A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only miner injuries.

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic?

The e-mail was on the weighty matter of the nature of hell, as allegedly posed by a Dr Robert Shambaugh of the University of Oklahoma school of chemical engineering. It purports to be a final exam question from May 1997.

His May 1997 question for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Though he passed away decades ago, I really think my grandpa would have supported LGBTQ+ marriage in all of its forms.

His motto was "Fuck everyone.".

The spirit in the bottle.

A lady walks into Walmart. She bumps into a bottle on a shelf, it falls down and a spirit comes out. Ahh that was good said the spirit. As a thank\`s for helping me out of this bottle, I want to give you one wish that comes true. The lady is a little confused, thinks a little and says, I have a wish...

I just found out the other day that my car is a big supporter of the LGBT communtiy

The mechanic even said that the car has a great trans mission.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did one saggy boob say to the other?

If we don't get some support soon people will think that we're nuts!

A Bridge Too Far

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly, the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime ...

Conversation between my grandfather and me.

Grandad: Jack, you're too attached to technology.
Me: No YOU'RE Too attached to technology! *unplugs life support*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I supported strip mining

I thought it was going to be a lot more sexy

Sherlock and Watson go camping After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"



Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely...

How do you keep a Trump supporter occupied?

Give me $50 now and I'll tell you in just 4 weeks!

I love my pet unicorn

He comes to support me whenever I regret taking my LSD.

A new lady teacher came to teach 8th standard students

A new lady teacher, came to teach 8th standard students. As it was the first day, she gave her intro, and asked all the students to introduce themselves with -name, and hobby. She said " Let's start with the boys first. Boys start giving their introduction.

First boy : " My name is john, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A love story

A Love Story


Micro was a real time user and a dedicated multi-user. His broad-band protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output devices, even if it meant time sharing.

One evening Micro arrived home just as the sun was crashing. He had parked his Motorola ...

I was forced into a difficult situation and I needed a scape goat.

It turns out that keeping an emotional support goat on the fire escape is not such a good idea.

[Long] This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. It was released by the Canadian Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence with.

God answers “of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue”.

Adam is excited and asks “that sounds perfect, what will it cost me”

“An arm and a leg”

“….what can I get for a rib?”

Apple's cars will not be that popular...

Because they don't support windows

Stupid but hope you like it sorry for bad grammar

A scottsman an Irishman and an Englishman are all on a plane the scotsman has a bomb an irishman has a knife and the Englishman has a brick the Irishman they all drop there things out of a window when the Irishman gets home he find his dad crying on the sofa in his living room he asks what's wrong h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapy support group session.

A psychiatrist was conducting a therapy support group session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he stated.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.

"He turned to the second mother and s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I took a dick pic

Thought of sharing that pic on Reddit, unfortunately Reddit doesn't support small resolution images.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just joined a support group for compulsive masturbators.

We are trying to pull ourselves together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This morning I went to a meeting at my premature ejaculaters support group.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Did you hear about the support group dedicated for people who talk too much?

It's called "On and On Anonymous."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Monkey Who Does Great Sex

A young sexy woman passing by a pet shop saw a board -

"Monkey who does great sex".

She went in, bought that monkey & walked away with the Instruction Manual.

The Manual said *'Give a good bath to the monkey, then you take a bath. Make him sit on the bed and you lie down w...

My kid recently realized that they were born in the wrong body.

Now, I fully support anything they need to do to feel more like themselves, but I never imagined it would affect my social life like it has. The teachers won’t see me, my friends act like I’m not there. Hell even the mailman hasn’t made a delivery in weeks. I never realized how hard it was to be a t...

What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy?

Tech support

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lottery

A guy loses his job and has no other income to support his family. As he walks he starts praying to God asking him : please my God let me win the lottery I just lost my job I can't support my family.

A week later his wife leaves him and take his children with her. He starts praying again. Oh ...

Why are wooden chairs good for back pain?

They have lumber support!

(I'm sorry for this my brother came up with it)

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the hou...

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"So I just got into work, and it seems McAfee is just hanging."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True facts....

\*\*\*\*True Facts\*\*\*\*

1. IN the 1400s, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb, hence we have 'the rule of thumb'.

2. Many years ago, in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only, Ladies Fo...

What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!

There were two types of people in the Soviet Union

People who supported the Communist Party and dead people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

My Oscars speech

I have to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me and my fingers because i could always count on them.

I've recently became a father, so for the past few weeks I thought I'd try my hand at telling dad jokes.

He says I should go home and support my wife.

An American hiker walks to the edge of a Himalayan cliff, determined to end it all.

As he stares down at the rocks below, he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. He glances over to see a Buddhist monk standing between two trees, beckoning him over.

With nothing to lose, the man shuffles over to the monk, who is holding a string of prayer flags. "You trying to talk...

Which politician is the biggest supporter of statistical sciences?

Putin. He really loves the Poisson distribution.

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support LGBTQ

That's a bit of a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet flag.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my Support group meeting for Premature Ejaculation.

So, I just came in my pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

You’d think the Catholic Church would be more supportive of condom use...

Less DNA evidence.

I support statehood for DC

But also Marvel and Dark Horse.

If I end up on life support, unplug me.

Then plug me back in. See if that works.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life fucks you pretty hard

But atleast it won't ask for child support payments

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.
I love supporting the community.

The United Kingdom is to provide special support to those self-identify as gnomes, fairies or pixies...

It'll be known as the National Elf Service.

3 people walk into a room.

One is a stoner, one is a vegan and one is an LGBT supporter. How can you tell which one is which?


They'll tell you

whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??

one can support a family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man visits a therapist

"I work long hours to support my family. When I finally get home, my wife hands me the baby and the other kids are waiting for me to help them with their homework. After dinner, it's my job to clean up and help put the baby to bed. I have an endless list of things to fix around the house on weekends...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back when Pope John Paul II died, the Vatican College of Cardinals were faced with the responsibility of choosing a new pope for the Catholic Church...

... At first, they favored a British Cardinal by the name of Cardinal Nigel Mason.

Card. Mason had been a pilot in WWII, fighting Germany's Luftwaffe. He was decorated for his service, during which he shot down 12 Nazi fighter planes.

He himself was finally shot down and made a rough l...

What is something that has always supported you, but you never care to see?

Your bones.

I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”

I got my wife a bra that said "You're the best" on it and now she's mad at me.

I don't understand it. She'd been saying that her bras weren't giving her enough support.

I’ve decided I don’t want to get married or have kids

I thought my family would be supportive of my decision, but my wife and kids did not take it well

Your mama so ugly...

Trump supporters don't get offended when she leaves her mask on!

Dear Helpline.

I am 17 years old and pregnant with my new boyfriend,

who is 20 years older than me, he is married with 3 kids.

He is a drug dealer, carries a gun and is just out of prison.

How do I tell my parents he supports Manchester United.??

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young couple doesn't have enough money to get through the month.

They try everything to earn some income. They put their furniture up for sale, but no one wants it. They ask friends and family for help, but no one supports them.

In despair, he says to her: "Unfortunately, I don't see any other way... You have to prostitute yourself, that's our last option!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mafia man

Gino and Maria were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Gino was a very successful mafia man and was very wealthy and influential. Gino wanted to give something special to his wife for the anniversary.

Gino says to Maria “Maria, I am very successful and wealthy, and to thank you for a...

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.

After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I am a scholar," he replies.

"A scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "Admirable, but wha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar .....

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sees a beautiful woman at the end of the bar and walks right up to her. "You look like you have a boring sex life. My mission tonight is to get you drunk, take you home and give you the best shag of your life," he says. "My boyfriend is behind you," she r...

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

In Zack Snyders Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window simply by touching it.

This is because windows no longer supports Flash.

IT Dept Gets Burned

Saw this in our IT help chat at work today:

What’s the difference between our IT support and a cyber attack?

One of them has the incentive to succeed.

Why was the priest upset with his new PS5

It didn’t support cross play

The Tupperware Bra

Heard this a very long time ago.
The latest thing in female under garments, does not lift, does not separate, does not support, but it keeps what you got nice and fresh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"

A Jewish and an Italian boy were growing up on the same street in the Bronx and became fast friends. Mainly because they shared the same birthday.

On their 12th birthdays, the Jewish boy receives a Rolex watch. The Italian boy receives a chrome 45 cal pistol.

Comparing what each got for their birthdays, they decide to trade. The Italian boy comes home to show his father what a good trade he's made. The Italian father slaps the boy upsid...

My grandparents think that I depend too much on technology.

They always talk about how much my generation depends on technology, and my grandfather always mentions it whenever I visit them, so then I replied, “no, your generation depends too much on technology.”

Then I unplugged his life support.

What did they call Tech Support before gun powder?

Trouble stabbing.

A scientist recently said that the “perfect earthquake” was going to strike the West Coast soon.

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) Mom, you remember that time I killed a butterfly and Dad said, 'No more butter for you!'

Mom, you remember that time I killed a butterfly and Dad said, 'No more butter for you!'

Yes Katie, I remember. I think you were about 8 years old. It probably seemed harsh, but I supported his decision even though it made you quite upset.

And, Mom, you remember that time I killed a ho...

Why don't nuns wear bras?

Because God supports everything

Why Republican politicians have a better system than Democrat politicians do.

Democrat politicians bribe their supporters, but Republican supporters bribe their politicians!

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hilarious, subversive memo sent to 20,000 federal employees early in computer mass-messaging age

This memo was sent out to 20,000 federal employees in my agency in the early 1990s, when federal computer systems first got mass messaging. The first incarnation of this system allowed *any employee* to mass message. Some low-level employee sent this to all. Needless to say, the agency immediatel...

If my son ever comes out as non binary I will not supporting him.

I with support them

Two Beggars in London. (NSFW)

Two beggars in London

Ali and Habib are beggars.
They beg in different areas of London ...

Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day.

Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The computer is connected to watt?

A man calls tech support and says, "I unplugged my space heater, and then my computer just blacked out!"

Tech support: Is the power strip that your computer's plugged into still lit?

User: Yes

Tech support: What happens if you move the mouse or press a key?

User: Noth...

For the bridge enthusiasts out there: I think my ex must have been a bottom supported bridge with a track running down the middle.

Cantilever alone without someone running a train on her.

Work in progress, needs fine tuning.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Customer satisfaction

Don't think I've seen this posted here so here goes

A company executive decided to have lunch at this restaurant with rave reviews. He sat down at a table and noticed that every waiter had a spoon in their shirt pocket. He called a waiter over to ask him about this.

'I noticed somethin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There wasn’t any parking at the Sex Addict Support Group

So everybody came on the bus

I want to start a organization that supports struggling youths throughout Asia

I wanna call it "Youth'N'Asia!"

My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters.

She calls the program Snitches get Stitches

My banking app isn't working!

I called their customer support and they said we can try deleting your cache!

I was like hell no!

Why did support group website for jealous husband use http?

Because they were insecure

Who answers the support line in India?

Americans

I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares.

They said: “PLEASE HOLD.”

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven.

They ask God if he'd answer one question.
"Of course" God says.
They ask how the Democrats rigged the election in 2020.
"It wasn't rigged" God replies.

The Trump supporters look at each other and say, "This conspiracy goes higher than we thought!"

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Im really bad at supporting my friends

My buddy came to me today and said "some guy said I stink today"

I said "Like shit you do!"

What does that couch have in common with your mom?

Both of them are supportive

There was a support group for parents who had lost their children.

Every week, many would gather to share the horrible trauma they had experienced: Terminal illness, accidents, and other birth complications. However, there was one man who always came in on the same day for the past four years. He would always say the same thing: "Today would have been my son's birt...

What's the difference between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter?

The New York Giants fans will admit their team sucks.

Who cuts down the trees that get made into back-supporting chairs?

Lumbar-jacks

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trumps says it’s done and they all cheer in the dark

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support...

Why didn't the Capitol-storming Trump supporters bring anything to quench their thirst?

Because before they got there they had already drank the 'Q'-laid.

Until federal law supports the love between two men

It’s just a mandate

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

The Pope opens up the newspaper, and finds the headline says he has been accused of Matchfixing!

Although he doesn't have to, he decides to go to court to clear his name of this slander.

At the courtroom, the prosocuter asks him, "Is is true that you sent Juventus your thoughts and pra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

What’s the difference between the Trump kids and the capital rioters?

Donald actually loves and supports the rioters!

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician spend the night in the same hotel.

At midnight, the engineer is awakened by the smell of smoke. He takes a step down the hall and sees a small fire. Thinking fast, he dumps his wastebasket, fills it with water, and puts out the flames. Satisfied, he goes back to bed.

Later on, the physicist is also awakened by the smell of sm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the last time, I am not gay.

I just date people that are, to show my support.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fake news

A football fan in Liverpool saw a Vicious dog attacking a pram. He ran over and fought the dog and killed it. A reporter from the Liverpool Echo says to him, "you're a hero and I can see the headlines now.

Liverpool fan saves baby from dog!"

The fan says, "I'm not a Liverpool fan."...

I was just reading a great book saying that if a company does anything unethical, people will stop supporting it and it'll go out of business.

Here's the Amazon link to it!

First there were BLM protesters and now Trump supporters

Looks like orange is the new black

A Trump supporter was upset...

...about having ordered custom "Trump 2020-2024" merchandise from China and now not being able to get a refund. "I just can't accept that I have to kiss my 10 yuan goodbye." I nodded sympathetically but advised him that he'll just have to accept bye ten yuan.

How do you get a trump supporter to wear a mask?

Convince them to storm the capitol building

What do you call a large gathering of Trump supporters?

An insurrection.

I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really

[META] r/Jokes keeps me going

I'm sorry if this is not allowed here but I had to share. I have a bunch of health issues, severe anxiety, and depression. I've on multiple occasions felt like giving up. Sometimes, no matter how much support you have it is difficult to keep going. That's where you guys come in. I read your jokes al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Permission To Marry Your Daughter

Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.

The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"

Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."

My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money t...

Two Trump supporters die and go to heaven

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions. One of them says, “Yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”

God says, "My son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232.”

After a fe...

Becoming a dad is stressful.

One day a man walked into a bar;
Bartender: "hello mate, what can I get you? You look quite tense!"
Man: "beer please, my wife is giving birth, she's had one but the doctors say there's more on the way and to keep myself occupied!"

An hour passes so the man uses the public phone in the ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.