How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s done and they all cheer in the dark.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

Afte...

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump...

I said ok.. Biden

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

How many trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I've stopped counting.

The airlines are stopping passengers from bringing most emotional support animals on flights. Today, they told me my support duck could not board the plane. I need it to help me cope with anxiety.

It's a quack down.

A Trump supporter dies and is standing in front of God

God: is there anything I can do for you?

Trump Supporter: can you tell me if the Democrats stole the election?

God: of course not, the Democrats didn’t steal the election!

Trump Supporter: Gasp! The Deep State goes higher than I thought!

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.

2 hardcore Trump supporters die and go to heaven...

Then they get deported for being illegal immigrants

Thanks to support from the Internet, I no longer have those nameless fears that have haunted me since the pandemic began.

Instead, I'm haunted by fears with names: acrophobia, enochlocophobia, mysophobia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support

people will think we’re nuts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Support your answer with a proof

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it...

Why did the Trump supporter not realize he had COVID-19?

He didn't have a sense of taste to begin with.

How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb?

Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new

My conservative grandmother used to be a big Trump supporter, but this year her mail-in ballot was cast for Joe Biden.

No way would she have done that if she were still alive.

I'm a big supporter of the laziness movement

You could say I'm pro-crastinater

Some people have emotional support animals.

Many people have dogs, some have cats.
The vice president has a fly.

Why did Trump's supporters go looking for a dwarf Mexican?

Because most American power is held by a tiny minority.

Trump left hundreds of supporters stranded in the freezing cold last night

Which goes to show that even the biggest support can be turned blue

I formed a support group for people who suffer from Agoraphobia.

Unfortunately it didn't work out. Everyone wanted to have it at their place.

A scientist called the customer support of his microscope company, complaining that the light bulb was broke.

Customer support responded that they will look into it.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

Thank you for calling the 2020AD customer support line

All of our natural disasters, plagues, and political upheavals are currently busy. If you are not experiencing a natural disaster, plague, or political upheaval, one will be assigned to you shortly. Please stay on the line, and thank you for choosing 2020.

I think I want to create a support group for pessimists.

Then again why bother, it will never work.

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

Everyone's talking about Trump having Covid-19, but what if Mrs. Hicks' condition doesn't allow her to support his campaign?

That would be pretty hopeless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pot head gets really high on some good shit and goes home

Gets inside the house and sees his fathers shoes

Oh shit, I better hide somewhere before my pops finds out that I got high again!!

Ok, Ok, I am gonna hide in the living room...

Opens the living room door and sees his dad sitting there and reading a newspaper.

my bad p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?"

"We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes", she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a...

Why did Kanye support Donald Trump?

Because he couldn't afford 50 Cent.

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

I joined an emotional support group for people without pets...

But they kicked me out for talking about my felines.

A Trump supporter dies and goes to the pearly gates…

There he sees St Peter and gets excited and walks towards the pearly gates.

St. Peter says, "I want you to know, on the whole you were a good person, that's why you're going in. But we almost had to send you to hell because you voted for Trump."

"What do you mean? Trump is the best pre...

Name for a PTSD support group

I just got kicked out of my support group for those chronically depressed with PTSD. We were trying to think up a group name, apparently 'The Suicide Squad' isn't considered appropriate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A politician vists a town in one of his electoral districs.

It is a small, remote town deep in the mountains.
When he arrives he is greeted by the towns people, the mayor, and a camera crew. He waves and shakes his supporters hands while smiling for the camera.
Finally he walks up to the mayor of the small town and asks:

"So mayor, what problems...

A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe...

While he's at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture

Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart. Stunned, ...

I was having trouble with my laptop, so I called Apple support.

They asked, 'Have you tried disabling cookies?'

I said, 'Well, I once bit the legs off a gingerbread man.'

Ok - I finally understand my life.

On the first day, God created the dog and said, ‟Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”The dog said, ‟That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I will give you back the other ...

At the end of the day Trump will have 2 supporters that I feel sorry for...

They are his feet!

What do fans supporting The Culinary Institute of America cheer at their sporting events?

Die or Beat Us!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m going to a support group tonight for my issue with Premature Ejaculation

I’m not sure what to wear, so I’ll probably just come in my pants

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I had a call from a scammer the other day

Me: “Hello.”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”

Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>...

Someone has spray painted a swastika on Donald Trump's star on The Hollywood Walk of Fame.

The police are still trying to figure out if it was a supporter or an opponent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Someone proposed a support group for people who can’t orgasm

Sadly I don’t think it’s coming

How many trumo supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They all. Sit in the dark saying it's working ti someone questions it. Then that person is fired because there is no broken light bulbs.

Covid Support Group

Good evening everyone. My name is Droxy Chloroquine, and I'm here to talk about unverified cures for Covid.

Group in unison: Hi Droxy Chloroquine

I am a big supporter of democracy.

As long as it adheres to my rules.

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

The US confederate flags supporters should be proud.

They are part of a long line of countries that lost wars to the USA.

What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch?

A couch can support a family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

All cars support LGBT community.

Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

Spaghetti

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the chi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I came out to my dad, he was surprisingly supportive!

He's not homophobic or anything, it's just the closest he's ever come to child support.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

Why are Trump supporters usually first to the ballot box?

Because they’re always Russian

What does a clown living in a sewer and a person working in technical support have in common?

They both are from IT

Last year, I joined a support group for procastinators

We haven’t met yet

A pilot's flying a small, single-engined charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board.

He's coming into Seattle airport, only there is thick fog, less than 10ft of visibility, and his instruments are out. So he circles around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he's pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. At last, in a small opening in the fog, he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese contractor at a US company

He works alongside the other staff but he stays kinda reserved and by himself, doesn't mingle, doesn't talk much, apologizes profusely all the time and at the end he stands in front of the others and asks them for a moment of their attention, with a bowed head and deep regret in his voice.

"M...

My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology

So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support

Some monks came down to a small village in need of carpentry. They offered to replace all the wooden pillars and support beams in all the buildings by themselves. When the villagers asked why they were being so generous, the head monk simply replied

"Isn't it obvious? We're reposting for karma."

I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ...

Nobody came.

I support euthanasia.

In fact, I support the youth in every continent.

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot couldn't determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to t...

Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...

Why did the Bernie supporter show up to the polling station at 8:30 when the polls had already closed at 8:00?

He didn't know he had to vote bi den.

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition

Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’ve decided to start a weekly support group for people who struggle with having orgasms.

Don’t worry if you can’t come.

What do you call someone wearing a "Make Jazz Great Again" hat?

A Trumpet Supporter

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

What did the alligator say to show support for his friend?

I’m right bayou-r side

My friend told me he wanted to take part in a TV talent show. Obviously I wanted to support him as well as I could.

So i killed his mother.

What did Windows XP said in its end of support?

Hasta La Vista

Met a lovely woman at my arthritis support group last night.

We clicked together.

I think there is a bug in my Tinder app, I'm not getting any matches.

So I wrote an email to Tinder's tech support, but apparently they have the same issue.

When I told my parents that I'd lost all of my senses except hearing and taste, they kicked me out

They won't support me now that they know I'm bisensual

A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.

The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive, and approves the request.

The next week when the private returns the commanding officer asks, "So private, was it a boy or a girl."

"Don't be silly, sir," says the private. "It takes ...

We Americans know how to embrace the metric system

I'm an American. When I was a kid, my Dad told me, "The metric system is gonna be big. Support it and use it - the whole nine yards - every inch of the way."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I heard there’s been a lot of jokes in our premature ejaculation support group lately.

But when I came, everyone just shut up.

My entire family urged me to get an abortion but my grandparents supported my decision.

They are great grandparents.

In Seattle, the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone is looking for a musician/philanthropist to support the cause

i.e. a CHAZ Bono

A new poll says 69% of Americans support Medicare-for-All...

...which pales in comparison to the 100% of Americans who support “69 for All”

Did you hear about the Trump supporter’s failed suicide attempt?

Fake noose.

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

My mom won't support my dreams of becoming a bean farmer...

I wish she would just let me work in peas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife went into labour today and she said I was the least supportive person ever

"Push, come on darling, push, one last push," I shouted.

"Can we leave the park now and get to the fucking hospital!" She raged holding her stomach

I’ve been thinking...

I have seen a lot of hate spewed in recent days about a man who is a constant winner and overachiever, and that's what the people who support him like about him. Yes, he's been caught in some lies and maybe twisted the truth a little but he's still out there proving his haters wrong time after time....

A different presidential joke

George W. Bush was talking to some of his military advisors, and after listening to their briefings, he stated that he was going to earmark some military funds to send portraits of his predecessor's wife to the troops overseas.

One of his generals sighed, and leaned in. "Sir, we were asking f...

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

What do you say to grasslands that have run out of nutrients and can no longer support grazing livestock like they used to?

You're pasture prime.

Somebody just stole my Microsoft Office 365 account

I've already contacted Microsoft support. I will track them down and get my account back, they've got my *Word*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently Scientists have created robots to give love and support to people

The first word that came to my head was "RoBlowjob"

Three engineers argue about who designed the human body

"Look at all the supports and joints... " said the first engineer, "... it must have been a structural engineer."

"No, no, it was an electrical engineer; just look at the nervous system and all its connections and wiring." said the second engineer.

"Both of you are wrong" exclaimed th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.