The 119+ Best Support Jokes

I decided to put together a support group for erectile dysfunction

It was a big flop and nobody came.

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I didn’t know what to wear to my premature ejaculation support group

So I just came in my pants.

If I'm ever on life support, unplug me...

Then plug me back in, see if that works.

Liberal people support human rights and the idea that people with disabilities should have equal labor market opportunities.

Now there is a disabled guy in the White House and all they do is compalain about it.

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Trump says it’s changed and his supporters all cheer in the dark.

two hardcore trump supporters die and ascend to heaven.

God meets them at the pearly gates and asks if they have any questions.
One of them says, “yes, what were the real results of the 2020 election and who was behind the fraud?”.

God says, "my son, there was no fraud. Biden won the electoral college fair and square, 306 to 232”.

Afte...

What is the difference between Americans and IT support?

Americans don't have troubleshooting.

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I don't normally see eye to eye with most Trump supporters, but if there's one thing we do agree on...

It's that the president of Puerto Rico is the dumbest son of a bitch to ever hold public office.

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I don't support Trump, but I would never denigrate his supporters

If you're a Trump supporter, "denigrate" means "to put down."

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I'm starting a support group for women that can't reach orgasm.

If you can't come let me know.

2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes highe...

A man calls quantum IT support and complains that his quantum computer isn't working.

Quantum IT support: "Have you tried turning it off and on at the same time?"

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My friends were very supportive when I told them about my addiction to masturbation.

They said I would beat it.

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People keep grouping all Trump supporters with these Nazi movements recently, which I disagree with and think is quite silly.

After all, the Russians fought *against* the Nazis.

How many LGBT supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

The lightbulb is fine the way it is. Society just needs to change the way it looks at it.

Edit: Wow front page. Didn't expect this big a response.

In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

There's a support group for people addicted to plastic surgery...

The head of the group walks in and says, "I'm seeing a lot of new faces this week, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Edit: Wow, thanks guys. This made me win a bet with my friend to see who could get frontpaged first :D

Edit #2: I just won $1, lol.

Edit #3: We made the...

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I’ve just arrived at my first premature ejaculation support class!

Had no idea what to wear, so I’ve come in my shorts.

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad

I called up GameStop customer support

They told me to hold.

My city's hookers are putting on a charity event to support local animal shelters.

They're calling it pound-for-pound!

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Look, we can change the lightbulb. That I will tell you. We're changing it, ok? And I understand what you're saying, I hear it all the time. People call me and say "Is the lightbulb really dead?". Thats what they are asking me, its unbelievable. The lightbulb is in big trouble, that I can tell you. ...

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I’ve done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash.

At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars.

At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing ...

On Kid Rock being seen recently drinking Bud Light despite his rant against their supporting trans people...

Sometimes you drink what you can afford.

How do you keep a Trump supporter occupied?

Give me $50 now and I'll tell you in just 4 weeks!

Did you hear about that group where only Trump supporters are allowed?

Everyone else is forbiden

My girlfriend told me she will leave me if I don't support Trump...

I said ok.. Biden

What does it take to turn a Trump Supporter into a socialist?

$1,000

How does a Trump supporter explain why they cannot perform in bed?

Erection fraud.

Hey Trump supporters, can I tell you a joke about the wall?

Never mind, you won’t get it.

I, for one, support these crazy killers dressing up like clowns.

It was a lot harder to see them coming when they were dressing like cops.

An old CEO near retirement called down to IT for support

He asked "How can I print this document?"

IT said "all you need to do is control + P"

To which the CEO replied "I've not been able to do that for years."

Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...

Jokes about tech support really turn me off

...and then back on.

I'd like to thank my legs for supporting me

My arms for always being by my side and my fingers... I could always count on them.

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

My wife doesn’t like it when I support female business owners.

…And she told me to stop calling OnlyFans girls that.

What do you call a cow that supports abortion?

Choice beef

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Ophthalmologist Tech Support

My ophthalmologist knows I’m good with computers and was asking if I could help with a little web design that could accommodate the accessibility needs of their patients.

So I built them a site for sore eyes.

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I attended a premature ejaculators support group today.

Turns out it's tomorrow.

I support the movement for freeing the nipple...

In its favor, I see two clear points....

I called Robinhood customer support to ask what I should do with my GME shares.

They said: “PLEASE HOLD.”

My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal.

His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

Got a date tonight with a lady who makes metal supports for gates.

There's a lot hinging on this.

i found a great online support group for erectile dysfunction

but the site won’t stay up

Who is the most hate supporter among the Borussia Mönchengladbach football fans?

The guy who shouts out: "give me a B!!"

I used to work as desktop support

I was a table leg.

I've just joined a procrastinators support group.

Ìt is called Wait Watchers.

I gave an emotional speech at my conjunctivitis support group the other day.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room.

A media star's career will remain stable as long as they haven't done anything horrible. The star's career will collapse if at any point the weight of all the horrible things they have done overcomes the support of the public's positive perception of them and their importance as a cultural icon.

This is known as "Ellen Degeneracy pressure."

what do you call a support group for people who talk too much?

On and on Anon

Tom Cruise is filming a new romantic-action movie in support of body positivity. Both him and the lead actress gained 300lbs for the role.

The movie is called: Missionary Impossible.

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[NSFW] I was going to be a trump supporter for Halloween

But I couldn’t fit my head up my ass.

Me and my friends from the obsessive compulsive support group are starting a rock cover band.

We’re calling ourselves OC/DC.

How many Biden supports does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just change the definition of ‘changing light bulb’

I like dillos, but I don’t support giving them guns because...

I would never armadillo.

What does Donald Trump tell Barack Obama supporters?

Orange Is The New Black

If communism doesn't work, why do so many people support it ?

Because they don't work either.

My feet have been very supportive my entire life

They've held me up when I'm feeling down. They take me anywhere I want to go. And they always remind me when to take a break for myself.

It's not all good though, they just let me walk all over them.

My asian parents are actually very supportive of my career path

They let me pick which medical school I'm going to

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Support your answer with a proof

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:

"Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it...

Earlier today I saw this dude walking out of an erectile dysfunction support group. He looked like a douche, so I tried to fight him. But no luck...

It's almost impossible to get a rise out of those people.

A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren’t very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,

New Roman.

I was diagnosed with antisocial behaviour disorder, so I joined a support group.

We never meet.

It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system.

You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.

I support the anti-mask people

Thanks to them the average IQ is rising

What do Trump and his supporters NOT have in common?

His supporters have a blind trust.

Welcome back to the plastic surgery addicts support group

I'm seeing a lot of new faces here and I must say I'm very disappointed...

Why wife gets mad because I donate so much money every week to help support single moms.

She says I'm just using it as an excuse to go to the strip club

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A nazi, a KKK member, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar...

*walks

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I called the premature ejaculation support group to find out what the dress code was.

Apparently, most members just come in their pants.

I went to a concert hosted by the Dyslexics Support Group.

Queef Latina was the headliner and they put on a hell of a show.

What do you call a family member who doesn't support their arguments with evidence?

Just cuz.

(I came up with this just now and I'm so proud of it and I haven't slept in 3 days)

What do Trump supporters use for birth control?

Their personalities.

How do you tell if someone is a Trump supporter?

If their hat, shirt, bumper sticker, four flags on their car, license plate, the seven flags outside their house, and their personality doesn't tell you, I don't know what to say.

How many trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, I've stopped counting.

Poland has stepped up in support of Ukraine

they’ve stationed 10,000 troops on their border with France.

What did the IT support guy do yesterday after eating Taco Bell?

He troubleshat

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Wife got mad at me when I went to a charity event to support single moms

Strippers deserve support too.

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They had to change the meeting time for the premature ejaculators' support group.

Everyone kept coming too early.

What does the actor who plays Bucky Barnes have in commom with his overzealous supporters?

They're all Sebastian stans.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

I heard that Quebecers support the war in Ukraine

They really like Poutine

Why does a nervous wasp support the Russian invasion of Ukraine?

Cagey Bee

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A therapy support group session.

A psychiatrist was conducting a therapy support group session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he stated.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.

"He turned to the second mother and s...

Tech support! My computer fell off my desk!

That's not how you back it up.

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I just joined a support group for compulsive masturbators.

We are trying to pull ourselves together.

A vegan, a crossfitter, and a Trump supporter walk into a bar…

But how can you know that?

Oh, they’ll definitely tell you.

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Though he passed away decades ago, I really think my grandpa would have supported LGBTQ+ marriage in all of its forms.

His motto was "Fuck everyone.".

A man calls technical support.

“Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?”
“Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”

“What sort of trouble?”

“Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

“Went away?”

“They disappeared.”

“Hmm. So what does your screen ...

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

How many Trump supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

We will never know because they’re too busy blaming the liberal media for the light bulb not working or conspiring to plant a faulty bulb.

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support LGBTQ

That's a bit of a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet flag.

A man and his wife go into the delivery room to give birth. The doctor says, “we have this new machine, where by the flip of a switch, the father can bear some of the pain to ease the mother. Want to try?” The every supportive husband says “sure.”

So, the doctor sets it to 10% and asks the husband how he feels.

“Fine. You can turn it up.”

Surprised, the doctor goes to 20%.

“More. This is easy”

Soon enough, the doctor goes to 30%, then 40, 50, 60, all the way to 100%. “I’ve never gone past the 25% mark” says the d...

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.

We haven’t met yet.

why do Indians never call tech support?

Because they know families don't fix problems but only make it worse.

I had to call tech support for my computer the other day.

Tech Support: “It seems as though your operating system was installed backwards.”

Me: “So?”

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

I understand and support the Women's National Republican Club's concerns about getting the Covid-19 Shot....

To many of us it seams like a simple task, you go in, they jab you with a little needle and 1 second later its out and your done.

But think of it from a Republican Woman's point of view. That little needle is twice the size of anything that has ever poked her before and is going to be in her ...

My emotional support animal is a chicken.

A four piece..........with a biscuit

I unplugged my grandma's life support

The moment was really breathtaking.

A gigantic gas explosion in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only *miner* injuries.

Telling someone that you work in IT support can be such a turn off...

And then a turn on again.

i went to a support group for short term memory loss

the host said: "good evening, you're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room"

How many Trump supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I’m not sure, but they haven’t even bought the bulb yet. Guess they’re still waiting for the Mexicans to pay for it.

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

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My premature ejaculation sufferers support meetings were going so well

I decided to stop coming.

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The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

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I was supposed to do a talk at a premature ejaculation support group meeting, but the building was closed.

They must have all arrived early.

What has four wheels and can't support a family?

A liberal arts major.

I lied about the wheels.

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession! I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"Hello Tech Support, how may I help you?"

"So I just got into work, and it seems McAfee is just hanging."

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Communists and Trump supporters really aren't all that different...

They both want a world with no class.

I 100% support the Trump Deportation Plan!!

Where should we send him?

I completely support people's choice to not wear masks and gather in large groups during a pandemic.

So would Darwin.

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

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