If I'm ever on life support, please unplug me.

And then plug me in again, see if that works.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend went to his premature ejaculators support group weekly meeting today

He later found out it was tomorrow

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I went to the Premature Ejaculators Anonymous support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

Edit: A few of you started laughing before the end of that joke.

​

*Credit: Gary Delaney*

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this bloke, "Would you support another Brexit referendum?"

"Not at all, " he replied. With that my dog bit him. I carried on and I saw a woman,


I asked, "Would you support another Brexit referendum?"

"Never, " she said. My dog bit her as well.
As I carried on I met another man,


" Would you support another Brexit referend...

Why was the builder also good at tech support?

He could install Windows really well

I am involved with a group that supports gastrointestinal awareness.

We call ourselves the bowel movement.

"Hello sir would you like to sign this petition in support of the Cheese Act that congress is trying to pass?"

"Yeah sure I'm pro-volone"

I started a new support group called D.A.M

Mothers Ageist Dyslexia.

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people support it ?

Because they don't work either.

I wanted to set up a procrastinators support group

But I kept on postponing it on my reminder

I have unidirectional phobia, but I started going to support groups.

And finally I took a step in the right direction.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Man’s wife is on life support and the only way to bring her back to normal is oral sex.

A man’s standing by his wife on life support as the doctor walks into the room.

“Sir, the only way you can get your wife back to normal is oral sex”

“Are you sure about that? That seems odd doesn’t it?”

“I’m afraid we looked at all the options and it’s the only way”

“For...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

To support a friend, I went to a non-denominational event.

As it wasn't really my thing, I sat in the back. A priest came up to me and said, "The Lord has told me, today is the day that you will walk!" A little confused, I smiled at the priest, and told him I wasn't a cripple.

A little while later, a rabbi approached me and said, "By Hashem's word, ...

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

I am a parent of a one year old and I support anti vaxxer parents and super thankful of them.

They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

I support euthanasia.

In fact, I support the youth in every continent.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have an appointment with a premature ejaculation support group tomorrow. I wasn't sure what I should wear.

They said just come in your pants

Why does Jackie Chan support United China?

'cause he doesn't support the Leeway

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

Life Support

After the birth of their first child Tom and Sarah decided it was time to write a will and get their affairs in order. They went to a lawyer and outlined for him their ideas about how their estate should be handled.

The lawyer then asked them questions about what medical means should be emplo...

I organised a support group meeting for individuals with erectile dysfunction.

Though around 20 people registered, many couldn't come.

I must say that I completely support scientists working on discovering a real invisibility cloak.

I just want to make myself clear.

Hear about the pimp who wanted to do his part to support the victims of a disaster?

He sent THOTs and prayers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings were going so well

I decided to stop coming.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mothers Support Group...

At a mother's support group, a gathering of ladies with their children are talking with a therapist about life issues. After a few rounds of discussion the therapist had come to a few conclusions she wanted to share.

She looks at the first mother and says, "The reason you named your daughter...

What do you call it when a male physical therapist doesn’t support women?

Massage a knee.

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law’s life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.

Doctor, doctor I'm really fat and when I play music I crash through the wooden support.

It's just a stage you're going through

A blonde's office computer had technical issues

IT support came over to the desk and said he needed password to access her account.

"It's 'MickeyMinnieBatmanSupergirlWonderwomanLondon'" she replied.

"A bit unusual for a password, how did you come up with it?" the support dude asked.

She went "Because computer said the passwor...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I'm so lucky to have you." I said. "You support me, take my shit and let me hug you when I'm drunk."

I love my toilet...

One day, workers at a hospital noticed something very peculiar.

Everyday Tuesday, at approximately 11:24 pm, whichever patient was lying in bed 3 in room 152 would inexplicably die, no matter what condition they were in. This phenomenon went on for sometime, baffling scientists and doctors all over the world and starting many conspiracy theories centered on the...

How many tech support representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?

"Have you tried turning it off and turning it back on again?"

Why did the stormtrooper call tech support for his laptop?

Because he had troubleshooting issues.

Back when I was younger, I looked in the Mario Kart Wii manual and saw it had Classic Controller Support. I thought, "How the hell do you use that?"

Looking back now that I have a Wii again, I looked at my Wii remote and said, "How the hell did I use that?

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't support equal rights...

The left is fucked up too

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

I just joined a support group for compulsive talkers

Its called On Anon Anon

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

I only sleep with antivaxers

3 years of child support is way better than 18

I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.

I would never armadillo.

Little Johnny tells his dad he wants to marry his girl Suzie. His father asks, how will you support her? Johnny says Suzie gets a dollar a week allowance and so do I. What if there is a baby asks the dad.

Johnny says, well so far we've been lucky.

A remote laptop user calls tech support

A remote laptop user called in and frantically said that all of her emails disappeared. I found them in her deleted folder a few moments later.

Expecting her to want me to tell her how she deleted them, I was trying to come up with solutions for her but then she said, "I know how those got...

My buddy was feeling suicidal and approached me for support

I told him to hang in there.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dear Tech Support

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable pro...

A man calls technical support.

“Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On Friday I’m hosting a support group for men who can’t ejaculate.

Let me know if you can’t come!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Peter Dinklage has apologised for tweets expressing support for white supremacy

It's OK, he's just a little racist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Tech support call.

Customer: "I got this problem. You people sent me this install disk, and now my A: drive won't work."

Tech Support: "Your A drive won't work?"

Customer: "That's what I said. You sent me a bad disk, it got stuck in my drive, now it won't work at all."

Tech Support: "Did it not in...

The Alzheimer’s Support Society chant...

What do we want?

We don’t know!

When do we want it?

What?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was going to go to a premature ejaculator's support group, but I hear everyone shows uuuuuuuuuuu....

I'm so sorry. I can't help it. Do you have any paper towels?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

Donald Trump's advisers worry he could lose support from his base, so they suggested he change his hairstyle to better connect with white, rural voters...

...he's going to mullet over.

You know what's my favorite part of my stalking support group?

You never have to introduce yourself.

Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...

And then a turn on again.

I’m in favour of a bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medical marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain. In other words,

I’m for joint support for joint support for joint support.

A one-legged man walks into a tech-support store...

...and tells the man "I can't get past this 2-step authentication!"

What do you call a math tool that supports farming vehicle rights?

Protractor

Hello, Tech Support?

How do I set my laser printer to stun?

An old Canadian guy calls up tech support...

"I'm having trouble finding the dotsy key on my keyboard," he says.

"The dotsy key? I've never heard of that. What do you need it for?"

"Well, I'm trying to go to CBC dotsy, eh."

I don’t support Hitler

I support the brave soul who killed him

My daughter has said she's been having suicidal tendencies and she asked for my support.

So I bought her some rope.

Welcome to the plastic surgery addiction support group

I see a lot of new faces around

What’s the comfort support of choice for women’s bras?

Mammary Foam

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’ll never forget my grandpas last words...

“Quit messing around with my life support cord you twat”

Scientists invent a new machine to ease the pain during childbirth

The machine transfers the pain a woman feels during labor to the father of the baby, at any percentage rate between 0 and 100%.

The first couple to test it is very excited, they connect the machine to the soon-to-be-mother and warn the husbands about the consequences. "Men are not used to fee...

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

I have vowed never to support the roof industry.

That's more of a job for the wall industry.

If there was a bipartisan push in Congress to legalize medical marijuana for arthritis treatment...

there would be joint support for joint support for joint support.

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to ...

A man brings his wife to his first domestic abuse support group

As they sit down, the man beside him leans over and whispers in his ear:

"You hittin' that?"

I personally support trump going to war..

Not our military of course.. just the president.

I used to work at the tinnitus support phone line, but unfortunately I had to quit...

...I just couldn’t stand the constant ringing in my ears.

I can't support building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants.

It's borderline racist.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Edit: Wow, thanks guys. This made me win a bet with my friend to see who could get frontpaged first :D

Edit #2: I just won $1, lol.

Edit #3: We made the...