS audit….

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. He’s really flustered and goes to his accountant for advice.

“Make sure you dress up like a guy who is on the edge of losing money. It will convince the IRS that you are not hiding anything.”

Not satisfied, he goes to his lawyer. He is told...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

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I was unable to beat my masturbation addiction for a long time...

But now that I named my penis "masturbation addiction" its become surprising easy...

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So these three friends went to a park to enjoy their Sunday.

Jim, Tim and Maximilian found a place near a tree to settle down and lay out their stuff. They'd been through a hectic week and they deserved this break, particularly Tim, who had been through the most. So they pulled out their drinks and lay it on the mat, and set up their radio to play some relaxi...

Why was the pony unable to go and sing at the opera?

Well, he was a little horse.

Today, someone knocked on my door.

Today, someone knocked on my door. I opened the door and a visibly upset person was standing at my door. They said "Do you have a cat, I was driving down the street and a cat ran out in front of me. I tried to avoid hitting it but was unable."

I replied that yes, I did have a cat and asked...

A group of mountain climbers all contract Coronavirus, but are strangely unable to infect anybody else.

This is because scalars aren't vectors.

One for you, one for me

On the outskirts of a small Panhandle town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out  of sight, and began dividing the nuts.  “One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,”  said one boy. Severa...

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Pedro got fired.

For many years he had a powerful desire to put his penis in the cucumber slicer. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought professional help from the factory psychologist.

After six months, the therapist gave up. He advised Pedro to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace ...

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A young boy's mum gives him their last possession: a duck

She tells him "Don't you dare come back til you've gotten a good price for that duck."

Off he goes to the market. On the way there, he's stopped by a prostitute. She propositions him and he's unable to resist.

"But, ma'am, I've only got a duck."

"How much it worth?"

"My m...

Jay-Z is Unable to Locate His Mobile Phone.

He says "Beyonce, have you seen my phone anywhere?"

She says "Did you try call it?"

He says "Yeah but it's on silent."

She says "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it."

In the days before calculators, accountants were frequently unable to get their debits to balance with their credits.

So, in order to overcome the discrepancy, they often created a bogus account titled "Taste" to store the unbalanced amount and allow the books to balance.

Unfortunately, the government soon heard of this practice and declared a new law... there would, from this point on, be no accounting for ...

Weight loss

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about he...

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

Melons are unable to run away and get married.

They can't elope

A woman goes to a fortune teller

As they sat there in the candlelit tent, the mystic waved their hands around the crystal ball, divining the woman’s future. Suddenly, the sooth-sayer’s hands went to their face and a gasp of horror escaped their mouth.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller ...

Because of the coronavirus, churches unable to meet in person this Sunday...

...will be celebrating "E-ster."

When two marijuana dispensaries are unable to increase sales by changing location,

they have reached hash equilibrium.

For the last couple of weeks i've been unable to stop singing songs by Tony Bennet, Nat king Cole, Perry Como and Bing crosby. After a while it all got too much so I went to see my doctor.

Apparently i have crooner virus!

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A young couple go for romantic walk along a country lane.

They walk hand in hand and as they stroll, the guy's lustful desire rises to a peak.

He is just about to get frisky when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I really
do need to pee."Slightly taken aback by this, he replies, “OK. Why don't you go behind this hedge."

She nods agreem...

For people who are unable entertain a hypothetical,

could you first imagine a life where you could..

LPT: If you have been unable to buy soap due to panic buying

Find someone who has some and ask politely if you can sneeze into their hands.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

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Why are black people unable to get a PhD

Because they can't get past their masters.

Three wise kings debated gifts for an upcoming baby shower.

"I've got it!" the first proclaimed. "Myrrh! I'll get some from our stores! The mother could make all manner of perfumes and medicine!"

"Fantastic idea!" the second agreed, and he gasped, "Frankincense! I have a bit left over from a recent voyage! I'll bring some along!"

They turned ...

My coworker is unable to attend next week’s innuendo seminar

I have to fill her slot instead

What do you call a sniffer dogs team that is unable to find drugs?

Can'tnine squad

It's 1961 and Chuck knocks on his prom date's door.

Her dad opens it and invites him in.

"So, you're taking our Betty to her first prom?" he asks, sternly.

Chuck nervously stutters "y-yes sir."

"She'll be down in a sec. But let's have a chat while we wait."

Chuck slumps in the nearest chair, waiting for the inevitable tal...

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Farmer can't get his cows to mate.

There's a farmer, who is having a hard time getting his cows to mate. Specifically, the bull doesn't seem like he can ever get into the mood. He's tried everything he can think of, but this bull just won't do it.

So he gives up on his own wisdom, and consults a cow expert. He approaches the e...

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

The Brazilian president and his spouse are staying at a hotel in the USA, in the room 222

Close to 17:00 he calls the room service from the landline and says the following.

tu ti, tu tututu

The attendant has a hard time understating that request and considering that it is the president, not just some normal customer, comes to the conclusion that he must have overheard an en...

The Three Kingdoms of Int

In a faraway land called Int there lay three kingdoms: the Smaller, the Taller, and the Medium. An adventurer by the name of Jawn came to the three kingdoms, looking for the fabled elixir of Blue Milk. Jawn knew that this fabled elixir lay in one of the kingdoms of Int so he went to each kingdom. Ho...

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Gopal Bhaar and the best feeling

Gopal bhaar was a witty man, called on a lot by the king.
On a hot summers day, the Maharaja calls on his trusted advisors and ask them what the best feeling in the world is.

A lot of feelings go into the pool, happiness, orgasms, seeing your child being born, and so on.

When it co...

What do call it when a chameleon is unable to change color?

A reptile dysfunction

What do you call a cat that is unable to speak?

Mewt

What do you call it when someone’s unable to find someone able to help them through their pregnancy?

Having a midwife crisis

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Obama has been unable to to have sex with his wife since leaving office...

...as Reddit has been sucking his dick ever since

So there’s this frog.

He just got married, and he and his wife are looking to buy a house. The only problem is, he doesn't have any money in the bank :(

He and his wife realize that their only choice is to try to apply for a pretty big loan. The frog heads to the local bank, and meets with the loan officer - a lov...

I am unable to stop swearing no matter how much I try

It truly is a curse.

Why are orphans unable to play baseball?

They’ve never known where home is.

Four freshman partied too hard during a music festival and unable to make it back for their final exam the next day

As they drove back to the college, they tried to think of a good excuse. Finally, they agreed to the same story: a tire was blown in the middle of nowhere at mid night so they were stuck. They each sent the professor an email asking to retake the exam and gave the excuse. The understanding professor...

So I held a race between my farmhands. They ran equally fast, and demanded I determine the winner.

However, they both threatened to leave the farm if I declared the other the winner. I felt unable to make a decision. As a matter of fact, my hands were tied.

~~it's dumb but at least it's original~~

Why was the Chinese CEO unable to leave Canada?

Because somewhere along the road she lost Huawei.

I told my doctor that I was unable to do all the things around the house that I used to do.

The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but found nothing wrong with me. When the examination was completed, I said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just very lazy." "Okay," I said , "Now give...

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Bubba died in a horrific accident and they were unable to reach his family to identify the body.

So they brought in his two best friends Leroy and Jimmy, as the three of them went everywhere together. When they walked into the morgue they were unable to tell for certain, as his face had been badly mangled. Leroy asks the mortician to roll him over so he can check to be sure. As soon as he ro...

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How do you call the condition when a crocodile is unable to get an erect penis?

Ereptile dysfunction.

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A man named Ted is unable to put alcohol down.

His thirst for liquor is unquenchable. All he does every day is drink and drink. Rum, tequila, beer, vodka, he has it all. Doesn't matter how it tastes or looks; he'll down it.

At first it started out at a simple party at Dominc's place. His best bud, Bob, invited him so he couldn't say no. P...

What do you call a person who is unable to tell the difference between a ladle and a spoon?

Fat.

After once again being unable to pay my bill, the water company sent me a card this morning.

Get Well Soon

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Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetrician...

How come pencils are unable to have children?

It's because they have a rubber at the end. [heard this from a friend who heard it from a 90 year old man]

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The worst joke in the world

WW3 breaks out and the President authorizes use of the most powerful weapon ever made, a joke so bad it causes instant death to the listener. The problem is, it was said to be developed in revolutionary times by British expats and nobody could remember where it has been stashed away.

To find...

An elderly couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary.

It was a beautiful thing to see.

Amid the jolly celebrations, the old man leaned closer to his wife and softly whispered, "Dear, we have been married for 50 years now, and I want to assure you that these past 50 years were the happiest time of my life. But there's one thing that has always be...

A solider had recently found out that he had cancer, and the diagnosis was making him feel miserable and struggle to carry out his duties. After failing to polish his boots properly, the drill sergeant called him forwards.

“Why haven’t you polished your boots properly?” He yelled. “What’s wrong with you? Can you make your kit presentable or not?”

“Cancer”, the soldier replied sadly.

“Good!”, the sergeant shouted, much to the soldiers surprise, before marching off.

The next day, the soldier was cal...

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I'm organising a fundraiser concert for those who are unable to reach full orgasm

If you can't come, let me know.

Why was Donald Trump unable to hang himself?

Because of fake noose

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The Sun God Heloios was hungover today. Unable to lift his radiant body out of bed he just stuck his blazing bare bum over the horizon...

... it was the crack of dawn.

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"So, Doctor van Helsing, we meet at last," said the Count.

van Helsing turned slowly. The castle library was lit in patches by the bright moonlight spilling through the windows, and otherwise only in a circle of yellow gold by the Dutchman's candle. He had never even heard the door open or a hint of a footfall; and yet there Count Dracula was, less than twe...

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[NSFW] A woman is pregnant with triplets...

One day whilst out walking, she is caught in the middle of a shooting. She is rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. When she wakes up the doctor tells her that all of her babies will live, however each one was hit by a bullet and they were unable to remove them.

The woman eventually e...

A man and woman are on a first date, everything is going great between them.

The man suggests they go to a local milk bar to share a milkshake, but the woman declines, saying she can’t have that stuff. Whilst searching for somewhere else to go, a car comes out of nowhere barreling towards them. The man is able to push his date out of the way, but the car runs over his foot, ...

A foreign man walking...

A foreign man walking downtown suddenly feels the need for a tasty treat. His nose guides him to a little shop, but he is unable to communicate what he wants.

He decides to go to online school to learn how to communicate, but instead is distracted by something called Reddit for a week. He say...

I want to make a film about a husband and a wife who both work in immigration. As a consequence of the family separation policy, they are unable to reunify a toddler with his parents, so they decide to become his adoptive parents

The title would be ICE ICE Baby

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.


The kingdoms ...

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Overheard

This guy is in a restaurant and he hears another dude w a thick accent talking in the next booth.

He stares down into his plate of eggs and the guy behind him goes

"Emma cum first, then I cum"

And he reaches for the pepper and the guy is still talking

"Then the two asses...

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt...

They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them.

Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live....

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Jake went the doctor for manhood problems

Jake went to the doctor and told him he was having a problem, as he was unable to get his manhood erect:

The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of the organ were damaged and there was nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment...

Why was a physicist unable to do the double slit experiment?

His wife didn't want a threesome.

A person has been infected by a disease that has made him unable to see well in dimly lit areas with his right eye.

The doctor proposes he receives a rod transplant in his right eye immediately and tells the surgeons.

Directly after the surgery, the patient asks the doctor, ‘Doctor, the surgery didn’t work, I am now unable to see anything and I even set off metal detectors accidentally.’

The doctor ...

Why was Thor unable to get any sleep?

He Was Up All Night to Get Loki

"Sir, we were unable to find your room. What did you say your name was again?"

"Highlander. There should be only one."

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A rat an an elephant are walking around when the rat falls into a hole.

The rat panics as the hole was deep and he couldnt get out. The elephant looks at the situation and offers help.

“I know this isnt’t ideal but youre gonna have to trust me”

The rat desperate and exhausting all other options he asks for the elephants idea

“Im gonna stick my pen...

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Three Brothers

Three brothers all decide to get married on the same day. Following the ceremony they're in the bar discussing how many times each is going to have sex with their new wives that evening and they soon set a wager. The following morning around the breakfast table, obviously unable to discuss the wager...

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An old man is on his death bed

His wife is there with him. He gently grabs her hand and begins:"My sweet wife...Do you remember that time when in the first spring in our new house, I was pruning that old tree and a branch hit me in the head, getting me ten stitches?"

Wife: "Yes, my love. I remember."

Husband: "You w...

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