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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators

We haven't met yet

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

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I went to a support group for premature ejaculation yesterday.

I wasn't sure what to wear, so I came in my pants.

So my girlfriend has been putting on weight. When I pointed it out she got all upset and told me I should support the "Big Girl Movement".

I'm really trying, but it's starting to hurt my back.

Why do people support book burnings?

They think lit lit is lit.

Why can’t you count on the horse senators support?

He always votes neigh

Once my dad kicked the bucket, our family wasn't able to financially support ourselves anymore.

Turns out treating a broken toe costs a lot of money.

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Dear Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 then uninstalled many other val...

I'm new to BDSM, but my girlfriend is really supportive...

She said she'd show me the ropes.

My friend Dante was a big PETA supporter, but suddenly started protesting against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

I'm a big supporter of the lazynesss movement.

You could say I'm, pro-crastinator.

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

Why aren't all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?

Their white sheets aren't clean from the last rally yet

I'm a programmer, my wife works part-time in tech support. (NSFW)

Last Friday night, we felt a little frisky, so we made a trip to the bedroom. For her, everything went great. For me... Not so much. An hour later, I had yet to climax once.

So my wife had a brilliant idea. She went to our living room, grabbed some books we'd bought so we could teach our kids...

I started a support group for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a flop and nobody came

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

Tech support! Tech support! I pushed my computer, and now it's broken!

That's not how you back it up!

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it?

Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, its fake news that the light bulb is burned out.

And they like being in the dark.

Most people claim they support recycling,

But they sure get mad when someone reposts a joke.

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A farmer with one cow lives in a tiny farm with his wife, and three sons.

One morning he stepped outside to milk the cow, only to find it stiff and unmistakenably dead in its meadow. The farmer drops down in despair.

'How am I supposed to support my family without our only source of income?', he exclaims. In utter disbelief he walks to the shed, grabs his shotgun, ...

Life

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back...

I volunteer in a support group for people inflicted with ennui. I mainly ensure that there are enough seats for the attendees.

Basically, I'm the chairman for the bored.

I'd like to thank my legs

For supporting me. My arms, for always being by my side. And my fingers, I could always count on them

What do Labour supporters and trickle down economics have in common?

They don't work.

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I started a support group for those who can't achieve an orgasm

If you can't come,let us know ..

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What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts.

I killed my grandpa by switching off his life support

Gotta admit it was quite breathtaking

When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me, "The sky is the limit"

He was never supportive of my dreams of becoming an astronaut.

I fully support mandatory euthanasia for the elderly...

But I'm sure with age and maturity my views may change.

Dad, does the moon provide light and heat to support all life on Earth through the process of Nuclear fusion?

No sun.

My first orgy was an experience to remember. I expected to it to be full of awkwardness and disappointment.

But thankfully all my cousins were really supportive.

How do you support a werewolves YouTube channel?

You lycan subscribe.

We should be supporting anti-vaxxers

After all, they’re the best way to get rid of antivaxxers.

My colleague finally joined a support group for people who talk way too much

It's called On and On Anon

TIL Dennis Rodman once tried to start a topless women’s basketball league

The league flopped due to too little support.

Where did the tech support guy go to buy his lunch?

The URL of Sandwich

I use to support higher spending on education. But then I learned a harsh truth. No matter how smart we we make children,

50% of them will still be below average.

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I was having a conversation with a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

What do you call a sniper that supports communism?

A Marxman

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

I went to a support group for people with low self esteem

As an activity to boost our self esteem, the instructor had us all go around in a circle and say one thing that we had accomplished in our life.

When it got to me, I told them that once I put a USB in right on the first try!

"I'm sorry, you must be in the wrong group," said the instruc...

Why is Trump losing support in Georgia?

Hates peach.

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What do you call a Hitler supporter that’s blind?

A Not-see.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

My granddad says I'm too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

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Three men walking through a desert

Three English men were walking through a desert. They were tired and thirsty but most of all hungry.

Soon, they came across a nomad with about two camels, one alive and one very much dead.

The nomad said "Hey there, you guys look hungry"

The three men all nodded.

"I tell ...

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Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.

Mickey (stunned): Why not?

Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but i can't find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.

Mickey (exasperated): Your honour! I didn't say she was crazy...

...I said she was fucking Goofy!

Hey Trump supporters, can I tell you a joke about the wall?

Never mind, you won’t get it.

To break the ice before a lab, we were told to tell our assigned groups the chemical element that represents us...

Sally said Helium because she's carefree and doesn't react to much. John said Potassium cause he loves to bring his energy into things and he's not keen on baths. Mary said Iron because she's malleable and likes to support everyone.
I said Uranium because I'm dense, unstable, and toxic.

Trump's 4th of July 'Salute to America' has bankrupted Washington D.C's Emergency Planning and Security Fund, which is used to provide police and security support at Presidential events.

This throws uncertainty on whether or not the President will be able to hold the annual Turkey Pardoning Ceremony this November, which is expected to feature a Presidential Pardon for Trump's close personal friend Jeffrey Epstein.

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the chi...

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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

A politician uses statistics like a drunk uses a street light.

For support, rather than illumination.

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Young naive couple

A young naïve newlywed couple from rural China decided to move to America to start a new life with nothing but big dreams and the love for each other. They arrived at their new home in rural Minnesota, and although they were happy and still in love, the first couple of months were difficult. They ...

Efficient hitmen are often very friendly and supportive.

They leave nobody behind.

I called a suicide support line in the middle east

They got excited and asked me i if i know how to drive a car

My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much

I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.

My friend just had a convo with "Microsoft support"

I was just about to hang up when they called me, but my friend had a brilliant way of handling them.

Totally legit Microsoft support: “Hi. This is John Alex from Microsoft Support. We have detected a virus on your computer. Don't mind the fact that I can't pronounce 'Microsoft' properly," in ...

War veteran had enough.

An amputee war veteran had enough of the poor support he was getting and decided to rob a store. Despite him bringing guns to the robbery, the police still decided to categorize the crime under "Armless Robbery".

A Jew, a Muslim and a Trump supporter walk into a bar

Drink, talk, laugh and have a good time.
That’s what happens when you are not a moron

Horrible day

"Houston we have a problem."
*What?*
"Our equipment is malfunctioning and our backup life support has failed, it's just been a horrible day."
*Roger that. Have you tried restarting the...*
"OMG Houston, stop trying to fix the problem, I just want you to listen and be supportive!"

How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I’m not sure, but they haven’t even bought the bulb yet. Guess they’re still waiting for the Mexicans to pay for it.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

Diarrhea sufferers should have a support group...

Somewhere they can just let it all out

Trump said he could murder someone in broad daylight and not lose any supporters.

Sadly, that was the last time he ever told the truth.

Have you heard about the troupe of actors who supported themselves by making and selling camel milk cheese?

The called themselves the Drama Dairy.

Being in customer support I can say this

Im paying for my own sins, Jesus. Thank you very much.

"When I started my job, they handed me three envelopes."

"*These three envelopes were left to you by the previous employee who was recently let go. He said to open them in order if you ever got into a jam.*"

The job didn't seem so tough, and after all, why would I want to take advice from the guy who was just fired? I threw the envelopes into a dra...

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I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

I signed up for an ADHD support group...

We meet every Tuesday night from 6:00 to 6:08, 6:12 to 6:22, 6:31 to 6:44, and 6:46 to 7:00.

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people support it ?

Because they don't work either.

Everyone sat around the table at the arm amputee support group

Speaker: how about a group hug to cheer everyone up

After several months of hounding, a guy finally takes his wife golfing ....

On no. 8, she hits an errant shot right behind a barn. She asks her husband, "now what am I gonna do?" The husband replies, "don't worry, I'll just open the barn doors and you'll have a clear shot right to the pin!" He opens the doors and the wife lets fly a line drive that hits the support post,...

What do you call a support group for child epileptics?

Little Seizures

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Want to meet elderly married woman

Yes, that's right. Age 50 to 75, and inseparable from her cherished
husband. Someone who treasures intimacy, is energetic, open-minded,
spontaneous, bright, human. Who feels no shame or inhibition around
sexuality, is creative and responsive. Who gives her man tenderness,
stimulation...

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I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.



*Credit: Gary Delaney*

Did you know the founder of Levi's supported eugenics?

Yeah, he wanted everyone to have superior jeans.

Marketing terms explained

1. You see a beautiful girl at a party. You walk right over to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
\--That's direct marketing.


2. You're at a party with friends and see a beautiful girl. One friend goes over to her, points at you, and says, "He's fantastic in bed."
\--That...

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The husband leans over and asks his wife

"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it ...

What do you call it when people try to make you to build a a platform supported on pillars or girders leading out from the shore into a body of water, used as a landing stage for boats even though you don’t want to?

Pier pressure

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Man’s wife is on life support and the only way to bring her back to normal is oral sex.

A man’s standing by his wife on life support as the doctor walks into the room.

“Sir, the only way you can get your wife back to normal is oral sex”

“Are you sure about that? That seems odd doesn’t it?”

“I’m afraid we looked at all the options and it’s the only way”

“For...

Whats the difference between the Trump Administration and the Mafia

the Mafia supports unions

An old man, a schoolboy, a lawyer, a doctor, and a community service worker are all on a plane with only four parachutes when...

The pilot of the plane has a stroke and passes away. As the plane plummets its passengers to death the five members of the aircraft argue over who deserve to have the four bags containing the parachutes.

Social Worker: I deserve to live because I protect vulnerable children and support famili...

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What do you call it when a garden shed supports the Nazi movement?

The Third Rake

I am the biggest supporter of the LGBTQ community you'll ever find

Let's go buy tacos & quesadillas anytime!

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The life support systems.

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

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I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

[On a date] Her: What do you do?

Me: I post on r/jokes.

Her: No, I mean—how do you support yourself?

Me: I try to convince myself that they are funny.

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I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

I got a new step ladder.......

I used to have a real ladder.....One I could look up to. Who at one time could support 3 people but now is in the 12 step program. I learned if you wanna reach new heights you got to have something strong to lean on. Otherwise you might fall and not get back up.

Why was the builder also good at tech support?

He could install Windows really well

A Biker was riding his Harley along the beach when suddenly the sky opened above his head

and, in a booming voice, GOD said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' GOD replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for ...

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Would you support another Brexit referendum?"

"Not at all, " he replied. With that my dog bit him. I carried on and I saw a woman,


I asked, "Would you support another Brexit referendum?"

"Never, " she said. My dog bit her as well.
As I carried on I met another man,


" Would you support another Brexit referend...

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