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Support Jokes

I decided to put together a support group for erectile dysfunction

It was a big flop and nobody came.
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If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.
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How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.
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There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Edit: Wow, thanks guys. This made me win a bet with my friend to see who could get frontpaged first :D

Edit #2: I just won $1, lol.

Edit #3: We made the...
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I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.
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I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...
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I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.
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What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad
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I called up GameStop customer support

They told me to hold.
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2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes highe...
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What is the difference between Americans and IT support?

Americans don't have troubleshooting.
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A man calls quantum IT support and complains that his quantum computer isn't working.

Quantum IT support: "Have you tried turning it off and on at the same time?"
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My friends were very supportive when I told them about my addiction to masturbation.

They said I would beat it.

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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

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I’ve just arrived at my first premature ejaculation support class!

Had no idea what to wear, so I’ve come in my shorts.

My city's hookers are putting on a charity event to support local animal shelters.

They're calling it pound-for-pound!
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I attended a premature ejaculators support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.
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I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

Hey Trump supporters, can I tell you a joke about the wall?

Never mind, you won’t get it.
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Ophthalmologist Tech Support

My ophthalmologist knows I’m good with computers and was asking if I could help with a little web design that could accommodate the accessibility needs of their patients.

So I built them a site for sore eyes.
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How do you call a support group for recovering hackers?

Anonymous anonymous
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I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.
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On Kid Rock being seen recently drinking Bud Light despite his rant against their supporting trans people...

Sometimes you drink what you can afford.
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Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...
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Jokes about tech support really turn me off

...and then back on.
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How do you keep a Trump supporter occupied?

Give me $50 now and I'll tell you in just 4 weeks!
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I was having a conversation with a scammer the other day.

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”...

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden
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My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump...

I said ok.. Biden
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What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000
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In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.
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How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. ...
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How does a Trump supporter explain why they cannot perform in bed?

Erection fraud.
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I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.
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I support the movement for freeing the nipple...

In its favor, I see two clear points....
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An old CEO near retirement called down to IT for support

He asked "How can I print this document?"

IT said "all you need to do is control + P"

To which the CEO replied "I've not been able to do that for years."
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Why were the French fries in a victim support group?

Because they were a salted.
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I've just joined a procrastinators support group.

Ìt is called Wait Watchers.
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My wife doesn’t like it when I support female business owners.

…And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.
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Support your answer with a proof

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it...

I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares.

They said: “PLEASE HOLD.”
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i found a great online support group for erectile dysfunction

but the site won’t stay up
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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

What do you call a cow that supports abortion?

Choice beef
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What does Donald Trump tell Barack Obama supporters?

Orange Is The New Black
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I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising
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A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?
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Got a date tonight with a lady who makes metal supports for gates.

There's a lot hinging on this.
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A therapy support group session.

A psychiatrist was conducting a therapy support group session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he stated.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.

"He turned to the second mother and s...

A man calls technical support.

“Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen ...
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My feet have been very supportive my entire life

They've held me up when I'm feeling down. They take me anywhere I want to go. And they always remind me when to take a break for myself.

It's not all good though, they just let me walk all over them.
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Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...
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Who is the most hate supporter among the Borussia Mönchengladbach football fans?

The guy who shouts out: "give me a B!!"
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My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to
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How many Biden supports does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just change the definition of ‘changing light bulb’
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what do you call a support group for people who talk too much?

On and on Anon
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If communism doesn't work, why do so many people support it ?

Because they don't work either.
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[NSFW] I was going to be a trump supporter for Halloween

But I couldn’t fit my head up my ass.

Poland has stepped up in support of Ukraine

they’ve stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.
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I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.
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Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...
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A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...
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I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.
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My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.
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I was diagnosed with antisocial behaviour disorder, so I joined a support group.

We never meet.
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A few members of the Obsessive Compulsive support group decided to start a band

The called it OCDC
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Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club
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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.
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What do Trump and his supporters NOT have in common?

His supporters have a blind trust.
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What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)
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I went to a concert hosted by the Dyslexics Support Group.

Queef Latina was the headliner and they put on a hell of a show.
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They weird thing about the Erectile Dysfunction support groups is they're always planning meetings (NSFW)

But nobody can come.
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What did the IT support guy do yesterday after eating Taco Bell?

He troubleshat
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Wife got mad at me when I went to a charity event to support single moms

Strippers deserve support too.

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They had to change the meeting time for the premature ejaculators' support group.

Everyone kept coming too early.

I heard that Quebecers support the war in Ukraine

They really like Poutine
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Why does a nervous wasp support the Russian invasion of Ukraine?

Cagey Bee
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I just joined a support group for compulsive masturbators.

We are trying to pull ourselves together.

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support LGBTQ

That's a bit of a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet flag.
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Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.

We haven’t met yet.
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I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”
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My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit
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Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...

And then a turn on again.
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What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.
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My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings were going so well

I decided to stop coming.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.
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A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only *miner* injuries.
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i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"
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I was supposed to do a talk at a premature ejaculation support group meeting, but the building was closed.

They must have all arrived early.

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"So I just got into work, and it seems McAfee is just hanging."
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I support statehood for DC

But also Marvel and Dark Horse.
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I 100% support the Trump Deportation Plan!!

Where should we send him?
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I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.
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There wasn’t any parking at the Sex Addict Support Group

So everybody came on the bus

The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.

It's a quack down.
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The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...

It'll be known as the National Elf Service.
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I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really
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What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.
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Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.
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My favorite burn I've gotten for being trans

I was born female and transitioned to male. Early on in my transition, my gf and I were playing a video game, and I called her a noob when she died.

Her: Yeah okay Pinocchio.

Me: Pinocchio?

Her: You know... "I want to be a real boy!"

Edit: thanks for all the support and a...

Who answers the support line in India?

Americans
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God created the dog and said: "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.

For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
God created the monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll gi...
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What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!
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Trump's 4th of July 'Salute to America' has bankrupted Washington D.C's Emergency Planning and Security Fund, which is used to provide police and security support at Presidential events.

This throws uncertainty on whether or not the President will be able to hold the annual Turkey Pardoning Ceremony this November, which is expected to feature a Presidential Pardon for Trump's close personal friend Jeffrey Epstein.
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I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

There was a support group for parents who had lost their children.

Every week, many would gather to share the horrible trauma they had experienced: Terminal illness, accidents, and other birth complications. However, there was one man who always came in on the same day for the past four years. He would always say the same thing: "Today would have been my son's birt...
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A jihadist walks into a support group.

"Hi! Welcome to Fear of Infidelity, sorry I know some of the letters in our sign are out..."
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I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.



*Credit: Gary Delaney*

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