If I end up on life support, unplug me.

Then plug me back in. See if that works.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I attended a premature ejaculators support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my Premature Ejaculation Support Group

So I just came in my pants

I called up GameStop customer support

They told me to hold.

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

I support statehood for DC

But also Marvel and Dark Horse.

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...

You’d think the Catholic Church would be more supportive of condom use...

Less DNA evidence.

The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...

It'll be known as the National Elf Service.

I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares.

They said: “PLEASE HOLD.”

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s done and they all cheer in the dark.

What is something that has always supported you, but you never care to see?

Your bones.

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is Hell Exothermic or Endothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde calls tech support

TS: Can I help you?

B: I'm having trouble with my computer.

TS: Ok, press the Start button.

B: Where is it?

TS: It's in the lower left of the screen.

B: My left or your left?

My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters.

She calls the program Snitches get Stitches

Two Beggars in London. (NSFW)

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was supposed to do a talk at a premature ejaculation support group meeting, but the building was closed.

They must have all arrived early.

If my son ever comes out as non binary I will not supporting him.

I with support them

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.

For the bridge enthusiasts out there: I think my ex must have been a bottom supported bridge with a track running down the middle.

Cantilever alone without someone running a train on her.

Work in progress, needs fine tuning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There wasn’t any parking at the Sex Addict Support Group

So everybody came on the bus

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

Who answers the support line in India?

Americans

Why Does Johnson & Johnson Baby Shampoo Have the Worst Patreon to Support?

No tiers.

I want to start a organization that supports struggling youths throughout Asia

I wanna call it "Youth'N'Asia!"

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump...

I said ok.. Biden

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

What's the difference between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter?

The New York Giants fans will admit their team sucks.

Until federal law supports the love between two men

It’s just a mandate

The devoted wife

A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband.

When he was slipping in and out of a coma for several months, she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came out of coma, he motioned for her to come closer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? Y...

There was a support group for parents who had lost their children.

Every week, many would gather to share the horrible trauma they had experienced: Terminal illness, accidents, and other birth complications. However, there was one man who always came in on the same day for the past four years. He would always say the same thing: "Today would have been my son's birt...

I was just reading a great book saying that if a company does anything unethical, people will stop supporting it and it'll go out of business.

Here's the Amazon link to it!

The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.

It's a quack down.

How many trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I've stopped counting.

A Trump supporter was upset...

...about having ordered custom "Trump 2020-2024" merchandise from China and now not being able to get a refund. "I just can't accept that I have to kiss my 10 yuan goodbye." I nodded sympathetically but advised him that he'll just have to accept bye ten yuan.

First there were BLM protesters and now Trump supporters

Looks like orange is the new black

What's a Trump Supporter's favorite car?

A Mini Couper.

I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really

What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage?

A bench can support a family.

How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb?

Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im really bad at supporting my friends

My buddy came to me today and said "some guy said I stink today"

I said "Like shit you do!"

A scientist recently said that the “perfect earthquake” was going to strike the West Coast soon.

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

Why didn't the Capitol-storming Trump supporters bring anything to quench their thirst?

Because before they got there they had already drank the 'Q'-laid.

A Trump supporter dies and is standing in front of God

God: is there anything I can do for you?

Trump Supporter: can you tell me if the Democrats stole the election?

God: of course not, the Democrats didn’t steal the election!

Trump Supporter: Gasp! The Deep State goes higher than I thought!

2 hardcore Trump supporters die and go to heaven...

Then they get deported for being illegal immigrants

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it.

This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A: "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

Chance The Rapper endorses the President and Rudy Giuliani, announces his full support of their voter fraud campaign.

Correction: Chance the Total Landscaper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

Thanks to support from the Internet, I no longer have those nameless fears that have haunted me since the pandemic began.

Instead, I'm haunted by fears with names: acrophobia, enochlocophobia, mysophobia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a therapist

"I work long hours to support my family. When I finally get home, my wife hands me the baby and the other kids are waiting for me to help them with their homework. After dinner, it's my job to clean up and help put the baby to bed. I have an endless list of things to fix around the house on weekends...

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

Why did the Trump supporter not realize he had COVID-19?

He didn't have a sense of taste to begin with.

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a scholar," he replies.

"A scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but wha...

A scientist called the customer support of his microscope company, complaining that the light bulb was broke.

Customer support responded that they will look into it.

I'm a big supporter of the laziness movement

You could say I'm pro-crastinater

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

I got my wife a bra that said "You're the best" on it and now she's mad at me.

I don't understand it. She'd been saying that her bras weren't giving her enough support.

Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night

Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue

Why did Trump's supporters go looking for a dwarf Mexican?

Because most American power is held by a tiny minority.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar .....

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sees a beautiful woman at the end of the bar and walks right up to her. "You look like you have a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you home and give you the best shag of your life," he says. "My boyfriend is behind you," she r...

I think I want to create a support group for pessimists.

Then again why bother, it will never work.

Name for a PTSD support group

I just got kicked out of my support group for those chronically depressed with PTSD. We were trying to think up a group name, apparently 'The Suicide Squad' isn't considered appropriate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone proposed a support group for people who can’t orgasm

Sadly I don’t think it’s coming

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

A Trump supporter dies and goes to the pearly gates…

There he sees St Peter and gets excited and walks towards the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "I want you to know, on the whole you were a good person, that's why you're going in. But we almost had to send you to hell because you voted for Trump."

"What do you mean? Trump is the best pre...

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m going to a support group tonight for my issue with Premature Ejaculation

I’m not sure what to wear, so I’ll probably just come in my pants

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

Everyone's talking about Trump having Covid-19, but what if Mrs. Hicks' condition doesn't allow her to support his campaign?

That would be pretty hopeless.

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because God supports everything

How many trumo supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They all. Sit in the dark saying it's working ti someone questions it. Then that person is fired because there is no broken light bulbs.

I was having trouble with my laptop, so I called Apple support.

They asked, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'

I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'

I’ve decided I don’t want to get married or have kids

I thought my family would be supportive of my decision, but my wife and kids did not take it well

[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

Why did Kanye support Donald Trump?

Because he couldn't afford 50 Cent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

What do fans supporting The Culinary Institute of America cheer at their sporting events?

Die or Beat Us!

Covid Support Group

Good evening everyone. My name is Droxy Chloroquine, and I'm here to talk about unverified cures for Covid.

Group in unison: Hi Droxy Chloroquine

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