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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

Why does Jackie Chan support United China?

'cause he doesn't support the Leeway

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I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people support it ?

Because they don't work either.

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

Life Support

After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.

The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be emplo...

What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn’t support women?

Massage a knee.

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

Counsellor at a ’plastic surgery addicts’ support group...

Welcome, I’m seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week, and I must say, I’m disappointed....

I support euthanasia.

In fact, I support the youth in every continent.

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

I must say that I completely support scientists working on discovering a real invisibility cloak.

I just want to make myself clear.

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

Support Bacteria

Now I don't do that, though. Now I merely go about my day. I hike to the Gardens, where the dogplants sprout up in bizarre shapes from the floor of the dogscape, and reach up to pluck the fetal puppyfruits right off the wagging, energetic branches. I bite into the succulent flesh, the juices dribbli...

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My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings were going so well

I decided to stop coming.

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This morning I went to a meeting at the premature ejaculator's support group

Turns out, it's tomorrow

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Mothers Support Group...

At a mother's support group, a gathering of ladies with their children are talking with a therapist about life issues. After a few rounds of discussion the therapist had come to a few conclusions she wanted to share.

She looks at the first mother and says, "The reason you named your daughter...

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

Doctor, doctor I'm really fat and when I play music I crash through the wooden support.

It's just a stage you're going through

Back when I was younger, I looked in the Mario Kart Wii manual and saw it had Classic Controller Support. I thought, "How the hell do you use that?"

Looking back now that I have a Wii again, I looked at my Wii remote and said, "How the hell did I use that?

How many tech support representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?"

Why did the stormtrooper call tech support for his laptop?

Because he had troubleshooting issues.

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"I'm so lucky to have you." I said. "You support me, take my shit and let me hug you when I'm drunk."

I love my toilet...

I, for one, support my local police department

All of those speeding tickets I've paid *must* be buying them some pretty good stuff.

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

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I don't support equal rights...

The left is fucked up too

A remote laptop user calls tech support

A remote laptop user called in and frantically said that all of her emails disappeared. I found them in her deleted folder a few moments later.

Expecting her to want me to tell her how she deleted them, I was trying to come up with solutions for her but then she said, "I know how those got...

I just joined a support group for compulsive talkers

Its called On Anon Anon

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.

I would never armadillo.

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Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

Little Johnny tells his dad he wants to marry his girl Suzie. His father asks, how will you support her? Johnny says Suzie gets a dollar a week allowance and so do I. What if there is a baby asks the dad.

Johnny says, well so far we've been lucky.

My buddy was feeling suicidal and approached me for support

I told him to hang in there.

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I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

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I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

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Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable pro...

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On Friday I’m hosting a support group for men who can’t ejaculate.

Let me know if you can’t come!

A man calls technical support.

“Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen ...

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Peter Dinklage has apologised for tweets expressing support for white supremacy

It's OK, he's just a little racist.

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

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I was going to go to a premature ejaculator's support group, but I hear everyone shows uuuuuuuuuuu....

I'm so sorry. I can't help it. Do you have any paper towels?

A one-legged man walks into a tech-support store...

...and tells the man "I can't get past this 2-step authentication!"

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words,

I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...

And then a turn on again.

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

Hello, Tech Support?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

You know what's my favorite part of my stalking support group?

You never have to introduce yourself.

An old Canadian guy calls up tech support...

"I'm having trouble finding the dotsy key on my keyboard," he says.

"The dotsy key? I've never heard of that. What do you need it for?"

"Well, I'm trying to go to CBC dotsy, eh."

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

I don’t support Hitler

I support the brave soul who killed him

My daughter has said she's been having suicidal tendencies and she asked for my support.

So I bought her some rope.

What’s the comfort support of choice for women’s bras?

Mammary Foam

I only knock up antivaxxers.

Because 8 years of child support is better than 18.

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I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

I joined a support group for Cannibals

I think its important to be with like minded individuals and get the chance to meat new people.

I have vowed never to support the roof industry.

That's more of a job for the wall industry.

A man brings his wife to his first domestic abuse support group

As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:

"You hittin' that?"

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

I personally support trump going to war..

Not our military of course.. just the president.

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

The Blonde Nun

One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.


"My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend...

A woman joins the army....

A woman was walking through a store when she noticed a colorful flyer pinned to a billboard. It reads:

JOIN THE ARMY NOW! You will receive benefits such as:
• Free college education
• Many veteran benefits
• Experience in many fields of work
• Travel
• Any free car after a sp...

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

The last support payment

Today is my baby girl's 18th birthday. I be so glad that this be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all those payments!
So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my house, and when she get there, I say: "Baby girl, I want you to take this check over to yo momma ...

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How can we stop anticipating things?

I do it a lot and I don't think it's healthy.

Edit: Thank you for all the support, guys!

Edit 2: Holy moly This blew up!! Thanks for the gold, kind strangers!

Whenever I feel like I have too many friends,

I tell them I'm a Trump supporter.

If Lars Ulrich of Metallica provided religious support to Kermit and his friends

He'd be a pastor of muppets

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

How many tech support reps does it take to change a light bulb?

I'm sorry, this isn't the right department to give you the answer to that question. Let me transfer you to another sub, hold please....

In tech support, we get asked questions that seem like common sense. Today I told a guy "CTRL-P"...

...but he didn't make it to the bathroom.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Edit: Wow, thanks guys. This made me win a bet with my friend to see who could get frontpaged first :D

Edit #2: I just won $1, lol.

Edit #3: We made the...

Tech support said to turn it off and on again...

... should have mentioned it was a ventilator.

I work on a jaundice support hotline.

The boss was not too pleased I was answering the phone with: yellow.