This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

My son has been spat on, cussed out, beaten up, and taken an immense amount of harrassment and abuse, all for being a Trump supporter

I hate to think of what will happen to him when he leaves the house

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

A Trump supporter dies and goes to the pearly gates…

There he sees St Peter and gets excited and walks towards the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "I want you to know, on the whole you were a good person, that's why you're going in. But we almost had to send you to hell because you voted for Trump."

"What do you mean? Trump is the best pre...

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession!

I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.

Name for a PTSD support group

I just got kicked out of my support group for those chronically depressed with PTSD. We were trying to think up a group name, apparently 'The Suicide Squad' isn't considered appropriate.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, if they’re told the lightbulb doesn’t exist, it doesn’t need changing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

My snapchat is bugged? (tech support)

Hi all,

I've recently installed and made an account on Snapchat, and have been learning how to use the app.

I've added all the people I know (as well as trying to meet some new people), but I think the app may be bugged. You see, when I snap my mates, it goes through the delivered >...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m going to a support group tonight for my issue with Premature Ejaculation

I’m not sure what to wear, so I’ll probably just come in my pants

I am a big supporter of democracy.

As long as it adheres to my rules.

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

Covid Support Group

Good evening everyone. My name is Droxy Chloroquine, and I'm here to talk about unverified cures for Covid.

Group in unison: Hi Droxy Chloroquine

How many trumo supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They all. Sit in the dark saying it's working ti someone questions it. Then that person is fired because there is no broken light bulbs.

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the chi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone proposed a support group for people who can’t orgasm

Sadly I don’t think it’s coming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I came out to my dad, he was surprisingly supportive!

He's not homophobic or anything, it's just the closest he's ever come to child support.

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

What does a clown living in a sewer and a person working in technical support have in common?

They both are from IT

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

Why are Trump supporters usually first to the ballot box?

Because they’re always Russian

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

Last year, I joined a support group for procastinators

We haven’t met yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve decided to start a weekly support group for people who struggle with having orgasms.

Don’t worry if you can’t come.

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

I support euthanasia.

In fact, I support the youth in every continent.

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

What did the alligator say to show support for his friend?

I’m right bayou-r side

Some monks came down to a small village in need of carpentry. They offered to replace all the wooden pillars and support beams in all the buildings by themselves. When the villagers asked why they were being so generous, the head monk simply replied

"Isn't it obvious? We're reposting for karma."

What did Windows XP said in its end of support?

Hasta La Vista

Why did the Bernie supporter show up to the polling station at 8:30 when the polls had already closed at 8:00?

He didn't know he had to vote bi den.

Met a lovely woman at my arthritis support group last night.

We clicked together.

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ...

Nobody came.

In Seattle, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is looking for a musician/philanthropist to support the cause

i.e. a CHAZ Bono

My entire family urged me to get an abortion but my grandparents supported my decision.

They are great grandparents.

My now knocked up GF just told me that she's an anti-vaxxerr

so I only have to pay for 4 years of child support instead of 18.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife went into labour today and she said I was the least supportive person ever

"Push, come on darling, push, one last push," I shouted.

"Can we leave the park now and get to the fucking hospital!" She raged holding her stomach

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard there’s been a lot of jokes in our premature ejaculation support group lately.

But when I came, everyone just shut up.

Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

A new poll says 69% of Americans support Medicare-for-All...

...which pales in comparison to the 100% of Americans who support “69 for All”

A man accidentally walks into a Gonorrhea Complications Support Group and says

"Well damn, I didn't expect a round of applause!"

What do you say to grasslands that have run out of nutrients and can no longer support grazing livestock like they used to?

You're pasture prime.

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

Did you hear about the Trump supporter’s failed suicide attempt?

Fake noose.

My mom won't support my dreams of becoming a bean farmer...

I wish she would just let me work in peas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently Scientists have created robots to give love and support to people

The first word that came to my head was "RoBlowjob"

What does Bernie Sanders have most in common with his supporters?

They both don’t show up to vote when it matters

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

I asked my friend for some support because I wanted to be billionaire

Me: Joe, I want to be a billionaire like my uncle

Joe: Your uncle is a billionaire?

Me: No, we just both want to be.

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

"We better get some support or people are gonna think we're nuts!!"

A bus full of Russians are at the Belarussian border.

The customs official eyes them suspiciously. He asks the first guy:

"Name?"

"Ah, Boris Ivanovich."

"Do you have a visa?"

"No, but we were invited here."

"Occupation?"

"No, we are just police support. The occupation forces are in the next bus."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little old lady

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop.

Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, "Dooo ...

A plane climbs too high and passes by heaven.

The pilot gets on the loudspeaker and tells the cabin that if they look to their right, they'll see the pearly gates and the shining city beyond.

The passengers marvel at the sight, but one man spots his daughter who died from cancer the previous month. He rushes to the emergency exit, where ...

LG created a new proprietary Bluetooth technology and protestors are now rallying against the the IEEE 802.15.1 Bluetooth standard

Manufacturers have quickly adopted to LG's new protocol, as they are afraid of not supporting the LGBT.

What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, ...

and floating in a bathtub? >!Bob!<

and sitting outside your front door? >!Mat!<

and hanging on your wall? >!Art!<

and lives in a swamp? >!Pete!<

and sitting in hole? >!Doug!<

and wanted for theft? >!Rob!<

and fully functio...

My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:

"Have you tried turning it on and back off again?"

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly...

The sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invited my premature-ejaculation support group over to my house for dinner...

...but they came a lot earier than expected, typical!

In order to support social distancing, the National Association for Celebacy has cancelled its March meeting.

Please share this message. They want to make sure nobody comes.

So my girlfriend has been putting on weight. When I pointed it out she got all upset and told me I should support the "Big Girl Movement".

I'm really trying, but it's starting to hurt my back.

Did you hear that some white supremacy supporters are holding a fun run?

They are saying it will be the most superior race in town

Recently people have been supporting MAPs on Twitter

I can't believe there's that many Cartographers.

Having a migraine is like calling tech support

Nobody knows how to fix my problem but everybody understands

A brunette and two blondes were hanging on a rope that was attached to a helicopter...

They were hanging on for dear life. However, they were told that the rope was going to break soon and that it could only support two people at this rate.

The two blondes started arguing about who should let go of the rope. The brunette didn't speak for most of the argument, but suddenly thoug...

My friend Dante was a big PETA supporter, but suddenly started protesting against them.

Dante’s in fur now.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard this one a few years ago and just remembered it after some time. I don't know if it's already been posted here or not, and if it has, I am sorry! I've also made some edits to it because, well, I don't have the original at my fingertips right now.

When I was in high school - in 10th or 11th grade I think - our class got two new students about midway through the school year. They were twins - a brother and sister - and they were from China. They'd moved to the U.S. only recently, yet they still had a pretty good education in English and I assu...

My birthday was so beautiful

Even the cake was in Tiers





Obligatory cake day post :)

Hope you enjoy it.

I hope everyone is doing well during these tough times. Even if you’re not, that is completely understandable and valid. Just know, that I may not know you, but I am supporting you. Sendi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dear Tech Support...

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 then uninstalled many other val...

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

A wife asking her husband why he is crying?

He said " I saw a dream where a beautiful woman is trying to kill you and take me"

Wife trying to be supportive " calm down, it is just a dream"

He said "I know, that's why I am crying"

My Work Joke

Here is how my file name changes over the course of few days before submitting for approvals.

DB support Business Case Approval.pptx


DB support Business Case Approval v1.pptx


DB support Business Case Approval v1.1.pptx


DB support Business Case Approval v1.2....

What does Reddit call it when a man is supportive of a woman during hard times?

Simpathy.

How do magicians support their favorite streamers?

They sub with Witch Prime.

What happens when a mixologist stops paying his child support.

They’d start garnishing his wages.

Why can’t you count on the horse senators support?

He always votes neigh

Millennial milestone: I finally moved out of my parents and moved in with my girlfriend. Her parents were supportive, too...

They even let us bring food upstairs.

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

Once my dad kicked the bucket, our family wasn't able to financially support ourselves anymore.

Turns out treating a broken toe costs a lot of money.

It's not going to be easy for Joe Biden to earn the votes of Bernie's supporters.

Not even Bernie himself could do it.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

A young doctor an an old doctor were standing in a hospital, trying to out-diagnose each other.

The competition was heating up, and the next correct diagnosis would be the winner.

Just then an old man hobbles by, walking carefully with short, shuffling steps. He has an IV tower with him and appears to be leaning on it for support.

The young doctor snaps his fingers and says “I g...

Why aren't all the Trump supporters out having a rally against his impeachment?

Their white sheets aren't clean from the last rally yet

I love when Americans wear short sleeves.

It’s good to see them supporting their right to bare arms.

Can we request jokes?

Have a co-worker about to hit his working anniversary and I'd love to have a couple of jokes about people who work at a place for a long time.

Jim has worked here for so long that he used to take support calls on a rotary phone.

Something like that?

I'm new to BDSM, but my girlfriend is really supportive...

She said she'd show me the ropes.

I u/deadroadie am declaring my official run for presidential candidacy.

If any one can claim to be running for presidential candidacy, why not throw my name into the ring. Hell, why stop there, I fully support Cujo as my Vice President because he's such a heckin good boy!

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

If you ever feel bad

Just remember that Stevie Wonder is paying $25,000 a month in child support for some kids he has never seen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just can't stop anticipating things in my mind and I don't know what to do about it

Hey! Thanks for all the support, guys!! Those are really helpful tips.

My mom told me this one

A farmer is worried sick about his horse Reginald who is basically on his death bed. He calls a vet to check up on him but the vet looks hopeless and says, "I'll be honest with you man, he's pretty much in his final stages. I do know this experimental three day treatment, but its not known to work. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another dumb joke my dad told me, it's probably old af but I find it funny so here it is

A man dies and goes to heaven. At the gates of heaven, Saint Peter is waiting for him. The man is shocked, as he had never believed in God.
He says to Saint Peter "Listen dude, I've made a terrible mistake by not believing in God. But ya see, I've been a real good person and have supported many r...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.